Rανєη Rιѕє COMPLETE 5/12/17

Are you a writer or a poet? Come and share your creations with us, or discuss writing techniques with others
Forum rules
Please only post your own original work, do not post poetry or stories which were written by someone else.

Re: Rανєη Rιѕє UPDATE 5/9

Postby frankie (dup) » Fri May 12, 2017 4:45 am

Ranger of the North wrote:
:.Duplex.: wrote:
Ranger of the North wrote:
NOOOOOOOOOOO
*pauses for breath*
NOOOOOOOOOO

Yep. Aiden's in trouble. :twisted:
NO, AIDEN, NO!



I told you! :3
I'll try to have Chapter VII up ASAP
Don't want to leave you hanging for TOO long
my dms are open,
but im a spoonie
and i may not
respond promptly.
it's not personal.
especially hmu if
you want to talk
about atla,
im autistic and its
been my special
interest for like.
a bajillion years.
➤ they/it lesbian
➤ canadian eh
➤ gay zuko
truther /lh
➤ please use
tonetags!
➤ feel free to ask for
my discord if we've
talked before
➤ help idk how to
make this pretty
Image
User avatar
frankie (dup)
 
Posts: 4239
Joined: Mon Mar 30, 2015 4:57 am
My pets
My items
My wishlist
My gallery
My scenes
My dressups
Trade with me

Re: Rανєη Rιѕє UPDATE 5/9

Postby Ranger of the North » Fri May 12, 2017 3:02 pm

XD
yayy c:
User avatar
Ranger of the North
 
Posts: 9167
Joined: Sun Nov 29, 2015 3:27 pm
My pets
My items
My wishlist
My gallery
My scenes
My dressups
Trade with me

Re: Rανєη Rιѕє COVER CONTEST

Postby frankie (dup) » Mon May 15, 2017 12:53 pm

Hello, any fans I have. (Are there any ghosts about? Or is Ranger the only one who reads this? :p)
I've started a cover contest for this story! If you're interested, pop over and take a look!
my dms are open,
but im a spoonie
and i may not
respond promptly.
it's not personal.
especially hmu if
you want to talk
about atla,
im autistic and its
been my special
interest for like.
a bajillion years.
➤ they/it lesbian
➤ canadian eh
➤ gay zuko
truther /lh
➤ please use
tonetags!
➤ feel free to ask for
my discord if we've
talked before
➤ help idk how to
make this pretty
Image
User avatar
frankie (dup)
 
Posts: 4239
Joined: Mon Mar 30, 2015 4:57 am
My pets
My items
My wishlist
My gallery
My scenes
My dressups
Trade with me

Re: Rανєη Rιѕє COVER CONTEST

Postby Ranger of the North » Mon May 15, 2017 2:03 pm

I am super bad at drawing.
bUt I shall watch how this progresses with interest ^^ c:
User avatar
Ranger of the North
 
Posts: 9167
Joined: Sun Nov 29, 2015 3:27 pm
My pets
My items
My wishlist
My gallery
My scenes
My dressups
Trade with me

Re: Rανєη Rιѕє COVER CONTEST

Postby frankie (dup) » Fri May 19, 2017 4:10 pm

Ranger of the North wrote:
I am super bad at drawing.
bUt I shall watch how this progresses with interest ^^ c:


I'm excited, too! :)

While I work on Chapter VII, I figured that I should ask a few questions!

Code: Select all
[b]Who's your favorite character and why?:[/b]

[b]How do you interpret some of the characters?:[/b]

[b]Do you have any headcanons or theories?:[/b] (If you don't know what a head canon is, search it up for now.
I'm too tired for explanations


Feel free to ask me any questions you have, or ask yourself some questions because I missed out on 1000000 good ones.
(Yay for more attempts to summon any ghosts here!)
my dms are open,
but im a spoonie
and i may not
respond promptly.
it's not personal.
especially hmu if
you want to talk
about atla,
im autistic and its
been my special
interest for like.
a bajillion years.
➤ they/it lesbian
➤ canadian eh
➤ gay zuko
truther /lh
➤ please use
tonetags!
➤ feel free to ask for
my discord if we've
talked before
➤ help idk how to
make this pretty
Image
User avatar
frankie (dup)
 
Posts: 4239
Joined: Mon Mar 30, 2015 4:57 am
My pets
My items
My wishlist
My gallery
My scenes
My dressups
Trade with me

Ƈнαρтєя Sєνєη

Postby frankie (dup) » Fri Jun 02, 2017 3:17 pm

A:N This one's a doozy ;)

As Aiden rode to Vecuria, Rico, Dulcie, Pollux, and Bryson followed his tracks. Aiden has been right- Dulcie really hadn't believed him, and had sat in her room, guilt brewing in her stomach.

After a few minutes, she woke Pollux up and told him about her fears.

He suggested that they go get Rico and Bryson, but not before checking Aiden’s room.
As they feared, Aiden’s bed was empty, and the twins retrieved Bryson and Rico.
When they got downstairs, food, a map, and Nitika were all missing.

As quickly as they could, the group saddled up Alistair, Alden, Mesla, and Keiko.
Aiden, unfortunately, was too far ahead of them to catch up easily.
It was a race against time. Who would find Aiden first? The Catago, or The Ravens?

---
Aiden already knew the answer to that question.
The Catago who had delivered the frightening sentence spoke again. “So, boy,” he said. “What's your biggest fear?”

Aiden didn't answer, but his eyes flitted away from the Catago to face the deep river between Vecuria and himself. A bridge crossed it, but Aiden wouldn't be able to climb onto it if he was underwater.

Aiden watched in horror as the Catago’s eyes followed his, and landed on the water. Their lips curled into a haunting smile.
“Huh. Drowning. I agree, it's a pretty nasty way to go. A few of your Raven buddies could attest to that… if they were still alive, that is.”

Aiden kicked and screamed as the Catago took him to the river, and eventually, his voice got hoarse and his frenzied screams turned into quiet sobs.
This is it, he thought. This is how I'm going to go out.
He stood above the depths of the river for a few more seconds before he was pushed.

Aiden made the mistake of screaming as he fell, water filling his lungs the minute he hit the water. The cuffs made him sink, holding him firmly to the bottom of the river, not allowing him to swim up.

He was pinned by the cold metal, and he shut his eyes and buried his face into the dirt at the bottom of the river.
This is not how I go out, he realised. I refuse.

With his remaining strength, Aiden threw the cuffs over his head, the power bringing him to his feet. He swung his leg up and it, miraculously, hit the river edge.
He managed to struggle his head above water just as the world started to dim, and as fast as he could, he used the weight of his cuffs to pull himself to shore.

He flipped over onto his back, gasping for breath.
It was then that he saw the Catago, still standing there waiting.
He froze in place, and the Catago kicked him back into the water.
Aiden winced as the metal of the cuffs struck him in the face, and as he plunged back into the unforgiving water, the last thing he saw was the Catago’s smiling face before the world turned black.

---
Bryson turned to the prison, alone. The others were trying to follow Aiden to Vecuria, but they couldn't risk that he was already imprisoned, so Bryson volunteered himself to check the prison.

He changed into the white robes of the Catago warriors, and headed into the prison, keeping his head down. He passed by several empty cells until he heard someone shaking the bars and shouting for help.

The prison was oddly empty, and Bryson headed to the cell.
There was a name plate in the cell that read Loren.

Inside the cell was a twenty-something man with platinum blond hair, hazel eyes, and skin so white he could've been mistaken for a mythical Vampire.

“What happened?” Bryson asked, staring at the key still in the door.

“My guard locked my cell and left in a hurry. It takes a while to get the keys out, so he just left. I think they're attacking The Ravens today.”

Bryson’s eyes widened. He unlocked the door and pulled Loren out, then locked the door again, leaving the key inside.
“Did you see a fifteen-ish boy with black hair here?”

“No, sir, I'm the only one.”

“No need to call me sir. I'm a Raven.”

“You are?”

“Yes. Now let's get going, we can't stall.”

---

Bryson rode as fast as he could to Vecuria. He'd likely meet his comrades on the way back.
Hopefully…

---
Pollux held his breath as they approached a group of Catago.
This is close to Vecuria, he thought.
Could they have…

Suddenly, Rico’s horse bowled into the Catago and one of them fell into the river that they were watching so intently.
“Aiden!” Pollux called, as Dulcie hopped off her horse and helped Rico hold down the Catago.

As Pollux feared, someone lay at the bottom of the river.
“Aiden!” Pollux called again, before going into the water and grabbing his friend’s arms.

Aiden was slack, and Pollux wondered if he'd drown with his friend.
Finally, Pollux lay, soaked, on the dirt, Aiden's still form beside him.
He heard someone come up behind him.
“Pollux?”
“Is Aiden…?”
“There's a pulse. Rico’s getting him up right now.”
“Thank Ishevia.”

Pollux’s own world dimmed.

“Have a good rest,” Dulcie said as her brother shut his eyes and fell asleep.

Pollux was held in between Dulcie and Rico, while Aiden stumbled along beside them, resting on Rico’s shoulder.
“We’re at New Horizons,” Dulcie announced, and Aiden flicked water out of his hair.

“I'm ready,” Aiden sighed, squeezing the water out of his robes.
Aiden knocked on the door, and he heard a familiar voice coming down the stairs.
“I swear if this is about me attending therapy…”

She opened the door.
“...Aiden?!”
Aiden smiled sheepishly.
“Hi, Mom.”

“Aiden!” She said again, pulling him inside.
“That's the first time you've called me Mom in almost thirteen years…” She cried.

“Who are the people with you? Why is one of them passed out? Why are you drenched? Come inside, all of you. Set the boy on the couch, I'll tend to him.”
The group did as they were told, and Aiden tried to explain without making Ada tie him to his bed.

“You deserve the truth,” he began, rubbing the back of his neck.
“Dulcie has red hair. So does Pollux. Rico has dark brown hair. Dulcie and Pollux are twins. They're all a part of The Ravens.”
Ada shook everyone's hands, except for the unconscious Pollux. Leslie was patting his shoulder and singing.
“Pollux is passed out because I almost drowned, but he saved me.”

Ada narrowed her eyes at him. “And where have you been for the last three weeks?”
“I joined The Ravens,” he confessed.

Ada sat down as her face turned as white as a sheet.
“Aiden,” she said, slowly, her voice shaking. “That's incredibly dangerous.”
“Please, you have to understand,” Dulcie pleaded.
“Aiden is important.”
“Of course he is. He's my son.”
“Important to The Ravens, I mean. Look, we can help you continue communication. Aiden can choose to stay here forever if he so pleases. But don't make him.”

Ada sighed.
“I know it's his choice in the end, but you must forgive me. For three weeks we didn't know if Aiden had ever existed, then he just turns up in my doorstep with three strangers? Let me think for a while. Grab yourselves some food, sleep in the guest rooms, whatever you please. It's not much, but you're all tired and Pollux isn't fit to travel yet.”
Aiden raced upstairs to his old room and changed into his old pajamas.
For the first time in three weeks, Aiden felt safe.

Previous Chapter: Six
Next Chapter: Eight
Last edited by frankie (dup) on Thu Aug 24, 2017 7:04 am, edited 2 times in total.
my dms are open,
but im a spoonie
and i may not
respond promptly.
it's not personal.
especially hmu if
you want to talk
about atla,
im autistic and its
been my special
interest for like.
a bajillion years.
➤ they/it lesbian
➤ canadian eh
➤ gay zuko
truther /lh
➤ please use
tonetags!
➤ feel free to ask for
my discord if we've
talked before
➤ help idk how to
make this pretty
Image
User avatar
frankie (dup)
 
Posts: 4239
Joined: Mon Mar 30, 2015 4:57 am
My pets
My items
My wishlist
My gallery
My scenes
My dressups
Trade with me

Re: Rανєη Rιѕє COVER CONTEST, READER QUESTIONS, AND UPDATE 1

Postby Ranger of the North » Fri Jun 02, 2017 9:07 pm

He feels safe, huh?
That's a bad sign. *gulps loudly* STAY SAFE AND BE AWARE!
The world is quiet here.
User avatar
Ranger of the North
 
Posts: 9167
Joined: Sun Nov 29, 2015 3:27 pm
My pets
My items
My wishlist
My gallery
My scenes
My dressups
Trade with me

Re: Rανєη Rιѕє

Postby The Worst Username » Wed Jun 07, 2017 12:56 am

Hello! It's Worst, from Inklings.

    I just started the prologue and I have a lot to do today, so I can't really leave any comments or critiques right now, but you've got a really cool beginning. The way you drop in things without explaining them really pulls me in. I also like how simplistic the writing in Rico's diary is; it's like he's regressed and become a small child, terrified and adrift but trying to make his "mark" so that it gives him something to hold on to. Maybe it's not what you were going for, but I like it nonetheless.

    The only criticism I have is that there's a lot of info-dumping by the narrator right at the beginning. Otherwise, I'm really liking this so far.
Image
yeet
User avatar
The Worst Username
 
Posts: 1910
Joined: Sun Feb 23, 2014 9:27 am
My pets
My items
My wishlist
My gallery
My scenes
My dressups
Trade with me

Re: Rανєη Rιѕє

Postby frankie (dup) » Wed Jun 07, 2017 5:13 am

The Worst Username wrote:Hello! It's Worst, from Inklings.

    I just started the prologue and I have a lot to do today, so I can't really leave any comments or critiques right now, but you've got a really cool beginning. The way you drop in things without explaining them really pulls me in. I also like how simplistic the writing in Rico's diary is; it's like he's regressed and become a small child, terrified and adrift but trying to make his "mark" so that it gives him something to hold on to. Maybe it's not what you were going for, but I like it nonetheless.

    The only criticism I have is that there's a lot of info-dumping by the narrator right at the beginning. Otherwise, I'm really liking this so far.



Thank you! Rico is intended to be kind of a child who's childhood ended too soon. He retreats to little comforts like things he likes and dislikes. He's a little socially awkward and finds it hard to start a conversation or crack a joke.

I agree with your criticism. It is a lot of info to put into narrative. The only problem is that from Rico's perspective, he's very 'don't ask, don't tell." If you don't ask him a question, he won't answer it.

Thats got me thinking. Chapter three would actually be a great place to put it! I'll edit the prologue and the third chapter after I finish chapter eight.

EDIT: Nevermind. It sounds better in Chapter One, so it'll stay there. Might have a better place for it later.
Last edited by frankie (dup) on Wed Jun 07, 2017 2:58 pm, edited 1 time in total.
my dms are open,
but im a spoonie
and i may not
respond promptly.
it's not personal.
especially hmu if
you want to talk
about atla,
im autistic and its
been my special
interest for like.
a bajillion years.
➤ they/it lesbian
➤ canadian eh
➤ gay zuko
truther /lh
➤ please use
tonetags!
➤ feel free to ask for
my discord if we've
talked before
➤ help idk how to
make this pretty
Image
User avatar
frankie (dup)
 
Posts: 4239
Joined: Mon Mar 30, 2015 4:57 am
My pets
My items
My wishlist
My gallery
My scenes
My dressups
Trade with me

Ƈнαρтєя Ɛιgнт

Postby frankie (dup) » Wed Jun 07, 2017 2:19 pm

Uh... surprise?
Warning that the last bit of this chapter contains some slightly graphic imagery. It's not much, I promise! Just a little warning since the rest of this story has been light on violence.


Aiden had barely closed his eyes when there was a knock at the door, causing his eyes to shoot open.
Correction, it wasn't a simple knock, it was a desperate pound.
He heard Leslie's voice from downstairs.
 
“I'll get it!”
Aiden threw off his covers and grabbed the oil lamp to use as a weapon.
“Don't open that door!” He called.
 
Aiden bounded down the sleek wooden stairs two at a time, getting up whenever he slipped.
When he reached the bottom, he spotted Leslie's terrified form behind a couch, shivering more with each frantic knock.
 
An unfamiliar voice hollered through the thick wood.
“Open up!”
 
As Ada, Rico, and Dulcie raced down the stairs. Aiden opened the door and thrust the oil lamp forwards.
“Ow! What the-”
“Quiet, Loren. There are kids here.”
 
A young man with platinum blond hair patted out the fire and glared at Aiden.
“What was that for?” He said.
The man didn't appear angry, just confused and maybe a little frustrated.
“You scared Leslie,” Aiden muttered.
“No, he didn't,” Leslie said, coming it from behind the couch.
“I was scared for the man, not if the man. I looked out the window and he looked very scared so I was going to open the door. But then Aiden yelled at me and I got scared.”
 
Aiden felt his heart shatter in two. Leslie was a little angel, Aiden her hero. She always talked about how he was so funny and nice and gentle.
This was the first time Aiden had ever scared her.
 
“Are you burnt?” Leslie asked the blond man. Loren, Aiden assumed.
“Only a little. Do you have any ice?”
“Yeah.”
 
Poor little Leslie dragged her feet into the kitchen to retrieve ice from the freezer.
Aiden sat down on the ottoman, placing his head in his hands.
“Aiden?” Rico asked. “What's wrong?”
 
Ada answered instead of Aiden. Small mercies, he supposed.
“Aiden loves Leslie,” Ada explained. “Aiden is her idol, her brother, and her best friend. Leslie was the only person Aiden ever called a family name. In fact, he called her the old world for sister, takou, exactly once. After that, it was raudus.”
 
Takou was sister in a very formal sense. Something like, ‘Leslie is my takou’. But raudus still meant sister, but in a very loving sense. It wasn't always used for family, just someone you held very dear to you.
 
There was silence, and Leslie shrugged. “It’s okay, Aiden. You just worried me a little.”
 
Loren coughed, “This is sentimental and all… but this is important.”
 
Bryson stood beside Loren. He was a stoic man, his face often blank. He wasn’t stone, though. Anyone could get a laugh or smile out of him, but other than that, he didn’t show much emotion. His back was always straight, his head high. Confident, but not haughty. Though, the way he always stood, Aiden wondered if the man still slept like a plank, or had ever seen his feet.
 
“The Catago…” Bryson said. “They’re attacking. Soon.”
“What?!” Rico exclaimed.
“How soon?!” His usually bright, joyful eyes were filled with a terrifying panic Aiden had never seen before.
 
Rico never worried. He seemed to see things others didn’t. Light where others only saw darkness. No matter how young and scared he was, Rico was an excellent leader.
 
“I’m not sure,” Bryson admitted. “We need to reach headquarters. And fast. The Catago have already left.”
Aiden pursed his lips and stared up at Ada.
“I’m so sorry,” he said, giving her one last hug before grabbing a spare jacket.
“You shouldn’t wear your cloak,” Ada said, biting her lip. “It could be dangerous.”
 
Would’ve been nice to have heard that earlier, Aiden thought.
 
Aiden waited downstairs while Ada retrieved some of his old clothes.
She came down with an armful, and Aiden headed into the bathroom to change.
 
He now wore an old, faded blue shirt with a thick white coat over it.
 
Baggy grey shorts replaced his soaked pajamas, which were, unfortunately, unsalvageable.
 
“I found Nitika on my way here,” Bryson said. “She looked petrified. She’s hanging around just outside here. Good horse, that one is. A keeper.”
 
Aiden nodded in thanks and ran outside to Nitika. The others promised to meet him back at New Horizons as they headed to the stables to retrieve their own horses.
 
The door creaked open to reveal Pollux, blinking blearily and rubbing his eyes.
“We’ll come back for you and Loren!” Aiden called.
Pollux just slowly nodded and headed back inside.
 
Dulcie and Rico returned after fifteen minutes or so and the group took off as fast as they could, stopping occasionally so that both they and their horses could get the chance to breathe.
 
Finally, the lights of Parin came into view. The group stopped to catch their breath, and Aiden whispered into Nitika’s ear.
“Just a little further, I promise.”
 
Dawn was breaking and people were beginning to open their shutters, only to slam them shut again when they saw the four riding down the streets like their lives depended on it.
 
Maybe not our lives, Aiden thought, his stomach twisting. But your lives might be a different story.
 
“Where’s the fire?!” Someone called.
Another person chased them, yelling about how you couldn’t ride a horse down the streets.
But none of them cared. All that mattered right now was that they reached THe Ravens headquarters before the Catago did,
 
Bryson shouted something in a tongue that Aiden didn’t understand,  but he felt his arms tremble as chills ran up his spine. He felt his fingers search for something that wasn’t there.
 
“I thought you weren’t going to-” Rico started, but Bryson cut him off.
“Not now, Espinoza.”
 
They raced inside the headquarters, and Rico stood on the platform in the middle of the commons.
“The Catago are attacking soon!” He called, his eyes wild and filled with fear.
“I want Group D to guard Five Hills. It’s the least guarded entrance to the headquarters.”
 
The Ravens armed themselves and waited for the attack.
 
But it never came.
Finally, they heard something near the Five Hills entrance.
 
To their horror, no Catago were there.
Instead was a single, fatally wounded Raven, his cloak torn as dark red blood seeped from the tattered fabric, staining the ground.
 
A woman burst from the crowd and held his body.
“Harvey! What happened?”
“It was a trick…” He slurred. “Whoever told you they were attacking here… they had it wrong. They wanted us to go to Five Hills so they could kill us.”
 
“Who are the survivors?” Rico asked, his eyes wide.
“Rico…” The man coughed.
“No one. Group D… they’re all…”
 
He never finished his sentence, because he took in one last sharp breath, then his chest stopped moving.
His eyes stared at the roof, seeing nothing.
 
Dead.

Previous Chapter: Seven
Next Chapter: Nine
Last edited by frankie (dup) on Sat Aug 12, 2017 3:36 pm, edited 5 times in total.
my dms are open,
but im a spoonie
and i may not
respond promptly.
it's not personal.
especially hmu if
you want to talk
about atla,
im autistic and its
been my special
interest for like.
a bajillion years.
➤ they/it lesbian
➤ canadian eh
➤ gay zuko
truther /lh
➤ please use
tonetags!
➤ feel free to ask for
my discord if we've
talked before
➤ help idk how to
make this pretty
Image
User avatar
frankie (dup)
 
Posts: 4239
Joined: Mon Mar 30, 2015 4:57 am
My pets
My items
My wishlist
My gallery
My scenes
My dressups
Trade with me

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 4 guests