➳ - Shadow Children { weekly story / critique please }

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➳ - Shadow Children { weekly story / critique please }

Postby qwill. » Thu Jan 01, 2015 6:45 pm

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➳ comments and critiques

Imagence upon a time, if one were to head towards the second star to the right and straight on 'til morning, one would find oneself in a quaint place known to many as Neverland. This island was certainly not for the faint-of-heart; it was often plagued by gruesome pirates and vain mermaids, wishing to steal the heart of a passing sailor and break it into tiny bits. To be honest, you have probably heard of Neverland and all of it's charms; does the name Peter Pan mean anything to you? Well, it meant something to me, once, many years ago. I read Barrie's books, brushing them off as fiction just like you are reading my story and brushing it off. Well, I suppose it's my civil duty to tell you that all of this is real. A little less than a hundred years ago, I was pulled into the world of Peter Pan, and I'm still only sixteen, so that has to count for something.

Once you find Neverland, you never escape. Hence the name, yes?

This is my story, one you probably won't forget any time soon. I guess you could say it's a...fresh take on Pan's version.

this is me

➳ Tales from Neverland
➳ Before
➳ Pan's Neverland
Last edited by qwill. on Mon Feb 02, 2015 12:26 pm, edited 5 times in total.
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➳ - The Fairies

Postby qwill. » Thu Jan 01, 2015 6:56 pm

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➳ - Ah, if there's one thing I do miss about Neverland, it's the fairies. You've all heard of Tinkerbell, yes? Well, she's so persnickety, I'd be surprised if you hadn't. She sort of glommed on to Pan from the moment he found his way to the island. It was strange at first, but then other fairies started attaching themselves to children, and soon each child had a fairy with them, whispering in their ear and guiding them along the way. Mine was called Shiara. Shiara was beautiful, and her special talent was that of a water fairy. She could make shapes out of water and charm it to both heal and injure; what did Tinkerbell do, build things and run her mouth? Needless to say, she had nothing on Shiara. I do often wonder what became of her, after the war, I mean.
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➳ - The Pirates

Postby qwill. » Thu Jan 01, 2015 7:04 pm

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➳ - Bumbling idiots, the lot of them. Most of them weren't necessarily evil, but many had no morals whatsoever, and often found themselves in tight situations. Control on Neverland often fluctuated between that of the current captain of the ship, and Pan himself. In my time on the island, I was both Pan's stooge and the captain's rigger, sometimes simultaneously. It was a strange existence, but their war was with each other; they didn't care about the Shadow Children.
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➳ - The Natives

Postby qwill. » Thu Jan 01, 2015 7:13 pm

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➳ - Don't even get me started on Tigerlily and her people! Crazy, the whole lot of them! One day we were hiding from them, the next, we were fighting alongside them. Tigerlily herself was nearly as immortal as Peter Pan. She filled out, of course from what you probably remember, and was actually a beautiful young woman, but she really was flighty, and didn't pay any heed to her own safety. Her and Pan took risks all of the time, and usually all for naught. Running with the natives was a blast not easily forgotten, but still dangerous, and something I truly regret.
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➳ - The Shadow Children

Postby qwill. » Fri Jan 02, 2015 5:56 am

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➳ - A lot of people know us as The Lost Boys. Ha! That's entirely false, in every definition of the name. Why, we weren't lost! We were found, found by people who understood us and people who cared for us, rather than what we had back in London. And some weren't even from London. There was a child from the far reaches of Asia, and even one greek girl that was a delight to be around. Yes, girl. There were definitely girls there. I'm one of them. Or, I was. Things sort of...fell apart. My name is Ella Jackson, although most call me Jack. I suppose you're still wondering why I refer to us as 'shadow children.' It is definitely because we all became a shadow of our former selves once setting foot on the island of dreams. Gone was Ella Jackson; all that remained was her shadow.
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➳ - Before

Postby qwill. » Fri Jan 02, 2015 12:56 pm

➳ Hm, where to begin...I suppose I should start at the beginning. Well, here goes nothing.

It was 22 June, 1921. I was sixteen, and a resident of London, England.

The day began like any other, except that it was the last day of school for the year. I had been sent to a boarding school (against my will, of course), and one with all girls, for that matter. My parents thought I needed to be, as they put it, 'reeducated in a proper manner.' Madness, I tell you, absolute madness. As I walked from the carriage to our building on 4th street, I dragged my school tote against the ground, purposefully trying to show my parents that I didn't care what they thought, I was still the girl they had sent away months ago. Boarding school hadn't changed me, no sir.

With a bark, our german shepherd dog Berlioz ran from the back gardens to greet me. I had always loved Berlioz; sometimes, I felt like he was the only one in that family I actually got on with. Everyone else told me 'Ella, do this,' or 'Ella, put on this gown' and on the all to common occasion, 'Ella, prepare for this dinner, or that party.' And undoubtedly, it would be the same as soon as I walked through those doors. So I waited, trying to prolong my time with Berlioz before Father sent him back to the yard to greet his 'reformed daughter.'

"Ellabelle, is that you?" His stupid nickname for me. My real name was Elvira, a hold over from my grandmother's time. I much preferred that to the hated Ellabelle. It was fine for a six-year-old, but I was a young woman. I deserved better than Ellabelle.

"Father, must I repeat myself every time? It's Ella, or Elvira. Do not call me Ellabelle," I retorted, begrudgingly returning his hug.

"I see you haven't changed a bit. Well, get washed up and ready for dinner. Grandmother's coming late tonight, and I want you to look presentable." Father took my tote, brushed the dirt away and sent Berlioz back into his kennel. Scowling at him, I walked through the front door, ignoring my mother's comment on my wrinkled school uniform and tangled long brown hair. Home, at last.

My room was large, betraying the wealth of my family, but I had shoved all of my possessions into the alcove by the window, preferring to pend my time reading books or staring at the stars. I checked under the mattress, searching for my scrolls where I kept the stories. The latest one was about a princess off to search for her prince, who had been locked away in a tower. Strange, I know. But that was pretty much the point of all my stories. Girls could be as much the hero as boys.

I had always been a fan of writing; my father thought it was unbecoming for a girl to fill her head with fantasies, so he took away all of my quills and parchments, leaving me only with wells of ink. He told me it was the tooth fairy (Father, the point of the tooth fairy is to take people's teeth, not their papers!) and always pretended that he didn't know what I was talking about when I accused him of thievery. I slumped down on my bed, dipping a makeshift quill into my almost-empty well of ink, when I heard a tap at the window.

This was the tap that changed my life. If things had been different in this moment, I wouldn't be penning this story.

But sadly, I was young and bitter, a teenaged girl misunderstood among the London high society. And so I opened the window, thinking it was a pigeon. More or less, it was.

He was lucky I didn't scream, for I almost did. A good girl does not simply allow a young man to climb through her window, especially when she has never met him before. But before I could make a sound, he smiled at me, and I was charmed. Yes, I was charmed, and I'll admit it attracted. That was before; now, I find that appearance isn't everything. I consider myself above the labels of society, nowadays. If you really wanted to categorize me, I suppose you could consider me pansexual, for I am no longer bound by physical appearance to constitute attraction.

Ha, pansexual. Pansexual. Thanks, Peter. If there's one good thing you taught me, it's to appreciate everyone as beautiful or ugly depending on their inner character. Wendy never learned that, did she?

But anyways, back to my story. Don't worry, this first part is almost finished. I know, it's boring. But once we get to Neverland, you'll wish that I was still sitting here, telling you about my irritating, but albeit normal family life.

Peter looked at me with a smile, his reddish blonde hair softly shining in the light of my flickering candles. He had green eyes, to match the forest green cloak and leather trousers, and his skin was as pale as mine, and that's saying something. He was so handsome, and charming as he introduced himself. I was in a state of pure shock. But what startled me even more, was that he asked to read my stories.

"I've been by here every night for weeks, looking for the writer of those pages. Is it you?" he asked, taking my hand and drawing me close.

"Why, yes, it's me. I write stories because I can't help but think how boring the world is without something magical to hold on to," I said, smiling.

"Well, could you finish the story? Does the princess beat the dragon?" he said, genuinely interested. It was then that I heard the footsteps up the stairs and my father's voice, calling for his Ellabelle.

"Quick, take me away!" I said, panicking.

Realizing the danger, Pan took out a pouch of what looked like powdered gold and through it onto my hair. I sneezed (turns out I have a mild allergy to pixie dust!) and looked at him incredulously. "Think of something happy, then jump!" he ordered, pulling me to the window.

I thought of kissing him. Oh, how embarrassing it is now. But he was sweet, and kind, and damn, was he charming. I was betraying my own stories of fiery females with my infatuation with the boy I just met. It probably also had to do with the fact that I hadn't seen a male my own age in months, and before school, I had had quite the number of boyfriends.

And together we flew, away to the stars. To never, neverland.
Last edited by qwill. on Fri Jan 02, 2015 3:38 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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➳ - Pan's Neverland

Postby qwill. » Fri Jan 02, 2015 1:54 pm

➳ Now that you know how I got here, I guess I should introduce the way things were when we arrived. You all know that Barrie's book on the matter was published in 1904, seventeen years before my brush with Pan. Well, the first girl Peter brought back to the island was the infamous Wendy Darling, and we all know how that turned out. Tinkerbell never liked Wendy, but Tink and I got on fine, especially after I met Shiara. But that's a story for a different time.

There were other girls on Neverland but I was by far the oldest, and Peter really took a liking to me, probably because of my stories. But I think for now I'll elaborate a little on my first morning on the island. That should make for a fine story, don't you think?

➳ ➳ ➳

As we landed on the beach, I felt a strange sensation of both wonder and mystery. I, of course, was still infatuated with Pan, and he played along nicely. Taking my hand, he led me along the beach, pointing to mermaids and sea shells. "I don't believe I ever asked your name," he said, watching me with those green eyes.

"I'm Elvira. But you can call me El--Jack. Call me Jack," I stopped myself before I could reveal my usual nickname. New place, new name, new Ella. And new Ella was Jack, for Ella Jackson.

"That's unusual, Jack. But, I must admit, I like it," he said, grinning. Such a perfect grin.

Okay, at this point, I realize that you've probably grown tired of my constant ravings of Peter Pan. But you've never met the guy. He did some terrible things, and I suppose that's why it never worked out between us, but, lord, the boy was attractive. So especially towards the beginning of my tale you'll have to listen to how I felt, and how I felt, no matter how embarrassing it is now, is extremely attracted to Peter Pan. He was my knight in shining armor, come to take me away from the toil of my life. But I'm telling this story like it is, so if you don't like it, go watch the Disney movie. Actually don't, it's terribly racist.

Anyways, as we were walking along the beach I heard a strange sort of chittering coming from behind a cove of rocks. Running ahead, I peered around the outcropping to see something that had always been on the edge of my wildest dreams. Mermaids!
Last edited by qwill. on Fri Jan 02, 2015 6:28 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: ➳ - Shadow Children { weekly story / critique please }

Postby WilloweWolf » Fri Jan 02, 2015 5:49 pm

I love it! I absolutely love it! Keep it up. :D
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Re: ➳ - Shadow Children { weekly story / critique please }

Postby qwill. » Fri Jan 02, 2015 6:17 pm

;A; thanks so much! <3
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Re: ➳ - Shadow Children { weekly story / critique please }

Postby TheSongOfTheStars » Wed Jan 14, 2015 1:25 pm

I like how Jack is actually speaking with the reader It gives the story dimension

If crediting me for art/character design then please use TheSongOfTheStars on Toyhou.se
or FiveSecondsToFly on deviantart for anywhere else
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