{ ＩＮＫＬＩＮＧＳ v.4 } A Thread For Writers

[Ranger of the North]

Post a sentence/excerpt from one of your pieces that you're proud of and explain why you like it. (It doesn't have to be flowery description; it could be any line that you think is important/powerful.)
It probably makes no sense out of context, but:

xxxxxCountless tracts of land stretch between his fingers, blank and desolate. Small letters highlight strange places and deeds, inspiring images of lost treasures revealed and dark forms concealed. A chill crawls down my spine.

I really like it because of the feeling I had when I wrote it, hehe. Kinda adventurous and explore-y. It's hard to explain XD

[NopesaurusRexx]

Would anyone give me some constructive feedback on this poem I wrote? It was supposed to be workshopped in one of my classes, but that didn't happen and this is one of my favorites I have ever written. Any comments would be appreciated!

I went for a ride one day
on a Lipizzaner stallion
and watched as blisters covered my thighs,
my waist,
my chest,
my body.
When I reached out my arm to touch you,
you erupted into blue and green,
falling to the ground,
livid with screams.
Your family came to get you,
but I shook their hands
and they gave blisters to their friends too.

I came upon Secretariat
as he saddled up for battle.
He bowed to me as I swore my loyalty
and mounted his back.
We ran across the turf
tremendous,
mechanical,
cutting down our enemies as we passed.

I rode a friesian mare
that dropped to her knees
as her ribs stabbed my calves.
She panted for water and when I gave her none
she stole the harvest from the town.
Colic hit her and so she took the harvest
for the next seven years.

A cremello approached at a lope
so I reached out a hand
and the flesh fell away
leaving me bare in the moonlight.
His barrel heaved as he fell
burying his body in the dirt.
As he rose once more,
his eyes burned red.
And he charged.

[Storm~]

Would anyone give me some constructive feedback on this poem I wrote? It was supposed to be workshopped in one of my classes, but that didn't happen and this is one of my favorites I have ever written. Any comments would be appreciated!

I went for a ride one day
on a Lipizzaner stallion
and watched as blisters covered my thighs,
my waist,
my chest,
my body.
When I reached out my arm to touch you,
you erupted into blue and green,
falling to the ground,
livid with screams.
Your family came to get you,
but I shook their hands
and they gave blisters to their friends too.

I came upon Secretariat
as he saddled up for battle.
He bowed to me as I swore my loyalty
and mounted his back.
We ran across the turf
tremendous,
mechanical,
cutting down our enemies as we passed.

I rode a friesian mare
that dropped to her knees
as her ribs stabbed my calves.
She panted for water and when I gave her none
she stole the harvest from the town.
Colic hit her and so she took the harvest
for the next seven years.

A cremello approached at a lope
so I reached out a hand
and the flesh fell away
leaving me bare in the moonlight.
His barrel heaved as he fell
burying his body in the dirt.
As he rose once more,
his eyes burned red.
And he charged.

I think it sounds awesome to be honest! I'm not big on poetry, but I love how unique the structure of it is. <3

[Storm~]

I could really use some help. I need some people to give me criticism on my story that I'm starting to write on Wattpad. If you could, please just check it out and gave me some feedback.
The story is called Evermore, and should be the most recently updated story
Thank you so much! ;v;
Please rate/leave comments on Wattpad if you can, or if you like it enough, follow me! You have no idea how excited I get when I see them!
If you're unable to read, you may need to sign in with a Wattpad account. If you make one, please vote for my story, and feel free to leave those comments (Repeating myself, aren't I?)
-Link to Wattpad-

[Greenleaf]

@Storm~, I'll check it out later if I have the time! That's a great cover, btw, and I'm intrigued :D

Because characters are infinitely interesting, I'm curious:

Code: Select all

[b]Describe your OCs to us![/b]

Please don't feel obliged to, of course, but I'd be interested in hearing what kind of peeps you've created!

For me, I have several OCs I use multiple times - James, Aihua, and Xiuying. Williams, Aster, and Reggie also pop up occasionally.

James is the main character in my HERO universe's main story, and Aster is his co-protag. He (James) has the powers of invisibility and speed, while Aster has the powers of enhanced strength and flight. Williams drops in and out of the HERO universe depending on my muse, and is a veteran and sometimes-doctor, maybe a decade or so older than J&A, and has the powers of water-manipulation and healing. Reggie is kind of floating in cyberspace right now - he was originally created to take the role of Aster in HERO, but in the end his character kind of evolved apart and I couldn't figure out how to fit him in anymore. I kind of picture him in some weird sort of separate alternate universe where he runs a coffee/bookshop, lol.

Like Reggie, Aihua and Xiuying don't really have a story, though I do have histories and personalities mostly fleshed out for them. They're old characters left over from my Hetalia days, though I've reconfigured them to be more three-dimensional and their own people. They're siblings and get along quite well; Aihua is an economist/businessman and Xiuying is an accomplished musician and teaches music. Though I don't really use them in anything now, I have a lot of art I got for them from those aforementioned Hetalia days.

Diversity-wise, James, Aihua, and Xiuying are Chinese, Aster and Reggie are of mixed race and Williams is white, and they're all of the LGBTQ+ community. All of them except Xiuying are men, though, so I really need to broaden up on that front, not to mention think up stories for some of them because I want to use them in some way. I also have five more Warriors OCs, but I've already written a lot so I'll leave them for another day, lol.

[kolechia]

How do you keep your character and location descriptions consistent?

I have a google document of a brief summary of each location and character.
I edit and adjust it when necessary. I've always thought about drawing out floorplans
for buildings but I think that would going a bit too far-



Post a sentence/excerpt from one of your pieces that you're proud of and explain why you like it. (It doesn't have to be flowery description; it could be any line that you think is important/powerful.)



The pair stood embracing each other tightly once again. Company in this country was scarce; it was rare to see people openly displaying affection towards each other. People were uptight and preferred to keep to themselves. Undoubtedly a cruel and selfish world they lived in. It appeared they were both too frighten and cowardly to loosen their grip and let go.



The ending paragraph of my current project. Something about this just speaks to me. I sort of relate to this a lot and I find it to be a rather personal section.

[Moonblaze-Angel]

Describe your OCs to us!

/toomany/ My main three would probably be Akiyoshi, Moonblaze, and Cat. I do have several, though, mostly for FT.

Akiyoshi is my little gay bae. He's in everything I do, almost. I change his name up, but in reality, he's a Fairy Tail Oc. He's the legacy of Freed x Laxus, and his magic is Jade Dragon Slayer/Dark Ecriture. He is from the Fairy Tail Guild, and looks mostly like Freed. He's left-handed, and very creative, both with attacks and curses. In my fanfic, there's huge strays from cannon, though, so he's also a Demon. >.< Yoshi is a very 'fierce' crybaby that loves children and is a fantastic cook.

Moonblaze is my mother-like Deputy of WindClan. She has two litters of kits with another Clan's medicine cat DRAMA and her favorite is Silverpaw. She's very sarcastic, sassy, and not afraid to tell the leader off. On the other hand, she loves apprentices and is always willing to lend some advice (usually just some stern talking to, though). She has a realistic pelt, too, but for the most part, she's just silver with gold points.

Cat. They're hard to explain, I guess? They're the least developed. They started as a she, but then evolved into trans, and I'm just confused with how to make them now. They were originally just a character I drew based off of a bag of M&Ms (dare from a friend), but I really like them. They're very shy, but also really smart and internally a smart alec.

[The Worst Username]

Code: Select all

[b]Choose a few of your favorite or most interesting characters and describe some of their quirks.[/b]

@Moonblaze

It's pretty funny that one of your characters is named Cat; one of mine is The Cat.

@Everyone

I just realized that here, but mostly on the Lazy Writers thread, a lot of us are INFPs. What the heck?

Describe your OCs to us!

Well, if I described each character, it would probably take a long time since I love developing characters. I'm going to try and describe each in one sentence.

Gobkiu (Late twenties/very early thirties) (random made-up placeholder name)

A highly intelligent mechanic, visionary, protestor, and atheist who is paranoid, has no friends, obsesses over books, loves nature, gets into terrible romantic relationships, and is insecure to the point that she feels like she's nothing more than a burden--i.e., a bit of an eccentric; I want to list so much more about her because she's my favorite character, and she ends up pulling herself together by the end of the story, which I like (I need to stop rambling my goodness).

Silvu (Mid-twenties) (oh look, another ridiculous placeholder)

An extroverted, generally kind albeit selfish brother to Gobkiu with lots of friends who tends to procrastinate; he's also an artist and is more religious than any other character.

Owuk (Mid to late twenties) (placeholders again, huzzah)

A selfish, narcissistic, manipulative woman who used to protest with Gobkiu; she is very religious but her morals constantly shift--she has lots of debates about religion with Silvu--and she's kind of falling apart on the inside--I have a love-hate relationship with her, but she's way more interesting as a character than Silvu, and I want to write more but I'll just start rambling; I've already made a lot of run-on sentences as is.

The Cat (middle aged, maybe thirteen in cat years) (this name kind of grew on me; I'm sorry)

There is nothing much to say about The Cat: she's simply a skittish cat whom Gobkiu found on the streets and took in; I still like her more than I like Silvu, and I think I'm going to make her male just to balance out the genders.

[Ranger of the North]

Worst, what did INFP stand for? *squints*

Choose a few of your favorite or most interesting characters and describe some of their quirks.
Em is v impatient; it's great XD
Seventh is a lovable, sarcastic, jokey, down-to-earth or not kid. I probably luv him da best tbh c':
Jedi is a leader
Idek I have too many XD

[Musicality]

@MoonBlaze @Worst
Omg XD My main character's name is Kat ^^;

@Worst
Omg I never noticed that. I used to be infp but I took it again recently and got enfp. Looks like I lost the squad.

Oh! And I'm back baby. After some big time mental counseling here I am and a lot... Better?