Poetry give away

[Rylf]

The nights get longer
The days get sorter
The winters tests
To every pest
And I am no acception

The mice move into people's homes
The squirrels makes homes in trees
The bears sleep in the cave
All the birds fly away
And then your left with me

My test is diffrent from the animals
My test lies deep withing the walls
The walls of my head
Where all my thoughts dread
Winter, don't test this pest tonight

I really like this one~ Mind if I offer some feedback and small grammatical fixes?

[ThatDogGroomer]

The nights get longer
The days get sorter
The winters tests
To every pest
And I am no acception

The mice move into people's homes
The squirrels makes homes in trees
The bears sleep in the cave
All the birds fly away
And then your left with me

My test is diffrent from the animals
My test lies deep withing the walls
The walls of my head
Where all my thoughts dread
Winter, don't test this pest tonight

I really like this one~ Mind if I offer some feedback and small grammatical fixes?

Go for it

[Rylf]

I'll keep all my edits and comments in bold and you can decide what you would or wouldn't like to incorporate in your poem~

The nights get longer
The days get sorter I like these two lines, but "get" could be replaced with less common synonyms. There are online thesauruses that could help with that. Also, spelling: "shorter"
The winters tests Apostrophe: "winter's"
To every pest
And I am no acception Spelling: "exception"

The mice move into people's homes
The squirrels makes homes in trees Using "homes" twice so close together is a dangerous game. Try a synonym.
The bears sleep in the cave "their caves" since "bears" is plural.
All the birds fly I would add "far" away
And then your left with me Spelling: "you're"

My test is diffrent from the animals Spelling: "different"
My test lies deep withing the walls Spelling: "within" Also, I would change "the" to "these"
The walls of my head I would change "the" to "these" again and switch the word "of" to "inside" to create more rhythm.
Where all my I would add a descriptor word her like "dark." It would also create alliteration and will roll off the tongue better thoughts dread
Winter, don't test this pest tonight

[ThatDogGroomer]

Okay so this is how I'm going to do things. I'm going to do a random giveaway every 10 poems or so. (Depends on how popular this thread gets)

What I want you to do instead of bumping is write a poem.

It can be rhyming or a free verse but more chance of winning if it's rhyming.

It can have any theme as long as it's appropriate, mine are usually depressed so I understand.

No copying your poem, it must be a new poem every time you enter.

Poems must be at least 8 lines.

You can only enter once per page. (This may vary depending on how popular it gets)

If you want to bump but not good at poety please quote there rules

People eligible for the gift bomb are:

Tortilla
AngelicGamer
winged-backpack
tgwh
Brightheart~
Rylf
Waffle-Wolf

[ThatDogGroomer]

Okay so this is how I'm going to do things. I'm going to do a random giveaway every 10 poems or so. (Depends on how popular this thread gets)

What I want you to do instead of bumping is write a poem.

It can be rhyming or a free verse but more chance of winning if it's rhyming.

It can have any theme as long as it's appropriate, mine are usually depressed so I understand.

No copying your poem, it must be a new poem every time you enter.

Poems must be at least 8 lines.

You can only enter once per page. (This may vary depending on how popular it gets)

If you want to bump but not good at poety please quote there rules

People eligible for the gift bomb are:

Tortilla
AngelicGamer
winged-backpack
tgwh
Brightheart~
Rylf
Waffle-Wolf

And there will be a few rates in the gift bomb

[Rylf]

Let's bring this thread back to life. <3

Big bump~

[Ranger of the North]

Mark cx

[Rylf]

Bump