@adorkable ;
writing was great! i really like the bit of humour dropped in there.
theres just a few mistakes.
1 - time ; trucks are not in medieval times. whether or not tigi was from the future, the truck just doesn't belong. a horse would be more appropriate. plus, how did a truck get past the guards? sorry, but it makes no sense.
2 - length ; the chapter was way too short. authors have posted fairly long chapters to make more progress to the story, but im afraid yours is hardly a page. try to add more description and action on what will happen next.
3 - explanation ; you left hardly even room for readers to know what you were planning on happening next. writers will not know how to add on to where you left on. try to explain more about the scene, and why its there in the first place. also, it seems a bit soon after the thought of joining the cavalry someone would appear and make an offer of her joining. seems a bit jumpy, correct?
thats all. hopefully you acknowledge this critique and try to think your writing out more thoroughly in the future c:
(i really do hope this helps! i see potential in you x3 oh and don't cry, please. we are all here to help you!)
@Living_For_Jesus!
i see little mistake in your writings, yet i see much room to improve.
thats a good thing, of course. your chapter fits with the theme, and im happy you didn't introduce many characters to the story. that may overwhelm the reader.
you also kept the reader interested throughout. i must say i didn't get bored for a second!
@Piefan ;
i... loved that.
you made great use out of the topic that was left off, and your had just the right amount of description.
i honestly cant find any thing else to say :b
writing was great! i really like the bit of humour dropped in there.
theres just a few mistakes.
1 - time ; trucks are not in medieval times. whether or not tigi was from the future, the truck just doesn't belong. a horse would be more appropriate. plus, how did a truck get past the guards? sorry, but it makes no sense.
2 - length ; the chapter was way too short. authors have posted fairly long chapters to make more progress to the story, but im afraid yours is hardly a page. try to add more description and action on what will happen next.
3 - explanation ; you left hardly even room for readers to know what you were planning on happening next. writers will not know how to add on to where you left on. try to explain more about the scene, and why its there in the first place. also, it seems a bit soon after the thought of joining the cavalry someone would appear and make an offer of her joining. seems a bit jumpy, correct?
thats all. hopefully you acknowledge this critique and try to think your writing out more thoroughly in the future c:
(i really do hope this helps! i see potential in you x3 oh and don't cry, please. we are all here to help you!)
@Living_For_Jesus!
i see little mistake in your writings, yet i see much room to improve.
thats a good thing, of course. your chapter fits with the theme, and im happy you didn't introduce many characters to the story. that may overwhelm the reader.
you also kept the reader interested throughout. i must say i didn't get bored for a second!
@Piefan ;
i... loved that.
you made great use out of the topic that was left off, and your had just the right amount of description.
i honestly cant find any thing else to say :b
