❛ 100 One-Shot Challenge ❜

[L.V.L]

"I had first talked to you in December. I was shocked that you had said something, but I was mostly shocked at myself for doing something I had never imagined myself doing. We had talked forever, all night and I remember I was dead tired the next... same day? We had talked to each other the rest of the month and I was just a wreck when we finally had to meet face to face. It had always been so easy to speak to people online, but in person I think that's what stopped me from making new friends, and I think that's what made us stop talking. It was so weird and I wasn't myself, I dream every single day that I could redo that day over, but I know that could never happen. Us talking or even acknowledging each other became nonexistent over the next few months. Well, at least to you it did. I had still wanted to try - try what, I didn't know; but I knew that I couldn't lose you. Everyone kept telling me within those months that I needed to let you go, that you didn't want to be friends or anything with me anymore, that I was better off without you, and I should move on with my life. I had had my best friend tell me that you we're breaking me, and I had lied to her and myself when I said that you weren't. I watched you move on with your life and be happy, when I was digging myself into a deeper and darker hole. I went into places I never knew existed and had done things, no one, including myself, would have thought I would do to myself. Nothing seemed to change though; I still loved you even when you forgotten me and I still love you now. It had taken me until April, it took me around 3 months to finally start to get over you. I don't know why I held onto you for that long, but I did, and I tell myself that I was so stupid for wasting my time on you, worrying about you when I thought something was wrong. I told myself that it was time to move on and that's exactly what I started to do... at least, that's what I thought I was doing. I spent more times with friends, opened myself more, stopped myself from doing things that hurt me, started doing the things I loved doing, and did more things in classes. I had actually thought that I was better; I smiled and laughed everyday because it showed that I was happy. But I knew that I wasn't when I heard something about you.. I had heard that you had a girlfriend, and god, I was... I was so happy and yet so sad. It had made me really happy to know that someone had brought joy to your life and the smiles I kept seeing throughout the day sometimes, I wouldn't trade that for the world, didn't matter what I was feeling. I ignored the pain I was feeling because I thought I had to get used to it, spent months feeling it so I thought that it was something I had to just deal with for the rest of my life. But now, sometimes it hurts for me to see you. Seeing and hearing about the things going on in your life, and knowing that that's not me; I wonder how I can still put myself through that. I knew from the moment we meant, that conversation would change everything. I just never knew that it would change my life this much."
I sigh heavily and lean back in my chair while placing the pencil down. I look at the piece of paper that laid in front of me and think of what I should do with it. Should I just hide it somewhere? Should I burn it? Or should I actually gain the courage to give this to the person who it was meant for? Taking off my glasses and placing them on the desk, I place my head into my hands and shake my head slightly. "I'm going to give it to him." I say through my breath and smile to myself. "I'm actually going to do it. Go you."

[L.V.L]

I stand there looking directly into his face with tears about to flow down my face. His eyes were bloodshot red, pupils were dilated, skin pale like a ghost; his hair was messy, clothes hasn't be changed for days and his stench was something no one should handle. I look down to his hands and his knuckles are covered in small cuts with dry blood; his hand was clutching a bottle like his life depended on it.
"Please, put the bottle down." I took a step closer and my foot kicked a couple of bottles away. Blinking a few times trying to keep back the tears as I reached out my hand towards him. I watched as he narrowed his eye while taking in a deep breath; I cringed backwards as he raised his arm.
"Shut up!" He yelled as he threw the bottle down and it shattered onto the glass bottles surrounding us; a few pieces flying everywhere and I winced in pain as one cut my leg. I looked into his eyes and I knew he saw the cut but we has to drunk to notice it.
"Adam - please stop." I spoke calmly and took more steps towards him. I see him look around and his eyes keep landing on something behind me. Before I even knew it, he had raced behind me and hearing the jingle I knew they were his car keys.
"No!" I yelped and ran after him, heading towards the front door. Going a little faster I took a hold of his shoulder and tried to turn him around; he tried to push me off but I held on - I knew I shouldn't let him go. "Adam, stop it! You're to drunk to drive - you'll... you'll get yourself killed!" I had stuttered at the last part because I couldn't stand the thought if I had lost him. I wrapped my arm around his arm and pulled backwards; but he was much stronger than I was; he had flipped me off and pushed my back against the counter.
"Leave me the hell alone!" He hissed and pushed me harder into the counter.
"No! I'm not going to let you leave. I'm not going to let you walk out of this house so you can go possibly kill someone or yourself. I have no one else Adam..." I started to choke-up and I tried to take deep breathes, "...everyone else left us. It was just you and me since we were little, we raised each other." I placed my hand on his cheek, " I can't loose you too brother."
And with that, I looked into his eyes and I knew I clicked to something inside. He took a few steps backwards, watching him stumble and I went to go catch him. We both collapsed onto the floor and cried. Wrapping him up in my arms, he let the keys drop to the ground and buried his head into my chest.
"I'm so sorry." He cried.

[L.V.L]

It's day 1 now, and I've decided that I'm going to be writing down what I feel whenever I can, and no matter how long it is. I usually skip breakfast so that never bothers me and school lunch was iffy to begin with, so that's not a bother also. It's when I got home, I went straight to the kitchen, yet had to remind myself no eating, and went upstairs empty handed. Dinner was difficult, mother had made this amazing rice and chicken dish, but told her that I already ate.
Day 4... yup, this is really happening. I've done this before, so I know what to except for at least 8 days, but I've never done anything more than that though. God, I had these really terrible cramps, it seemed like someone was stabbing me with a knife whenever they felt like it; but like the strong little human being I am, I can get through this. I just took a few pills for the pain, that should last me a couple of more days, right?
Day 8. I had to just sit there during tech and sadly not help out with the painting of the play that's coming up, because I could barely move. I do remember feeling this way though, it's just the next week or so is what's having me worried. I had one of my friends question weather I was okay or not, but I just brushed it off saying that there was nothing good to eat today and I was so busy yesterday with work I had totally forgotten about Dinner. But not really anyone noticed and changes in my appearance.... or maybe they just don't care enough to ask. Either way is fine by me, less the questions the better.
Day 12 and I don't notice the pain anymore. That's a bad thing isn't? It's spring break so that means no moving around school all the time, I get to stay home and relax. The family is out for the week and I'm home alone, which also gladly means no moving. I remember earlier this morning that I had looked at my water bottle, and I couldn't even remember the last time I had drunken any of it. Oh well, I think just resting for a while will help out.

"Day 16." I whisper to myself, sighing slightly. The only sound I hear is just tiny droplets splashing in the tub water every minute or so. I place my hands carefully on the surface of the water and watch little ripples make their way across to the other side. A slight smile forms on my face but it goes away as soon as I see my body. It so pale it almost kind of looks like snow when it's in the water, there is barely anything on my legs and arms, but when I look at my stomach area... all there are, are ribs sticking out. It makes me cringe to see that I have done this to myself, in so little time. I had thought I was doing the right thing. I thought if I didn't eat, I would lose weight, I would love myself, I wouldn't need to harm myself anymore, I would finally get noticed.... I would be that beautiful person I always wanted to be. But I'm not, I'm unhappy, I regret it, nobody wants to be around me anymore, I can see my ugly bones, and I still harm myself. I was so stupid to think that anyone would love someone like me.
"It was all a mistake." I sob quietly to myself, shaking my head slightly."I will never be perfect."
And with that. I gave up. I let my body go numb. I let gravity do it's job. And I slowly sank down into the water. Looking at the hideous person that I've become. I couldn't love myself even when I took my last breath.

[L.V.L]

Tell me a story, one of a girl
Where the bed she lies on it doesn't burn
Tell me, tell me a story
One where the glass is a slipper not a shard
And the boy in the moonlight is a prince not a guard
One where the whips were meant for the horses
And they carried you out not a bag meant for corpses
Because once upon a time they were just words
And you hand wasn't cut on the pages you turned
Tell me, Tell me a story
When the parents lock you up for concern
When your sixteenth birthday meant the end of your term
But it keeps going
Even after the credits roll
And it's all up to you what to do after the electrifying midnight toll

[L.V.L]

I sat alone in the bathtub.
Felt the hot water rain down on me.
Slide down against my skin and drop onto the floor.
Rushing down the tub to get away and into the drain with the others.
Breathing heavily, yet slowly, I laid my head back.
My left hand ran over the scars that rested themselves upon my skin.
My right hand clenches the object that hurts me every night.
Even with the water on, I feel a small tear rush down my cheek.
The razor lays against the skin it has once cut the night before.
My mind races with so many memories but lands on one.
One that was just hours before, the one that means the most to me.
My sister and her friends telling me how much I mean to everyone.
How much everyone loves me and to think about others.
Then my mind raced to the one person who means the world to me.
A boy who once told me he didn't want to see me hurt.
A boy who broke me more than once without even knowing it.
A boy who I still care about so deeply it hurts sometimes.
I think about him, my sister, and my friends.
Those are the ones who I couldn't bare to see broken.
My mind went blank.
All emotion was lost except for this overwhelming feeling.
And then I broke down.
Tears racing down my once smiling cheeks, dripping onto my body.
Shaking my head over and over, trying to control myself.
My eyes landing on the object I now hate with all my heart.
Throwing it across the bathroom and sobbing uncontrollably into my hands.
I now know that I need to stop.
Continuing to sit there, now feeling the icy cold water touching my skin.
I let it wash away all the pain and hurt, I had once felt.

[L.V.L]

I have voices inside my head.
They speak to me day and night.
I have healed scars on my thighs.
I have a healing heart in my body.
Staying up late at night.
Or sleeping in all day.
Going to school either excited or tired.
Keeping to myself all day.
Or bothering people with my happiness.
Some say these behaviors are odd.
They are signs of someone who is lost.
I may have things wrong with me.
Yet I know myself.
I know how to deal with it all myself.
I've got voices, I've got scars, I've got a healing heart.
I have found myself in this crazy world.
With my flaws and all.
I am not lost.
I will never be lost again.

[L.V.L]

Involves: You Only have One Life "Asher"
Music: Threnody by Goldmund

"Tell me. My god please tell me what I did to deserve this.
I've done good my whole life, I've done my very best at being a good horse.
I can only do so much with all the obstacles that have been throw my way.
Please tell me why you can't see that I'm trying, trying with everything I've got.
You abandoned me when I was a foal, had no one there, even though there was so many around me.
I felt the most alone when others were beside me.
I tried and tried and yet I can't seem to please you.
I have got three beautiful foals who I put my life on the line for everyday.
I'm a single dad who's trying his hardest to make their lives perfect, even if it's making mine like hell.
Why can't you just see the good instead of the bad.
I know that I've got things wrong with me.
I know that I have gone done terrible paths and I have scars to prove it.
But mother please just listen for once in your life.
Try and understand that this isn't easy, that I'm not as perfect as you are, and I will never be.
DON'T YOU HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY?!"

My voice screamed out from the top of my lungs, heart beating quickly, legs trembling. Yet all was silent, not a cricket chirped. The wind that was once like a hurricane stopped, and yet the dark clouds covered most of the night sky and the bright stars that had once shined. Looking down at the ground, watched my hoof paw at the floor. A tear slide down my face and slightly splashed to the ground. I looked around and it was empty. Not a single soul was around for miles, I had raced through the forest towards the cliff I once thought my life was going to be over at, and no one followed. Shaking my head quietly and I looked up towards the sky.

"Are you happy now?
I was never your favorite, I wasn't any ones favorites.
I was just that foal who sat alone when the others were off playing, the outsider.
And you did NOTHING to fix it!
You ignored me like everyone else did, and I don't know why.
Everyone says a mother knows best about her foal and yet they were lying.
I JUST WANTED YOU TO LOVE ME!
I wanted to make you proud of me once, just once even if it was for the smallest thing."

There was one star that shinned the brightest and I squinted my eyes a little, huffing loudly.

"You want me to do it don't you?!
To prove that you were right all along and that I couldn't handle this world.
But screw you!
I've got a family to raise and I've got myself to take care of.
I don't need you now, I can't believe I ever thought I did.
I raised myself and I'm bringing myself towards the light instead of the darkness.
I will prove to myself still, that I am worth it.
You were always useless to me..."

Taking in a trembling deep breath I turned myself away from the cliff and held my head high. Blinking all the tears away, calming myself down. Started to trot down the path and towards the forest. The wind now picks up again, making the grass sway slightly. I reach the entrance of the forest and turn my head back.

"... and yet.
I still love you."