TheComfortCorner | V.7

[food ☕️]

I hope it's alright that I post this here? Somebody told me this the other day, and considering I was having similar thoughts, I figured it could help someone as it did for me. :3

Have you ever been put down, made fun of, treated as though you're worthless, ignored? The best kind of revenge against all these tormentors is to actually be successful. Push past these roadblocks. If you keep on working, keep on improving at the things you love, I can assure you, all those people who looked down at you will be gaping with open mouths. Go ahead, break what society thinks of you. Those who make it furthest in the world are those who weren't exactly "normal". They are all a bit of odd-balls, the ones that stuck out, were unique. Even if you're scared of what your classmates might think of your anime obsession, who cares? Geek out, nerd out. Don't let someone else get in the way of your future. Be who you are, be different, be proud and I can assure you good things will happen.

If you've ever felt like a failure, like nothing is ever going your way. Like the entire world is against you, keep on walking. It might seem hard, impossible even, but remain hopeful. There are better days ahead of you, I know it. Failing sucks. I know. I even have a small fear of it. But it's going to happen. It's the way you handle that failure is what's going to matter. Are you going to let it fester inside of you, stop you from your profession completely? No. You pick yourself up. You work two, three, four times as hard. They say it takes 10,000 hours to master something, so you better get to it. Work hard, rise up beyond all odds, and good things will happen. I believe in you! The best of luck in your edevours.

Wow, I'm lame. And that was horribly worded. But I felt like it needed to be said. Whether you take it as useful of just another wannabe inspiration speaker blabbing on about who knows what, I wish you be best of luck in what lies beyond the Comfort Corner.

[Keir;]

Wall or text. Giant rant. Tbh ignore me if you want. I just need to vent/rant now. Can't do it on my IG anymore because I'm sick and tired of my "friends" attacking me, too.
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My mom [grandmother] is saying that I have no right to be mad and upset with her for taking 70% of my clothes - a lot of which I still wear and like - to Goodwill without even telling me! They were mostly winter clothes, so of course I had them put up right now! It's 90 degrees outside, the middle of summer! The past couple of days she's been going through the storage room and getting rid of her old furniture and bed sets and stuff, and I decided to go through my clothes and take out what I don't wear so they could take it to Goodwill. What do I find? Or, well, not find? My bag of clothes that I was planning on going through. I asked my mom, she said she took all the bags out to the garage, I looked there, nope! All her stuff. I recheck the storage room, no bags what-so-ever. Checked her closet and bedroom, my closet and bedroom, the spare room, the basement, and the garage again. Nothing! She said she "never saw it" I then asked her to help me look, she said no. I asked why, and said it had to be here somewhere. She said no. Then, after me asking a bunch of sarcastic questions "did someone break into the upstairs storage room and steal my clothes, then?" "Did it grow legs and walk away?" "Did my cat decide to wear them?" - she finally yelled "maybe I sent them to Goodwill already!" and I asked "well, have you taken anything there yet?" She said she doesn't know. That's a yes or no question! You don't simply not remember driving 30 minuets away and dropping stuff off or not! She finally yelled yes, that she did a month ago. What the hell?! You take my stuff without asking me, or even telling me?! And then call me a bunch of names and attack me when I get angry?! What even?
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And what is her excuse "you haven't worn them in a few months" and "you'll be getting new stuff before school starts again, anyway." Well no duh I haven't worn them in a few months, they're sweaters! It's summer right now! That's why they're put up, because who wears sweaters and hoodies in summer?! Most people usually don't.
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Then she gets extremely mad at me, and tells me that I'm a horrible daughter (wow, not the first time I've heard that) and tells me to get out of her house and that she never wants to see me again. Uhm, yeah, I can't exactly just leave, not an adult, not old enough to legally live by myself even if I had somewhere to. I asked where she thought I would go. What does she say?
"Go live with your mom. Your biological mom. The one who gave birth to you, the one who should have to deal with you. I don't have to raise you, I never have. I've done it out of the kindness of my heart and you always make my life a living hell. Go live with her, see how long you survive. And don't come begging to me like she does, either. Get out of my life. Go call your mom and tell her to raise you, I'll call the court and sign custody over to her again, then you'll be off my hands for good. If you don't go live with her, I'm calling social services and you're going to foster care. I've had it this time, you're out of here. You mom was out younger than you, and you are just like her. Now get out of my house!"
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Backstory time; my biological mom is in and out of jail all the time, she has never had a job, and only gets by by leeching off of guys who feel sorry for her. She is a liar, she has lied about having cancer and dying before, among too many other things to even list. She's tried to get most of our family thrown in jail, she's tried to kill some of us before (poisoning my baby cousins's medicine, trying to run my aunt - her sister - over with a car). You want me to live with that? None of those are even the reason I got taken away from her in the first place - why both her kids did - but that's stuff I can't mention on here. But just over me being upset about clothes, you are telling me to go back into that situation?!
And my mom [grandma] knows very, very well that it is because of my biological mom that I have depression, general and social anxiety, and very, very bad trust issues.
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She acts like she cares about me. But then we have one tiny disagreement, and she is saying she hates me, that I'm a horrible person, that she never wants to see me again, and worst of all, she always resorts to telling me to go live with my biological mom and even worse, telling me I'm just like her. That is the single. worst. thing. you can say to me. Or anybody in my opinion.
And she does it because she knows that it upsets me and makes me angry; I've told her so many times - since I was probably 5 years old - that I hate it, and asked her and told her to stop saying it.
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I suppose that now my mom [grandma] is calling my dad [grandpa] and telling him her disillusion version of what happened. Yeah, there are two sides of the story... but she always changes things to fit where she is perfect every. single. time. And says that I am the only problem. And he always believe's her because she's his wife and she'e perfect and could never tell a lie and blah blah blah. He will never take my side anymore. When I try to explain anything, he says I'm lying, she says I'm lying, and the entire family says I'm lying just because my mom [grandma] said something different. It never once crosses their minds that maybe she's the one not telling the full truth. Because I'm a kid, and because my biological mom is such a liar, that makes me one, too, apparently.
Let me say, there are two things I am not and cannot stand to be called; like my mom, and a liar. I am not either, and if you are looking for a way to infuriate me, that's how. And she very well knows it. I just cannot explain in words my hatred for lies and people who lie. There is no point to it! I don't lie. I don't sugarcoat things. I always tell the hard, straightforward truth about everything. Which I also get attacked for because people can't take it and say I'm rude.
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Not to even mention I've been feeling like crap the past couple weeks, especially the past few days, along with worrying about stuff. What's been going on with me other than that? Welp, my body decided that it wants to mess up a few months ago and freak me out and I've been worried since. Skipped my period for two months, completely. Then had light flow for a single day last month. Past few days I've had extremely bad cramps, but no blood. I usually get pretty bad cramps, but not this bad. I threw up from it last night, I can barely eat, and when they hit really bad, I can't even walk, sometimes can't even move. And the painkillers that have always helped before are not helping. I've tried three different medicines, all which have worked fine before. Now they seem to be doing nothing.
When I brought this up with my mom [grandmother] the other night about the cramps, she didn't really seem to care. She blamed me missing on my sleep schedule changing some. She blamed the bad cramps on me missing a couple months. I keep telling her that no, this is not normal. Period cramps are not supposed to be this extreme, and it is not normal to miss ~4 months like this after being regular for almost 5 years and not having any major changing to affect it.
She won't listen and just says that it's part of being a girl and some get them worse than others and I just happen to be unlucky. She just seems to not want to accept that this is not normal, despite me having told her over a hundred times now. When she finally said something, you want to know what she said?! Of all things you can say to your kid who is already worried, freaking out, and in pain, she decided the best response was "I hope you don't have cancer." haha and she gets mad at me for being blunt about things.
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Okay, of course that's what I've been worried about the past few months. Because she had cancer and had to get her cervix and ovaries removed. Because one of my aunts and one of my great aunts both died of ovarian cancer. Of course that will be what my mind goes to when something like this happens, it's just happened so much in out family, how could I not?
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After that she started saying she'll take me to the doctor. But what she brought up after that brought up even more fear and panic that I couldn't and can't deal with. I've known it's necessary for a few years now, but she brought up how they'll probably end up doing a pap smear and how I will need to start getting them this year, anyway. What's so bad about it? Pretty much every afam person has to have them every year, right?
Yeah, well, I first of all have extremely bad anxiety about anything new/unknown in general. But I also cannot have people touch me. I jump and get extremely uncomfortable if people are even close to me, not touching. I jump and move away whenever someone brushes past me in the store or hallway. I start shaking whenever someone touches me on the hand or shoulder to get my attention. I get panic attacks whenever someone sits right next to me. I don't even know how to explain what happens to me when someone hugs me. Even my own family most of the time; I've lived with them for my entire life, I'm related to them, I know and love them, yet I can barely sit close to them. Now, imagine the thought of a doctor or whoever, that I don't know at all, in a place that already freaks me out, doing that. See my problem?
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On another note, there's also just the horrible gender dysphoria that's been coming back that I've been trying to ignore. It's even worse in summer, especially when you have a huge pool and family cookouts every weekend. But I stay in my room every time, while everyone else is swimming and having fun; then I get asked why I'm avoiding them and why I seem to hate them. And I just can't even explain that it's not them, that I'm not avoiding them, that I want more than anything to be able to go out there and feel comfortable, but that I just can't. I tried swimming in a t-shirt and shorts, but my mom screamed at me to go put a bikini on, because she won't allow me to swim in them. I can't. I cannot wear one. And I just have to use the lame excuse of "I'm fat, I have stretch marks, I won't look good in it," every time. No, I actually couldn't care less that I have a bit of fat on my stomach or that I have stretch marks on my chest, stomach and thighs; it's never bothered me. But I can never say the true reason behind any of it to anyone, especially not my parents;;
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And I have like no friends I can talk to about anything. Irl I have 0 friends, or even people I talk to. I have one internet friend on here, but I've lost so many friends by venting about things like this to them that I'm too scared to anymore. I can't talk to my parents or anyone in my family. I have like no friends. Who else am I supposed to talk to?
Plus I have such a hard time trusting anyone I do talk to because no one can ever keep a secret for me even when they say they will. Not even people you're always told you can trust, who they themselves promised they wouldn't tell on you; a.k.a my teachers, assistant principal, principal, and school councilors, and many therapists that I've gone to. They all swear that anything I tell them stays between us, that they will not tell my parents. Then turn right back around and call my parents; even when I tried to explain that it could ruin my life. Luckily I figured that stuff out before I came out to any of them, but they still told my parents stuff they didn't need to. But the past year or two, they've all ruined the tiny, tiny bit of trust in people I had left in me after everything that happened when I was really young.
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Oml, this post is too long and all over the place I don't even know. I kind of just needed to feel like maybe someone will see or listen or something? I feel so pathetic now; wanting people I don't even know on a pet site online to care about me and my stupid problems. what have a even become? idk anymore. I really don't.

[.headrush.]

My family keep picking out things about me and it's making me insecure.
My sisters say I have elephant feet... yes elephant feet. because I'm UK size 6 and they're UK size 5.5
My thighs are too hairy.
I'm unattractive and gross.
I'm ugly.
My nose is too big.

I'm already finding it hard to put up with myself. I don't need this.

[IQuit;;]

my family is going to an amusement park we have season passes to

i just hope we don't have to go to the waterpark area

don't get me wrong i LOVE the waterpark there!!!
the slides are fun and the wave pools are awesome!

but i have to wear a bathing suit.
i'm ftm.
it's torture.
i can barely leave the house without wearing tons of shirts to the point i can't breathe and i overheat. i WILL freak out and start crying. i always do.
it's gonna be hard enough just being there.
i don't want to do it.

i don't want people to see me wearing a bathing suit. all of them are designed to show off your curves.
i want to be able to pass and not have people look at me.
please don't look at me.

[hellebore]

my family is going to an amusement park we have season passes to

i just hope we don't have to go to the waterpark area

don't get me wrong i LOVE the waterpark there!!!
the slides are fun and the wave pools are awesome!

but i have to wear a bathing suit.
i'm ftm.
it's torture.
i can barely leave the house without wearing tons of shirts to the point i can't breathe and i overheat. i WILL freak out and start crying. i always do.
it's gonna be hard enough just being there.
i don't want to do it.

i don't want people to see me wearing a bathing suit. all of them are designed to show off your curves.
i want to be able to pass and not have people look at me.
please don't look at me.

Would you be allowed to wear clothing over your swimsuit? You could wear shorts and a shirt, tuck the shirt into your shorts, and fasten a belt.
You shouldn't feel ashamed of your body! I know that probably doesn't help you any, so the aforementioned is my advice, but it's true nonetheless. People will be too busy enjoying themselves to notice you, anyway.

i was called to the vice principle's office on friday. she had a discussion with me about my attendance.

it's just over 80%

the median for the school is 96%

it's not my fault i've been extremely poorly this year, or my mother has been diagnosed with a terrible illness. every time i try and say something to my friends, they just think i'm lying and skipping school or something. i'm not. i love school! i love all of my friends, whether it be platonic or in other ways. i don't like being sick.

my mum has now told her best friend about how much of a disappointment i am. i wish she didn't tell her everything..

Have you been obtaining notes from doctors? Depending on whether you're in high school or college, obtaining doctor's notes should formally excuse your absences from illness. You could also provide written proof of your mother's illness, and depending on how that caused you to miss school, it could formally excuse you as well.

[오케이 부머]

transgender and gay???
looks like i have two problems in one!

[roccdog]

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[honey,]

ive felt lonely for awhile, even though i have a great group of friends that are like family. i haven't been able to shake this sadness, especially after she died.
i haven't wanted to get up, or make plans or even interact with family. im doing my best to smile in front of others but its getting kinda hard. i just wanna stay in bed all day, and sleep or just lay there because i can't sleep. i hate feeling like this. hopeless, alone, it's selfish. my parents chose to ignore it, yell at me, force me up, i just tell them my sleep schedules off. my dad is really sad about her death, it's the first time i've seen him cry that much. my mom is angry all the time, she has her happy moments but it's always yelling and crying and throwing stuff. i feel bad because i must have done something to trigger it. just one little word sets her off and it's all my fault.

i love my family honestly, we've just been fightingso much lately and no one's ever home. and my friends are great, im just scared they don't care, im scared to tell them how i feel. everything is just so hectic right now. i don't know what to do.

[i<3 wolves678]

i'm so scared
There's a guy in my house
I don't know what to do
I'm alone upstairs and they're in the next room
Last thing I heard was my mom phone the police an hour ago
All I hear now are loud noises from the other room

I'm just so scared

[IQuit;;]

everyone saying that they support me to my face but they NEVER show it. ever.