TheComfortCorner | V.7

[Swishy & Broken]

I don't know what this is, how to describe it. I miss him, I love him, but I hate him. He hurt me more than anyone ever had, he made me feel like an idiot, he made me feel like i'm nothing. I want him to hurt, I want him to know what he did to me, I want him to think he's the worst human alive. But I also want him back, I want to tell him it's okay, I want him to hug me tight and say he's sorry. He broke my faith in loving anyone, in trusting anyone like that again.

I hate that I can never feel one thing at once, I hate that I can understand were he's coming from, I hate that I want to excuse him like hurting me like this was okay. I don't want to be me, I don't want to be able to understand and empathize with those who hurt me, I want to be angry or sad or just okay. But I can never do that.

[v1s10ns]

i dont even feel like crying
i just feel like dying
plus i have a god awful rash and it wont go away and it burns and itches mmmmm

[dakotapaws]

i know what i said.
i know it hurt your feelings.
but you act like im stupid.
you may not mean it but it makes me furious.
im not stupid.
i know more than you think.
im not going to apologize for not being thrilled your mother wants to tag along on our trip.
i will not let myself be guilt tripped this time.

[rvbytea]

this is just going to be a lil vent feel free to reply but it doesnt matter
----
1- i need time to recharge and nagging me to do stuff isnt going to help me do anything, im scared to tell
you things because you'll just deny like how you do with 2. I respect you but you could treat 2 and me better
and at least take our feeling into consideration. give me a break please.

2- you deserve way more than you get and i wish you could be happier and get the help you need.

3-i know you have it rough, we have been through a lot in one year and i wish you be happier. I wish i could
be there for you more, because you tolerate me i care about you a lot. though, you are a complicated person
i still want to be there for you and see you smile.

4- you do not deserve whats happening to you at all, i try to be a dependable person and make you feel loved
but it seems like you could care less about me. I still want to be friends, I care about you so much but i have a
hard time not feeling like this is one-sided. i liked how it was before, but i still hope you are happy one day
because you deserve it.


5- How have you know noticed what x has done to us, i was so happy where i was but then they decide just to
pop in because x wanted attention from you and spread lies. you trust her more than me so i guess i know where
i stand.
---
why cant i talk to people without seeming stupid and awkward???? why do i get so nervous over the littlest things???

[nana]

I need a pm now please

[vampz]

he asked for a little time apart, and that's okay. he has work and other things to focus on that
are really important. i don't mind giving him space or time at all.
but i fear this is going to turn into something worse. here's why.
we don't go to the same school. i went to attend one that i thought
was going to be really nice. turns out the workload is awful, it's
stressful and i find myself wanting to go home every day. i'm
making new friends, but i want my old ones. my best friend is still
here with me- she's a virtual student, though, so she's easier to
meet up with and see. my bf wants to be considered my best friend
too, though, so i guess i have two. although he doesn't keep in touch
as much, and he wants space right now. we haven't separated entirely.
although, because the departments are giving us a hard time about
switching to his school, the next meeting won't be for another month..
i don't want to wait or deal with this for that long. and since he's busy,
he doesn't have as much time for me as we're not seeing each other
every day, and the longer i wait the more chance there is of him cutting
it off completely.
there's an upcoming dance at his school. students from other schools are
allowed to attend, and my other friend helped me get in, although he's
likely not going. that's okay. he says he doesn't have anything to wear,
although... it's the other problem i'm worried about. he says two people
have already asked to go with him. he told them he'd think about it
because he didn't want to hurt their feelings. i get that, but... even if
we're taking a break, "i'll think about it" still means they might try to
go after him later on. what if i'm not there in time? what if he moves on
and sees more in one of them? i wouldn't force him to go to the dance.
i'm just... worried, if that makes any sense. i'm not hanging onto much
else but him because of my whole stressful situation.
i don't know what to do. i've started breaking down pretty bad again.
any help would really, really be appreciated... thank you.

[Lechuga]

8/18 - My friend got to meet a childhood friend whom she hadn't been able to see for a few years. I was there along with another friend. First time seeing him and I was already interested. Every once in a while my friends would ask if I had a crush and I'd say "yes but I don't know his name" only because I was afraid of their reaction to it.

8/21 - My friend invited him to come have lunch with us. At first he wouldn't talk then after a while I got him talking. He claimed to be "awkward" but I was watching him when he talked. He was nervous but certainly not awkward. We had a couple of things in common and I got to talk to him for a bit before the bell rung. My first and last time I talked to him. I had begun liking him.

8/22 - Friends kept asking about him and I found out that I could see him on my way to 2nd period. It gives me so much motivation to keep on going, when I would only see him for a second or two a day.

8/25 On my ride home I saw him walking home. When I got home I told one of my friends, "I saw daddy long legs walking home today"
(His nickname was given when the same friend learned that he was a guy with long legs and named him after the spider). She asked me if I had found out his name. I didn't want to keep it away from her so I told her who it was. She seemed calm about it. Then she told me he was gay. I kinda dropped my tablet and was like "oh my, now that means I literally won't ever have a chance with him since I'm a female" I've been kinda sad since then but I accept that I can't do anything about it. I've tried telling my friend to invite him to lunch with us again because I'd like to keep talking to him at the very least. She hasn't been able to do that. Both of my other friends have crushes but they're straight so it's like they have a chance. I don't and it makes sad but I at least want to be his friend and talk but I don't have classes with him :(

[if found]

so, i'm so confused-
i desperately want to tell my parents three things:

-1; i'm depressed.
and they haven't even noticed.

-2; i'm genderfluid.
i'm not fully comfortable as a female...

-3; the days i am female, i'm a homosexual.

(internally dying with so much pressure built up inside-)

[cornspurrd.]

I need a hug.

[OKULTRA]

i want someone to comfort me and tell me it's going to be ok
but there's no one who can do that and
even then.. i don't know if i'll believe them
i can't talk to my parents about how terrible i feel and how much i feel like crap
or they'll go "get over it" or "well it was your grandmas fault and we can't go back"
i didn't want to move houses. i didn't want to lose my progress and my friends and everything i started
maybe i should just stop trying alltogether because we're gonna move again someday,
considering we're in a rental house
i want to talk to someone about this
and feel better about it
and feel
accepted, and loved, and appreciated, and wanted
is that too much to ask for? to have a friend who actually cares and listens for a little while?
i'm just such a bad person
not as in my talents are bad or i'm useless but
my personality is completely jacked and makes it basically impossible to make friends or even keep friends
"oh, way to jaiden up your life!!" THATS A LEGIT SENTENCE I HAVE HEARD
i don't know why or how this hole got so deep. i want to get out of it
i got out of it once, i can do it again, right???
right???
i wish i could go back to being silly and making jokes to cover up how bad i'm hurting
instead of crying and typing it all up on my phone
i wish i could talk to my parents about it and not get a response like "oh well too bad. don't care go away, can't do anything about it."
i want to die in all honesty. that jsut sound alike a reward right now