TheComfortCorner | V.7

[van Wolf]

.

[i<3 wolves678]

i'm so scared
There's a guy in my house
I don't know what to do
I'm alone upstairs and they're in the next room
Last thing I heard was my mom phone the police an hour ago
All I hear now are loud noises from the other room

I'm just so scared

if anyone happens to see this, I'm fine now.
It turned out the person who broke in was my sisters desperate ex boyfriend.
Turns out he's been doing stuff like this for a while, since last week he was spotted outside our house asleep. If I'd had known that at the time I could've assumed it was him, but I'm still a little shaken over all of this.
It was 12-1am at the time and I simply assumed it was my sister who usually arrives back around then, but hearing my mom yell 'who's in my house? I'm phoning the police' is something I never want to have to hear again.

[Nannernanner07]

Here comes another vent, prepare to be slapped with a random blob of my emotions

Recently I had to vent here a lot, this is my third post. Most of my friends don't contact me much anymore so it's hard without them. All I really have is my friend over my Xbox360, who I'm going to call T to protect his identity. He knows I miss my friends and he used to try and help but now that we text each other all he does is beg for me to send him pictures of me and FaceTime him. It's no fun playing Minecraft when he keeps asking me to send him pictures of me. I miss my friends and he isn't helping me cope with this, he's the only person I have left. My mom thought I was being mean to her and I wasn't trying to and I've accidentally got in trouble a lot so I'm not feeling any better. I'm feeling like an awful person and I think I'm fat and ugly because I weigh more than my friend C and she's 3 years older than me.. I'm going swimming soon and I don't want to wear my bathing suit because it makes me look fatter than I really am. I miss my friends so much and I feel awful.

[Agent Cooper]

im bad at everything i try to do, art, writing, anything. im depressed as hell, and i keep trying to get help but no ones paying attention to me. no one cares.

[strawberry fields]

i feel so isolated and depressed
my boyfriend is being so horrible lately and i'm having some serious doubts about our relationship, especially as today is the second time in a row we've argued and aren't talking to each other because of it
i have absolutely no one to turn to. i miss my best friend so much, i haven't been friends with her properly for almost a year; we tried to be friends in january but my boyfriend stopped it (not in an abusive way, she is now living a dangerous lifestyle due to her own abusive boyfriend, was trying to get me into that lifestyle and was obviously trying to manipulate me and making me lie to her family for her) and i dunno i just feel so alone.
when we have bad days he talks to his friends, goes out with them or something and all i do is sit in my room and cry. i miss how everything used to be. this time last year i was miserable because of my boyfriend also (entirely different story though) but atleast i had all of my friends around me to pick me up and distract me from it all.
between now and last year my group which was 10 people strong now consists of just 2 of us. i miss my friends, i miss my best friend and i'm so unhappy.

[sillies]

pls stop spamming my phone = w =

if i dont reply pls take the hint that im busy or i dont want to talk

thx

bye

[hellebore]

I reacted in a way I'd never reacted toward anyone before. If I were to make an attempt at excusing myself, I'd say I was egged on. I can't claim that though, as I don't know it, and it wouldn't make me feel any better about my behavior. Nothing on earth could make me feel better about it, save for going back in time and removing a few words here and there. I say, "At least I have learned what it takes for me to be pushed over the line" and "At least I know what I become when pushed over the line," but I don't see what use it really is. I've learned something about myself--something unpleasant, but it's not like I can do anything with the information. It's not like I can do anything with knowing what it takes for me to become something awful that I wasn't aware existed within me.
It only lasted a bout and now I'm what I know of myself again. However, if something bad lasts for any moment of time, it longer taints memories and feelings, no matter the good. Well, listen. All that can matter now (the most constructive thing to focus on) is who I am from this moment onward. If I went my entire life without acting that way toward someone, I can go at least another lifetime.
Now, I just need to keep reminding myself of that. I am myself. I snapped for a very long moment. Now, I am myself.
Sigh.

[i·dée fixe]

im so upset im in tears
i found out i got an 85 on my final exam, and i felt so disappointed in myself, even if i told myself i wouldnt do well because i didn't study. i thought i would be able to get 90+ and i thought it would be a breeze, because that's what all my peers told me it would be like.they all said getting a 100 would be really easy, and it would be really simple compared to other exams, and that was even what my teacher told me. i regret listening to others instead of myself, and expecting the same out of me. i feel so ashamed when everyone else probably got 100s, and then there's me. its so hard not to feel incompetent and stupid, even. and it's so hard to confide in others about my feelings, especially because im so afraid of their judgement, and im too afraid of being labelled as dumb and unworthy of respect.i dont know what to do anymore

[Swishy & Broken]

I don't know, I don't know anymore.

M came over again, at 1 AM just like last time. This time we were a lot closer, and we cuddled and spooned and my head is a mess. I don't know it's so wrong to like him but I do and I feel awful for it. He put his at arm around me this time, then we spooned and it was so warm and fantastic even though I felt like my heart was going a hundred miles a minute. He kept asking if I was alright, which I think is his way of seeing if I'm uncomfortable. He put his arm around me while we were spooning and it was so.. I'm so happy I might cry but I might also cry because it's so wrong. I can't like him, but I do and it's awful. I can't do that, I can't just start liking someone. I can't hurt the people I know like that, I can't .. I just.. I can't.
And the worst part is, I know I'll think about it for a long while, and keep thinking about it.

Something that keeps running through my head ::
*tilts my head* "Are you okay" (M)
"Why do you keep doing that?" (me)
"You're breathing weird" (M)

And also, he knows I like him.. as I told him. I didn't wanna feel so darn guilty about it. But heck he seems to keep doing these things that make me so much more embarrassed and wanting to be close to him/ around him.

EDIT; but he did tell me I'm not fat.. and it kinda helped. like.. idk.. I was so embarresed and worried he'd think I was fat while he cuddled and when I brought it up he said "nah don't worry about it" and I just.. I feel a whole lot calmer right now about myself. (except, ya know, my emotional turmoil)

Why does this still bother me? Why can't I be happy?

[call me red,]

my head hurts
feel free to shoot me a pm if you wanna talk, i'm all ears