Dear ____,
I'm sorry I'm not perfect. I'm sorry you have to be scared me. I'm sorry I gave up. I'm so sorry for what I've caused. You used to be everything, to me. I thought I knew you, and most importantly, you made me believe you loved me. ... Then all those months later when you admitted you never even loved me I can't tell you how much it broke me. I knew you were cheating. I knew I wasn't the most important. I knew you'd never choose me if you had to. So why did I love you so much? I hated everything about you, yet I loved you so dearly it hurt. You were my whole world at the time, and you were about all I had. You made my day so much brighter, just seeing you'd texted me or messaged me, or even seeing a heart at the end of a sentence made my heart skip a beat. Even when you woke me up at 5 every morning after keeping me up past midnight, I still smiled. Even when you ignored me and told me about all your problems but didn't listen to mine. Even when I knew you were saying the exact same things to my best friend. Why the.. Why did I love you? I knew. I knew everything. I was so stupid and needy, yet you kept me around. I supposed that's what made me believe you might've loved me. Even when you tried to get me to do or say something I didn't want to, if you asked more than once you knew I couldn't have refused, I'd do anything for you. And when some of your other exes told me to get rid of you, I did. It'd been months, my grades had been slipping, I lost so much sleep, shed so many tears, and still bare the scars of what it meant. Yet I finally let go. It killed me, you still have no idea, you never will. 3 days later I started dating my best friend, after I convinced her to tell you to get lost to. And you know what? Something amazing happened. Someone real loved me for once. And I couldn't have been happier. You know I hate admitting it, but you're the reason I met her. And we've been happily dating for 7 and a half months now. Yet a few months back, you came back into my life. And it has never been the same. Because I'm me. Because I don't forget. Because I never truly stop loving someone so dear to me. I still love you, I always will. But I'm not in love with you anymore. You've changed, trust me, I know that. You don't cheat anymore, which came as a huge surprise to me, and you have someone who I do believe you love and will stay with. For those few months when everyone abandoned you, you did need someone. I know that, and I wish I could've at least been a shoulder, as stupid as it sounds. But I still want to be your friend, to be there for you, to help you feel better, to be that shoulder when you need it. Yet you always push me away and vice versa and we fight because of it.. I wish it didn't have to be this way, I wish we were friends and you trusted me. But everytime we talk it's a fight, and now it's been months since you spoke to me. I know I'm insane when I say, but I kinda want to hear your voice and have you hear mine one last time, because right now, I don't think it will happen again, and it tears at my heart to think I'll lose you forever. But I don't want to hurt you anymore, I want you to be happy, even if it's going to hurt me too. Goodbye is the most feared word of mine, and it's the only word that can break me apart so easily. I don't want to lose you again because I have a horrid fear it'll mean forever, and I'll never get over it. And when I'm married to the girl I love now and I wake up crying in the middle of the night because of the memories, I don't want to have to tell her why even though she'd understand. I know it's not the best decision, but leaving is all I can think of doing so I won't hurt you anymore. I never ever want you to feel the pain we've both felt again. I want you to know I love you like you're my family, and I'll always, always be here for you, and I've never stayed mad at you, but this has to happen, so we don't end up hurting the ones we both love now too. I don't know if you'll miss me as much as I'll miss you, but I hope you'll at least remember the good times we had, even though the only ones I can recall were brief. And one last thing, I never lied when I said I'd love you no matter what.
Love,
me