[♥ mizu]

GUYS SIMG OMG SORRY IVE JUST BEEN. ROLLING THIS OVER IN MY MIND OVER N OVER AGAIN THIS IS AN UPDATE.

so yea i said that the constant calling can be like. kind of frustrating cuz i just wanna sleep right. but i still always answer when he wants to call (except for today because i was in quebec w mom n dad).

last night, we talked about SO much. so many things. so many personal things, actually. i wouldn't say it was, like, reputation-destroying level stuff, but i learned a lot of sad things about his past. he's really just a scared little boy, and i sympathize with him. i told him things about myself, too, by the way, we were trauma bonding LMAO. we talked really maturely, it was a really nice convo because i felt it was mutually respectful. he's actually surprisingly thoughtful, despite not being emotionally responsive. he's trying, he told me, to understand his own emotions better.

i learned that he's never ever seen his parents show affection to each other, even though they (probably) do love each other. he has NEVER seen them kiss, and when i asked about their wedding photos, i think it actually kind of stopped him in his tracks lol. he seemed really taken aback in a good way, because he had to stop and think. he's never seen them. i think we both really enjoy talking to each other. i wish others saw that side of him.

anyway: the most breaking news: he likes hugs. like, a lot, he says. we were talking about his aversion to physical touch, and i learned that it's not necessarily just because he doesn't want to touch people, it's because he doesn't want to seem creepy. he told me that when he was younger he LOVED hugs, and i think he still does. this is a huge green flag for me. i actually squealed after we ended the call because i cannot get that out of my head. this 6'0" tall, muscular boy just wants a hug. i am sobbing. this is huge for me. i have been resisting the urge to hug him for the past month. every time i get happy i just want to grab him and HUG HIM. and now i've learned he might actually be ok w that. i will have to try this sometime and report back.

another thing, i still am unsure if he likes me, but i feel that there's a pretty good chance he does. everybody thinks so, but we also discussed this. we both admitted that we would never directly say that we like people, but he told me that when he likes people he makes it very obvious with his actions (!! whatd i say guys). because he hasnt directly said it i cannot be sure but i really hope he likes me. i want to grab his face and hug him and squeeze him and mother him. this has become more of a nurturing relationship atp i just want to hold him. omg this sweet little boy. this is somebody's baby. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

(character in this drawing is elise. also PLS note the shape language here,, i intentionally made the og headshot sharper while this one is super rounded :3)

[^RukaDog^]

OMG for some reason reading these is like so entertaining!?!
Also I swear elise looks so cute, lol the pose is literally my single Pringle ahh talking to character ai 😭😭