I've come to the realization that I don't really know how to relax
I've spent many years of my life being in a constant state of some sort of anxiety, whether because things were happening around me, or because I was anticipating them to happen. letting my guard down in any way feels like I'm inviting something or someone to come along and take advantage of it but I need to learn how to. not do that. it's making me feel like I should be doing more important things besides personal art but there's not really anything else I specifically need to be doing so I just end up arguing with myself back and forth and getting overwhelmed to the point where I don't end up doing anything and then feel kinda. guilty? like I've wasted the opportunity to do something? idk. it's taking the fun out of art. it feels like when I finished however many years of taking art in high school with a really draining, negative teacher and for like a year afterwards I felt like I couldn't even look at a paintbrush or pencil, let alone use it. and I'm feeling like that now, like I'm pushing myself to do art, like I'm forcing motivation, and I think I need to find a way to tell myself it's okay? like, there's absolutely nothing wrong with doing art for you. or just experimenting. whatever you want as long as it's creative. or something like that idk
sorry for the ramble it probably doesn't make any sense but I just wanted a little vent
also it's not a carton of milk bc ours comes in bottles so,, cup of milk instead
I've spent many years of my life being in a constant state of some sort of anxiety, whether because things were happening around me, or because I was anticipating them to happen. letting my guard down in any way feels like I'm inviting something or someone to come along and take advantage of it but I need to learn how to. not do that. it's making me feel like I should be doing more important things besides personal art but there's not really anything else I specifically need to be doing so I just end up arguing with myself back and forth and getting overwhelmed to the point where I don't end up doing anything and then feel kinda. guilty? like I've wasted the opportunity to do something? idk. it's taking the fun out of art. it feels like when I finished however many years of taking art in high school with a really draining, negative teacher and for like a year afterwards I felt like I couldn't even look at a paintbrush or pencil, let alone use it. and I'm feeling like that now, like I'm pushing myself to do art, like I'm forcing motivation, and I think I need to find a way to tell myself it's okay? like, there's absolutely nothing wrong with doing art for you. or just experimenting. whatever you want as long as it's creative. or something like that idk
sorry for the ramble it probably doesn't make any sense but I just wanted a little vent
also it's not a carton of milk bc ours comes in bottles so,, cup of milk instead
