on the 7th we couldn't find you for awhile, and we were worried. we knew you hadn't been well, though we were hoping it was something fixable, and were afraid you'd wandered off. we found you on the place where Tiggy is buried, a deep purr rumbling in your chest as though you were sharing a joke with an old friend. I cried, but you didn't. just nudged my hand to tell me that it was okay.
on the 8th I dug a hole, just in case, half convinced that if we had it, we wouldn't need it. my shoes were dirty and my hands came up in blisters. it felt good, doing the work. doing something physical for you. once I'd finished you approached it, and I held my breath for a moment, but it came out as roaring laugher. because you're such a stubborn old goat, you decided to pee on it. of course you would. that still makes me laugh now.
on the 9th we realized that you were doing a round of the property. though you couldn't be on your feet for long, you made sure to visit every place that had been special to you in some way. both ends of the garden. by the back door. in the shed. out on the lawn. even right down the hill in the ferns and through the fence, where you waited for me to come and get you. I carried you a few other times, but ultimately, it was your journey to take. we knew it was something you needed to do.
on the 10th you insisted on being outside even though it was raining, so I spent hours outside in a dressing gown and raincoat, standing over you to keep you dry while you slept soundly on a picnic blanket with the breeze in your fur. you were always happier outside than in, breathing in the smells of nature, and lifting your face to the wind. I would happily spend the day in the rain with you again.
on the 11th, you told us it was time for you to go. you spent the morning sprawled out in the garden, soaking in the sun, and waited for the vet to arrive. you went in peace surrounded by flowers, cicada song, and a monumental amount of love. you were laid to rest in your own little box, gently wrapped in soft blanket. we cried and kissed you but we knew you were going somewhere better, to meet old friends, and to run around like you did when you were young. you were happy here, and though we miss you like mad, we know you'll be happy there, too.
until we all meet again, my darling.
we love you.
on the 8th I dug a hole, just in case, half convinced that if we had it, we wouldn't need it. my shoes were dirty and my hands came up in blisters. it felt good, doing the work. doing something physical for you. once I'd finished you approached it, and I held my breath for a moment, but it came out as roaring laugher. because you're such a stubborn old goat, you decided to pee on it. of course you would. that still makes me laugh now.
on the 9th we realized that you were doing a round of the property. though you couldn't be on your feet for long, you made sure to visit every place that had been special to you in some way. both ends of the garden. by the back door. in the shed. out on the lawn. even right down the hill in the ferns and through the fence, where you waited for me to come and get you. I carried you a few other times, but ultimately, it was your journey to take. we knew it was something you needed to do.
on the 10th you insisted on being outside even though it was raining, so I spent hours outside in a dressing gown and raincoat, standing over you to keep you dry while you slept soundly on a picnic blanket with the breeze in your fur. you were always happier outside than in, breathing in the smells of nature, and lifting your face to the wind. I would happily spend the day in the rain with you again.
on the 11th, you told us it was time for you to go. you spent the morning sprawled out in the garden, soaking in the sun, and waited for the vet to arrive. you went in peace surrounded by flowers, cicada song, and a monumental amount of love. you were laid to rest in your own little box, gently wrapped in soft blanket. we cried and kissed you but we knew you were going somewhere better, to meet old friends, and to run around like you did when you were young. you were happy here, and though we miss you like mad, we know you'll be happy there, too.
until we all meet again, my darling.
we love you.
