[SilhouetteStation]

got all these memories of people I used to be friends with and I don't know what to do with them. you see something you know they'll like or hear a song you both listened to together or eat something you once shared with them. you go to places that remind you of them. you hear something or see something or taste something or smell something and it's just - them. it all reminds you of them and it's like. they're not bad memories. just bittersweet because you have them, and they're of nice things, but it's not nice you don't have the connection with the person anymore. you once shared all these things but you don't now. you have memories of people you used to know and a part of you wants them back, but you want them back how you remember them. I want my friends back how I remember them, not how they are now.

and then there are people on here who seem so sweet and I so badly want to reach out and make connections but. anxiety. and second guessing. and over thinking. and getting halfway through a message and talking yourself out of it. thinking that they don't want to talk to you. or they wouldn't want to be friends. so you delete the message and stop the potential connection before it even starts. you self sabotage potential friendships. why go through the rejection all over again. why put yourself out there when it might just end up hurting you. but loneliness hurts too, so. what's a girl to do huh. sadpost apparently lmao

sorry for the melancholy vibes I know I'm usually the first one to spout about self love and confidence and so on but. sometimes you just gotta take a lil moment for yourself. put it out there. get some of those feels out of your system. blow a kiss to yourself. hug a cat. leave the emotional dump truck outside and. carry on and have a good day.

[gardog]

I feel all of this so much, especially since I'm not in school anymore (haven't been for a few years) and, therefore, don't get to see a majority of my friends. It used to help that I saw them once a year during a friend get-together party that I would host, but I couldn't do that this year because... well, you know. 2020.

For example, one of my friends loves owls. Every time I see an owl, I am reminded of them and it makes me sad because they're my most supportive friend and it makes me so happy to see them happy and smiling, but I can't see them right now and it hurts a little.

And I definitely feel you on the reaching out and making new friends thing. There's so many people on here that I've thought about talking to (you're actually one of them), but then I talk myself out of it thinking that I might be bothering someone or might not know what to say. Whenever I'm on discord, I always go on with the plan to strike up a conversation and, by the time I read up on the messages, I convince myself that I would be rudely changing the subject or no one's gonna care so I end up just reading updates and then leaving. It's not what I plan, but it just happens because anxiety just decides that something is definitely going to go wrong and it's annoying.

Sorry for the paragraph, I just felt like I needed to say something because, holy crap, this is something I feel on a daily basis.

[SilhouetteStation]

-snip-

I feel that once a year thing, my best friend is a long drive away and we could only ever afford to meet up once a year for a few days. for a couple of years neither of us could afford the bus fares, and then y'know,, global pandemic,, so it's easily been three years since I've seen her in person and I miss her sm. she's the only proper, good friend I've kept over the years, and I'm so looking forward to when I can hug her again <3

I get too scared to approach big discord chats bc I know my messages will get lost in conversation, but then it's the same kind of anxiety on here with one-on-one messaging and thinking people won't want to talk, or that I'm forcing conversations they don't want to have,, things like that hh. don't apologize for the comment, it's nice to know there are other people who feel this too. and please don't be afraid to send over a message! my pm's are always open to make new friends <3

[benz truck]

i understand this all too well. for me rather than feeling this with friends i feel this with my father. i remember being his little girl, and knowing he genuinely valued our relationship made me feel loved. just like you said, i want the old him and not the person he is now. i'll see things that remind me of him and it's bittersweet. he's sick, and until he can face that growing our relationship is at a stand still. i can no longer take being the punching bag, and as much as i know his fits of anger are to be taken with a grain of salt, they still hurt. sometimes it's best to let go for the time being. as hard as is it to actually focus solely on yourself, it's needed to heal. hopefully one day we can reconnect with these people once we have all collectively found some peace. wishing you nothing but the best luv~♥