Just a vent.
Have you ever had something small and seemingly insignificant be discovered, something that shouldn't matter but it does?
You're left feeling guilty first of all about how ridiculous you'd been acting pre-discovery, then guilty because you feel a need to act differently and because it matters to you at all when it shouldn't and you're left with a shame that goes as deep as your soul and no way to let it out.
You feel embarrassed for acting so overenthusiastic like a hyper seven year old about everything. You wish there was a reset button where you could go back and stop feeling like a nuisance. Your fears aren't even based in fact, just your own mind, and logic tells you that they probably are your friends but your heart tells you that they're pretending, that they're too kind to hurt your feelings, and your body believes your heart.
Perhaps they never cared at all.
I knew this safe feeling was too good to last. All ruined by a tiny fact that outwardly changes nothing but changes my mindset on how others perceive me drastically.
Other than this, I don't want to talk about it.
For the record, this thing I'm talking about isn't on CS. But this applies everywhere.
I didn't offend anyone and this isn't about gender or sexuality okay. It's something else.
I feel like a vent is uncalled for and it will just further my guilt, but... I couldn't keep it inside.
I'm deeply sorry.
Have you ever had something small and seemingly insignificant be discovered, something that shouldn't matter but it does?
You're left feeling guilty first of all about how ridiculous you'd been acting pre-discovery, then guilty because you feel a need to act differently and because it matters to you at all when it shouldn't and you're left with a shame that goes as deep as your soul and no way to let it out.
You feel embarrassed for acting so overenthusiastic like a hyper seven year old about everything. You wish there was a reset button where you could go back and stop feeling like a nuisance. Your fears aren't even based in fact, just your own mind, and logic tells you that they probably are your friends but your heart tells you that they're pretending, that they're too kind to hurt your feelings, and your body believes your heart.
Perhaps they never cared at all.
I knew this safe feeling was too good to last. All ruined by a tiny fact that outwardly changes nothing but changes my mindset on how others perceive me drastically.
Other than this, I don't want to talk about it.
For the record, this thing I'm talking about isn't on CS. But this applies everywhere.
I didn't offend anyone and this isn't about gender or sexuality okay. It's something else.
I feel like a vent is uncalled for and it will just further my guilt, but... I couldn't keep it inside.
I'm deeply sorry.
