- "In a little while
I'll be gone
The moment's already passed
Yeah it's gone
And I'm not here
This isn't happening
I'm not here
I'm not here."
vent art. if you want to call this art, I guess.
for the last few weeks I've just been feeling...i don't even know. numb. nonexistent. useless. hopeless. pointless. like any attempts I make to be someone are futile because soon it isn't even going to matter. i've just lost the motivation try or do anything. school work, planning my life out... it seems pointless to me. and writing, my characters, the big thing that's been keeping me going, just...I've began to lose all motivation for that, too. and it scares me. my characters have always meant the world to me. for me to just stop caring is weird, and I want to care, but I just...i really don't know. it seems like it won't matter. and I've stopped trying.
I keep telling myself I just have to get through this year, and then everything will fall into place and i'll be fine again. but next year only feels further and further away every day that passes and I know this isn't going to fix itself no matter how bad I want it to. I just feel stuck in the same rut I've been in since 2012 and it's like every time things seem to be looking up I just dig myself further down into a pit of emptiness.
I don't know. I'm scared. scared about what losing my ability to care is going to mean for me. scared about where my life is going.
just scared in general, really.
anyways, I'm going to shut up now because this rant is all over the place and it doesn't mean anything anyways. if you actually read all that, thanks for hearing me out.
here's to hoping I get better, I guess ?? cheers
