[Bebop]

My winning form, will edit into proper information someday........

Bebop presents:

Hmmm? What’s that, you want something from me? What do you want though? ....It’s not like I have much to offer……All I really have to share with you is a word......

Vincent. I can’t remember where that is from, or even what it means, all I know it that that is the word that describes me.

Who? Who am I? I’m Vincent, I though I already told you that………Oh, you want a better answer than that? That’s a little ungrateful……….Well fine then.

Who am I? I am the color of a night covered by clouds. I have paws stained with my memory, and I wear eyes carved from the depths of my heart. That is who I am.

That’s not who I am? Yes….yes you are right about that. A man is the sum of his memories, and a man without memories is effectively no one. So sorry, but all I have to answer you with is my physical body. Other than that I have nothing.

I am nobody.

Nobody….You don’t understand? What is there to understand? It’s not a hard concept to wrap you head around. Nobody is the embodiment of nothing. Nothing is the absence of existence. Therefore, nobody is the absence of a being.

What? I lack being? Weren't you listening to me before? A man is naught but the sum of his memories, and I have no memories in my mind to sum.

Can I remember anything? Anything at all? No. No, I can’t remember anything. Nothing at all. That’s sad? Why would you say something like that? This isn’t a fate that I was forced into. This is my choice; I choose to forsake my memories, my sum of existence. If I were to look inside myself, I would find the answers to the questions in my mind. My mind is like a deep pool, it contains many things but not all of them are visible from the surface. But never mind that, it’s far better for us to swim up here in the sunlight than to delve down into the darkness.

Why? Why don’t I dive down into the darkness and hunt for answers?

…..Whatever I have suppressed within me is suppressed for a reason. Have you seen my paws? A body is not the sum of a man, but a body does share in a man’s experiences. My paws are stained with my lost memories, my past experiences. They are all they have left from the being that used to exist within me. Look. Look at them. Do those look like memories that you want to remember? No……you just don’t get it. I've already told you that a man is made of his memories. What kind of a man would have stained paws like these, would have spilled memories like these? Would that be the kind of man that you would want sharing your mind with you? Would that be the kind of man that you would want to be? If I reclaimed my lost memories, I would also be reclaiming that man.

But a man is the sum of his memories, and as long as those memories don’t exist the man won’t either. And that man dosen’t want to exist anyways, he left me these little reminders so that I wouldn't be tempted to turn back.

Besides all of that, questions are my raison d'être, my reason for living. As long as I have questions without answers, I will have an excuse for my breaths in this world. So many dread the questions that will never be answered…..So many think that lack of knowledge is the worst thing in the world to bear. And they are fools. So long as the question remains unanswered, the gateway to infinity will remain open. The city can still be made of shining stone, as opposed to the ruins of ash that the answer might bring with it. Knowledge dosen’t seek to satisfy, it seeks to succeed the question that came before it, and to wipe out all of the possibilities that could have claimed its place. Far better that there is no answer, so that the question and all of its possibilities may still continue to breath and inspire the mind to wonder. I told you before that I am nobody, an extension of nothing. So many hate the idea of nothing; so many are scared by the concept of nonexistence. Nonexistence does not necessarily just have to mean the lack of existence, rather it can also mean that there is no answer to the question, that all of the doors will always remain open. So many fear death because they don’t know what will happen to them once they are behind their closed eyes, but in reality the lack of knowledge is what makes death so beautiful. The lack of an answer means that death is unlimited, that it can be anything, anything at all. I do not fear death, but if I knew the answer to death then I might. But I apologize, I am getting beyond myself. Questions are my reason for living because they will always cause me to wonder and search, because they will always serve as a beacon of hope. However I never search inside myself for the answers, because inside myself is the only place where I will find them. I only search for answers within this empty book of a world, where I am sure to never find them. It is a small beacon of hope to be sure, but even the smallest light shines in the dark, and it is very dark indeed when you live in a world that is not even real.

Are you living in the real world? Have you ever asked yourself that question? Maybe you should, because there might come a day when you are no longer know where you are living or how you got there.

I am not living in the real world. This is not the real world. This is a fake world and you are a dream. You are not real, you are a fake, you don’t exist. These things I know for certain.

This is not my world.
It can’t be my world.
I’m not welcome anywhere.
I don’t belong anywhere.
Surely this can’t be my world?
Surely this can’t be the real world?

What kind of a world would exist, where someone cannot belong anywhere? Everyone belongs somewhere………..don’t they? No. Stop. Don’t answer that question. As long as that question remains unanswered, I can go on believing what I want to believe. If that question were to be answered, then that answer might be that I don’t belong anywhere……………And I couldn’t take that. That answer would smite out all of my questions in a single fell swoop, would slaughter my fragile raison d'être….

As long as that question remains unanswered, there is the possibility that I have to belong somewhere, and that therefore this world is not real if I cannot belong here. And that if this world is fake, that maybe someday I can find the world that is not fake, and finally belong somewhere. The possibility that maybe someday I can find where I belong. As long as the questions remain unanswered, that possibility will still exist.

So why don’t I just go back to the real world then, if I am not happy with this one? That's a foolish question.

I don’t know how to. I don’t know what the turning point was, where the portal lay along the path……..I don’t know how things changed to be this way. I can’t remember…….

……..Maybe I could go back to my own world if I could remember how………but no, I don’t dare remember………I already told you that answers don’t seek to satisfy, but to instead conquer all that might have been. If I were to remember, then I would be sacrificing all of the possibilities. And I would be welcoming the man who stained his paws with his spilt memories……That man stained his paws for a reason; so he could leave me with these little reminders so that I wouldn’t be tempted to turn back. These stained paws of mine are a warning you see, of what lies behind the questions if they were to be answered.

I can never answer these questions you see, because as long as they are questions they can be anything, but as once they become answers they will revert forevermore back into the rotting corpses that they surely are. And I would not have any reason for living when surrounded by rotting corpses. I would not be nobody, as I am now, but instead somebody; a somebody locked into the worse fate imaginable, a maggot strewn existence.

I cannot be anyone because I cannot remember. I cannot remember, and therefore I cannot find the real world. I cannot find the real world, and due to this I cannot be anyone. It is a strange circle to be sure……..

………But as long as that circle does not have an answer, does not have an end, it can go on forever……and as long as it goes on forever, I can still envision a world where I belong. A world where I have a reason for living….

Go back to your boring life now. Don’t look too closely through the window…don’t pull too roughly at the seams…..don’t question the forces of the world too seriously…..because then you might find answers.

You might not like what you find.

And it would be a shame……..

………if others had to share my fate.

Goodbye.

Caution: songs may contain profanity.
All songs have lyrics in the video for your convinience.

1. Rain - Spokey Dokey
2. I don't wanna die - Hollywood Undead
3. Mess of Me - Switchfoot
4. Is It Real? - Yoko Kanno
5. Monster - Skillet
6. Firefly - Breaking Benjamin
7. Blue- Yoko Kanno & The Seatbelts

(If you don't have time to listen to them all, then at least listen to #4.)