Behind my green name I am a person just like each and every one of you. I am unique in my own ways, with my own strengths, weaknesses and flaws. It's easy to forget that we too are here to have fun just like you guys when we have to enact discipline. But just like everyone in the world we too are not flawless.
I have three half-siblings who are decades older than me, and one mother and one absent father. Each of us looks almost entirely different. I resemble almost no one in my family.
It took me a while to find my own sense of beauty. In high school I struggled with my appearance and weight. Like any teen I got acne, too many blackheads, and just overall hated my appearance. What didn't help this was a gradual weight gain through the end of highschool into the beginning of university which culminated at me weighing 200lbs almost a year and a half ago.
Since then I have exercised, dieted and now weigh 125lbs give or take a few. This was not easy and it took me a while to like my appearance.
I have thick shoulders from swimming, and huge thighs. I inherited my family's shortness, only standing at 5'4''. My short little legs make it hard for me to keep up with my friends. But I've come to love myself for who I am and accept that my hair will never decide to go straight on its own, or that maybe the blackheads on my nose won't ever go away. I can point out other physical flaws I see in myself but I try not to dwell on the negative. I have a loving boyfriend and a fantastic family who are amazed by the transformation I've gone through, losing over 70lbs. And it shows. The road wasn't easy. I've been there. And I don't want to go back.
But I'm also not perfect when it comes to the way I act. My mum says I talk too loudly and don't know when to shut up. This is pretty true. I'm also rather argumentative and I don't give my mum the respect she deserves when she tries to tell me off for bad behaviour. In truth I owe my success to her. But that's a story unto itself.
I can be rude and snappy if approached wrongly, and I'm inherently lazy. I try to keep up with everything but I am always biting off more than I can chew. I end up in messes this way. I like to be a leader, but I have trouble organizing things. I get mad too, just like everyone else, and sometimes I act irrationally. I have a hard time being patient when I expect something to happen or come.
Sometimes I make mistakes and then I feel awful. I'm overly sensitive and when I know I've messed up I fight back the tears. At least on the internet I have time to think before I respond and wonderful friends to stand by my back and help me, or even catch me when I fall. As I mature I have gotten far more patient, and far less rude as well. I try to treat everyone with kindness and give everyone the benefit of the doubt. Sometimes this leads to me being too nice and getting walked all over. That happens too.
I'm going to quote Verdana on her last part here, because I don't think I can sum this up better than she did.
Verdana wrote:This is not about bullying or cruelty or my own wish to vent my own misery. On the contrary, CS, you always treat me wonderfully, and for that I’m very, very grateful. But sometimes it’s easy to forget that the internet is not just one big computer game.
It’s full of people, and people are wonderful and strange and imperfect, just like you.
And everyday I am thankful for CS, for its members, its staff and all my friends I've made on this journey. CS came to me during a very difficult part in my life and has been there for me since. The people I've met here have changed my life and I will never forget you guys. Even if I may not always reply to PMs, or come to chatrooms, or host JMs, I care about each and every one of you deeply and I am always here if you need someone to chat to or even a shoulder for support.
Thank you.
Komi
