________________paragraph"how're you feeling, kiddo?" hurricanejaw asked her, and wolfpaw tipped her chin up to look at her father. moons earlier, he had been no more than a distant figment of her imagination, though when she looked up him now, she recognized the warmth in his gaze, the relaxed set of his shoulders. in the corner of her peripherals, she watched as tulipstream and bassflow led their kits, her cousins, from the nursery. stagkit shot out in front of his sisters and tulipstream made to hurry after him, though bassflow stopped her by licking affectionately between her ears. tulipstream bumped her shoulder against her mate's, and rabbitkit darted after stagkit, kicking up grass as she went, seedkit a step behind. the trio skidded to a halt a tail length away from wolfpaw and hurricanejaw, and wolfpaw looked back to her father wide a grin.
paragraph"i'm excited, but i don't think i could beat them," she said, and hurricanejaw touched his nose to her ear just in time for her brothers to join the group, maplelily and newtmask in tow. behind them, sunglow waved his tail at wolfpaw, and smokemane winked at her, though her half-siblings opted to sit with their friends. overhead, the sun was cool but burning bright. courgarstrike and foxspark were pushing one another, but racoonslip moved past them to touch his nose to wolfpaw's, and she leaned into her brother's wiry frame.
paragraph"they grow up so fast," racoonslip commented after a beat, and wolfpaw balked, only to shove at his shoulder. he gave way under her forepaws, letting out a booming laugh. "c'mon little sister, chin up. this is your day," he said, using one forepaw to poke at her flank. "just remember: whatever happens, i'll still be older."
paragraphwolfpaw rolled her eyes and bumped him again, but let him shake out his fur and draw his forepaw over his ears to smooth down the fur. "yeah, always a bully too," she shot back, and when racoonslip smiled, it was over-exaggerated to show off sharp teeth. as always, her brother's antics brought forth a laugh from wolfpaw. with her family around her, it was easy to forget the insecurities from the moon prior. she had been training hard with clovershine, and this time passed her assessment with ease. when she turned over her shoulder to look for the snowy warrior, he was talking to betonypetal, though he caught her eye and waved his tail at her.
paragraphchatter rose from the highgarden cats until tawnyrose finally moved away from where she was spreaking to birchflame and dippernose. in several graceful bounds, she climbed her perch and called out across the camp for her clan to settle, to call for their attention. she tipped her chin, the image of regality. "what an exciting day for highgarden. this is my favorite part. getting to give thorns their full names. but, also seeing stagkit, rabbitkit, and seedkit grown to the age when they are to be given their mentors. the first kits born into highgarden are now one step closer to becoming full members," she started, and the cheers from the clan echoed around the camp. there was a distinct chill in the air, but no one seemed particularly bothered by it in that moment. not when tawnyrose waved the three kits forward from the crowd to stand under her perch, between bluetcrest and softglow. "stagkit, rabbitkit, and seedkit, the time has come when you have reached the age that the gods have determined you are ready to begin your training. from this moment forward until you have completed your training and passed your assessment, you shall be known as stagpaw, rabbitpaw, and seedpaw," tawnyrose said, and the trio of new thorns looked at one another, smiles too big for their faces. stagpaw shuffled his paws, his tail kinked over his back, while rabbitpaw bumped her shoulder against seedpaw's, who grinned down at her paws.
paragraphthen tawnyrose cleared her throat and looked out among the clan. "stagpaw, your mentor will be hurricanejaw. he trained iguanaspots well and is a knight to be respected by all. if there is anyone who will be able to teach you how a highgarden knight should be, hurricanejaw is that cat," tawnyrose said, and hurricanejaw appeared pleasantly surprised. it was no secret that many of the knights had been hoping that they would be assigned to mentor stagpaw, as he was already growing to be larger than his father. all the same, hurricanejaw didn't hesitate to cross to his nephew and touch their noses together, and stagpaw's expression was one of pleasure, that he was glad who his mentor would be. "seedpaw, your mentor will be smallheart. he has been in highgarden for many moons and has gained a lot of experience since i first met him. though he is not as large as other knights, there is no doubt that he is still strong and should not be underestimated. he will teach you well," she continued, and smallheart exchanged surprised glances with his friends before tigergaze shoved his former-mentor to his paws to where seedpaw trotted over to meet him halfway. then tawnyrose turned to rabbitpaw. "your mentor will be birchflame. he recently mentored foxspark, and there is no question of his skills since he was victorious in the most recent spring tournament. you will have a lot to learn from him," she finished. birchflame had been ready for this, and he met rabbitpaw, who was wide-eyed with wonder in the face of the red knight. cheers went up from the clan to welcome the thorns and their mentors.
paragraphthen tawnyrose waved her tail to gather attention to herself once more when she gestured wolfpaw forward to meet her before the clan. "wolfpaw, you have been training hard for many moons. clovershine tells me that you passed your assessment with ease this moon and that you are ready to become a full rose of highgarde. so it is my honor to call upon the gods to welcome you. first, however, i must ask you: wolfpaw, do you swear to serve highgarden as a rose until you are no longer able, loyal to the clan above all else, even if it means giving up your own life? do you pledge yourself under the light of the seven gods: the mother, the maiden, the father, the warrior, the smith, the crone, and the stranger?"
paragraphwolfpaw's answer was concise and clear when she met tawnyrose's bright green eyes. "i do," she said, pleased that her voice didn't waver.
paragraph"then from this moment forward you will be known as wolfhowl for your resounding strength. the gods have blessed you with tenacity to continue in moments that feel too difficult and when others might have given up, as well as charisma. highgarden is blessed to have you as a full rose." then tawnyrose stepped forward to touch her nose to wolfhowl's forehead. when she stepped back, the highgarden camp was filled with cheers for the new rose. the next thing wolfhowl knew, racoonslip barreled forward into her flank, followed by foxspark and cougarstrike. together, the siblings laughed together and wolfhowl accepted words of congratulations with nods and polite smiles when her eyes locked with hurricanejaw's over foxspark's shoulder. her father was smiling wide when he dipped his head to her, and wolfhowl felt warmth in her chest when she returned the gesture without a word, then buried her nose in racoonslip's neck.
paragraphthe wintry air had come with a vengeance, rushing down the slopes of the valley and settling into the highgarden camp as a new member of the clan that wouldn't leave, wanted each and every cat know that it was here to stay for a good while. the clan did what they could to stay warm, to wait out until the snows came. bluetcrest sent out a healthy supply of patrols to gather prey to try and keep the stores up as much as possible, and the younger roses and knights took to their duties with a sense of fervor, eager to warm their lean muscles. between patrols, the cats took to huddling together in the den set for the roses and knights, though others joined in as well, happy for the chance to keep warm. bassflow, tulipstream, and newtmask sat together, while stagpaw, rabbitpaw, and seedpaw were huddled with them for warmth. wolfhowl had squeezed into a nest with warblercry, her brothers crowded together on her other side. another small group formed when flickersky and swiftheart returned from patrol and crossed to where smallheart was chatting with jaytalon and sandstrike, privetears curled in the next nest over.
paragraphupon the roses' approach, privetears lifted her head, blinking away the dregs of sleep. "how's it out there?" she slurred softly, still waking up from a nap. sandstrike purred lowly and ducked her head to nudge her friend's cheek teasingly. privetears' jaws parted in a wide yawn when she made to sit up, only to lean heavily against sandstrike.
paragraph"cold," swiftheart muttered bitterly, shaking out her fur before collapsing into the nest with smallheart. immediately, the lithe tabby tom let out a low hiss when their fur pressed together, swiftheart's body chilled against his own. still, he offered no further complaint when swiftheart tucked further against him. "looks like it's going to storm out there soon. all the prey's hiding," she added. flickersky, meanwhile, squeezed in on privetears' other side, and the pretty bobtail shifted even closer to sandstrike to give flickersky more room.
paragraph"we were going to go back out since bluetcrest and softglow have been throwing a fit about prey," flickersky said. "but merlinsong practically threatened our lives if we even considered overworking ourselves."
paragraphjaytalon let out a light laugh at that. "he doesn't want anyone to get sick," he said, and flickersky hummed her acknowledgement.
paragraph"this weather is going to drive me crazy, my whiskers are already freezing," privetears said, letting out a defeated sigh. when jaytalon laughed again, she lifted her gaze to the knight. "i don't want to hear it, jaytalon. you laugh but you literally came from a clan called snowclan, you're used to this," privetears said, and this time the rest of the group laughed with jaytalon. sandstrike bumped her shoulder against privetears', jostling her gently.
paragraph"you act like you've never seen winter before," sandstrike said, and privetears flicked her in return. "pineclan must've gotten cold this time of year too," she added teasingly, and privetears merely hummed, turning her face in towards sandstrike's shoulder to hide another yawn. in turn, sandstrike wrapped her tail around privetears and pulled her closer for warmth.
paragraphthere was a beat of silence before flickersky straightened up. "pineclan, that's right. i saw a few pineclan cats at the gathering the other night." whenever a mention of the gathering came up, those within earshot straightened up, ears pricked with curiosity. as such, the group's attention shifted to flickersky, and privetears even looked out from sandstrike's fur again to study the older rose, who nodded in her direction, "were any of your family there?" flickersky asked.
paragraph"doubt it, pretty sure everyone moved on by now," privetears said with a shrug. "we were never gonna stay in pineclan long. bramblingpaw and ausmaspaw left a before i did, and then my other siblings and mother left pineclan too. my mom just wanted somewhere to stay while we were still young," privetears explained when the others shot her a series of curious glances. she shrugged. "six kits is a lot of kits, you know, she didn't want to do it on her own. and pineclan was fine for a while, i learned a lot there. but i was ready to go," she finished. there was a beat of silence, then smallheart and swiftheart exchanged a quick glance.
paragraph"that was like amberclan," swiftheart said, and smallheart nodded his agreement. "it worked for us for a while until it was time to move on. of course, it was more sudden than we would have liked. the camp wasn't safe anymore, so a lot of the clan left. we wanted to stay behind and protect it, but everyone started leaving and.... it was time," swiftheart said, and smallheart blew out a long breath.
paragraphthe pair received murmurs of sympathy. then jaytalon ducked his head, shot sandstrike a glance. "we didn't know each other before highgarden, but both of our clans disbanded around the same time. i know that i was just wandering for a while, and then ferretwhisker came out of no where with sandstrike and privetears, said that some gods had sent her along, and that she was picking up whoever she came across." at that, privetears and sandstrike let out breathy laughs, clearing away a bit of the gloom that had settled in the darkened den as night encroached with the possibility of a storm. outside, it was possible to hear the wind. more knights and roses pressed inside, and dippernose and hurricanejaw pressed in a few moments later, carrying two of ferretwhisker's kits.
paragraph"here's an idea," flickersky said, thrusting her nose towards the rest of her friends at the same time that mapleshadow and clovershine brought in two more kits, followed closely by ferretwhisker who carried the last kit and herded daisykit and briarkit along with her paws. together, the root bundled the kits towards her in the middle of the den, where it was warmest. "no more leaving. highgarden is our home now and we're a family. we stick together, alright? no matter what," she said, looking around at her friends. from around the different nests and corners of the den, chatter rose as the highgarden cats settled in for another cold night together. softglow's head peeked in from the far entrance, his blue eyes surveying those settled inside, before he disappeared again. "we have to stay together, all of us, because we all found our way here. we're meant to be here," she added. her eyes tracked from privetears, to sandstrike and jaytalon, to smallheart and swiftheart.
paragraph"together." that was sandstrike, who nudged privetears again. the smaller molly nodded, a smile forming over his maw. murmurs of agreement rose around the circle, and flickersky grinned broadly.
paragraph"together," she echoed, and pressed closer to her dearest friends.
paragraphmerlinsong had been fretting for days about an incoming storm, and bluetcrest had taken every precaution to make sure that the clan was as prepared as possible for snowfall. prey was stored away, nests lined with extra moss. tawnyrose and softglow decided that it would be a good idea to move ferretwhisker and her kits in with the knights and roses on particularly cold nights, so they would have additional warmth from other bodies around them. merlinsong and spencer monitored all cats for any signs of even the slightest sniffle or cough, though even softglow commented that his friend might have been growing a little too neurotic about checking on the cats. but if it meant that the clan remained healthy, then so be it.
paragraphwhen the first snowflake fell, bluetcrest had gone out of camp to hunt, to stretch his muscles without having to worry about erasmus, or sagecloud, or other members of a patrol. he went out to get some sense of peace. the past moon had been busy with catching sagecloud up with what she needed to do when she was watching erasmus, how she needed to keep her head low so that he wouldn't catch on. for the most part, sagecoud floated through the clan, often sent out on patrols but never made much noise. she didn't stand out much, and she already knew everything that she needed to know. the more bluetcrest thought about it, the more it made sense that tawnyrose picked the rose to watch erasmus. it also helped soothe his opinion that it meant that bluetcrest was free to handle other duties, to be with tawnyrose more, to be on his own more. such were his thoughts while he walked by the old tower, sniffing to see if he could scent another prey that might have come out of hiding from the incoming snow. then a vguely familiar scent reached his nose and bluetcrest turned in time to catch the flash of bright green eyes, the smudge of black and white fur a moment before a cat barreled toward him. bluetcrest's eyes widened and he moved by instinct alone, dodging quickly to the send in a move that the stranger hadn't been anticipating. however, the stranger was just as nimble and managed to catch himself before crashing into one of the trees. he spun on his paws and faced bluetcrest with those vivid green eyes, unlike any he had seen before.
paragraph"who are you?" bluetcrest asked, but the stranger merely shook out his fur and then launched at bluetcrest again. this time, he anticipated when bluetcrest went to dodge off to the side and caught the attendant by the shoulder, bowling him over. the cat was fast, but so was bluetcrest. together they rolled in a lock of fur, and it was only when they crashed into a tree that bluetcrest managed to find his feet and pin the cat down. "who are you?" he asked again, though it took a long moment for the cat to stop struggling, to stop thrashing to try and unseat bluetcrest before he breathed out heavily. under short fur, bluetcrest felt the cut of his ribs and knew that this cat must be hungry.
paragraph"i'm looking for two kits," the tom said, lashing his tail. bluetcrest paused, and it was in that beat that the cat managed to wriggle free, quick as a snake. this time when he moved, he was able to knock bluetcrest over and hold him down, roles reversed before bluetcrest could comprehend what had happened. "two kits came this way, i followed their scent. did you do something to them?" he asked, and there was a hint of desperation under the aggressive growl, and suddenly bluetcrest recognized the cat's scent.
paragraph"briarkit and daisykit," he said, and felt the cat's claws press into his shoulder, his hold tightening.
paragraph"what did you do with them? they're just kits."
paragraphbluetcrest shook his head quickly, stared up into those green eyes. "i'm from a clan. highgarden. we haven't done anything. we have a nursery, we've been taking care of them," bluetcrest, and the cat searched his face for a long moment, as if unsure if he could be trusted, wasn't sure if bluetcrest might be telling the truth. "i can take you to them," bluetcrest added, and at last the grip relaxed and the cat climbed off of him. around them, more snowflakes were beginning to fall, larger and larger. billowing white flakes that stuck to the grass and tree roots.
paragraph"lead the way, then," the cat said, and bluetcrest rolled his shoulders before shrugging and doing as he was told. together, they walked in silence through the snow until the wind began to buffet into their sides, the snow falling even heavier, the wind colder until bluetcrest was sure that his paws would freeze.
paragraph"we won't make it," he said, and the cat's eyes bore into his. "we'll freeze before he make it back to camp, it's not safe." without waiting for an answer, he adverted direction, moving his path from heading towards the rose path to take them into the valley and into camp, to inside the side of the moutains that made the valley. there, he found the tunnel he'd been searching for. the crunch of pawsteps after him told bluetcrest that the stranger was following him. when they entered the tunnel, there was the immediate reprieve from the wind and snow. together, they shook their fur free of the flakes. deeper in the tunnel, the cavern opened to where the legendary rose of highgarden was, and bluetcrest stopped. he watched the stranger take in the sight of the lone rose in the middle of the mountain, look up further in the ceiling to where light filtered down during the day. silence stretched between them, broken only by the sound of wind from outside. "what's your name?" bluetcrest asked.
paragraph"pythoneyes," the stranger said, then nodded to bluetcrest. "what's yours? and... this clan... what's it like?"
paragraphbluetcrest settled, lying down and wrapping his tail around him. he faced pythoneyes, who mirrored him. "my name's bluetcrest. highgarden - it's not like other clans," he started, "we have a leader, but we call her our queen. tawnyrose," he began to explain, and pythoneyes was a good listener, didn't interrupt, but kept his gaze trained on bluetcrest while he took it all in. when he finished, pythoneyes merely nodded and bluetcrest pointed in his direction. "pythoneyes... that's a clan name. you're from a clan. you and the kits." another nod. "when we found them, they said that they didn't have family anywhere near here. they said they weren't from a clan. are they your kits?" he asked, and pythoneyes blew out a slow breath.
paragraph"their mom was my best friend. her and the father are dead now. and the clan i come from was destroyed. so, they weren't wrong," he said, and must have noticed that bluetcrest would ask him more, though he shook his head slightly. "our clan was attacked, that's where their parents died. i was supposed to protect daisykit and briarkit, but we got separated. they saw their parents die, you know, they must have thought that i was dead too." the tom scuffed his paw against the floor of the tunnel, sent a glance over his shoulder to where the single highgarden rose stood tall. "this highgarden... if it's as true as you say it is, would they accept me and the kits? they need a home to grow up in, i want to keep them safe."
paragraphbluetcrest smiled despite himself and reached out a paw towards pythoneyes. "when the storm blows over, we'll get back to camp. tawnyrose'll take you in. the clan is already in love with those kits, you know," he said, and pythoneyes' smile was warm.
paragraph"they are cute kits, aren't they?" he said, and bluetcrest laughed loud enough for the sound to echo in the cavern and drown out the sound of the wind for a moment.
paragraph"he should be back by now," tawnyrose said, and her tail lashed. from where he had settled in the corner of the queen's den after checked on all those crowded in the roses' and knight's den, he'd come to check on tawnyrose to find her pacing the length of the den alone. there was no way that he could bring her to the rest of the clan when she was so agitated, and so softglow settled in to sit with her. he sat, and waited with her, and listened to her while she paced back and forth until he was sure that she should have created a rut in the middle of the den before his very eyes. it was the first time he had ever seen tawnyrose upset by anything, let alone beside herself. but it made sense. it made sense that it was about bluetcrest. "he never should have gone out with the snow coming, the fool," tawnyrose muttered darkly.
paragraphnot for the first time, softglow tried to placate her. "it's bluetcrest," he said. "he's a cockroach. as if a little storm is going to stop him from coming back here." but the sound of the wind of vicious, and the snow had been coming down by the pawful for some time. all the same, it pulled a snort of laughter from tawnyrose, and softglow shuffled his paws, tucking them under himself. "seriously, though, he'll be alright. he probably found somewhere to hide out the storm and he'll be back once it's over to tell you some great story of fighting a snow monster, and we'll never get him out of our fur again." again, tawnyrose laughed again, and she halted her pacing long enough to slump down beside softglow. she rested her head on his shoulder and didn't comment when he stiffened for a moment before settling again.
paragraph"you know, he told me something funny recently," she said, and softglow remained silent, knowing that she wasn't looking for him to say anything. it was a dramatic pause, not a space for comments. "he said that you said that we both hated you," she said, and this time he knew that she was looking for an answer, some explanation.
paragraphit was softglow's turn to laugh. "because you both do hate me. or did, at least, if you don't anymore. when i first came here, you'd think i was a badger come to kill you all," he said flatly. tawnyrose said nothing. "whenever i passed by, you either went quiet or laughed loud enough so that i knew you were laughing either at or about me. you treated me poorly, you know, and you didn't hide it. and the rest of the clan adores you, so of course they played along. it took me forever to just find a single friend in this whole clan, and even still, i feel like they haven't accepted me. i feel like you haven't accepted me most of the time." his voice lowered to a whisper and his gaze dropped to the floor. "and i get that i'm not the king maybe you were hoping for, and i knew early on that we'd never be mates, but... was i really that horrible that you hated me so much?" he wasn't sure whether he wanted tawnyrose to answer or not.
paragraphbut of course she did. "softglow, i never hated you. maybe i wasn't fond of you -" she said, and softglow let out a self-deprecating huff. "and you're right, you weren't the king i was expecting. i think you're the king that this clan needs, though. you never make it look like anything's getting to you, and you still hold your head high. you stick it out when others won't bother. you're level-headed and kind. you're a good king, and i think we work pretty well together, don't you?" a pause, and softglow considered it, turned to study tawnyrose's face. he'd seen her act plenty of times before, saw her act the part to manipulate a cat to get what she wanted. but in the moment, he couldn't find that mask, the glaze that normally crossed over her eyes when she was in a role. he couldn't figure out what she might be trying to gain in the moment. if anything, he was convinced that she wasn't playing a game at the moment. so he took the bait.
paragraph"maybe so," he said. "someone needs to balance you out, you know."
paragraphtawnyrose let out a gentle purr and butted her forehead against his shoulder. "exactly. and you should know that the clan does love you as their king. maybe you don't see it so much, but they do adore you. softglow, the king of highgarden - doesn't that sound so nice?" softglow flicked his ear, noticed the shift in tawnyrose's expression. when he questioned her about it, tawnyrose let out a long sigh. "i know about you and merlinsong, you know. and i want you to be happy but... it's complicated, you know that, right?" she said, and softglow furrowed his brow, sure that they were finally getting to the point. because, it occurred to him, that tawnyrose was very rarely kind just because she felt like it. she was always herself, and she always wanted something. he should have known better than to let a snake get so close to his neck. and then, boom. "the thing is, i need your help. i'm pregnant."
paragraphsoftglow's exhale was long and drawn out, and he let his eyes fall shut. "birchflame's?" he asked, though he already knew. even if bluetcrest hadn't told him everything, it wouldn't have been difficult to surmise. as if the knight hadn't been courting tawnyrose for moons, hadn't won the spring tournament in what was known as a play for the queen's affections. of course it was birchflame. "and you want me to act like they're mine," he said, and this time tawnyrose chose not to answer. "you know that no one will believe they're mine."
paragraph"for now, i just need to get that far," tawnyrose said, and softglow's only choice was to agree. together, they listened to the snowstorm outside of the den, with tawnyrose's head resting on softglow's shoulder while they waited for bluetcrest's return.
paragraphseveral days passed after the snowstorm, and bluetcrest returned with a new knight who was welcomed with open paws by the highgarden cats, and it was heartwarming to see the way pythoneyes was reunited with briarkit and daisykit, who stuck to his side. the camp felt light despite the freezing snow on the ground that sent cats into their nests between patrols and training duties. softglow had been in his own den when merlinsong came to him without pretense, brow furrowed. "you haven't been to see me," he said without any introduction, and softglow blinked up at his best friend dumbly, before merlinsong kicked a pile of herbs in his direction. "for check ups. need to make sure that you're not sick." with that, merlinsong padded forward, but softglow knew merlinsong well - too well, perhaps. and he knew when something was bothering him. his walk was still and forced, his smile didn't reach his eyes, and softglow knew that he'd hurt his friend in his efforts to keep a low profile, to contain his own affections.
paragraphit was in the interlude when merlinsong was examining softglow that softglow tried to think of what he could say, what would make it better. but merlinsong found his words first. "congratulations, by the way," he said, and blew out a sarcastic laugh when softglow blinked at him again. "tawnyrose? she came to me a few days ago, before the storm. she's pregnant," merlinsong said. and there is was again, the hurt that flashed in pale green eyes, that drew forth the confession, too easily from his tongue.
paragraph"they're not mine," he heard himself say, and then saw merlinsong's reaction. the herbalist's eyes widened and his jaws parted. a beat later, merlinsong looked over his shoulder towards the entrance of softglow's den and, seeing that no one was there, pressed his nose to softglow's cheek. "they're not yours," merlinsong echoed, and softglow could only shake his head. at last, merlinsong pulled away to look at the king, his head tipped to one side. "i thought - i was worried," he said, and softglow managed a tight smile.
paragraph"no one can know," he said, and merlinsong nodded quickly. "just us, her, bluetcrest right now." merlinsong searched his face, looking for answers, and softglow swallowed around the lump in his throat, glanced back over merlinsong's shoulder towards the entrance. still, no one was there. it was just them. "there are things happening that no one can know, that's i'm not even supposed to know. things that could really hurt this clan, merlinsong. i don't even know who to trust, it's just so much at once and -" his breathing hitched then, and merlinsong kicked aside his herbs to climb into the nest beside softglow, tucking his body alongside the king's.
paragraph"you can trust me, softglow," he soothed, tucking softglow's head under his chin and licking over his ear. "i'm here for you, you know that, right?"
paragraphand then softglow let out a choked sob, burying his face in merlinsong's shoulder. "i know, i know," he managed to sputter into merlinsong's long fur. then: "i trust you more than myself. i love you." once the words came from his mouth the first time, there was no stopping them. once, then again. "i love you." then again, again, again. like a chant, a promise, a secret that he wished he could scream louder, louder, louder. all the while, merlinsong held him close and whispered comfort into his ear, to try and soothe him. he said he knew, that he loved him too. at last, softglow slumped against merlinsong, let his eyes remain shut tight while he let out the last round of sobs. a last time: "i love you," softglow whispered into merlinsong's fur.
paragraph"oh softglow," merlinsong murmured so gently, so quiet that softglow felt the words rather than heard them. "i love you too. i think i always have, you know." and like that, with merlinsong close and warm, when the rest of the world spun in its confusion, softglow could only let free the torrent of secrets that he'd been holding in. of what he felt for merlinsong, of what he feared about erasmus. of what he heard, of what he believed. of bluetcrest, or tawnyrose, of birchflame. and on, and on, and on. because there was only one cat he could trust, one cat he loved.
paragraph"are you ever going to tell us what we're doing out here?" that was hornetshade, though tigergaze chose to ignore his best friend for the moment. the striped tom let out an annoyed huff, which earned a laugh from warblercry, who hornetshade was sitting with. the pair had been huddled together the entire time tigergaze dragged them out of camp through the snow to the windmill. he heard whispers, and a giggle from warblercry, though he still didn't turn to look at his friends. instead, he was waiting for iguanaspots and sunglow to come into sight on the horizon with smokemane and obsidianwing. "tigergaze, can you -" hornetshade began again, and tigergaze turned then, letting out a long sigh.
paragraph"can you relax for once and just have fun, for once?" tigergaze asked, and hornetshade flicked his tail, expression drawn. it was then that tigergaze noticed the way warblercry and hornetshade were shivering from sitting in the snow for so long, just waiting. "i told you, iguanaspots and sunglow are coming and we're all just going to hang out with them and smokemane and obsidianwing," tigergaze began, and hornetshade grinned at him.
paragraph"right, right, i forgot. you're trying to help sunglow set up his sister with her crush because you have a huge sappy crush on sunglow. right, i forgot. sorry, i remember now," hornetshade said then, laughing only when warblercry rolled her eyes and shoved at him, knocking him off-balance.
paragraph"i'm helping sunglow because smokemane and obsidianwing are pining and it's a nice thing to do," tigergaze said while hornetshade righted himself and shook snow from his paws. the younger knight shot warblercry a pointed glance, though the rose shrugged her shoulders and offered him a small smile, the picture of innocence and niceties.
paragraphhornetshade shook out his pelt as another chill ran down his spine, then looked back to tigergaze. "you're really telling me that you don't have a crush on sunglow, then? and if i told him that you were just helping him for smokemane and obsidianwing, you would be cool with that?" hornetshade asked, and he must have known the exact way to tease tigergaze to get a reaction, for in the next minute, he straightened and stood on his toes, staring off into the distance. "i think i see him now, so i can tell him as soon as he gets here -" hornetshade continued to tease, only to let out a loud laugh when tigergaze pounced on him, tackling him into the snow bank. warblercry jumped out of the way of the knights when they came into his direction. they tossed snow at one another, and it was only a few minutes later that a new voice called out.
paragraph"you two look like a pair of kit who've never seen snow before!" the teasing lilt, the distinct laugh. the next moment, tigergaze let out a laugh of his own when iguanaspots bundled into his side, knocking him away from hornetshade. they rolled together, away from hornetshade while warblercry helped nudge hornetshade to his paws. then they broke apart, and tigergaze blinked up at sunglow standing over him, the tom's smile bright.
paragraph"having fun?" sunglow asked, and smokemane and obsidianwing stood beyond his shoulder, laughing to themselves at the sight.
paragraphtigergaze grinned happily. "you could say that." at the same moment, hornetshade shok out his fur again, splattering warblercry with snow, who swatted at him in turn, and the striped tom called out: "iguanaspots is on my team!" hornetshade said, and tigergaze blinked up at sunglow. "which team are you on?" he asked, and sunglow chuckled.
paragraph"your team?" the red tom suggested, but tigergaze didn't hesitate to reach up and pull sunglow down into the snow with him. sunglow spluttered and batted at tigergaze to free himself from the larger tom's grip.
paragraph"not my team. i can't do that if you're on my team," he teased when they both found their paws and shook out snow. at that, sunglow narrowed his eyes.
paragraph"oh, you're so on," sunglow shot back. then, to the others: "hornetshade, iguanaspots. i'm on your team," he said, and the pair erupted into exaggerated cheers. the teams were uneven, though no one seemed to mind much. tigergaze was joined by warblercry, obsidianwing, and smokemane, while hornetshade, iguanaspots, and sunglow bunched together in a huddle that sounded more like laughing than it did a discussion of strategy. then, with a war cry, the two teams came together, tossing snow in each direction, more likely to hit their own teammates than the opposing team, though no one seemed to mind. it wasn't as if they had set any rules, had even gone into it with the idea of teams. between ducking a pawful of snow that smokemane accidentally sent flying in his direction and aiming for sunglow, tigergaze had the fleeting thought that this was how it was supposed to be. that he was supposed to be laughing with his friends, running around and wrestling. he had the thought that it was nice to hear hornetshade laugh, that iguanaspots looked especially happy with snow glittering in her whiskers, and that sunglow's smile was enough to make him forget about the bite of cold against his paws and nose.
paragraphlike this was how it was supposed to be, how he always wanted it to be. like this always, for the rest of time.
paragraph"i'm excited, but i don't think i could beat them," she said, and hurricanejaw touched his nose to her ear just in time for her brothers to join the group, maplelily and newtmask in tow. behind them, sunglow waved his tail at wolfpaw, and smokemane winked at her, though her half-siblings opted to sit with their friends. overhead, the sun was cool but burning bright. courgarstrike and foxspark were pushing one another, but racoonslip moved past them to touch his nose to wolfpaw's, and she leaned into her brother's wiry frame.
paragraph"they grow up so fast," racoonslip commented after a beat, and wolfpaw balked, only to shove at his shoulder. he gave way under her forepaws, letting out a booming laugh. "c'mon little sister, chin up. this is your day," he said, using one forepaw to poke at her flank. "just remember: whatever happens, i'll still be older."
paragraphwolfpaw rolled her eyes and bumped him again, but let him shake out his fur and draw his forepaw over his ears to smooth down the fur. "yeah, always a bully too," she shot back, and when racoonslip smiled, it was over-exaggerated to show off sharp teeth. as always, her brother's antics brought forth a laugh from wolfpaw. with her family around her, it was easy to forget the insecurities from the moon prior. she had been training hard with clovershine, and this time passed her assessment with ease. when she turned over her shoulder to look for the snowy warrior, he was talking to betonypetal, though he caught her eye and waved his tail at her.
paragraphchatter rose from the highgarden cats until tawnyrose finally moved away from where she was spreaking to birchflame and dippernose. in several graceful bounds, she climbed her perch and called out across the camp for her clan to settle, to call for their attention. she tipped her chin, the image of regality. "what an exciting day for highgarden. this is my favorite part. getting to give thorns their full names. but, also seeing stagkit, rabbitkit, and seedkit grown to the age when they are to be given their mentors. the first kits born into highgarden are now one step closer to becoming full members," she started, and the cheers from the clan echoed around the camp. there was a distinct chill in the air, but no one seemed particularly bothered by it in that moment. not when tawnyrose waved the three kits forward from the crowd to stand under her perch, between bluetcrest and softglow. "stagkit, rabbitkit, and seedkit, the time has come when you have reached the age that the gods have determined you are ready to begin your training. from this moment forward until you have completed your training and passed your assessment, you shall be known as stagpaw, rabbitpaw, and seedpaw," tawnyrose said, and the trio of new thorns looked at one another, smiles too big for their faces. stagpaw shuffled his paws, his tail kinked over his back, while rabbitpaw bumped her shoulder against seedpaw's, who grinned down at her paws.
paragraphthen tawnyrose cleared her throat and looked out among the clan. "stagpaw, your mentor will be hurricanejaw. he trained iguanaspots well and is a knight to be respected by all. if there is anyone who will be able to teach you how a highgarden knight should be, hurricanejaw is that cat," tawnyrose said, and hurricanejaw appeared pleasantly surprised. it was no secret that many of the knights had been hoping that they would be assigned to mentor stagpaw, as he was already growing to be larger than his father. all the same, hurricanejaw didn't hesitate to cross to his nephew and touch their noses together, and stagpaw's expression was one of pleasure, that he was glad who his mentor would be. "seedpaw, your mentor will be smallheart. he has been in highgarden for many moons and has gained a lot of experience since i first met him. though he is not as large as other knights, there is no doubt that he is still strong and should not be underestimated. he will teach you well," she continued, and smallheart exchanged surprised glances with his friends before tigergaze shoved his former-mentor to his paws to where seedpaw trotted over to meet him halfway. then tawnyrose turned to rabbitpaw. "your mentor will be birchflame. he recently mentored foxspark, and there is no question of his skills since he was victorious in the most recent spring tournament. you will have a lot to learn from him," she finished. birchflame had been ready for this, and he met rabbitpaw, who was wide-eyed with wonder in the face of the red knight. cheers went up from the clan to welcome the thorns and their mentors.
paragraphthen tawnyrose waved her tail to gather attention to herself once more when she gestured wolfpaw forward to meet her before the clan. "wolfpaw, you have been training hard for many moons. clovershine tells me that you passed your assessment with ease this moon and that you are ready to become a full rose of highgarde. so it is my honor to call upon the gods to welcome you. first, however, i must ask you: wolfpaw, do you swear to serve highgarden as a rose until you are no longer able, loyal to the clan above all else, even if it means giving up your own life? do you pledge yourself under the light of the seven gods: the mother, the maiden, the father, the warrior, the smith, the crone, and the stranger?"
paragraphwolfpaw's answer was concise and clear when she met tawnyrose's bright green eyes. "i do," she said, pleased that her voice didn't waver.
paragraph"then from this moment forward you will be known as wolfhowl for your resounding strength. the gods have blessed you with tenacity to continue in moments that feel too difficult and when others might have given up, as well as charisma. highgarden is blessed to have you as a full rose." then tawnyrose stepped forward to touch her nose to wolfhowl's forehead. when she stepped back, the highgarden camp was filled with cheers for the new rose. the next thing wolfhowl knew, racoonslip barreled forward into her flank, followed by foxspark and cougarstrike. together, the siblings laughed together and wolfhowl accepted words of congratulations with nods and polite smiles when her eyes locked with hurricanejaw's over foxspark's shoulder. her father was smiling wide when he dipped his head to her, and wolfhowl felt warmth in her chest when she returned the gesture without a word, then buried her nose in racoonslip's neck.
paragraphthe wintry air had come with a vengeance, rushing down the slopes of the valley and settling into the highgarden camp as a new member of the clan that wouldn't leave, wanted each and every cat know that it was here to stay for a good while. the clan did what they could to stay warm, to wait out until the snows came. bluetcrest sent out a healthy supply of patrols to gather prey to try and keep the stores up as much as possible, and the younger roses and knights took to their duties with a sense of fervor, eager to warm their lean muscles. between patrols, the cats took to huddling together in the den set for the roses and knights, though others joined in as well, happy for the chance to keep warm. bassflow, tulipstream, and newtmask sat together, while stagpaw, rabbitpaw, and seedpaw were huddled with them for warmth. wolfhowl had squeezed into a nest with warblercry, her brothers crowded together on her other side. another small group formed when flickersky and swiftheart returned from patrol and crossed to where smallheart was chatting with jaytalon and sandstrike, privetears curled in the next nest over.
paragraphupon the roses' approach, privetears lifted her head, blinking away the dregs of sleep. "how's it out there?" she slurred softly, still waking up from a nap. sandstrike purred lowly and ducked her head to nudge her friend's cheek teasingly. privetears' jaws parted in a wide yawn when she made to sit up, only to lean heavily against sandstrike.
paragraph"cold," swiftheart muttered bitterly, shaking out her fur before collapsing into the nest with smallheart. immediately, the lithe tabby tom let out a low hiss when their fur pressed together, swiftheart's body chilled against his own. still, he offered no further complaint when swiftheart tucked further against him. "looks like it's going to storm out there soon. all the prey's hiding," she added. flickersky, meanwhile, squeezed in on privetears' other side, and the pretty bobtail shifted even closer to sandstrike to give flickersky more room.
paragraph"we were going to go back out since bluetcrest and softglow have been throwing a fit about prey," flickersky said. "but merlinsong practically threatened our lives if we even considered overworking ourselves."
paragraphjaytalon let out a light laugh at that. "he doesn't want anyone to get sick," he said, and flickersky hummed her acknowledgement.
paragraph"this weather is going to drive me crazy, my whiskers are already freezing," privetears said, letting out a defeated sigh. when jaytalon laughed again, she lifted her gaze to the knight. "i don't want to hear it, jaytalon. you laugh but you literally came from a clan called snowclan, you're used to this," privetears said, and this time the rest of the group laughed with jaytalon. sandstrike bumped her shoulder against privetears', jostling her gently.
paragraph"you act like you've never seen winter before," sandstrike said, and privetears flicked her in return. "pineclan must've gotten cold this time of year too," she added teasingly, and privetears merely hummed, turning her face in towards sandstrike's shoulder to hide another yawn. in turn, sandstrike wrapped her tail around privetears and pulled her closer for warmth.
paragraphthere was a beat of silence before flickersky straightened up. "pineclan, that's right. i saw a few pineclan cats at the gathering the other night." whenever a mention of the gathering came up, those within earshot straightened up, ears pricked with curiosity. as such, the group's attention shifted to flickersky, and privetears even looked out from sandstrike's fur again to study the older rose, who nodded in her direction, "were any of your family there?" flickersky asked.
paragraph"doubt it, pretty sure everyone moved on by now," privetears said with a shrug. "we were never gonna stay in pineclan long. bramblingpaw and ausmaspaw left a before i did, and then my other siblings and mother left pineclan too. my mom just wanted somewhere to stay while we were still young," privetears explained when the others shot her a series of curious glances. she shrugged. "six kits is a lot of kits, you know, she didn't want to do it on her own. and pineclan was fine for a while, i learned a lot there. but i was ready to go," she finished. there was a beat of silence, then smallheart and swiftheart exchanged a quick glance.
paragraph"that was like amberclan," swiftheart said, and smallheart nodded his agreement. "it worked for us for a while until it was time to move on. of course, it was more sudden than we would have liked. the camp wasn't safe anymore, so a lot of the clan left. we wanted to stay behind and protect it, but everyone started leaving and.... it was time," swiftheart said, and smallheart blew out a long breath.
paragraphthe pair received murmurs of sympathy. then jaytalon ducked his head, shot sandstrike a glance. "we didn't know each other before highgarden, but both of our clans disbanded around the same time. i know that i was just wandering for a while, and then ferretwhisker came out of no where with sandstrike and privetears, said that some gods had sent her along, and that she was picking up whoever she came across." at that, privetears and sandstrike let out breathy laughs, clearing away a bit of the gloom that had settled in the darkened den as night encroached with the possibility of a storm. outside, it was possible to hear the wind. more knights and roses pressed inside, and dippernose and hurricanejaw pressed in a few moments later, carrying two of ferretwhisker's kits.
paragraph"here's an idea," flickersky said, thrusting her nose towards the rest of her friends at the same time that mapleshadow and clovershine brought in two more kits, followed closely by ferretwhisker who carried the last kit and herded daisykit and briarkit along with her paws. together, the root bundled the kits towards her in the middle of the den, where it was warmest. "no more leaving. highgarden is our home now and we're a family. we stick together, alright? no matter what," she said, looking around at her friends. from around the different nests and corners of the den, chatter rose as the highgarden cats settled in for another cold night together. softglow's head peeked in from the far entrance, his blue eyes surveying those settled inside, before he disappeared again. "we have to stay together, all of us, because we all found our way here. we're meant to be here," she added. her eyes tracked from privetears, to sandstrike and jaytalon, to smallheart and swiftheart.
paragraph"together." that was sandstrike, who nudged privetears again. the smaller molly nodded, a smile forming over his maw. murmurs of agreement rose around the circle, and flickersky grinned broadly.
paragraph"together," she echoed, and pressed closer to her dearest friends.
paragraphmerlinsong had been fretting for days about an incoming storm, and bluetcrest had taken every precaution to make sure that the clan was as prepared as possible for snowfall. prey was stored away, nests lined with extra moss. tawnyrose and softglow decided that it would be a good idea to move ferretwhisker and her kits in with the knights and roses on particularly cold nights, so they would have additional warmth from other bodies around them. merlinsong and spencer monitored all cats for any signs of even the slightest sniffle or cough, though even softglow commented that his friend might have been growing a little too neurotic about checking on the cats. but if it meant that the clan remained healthy, then so be it.
paragraphwhen the first snowflake fell, bluetcrest had gone out of camp to hunt, to stretch his muscles without having to worry about erasmus, or sagecloud, or other members of a patrol. he went out to get some sense of peace. the past moon had been busy with catching sagecloud up with what she needed to do when she was watching erasmus, how she needed to keep her head low so that he wouldn't catch on. for the most part, sagecoud floated through the clan, often sent out on patrols but never made much noise. she didn't stand out much, and she already knew everything that she needed to know. the more bluetcrest thought about it, the more it made sense that tawnyrose picked the rose to watch erasmus. it also helped soothe his opinion that it meant that bluetcrest was free to handle other duties, to be with tawnyrose more, to be on his own more. such were his thoughts while he walked by the old tower, sniffing to see if he could scent another prey that might have come out of hiding from the incoming snow. then a vguely familiar scent reached his nose and bluetcrest turned in time to catch the flash of bright green eyes, the smudge of black and white fur a moment before a cat barreled toward him. bluetcrest's eyes widened and he moved by instinct alone, dodging quickly to the send in a move that the stranger hadn't been anticipating. however, the stranger was just as nimble and managed to catch himself before crashing into one of the trees. he spun on his paws and faced bluetcrest with those vivid green eyes, unlike any he had seen before.
paragraph"who are you?" bluetcrest asked, but the stranger merely shook out his fur and then launched at bluetcrest again. this time, he anticipated when bluetcrest went to dodge off to the side and caught the attendant by the shoulder, bowling him over. the cat was fast, but so was bluetcrest. together they rolled in a lock of fur, and it was only when they crashed into a tree that bluetcrest managed to find his feet and pin the cat down. "who are you?" he asked again, though it took a long moment for the cat to stop struggling, to stop thrashing to try and unseat bluetcrest before he breathed out heavily. under short fur, bluetcrest felt the cut of his ribs and knew that this cat must be hungry.
paragraph"i'm looking for two kits," the tom said, lashing his tail. bluetcrest paused, and it was in that beat that the cat managed to wriggle free, quick as a snake. this time when he moved, he was able to knock bluetcrest over and hold him down, roles reversed before bluetcrest could comprehend what had happened. "two kits came this way, i followed their scent. did you do something to them?" he asked, and there was a hint of desperation under the aggressive growl, and suddenly bluetcrest recognized the cat's scent.
paragraph"briarkit and daisykit," he said, and felt the cat's claws press into his shoulder, his hold tightening.
paragraph"what did you do with them? they're just kits."
paragraphbluetcrest shook his head quickly, stared up into those green eyes. "i'm from a clan. highgarden. we haven't done anything. we have a nursery, we've been taking care of them," bluetcrest, and the cat searched his face for a long moment, as if unsure if he could be trusted, wasn't sure if bluetcrest might be telling the truth. "i can take you to them," bluetcrest added, and at last the grip relaxed and the cat climbed off of him. around them, more snowflakes were beginning to fall, larger and larger. billowing white flakes that stuck to the grass and tree roots.
paragraph"lead the way, then," the cat said, and bluetcrest rolled his shoulders before shrugging and doing as he was told. together, they walked in silence through the snow until the wind began to buffet into their sides, the snow falling even heavier, the wind colder until bluetcrest was sure that his paws would freeze.
paragraph"we won't make it," he said, and the cat's eyes bore into his. "we'll freeze before he make it back to camp, it's not safe." without waiting for an answer, he adverted direction, moving his path from heading towards the rose path to take them into the valley and into camp, to inside the side of the moutains that made the valley. there, he found the tunnel he'd been searching for. the crunch of pawsteps after him told bluetcrest that the stranger was following him. when they entered the tunnel, there was the immediate reprieve from the wind and snow. together, they shook their fur free of the flakes. deeper in the tunnel, the cavern opened to where the legendary rose of highgarden was, and bluetcrest stopped. he watched the stranger take in the sight of the lone rose in the middle of the mountain, look up further in the ceiling to where light filtered down during the day. silence stretched between them, broken only by the sound of wind from outside. "what's your name?" bluetcrest asked.
paragraph"pythoneyes," the stranger said, then nodded to bluetcrest. "what's yours? and... this clan... what's it like?"
paragraphbluetcrest settled, lying down and wrapping his tail around him. he faced pythoneyes, who mirrored him. "my name's bluetcrest. highgarden - it's not like other clans," he started, "we have a leader, but we call her our queen. tawnyrose," he began to explain, and pythoneyes was a good listener, didn't interrupt, but kept his gaze trained on bluetcrest while he took it all in. when he finished, pythoneyes merely nodded and bluetcrest pointed in his direction. "pythoneyes... that's a clan name. you're from a clan. you and the kits." another nod. "when we found them, they said that they didn't have family anywhere near here. they said they weren't from a clan. are they your kits?" he asked, and pythoneyes blew out a slow breath.
paragraph"their mom was my best friend. her and the father are dead now. and the clan i come from was destroyed. so, they weren't wrong," he said, and must have noticed that bluetcrest would ask him more, though he shook his head slightly. "our clan was attacked, that's where their parents died. i was supposed to protect daisykit and briarkit, but we got separated. they saw their parents die, you know, they must have thought that i was dead too." the tom scuffed his paw against the floor of the tunnel, sent a glance over his shoulder to where the single highgarden rose stood tall. "this highgarden... if it's as true as you say it is, would they accept me and the kits? they need a home to grow up in, i want to keep them safe."
paragraphbluetcrest smiled despite himself and reached out a paw towards pythoneyes. "when the storm blows over, we'll get back to camp. tawnyrose'll take you in. the clan is already in love with those kits, you know," he said, and pythoneyes' smile was warm.
paragraph"they are cute kits, aren't they?" he said, and bluetcrest laughed loud enough for the sound to echo in the cavern and drown out the sound of the wind for a moment.
paragraph"he should be back by now," tawnyrose said, and her tail lashed. from where he had settled in the corner of the queen's den after checked on all those crowded in the roses' and knight's den, he'd come to check on tawnyrose to find her pacing the length of the den alone. there was no way that he could bring her to the rest of the clan when she was so agitated, and so softglow settled in to sit with her. he sat, and waited with her, and listened to her while she paced back and forth until he was sure that she should have created a rut in the middle of the den before his very eyes. it was the first time he had ever seen tawnyrose upset by anything, let alone beside herself. but it made sense. it made sense that it was about bluetcrest. "he never should have gone out with the snow coming, the fool," tawnyrose muttered darkly.
paragraphnot for the first time, softglow tried to placate her. "it's bluetcrest," he said. "he's a cockroach. as if a little storm is going to stop him from coming back here." but the sound of the wind of vicious, and the snow had been coming down by the pawful for some time. all the same, it pulled a snort of laughter from tawnyrose, and softglow shuffled his paws, tucking them under himself. "seriously, though, he'll be alright. he probably found somewhere to hide out the storm and he'll be back once it's over to tell you some great story of fighting a snow monster, and we'll never get him out of our fur again." again, tawnyrose laughed again, and she halted her pacing long enough to slump down beside softglow. she rested her head on his shoulder and didn't comment when he stiffened for a moment before settling again.
paragraph"you know, he told me something funny recently," she said, and softglow remained silent, knowing that she wasn't looking for him to say anything. it was a dramatic pause, not a space for comments. "he said that you said that we both hated you," she said, and this time he knew that she was looking for an answer, some explanation.
paragraphit was softglow's turn to laugh. "because you both do hate me. or did, at least, if you don't anymore. when i first came here, you'd think i was a badger come to kill you all," he said flatly. tawnyrose said nothing. "whenever i passed by, you either went quiet or laughed loud enough so that i knew you were laughing either at or about me. you treated me poorly, you know, and you didn't hide it. and the rest of the clan adores you, so of course they played along. it took me forever to just find a single friend in this whole clan, and even still, i feel like they haven't accepted me. i feel like you haven't accepted me most of the time." his voice lowered to a whisper and his gaze dropped to the floor. "and i get that i'm not the king maybe you were hoping for, and i knew early on that we'd never be mates, but... was i really that horrible that you hated me so much?" he wasn't sure whether he wanted tawnyrose to answer or not.
paragraphbut of course she did. "softglow, i never hated you. maybe i wasn't fond of you -" she said, and softglow let out a self-deprecating huff. "and you're right, you weren't the king i was expecting. i think you're the king that this clan needs, though. you never make it look like anything's getting to you, and you still hold your head high. you stick it out when others won't bother. you're level-headed and kind. you're a good king, and i think we work pretty well together, don't you?" a pause, and softglow considered it, turned to study tawnyrose's face. he'd seen her act plenty of times before, saw her act the part to manipulate a cat to get what she wanted. but in the moment, he couldn't find that mask, the glaze that normally crossed over her eyes when she was in a role. he couldn't figure out what she might be trying to gain in the moment. if anything, he was convinced that she wasn't playing a game at the moment. so he took the bait.
paragraph"maybe so," he said. "someone needs to balance you out, you know."
paragraphtawnyrose let out a gentle purr and butted her forehead against his shoulder. "exactly. and you should know that the clan does love you as their king. maybe you don't see it so much, but they do adore you. softglow, the king of highgarden - doesn't that sound so nice?" softglow flicked his ear, noticed the shift in tawnyrose's expression. when he questioned her about it, tawnyrose let out a long sigh. "i know about you and merlinsong, you know. and i want you to be happy but... it's complicated, you know that, right?" she said, and softglow furrowed his brow, sure that they were finally getting to the point. because, it occurred to him, that tawnyrose was very rarely kind just because she felt like it. she was always herself, and she always wanted something. he should have known better than to let a snake get so close to his neck. and then, boom. "the thing is, i need your help. i'm pregnant."
paragraphsoftglow's exhale was long and drawn out, and he let his eyes fall shut. "birchflame's?" he asked, though he already knew. even if bluetcrest hadn't told him everything, it wouldn't have been difficult to surmise. as if the knight hadn't been courting tawnyrose for moons, hadn't won the spring tournament in what was known as a play for the queen's affections. of course it was birchflame. "and you want me to act like they're mine," he said, and this time tawnyrose chose not to answer. "you know that no one will believe they're mine."
paragraph"for now, i just need to get that far," tawnyrose said, and softglow's only choice was to agree. together, they listened to the snowstorm outside of the den, with tawnyrose's head resting on softglow's shoulder while they waited for bluetcrest's return.
paragraphseveral days passed after the snowstorm, and bluetcrest returned with a new knight who was welcomed with open paws by the highgarden cats, and it was heartwarming to see the way pythoneyes was reunited with briarkit and daisykit, who stuck to his side. the camp felt light despite the freezing snow on the ground that sent cats into their nests between patrols and training duties. softglow had been in his own den when merlinsong came to him without pretense, brow furrowed. "you haven't been to see me," he said without any introduction, and softglow blinked up at his best friend dumbly, before merlinsong kicked a pile of herbs in his direction. "for check ups. need to make sure that you're not sick." with that, merlinsong padded forward, but softglow knew merlinsong well - too well, perhaps. and he knew when something was bothering him. his walk was still and forced, his smile didn't reach his eyes, and softglow knew that he'd hurt his friend in his efforts to keep a low profile, to contain his own affections.
paragraphit was in the interlude when merlinsong was examining softglow that softglow tried to think of what he could say, what would make it better. but merlinsong found his words first. "congratulations, by the way," he said, and blew out a sarcastic laugh when softglow blinked at him again. "tawnyrose? she came to me a few days ago, before the storm. she's pregnant," merlinsong said. and there is was again, the hurt that flashed in pale green eyes, that drew forth the confession, too easily from his tongue.
paragraph"they're not mine," he heard himself say, and then saw merlinsong's reaction. the herbalist's eyes widened and his jaws parted. a beat later, merlinsong looked over his shoulder towards the entrance of softglow's den and, seeing that no one was there, pressed his nose to softglow's cheek. "they're not yours," merlinsong echoed, and softglow could only shake his head. at last, merlinsong pulled away to look at the king, his head tipped to one side. "i thought - i was worried," he said, and softglow managed a tight smile.
paragraph"no one can know," he said, and merlinsong nodded quickly. "just us, her, bluetcrest right now." merlinsong searched his face, looking for answers, and softglow swallowed around the lump in his throat, glanced back over merlinsong's shoulder towards the entrance. still, no one was there. it was just them. "there are things happening that no one can know, that's i'm not even supposed to know. things that could really hurt this clan, merlinsong. i don't even know who to trust, it's just so much at once and -" his breathing hitched then, and merlinsong kicked aside his herbs to climb into the nest beside softglow, tucking his body alongside the king's.
paragraph"you can trust me, softglow," he soothed, tucking softglow's head under his chin and licking over his ear. "i'm here for you, you know that, right?"
paragraphand then softglow let out a choked sob, burying his face in merlinsong's shoulder. "i know, i know," he managed to sputter into merlinsong's long fur. then: "i trust you more than myself. i love you." once the words came from his mouth the first time, there was no stopping them. once, then again. "i love you." then again, again, again. like a chant, a promise, a secret that he wished he could scream louder, louder, louder. all the while, merlinsong held him close and whispered comfort into his ear, to try and soothe him. he said he knew, that he loved him too. at last, softglow slumped against merlinsong, let his eyes remain shut tight while he let out the last round of sobs. a last time: "i love you," softglow whispered into merlinsong's fur.
paragraph"oh softglow," merlinsong murmured so gently, so quiet that softglow felt the words rather than heard them. "i love you too. i think i always have, you know." and like that, with merlinsong close and warm, when the rest of the world spun in its confusion, softglow could only let free the torrent of secrets that he'd been holding in. of what he felt for merlinsong, of what he feared about erasmus. of what he heard, of what he believed. of bluetcrest, or tawnyrose, of birchflame. and on, and on, and on. because there was only one cat he could trust, one cat he loved.
paragraph"are you ever going to tell us what we're doing out here?" that was hornetshade, though tigergaze chose to ignore his best friend for the moment. the striped tom let out an annoyed huff, which earned a laugh from warblercry, who hornetshade was sitting with. the pair had been huddled together the entire time tigergaze dragged them out of camp through the snow to the windmill. he heard whispers, and a giggle from warblercry, though he still didn't turn to look at his friends. instead, he was waiting for iguanaspots and sunglow to come into sight on the horizon with smokemane and obsidianwing. "tigergaze, can you -" hornetshade began again, and tigergaze turned then, letting out a long sigh.
paragraph"can you relax for once and just have fun, for once?" tigergaze asked, and hornetshade flicked his tail, expression drawn. it was then that tigergaze noticed the way warblercry and hornetshade were shivering from sitting in the snow for so long, just waiting. "i told you, iguanaspots and sunglow are coming and we're all just going to hang out with them and smokemane and obsidianwing," tigergaze began, and hornetshade grinned at him.
paragraph"right, right, i forgot. you're trying to help sunglow set up his sister with her crush because you have a huge sappy crush on sunglow. right, i forgot. sorry, i remember now," hornetshade said then, laughing only when warblercry rolled her eyes and shoved at him, knocking him off-balance.
paragraph"i'm helping sunglow because smokemane and obsidianwing are pining and it's a nice thing to do," tigergaze said while hornetshade righted himself and shook snow from his paws. the younger knight shot warblercry a pointed glance, though the rose shrugged her shoulders and offered him a small smile, the picture of innocence and niceties.
paragraphhornetshade shook out his pelt as another chill ran down his spine, then looked back to tigergaze. "you're really telling me that you don't have a crush on sunglow, then? and if i told him that you were just helping him for smokemane and obsidianwing, you would be cool with that?" hornetshade asked, and he must have known the exact way to tease tigergaze to get a reaction, for in the next minute, he straightened and stood on his toes, staring off into the distance. "i think i see him now, so i can tell him as soon as he gets here -" hornetshade continued to tease, only to let out a loud laugh when tigergaze pounced on him, tackling him into the snow bank. warblercry jumped out of the way of the knights when they came into his direction. they tossed snow at one another, and it was only a few minutes later that a new voice called out.
paragraph"you two look like a pair of kit who've never seen snow before!" the teasing lilt, the distinct laugh. the next moment, tigergaze let out a laugh of his own when iguanaspots bundled into his side, knocking him away from hornetshade. they rolled together, away from hornetshade while warblercry helped nudge hornetshade to his paws. then they broke apart, and tigergaze blinked up at sunglow standing over him, the tom's smile bright.
paragraph"having fun?" sunglow asked, and smokemane and obsidianwing stood beyond his shoulder, laughing to themselves at the sight.
paragraphtigergaze grinned happily. "you could say that." at the same moment, hornetshade shok out his fur again, splattering warblercry with snow, who swatted at him in turn, and the striped tom called out: "iguanaspots is on my team!" hornetshade said, and tigergaze blinked up at sunglow. "which team are you on?" he asked, and sunglow chuckled.
paragraph"your team?" the red tom suggested, but tigergaze didn't hesitate to reach up and pull sunglow down into the snow with him. sunglow spluttered and batted at tigergaze to free himself from the larger tom's grip.
paragraph"not my team. i can't do that if you're on my team," he teased when they both found their paws and shook out snow. at that, sunglow narrowed his eyes.
paragraph"oh, you're so on," sunglow shot back. then, to the others: "hornetshade, iguanaspots. i'm on your team," he said, and the pair erupted into exaggerated cheers. the teams were uneven, though no one seemed to mind much. tigergaze was joined by warblercry, obsidianwing, and smokemane, while hornetshade, iguanaspots, and sunglow bunched together in a huddle that sounded more like laughing than it did a discussion of strategy. then, with a war cry, the two teams came together, tossing snow in each direction, more likely to hit their own teammates than the opposing team, though no one seemed to mind. it wasn't as if they had set any rules, had even gone into it with the idea of teams. between ducking a pawful of snow that smokemane accidentally sent flying in his direction and aiming for sunglow, tigergaze had the fleeting thought that this was how it was supposed to be. that he was supposed to be laughing with his friends, running around and wrestling. he had the thought that it was nice to hear hornetshade laugh, that iguanaspots looked especially happy with snow glittering in her whiskers, and that sunglow's smile was enough to make him forget about the bite of cold against his paws and nose.
paragraphlike this was how it was supposed to be, how he always wanted it to be. like this always, for the rest of time.
actions
[ consumption ] highgarden eats two big fish and one squirrel
[ patrol 1 ] bluetcrest, betonypetal, maplelily, smokemane, iguanaspots, and warblercry
[ hunt 1 ] bassflow, erasmus, dippernose, sagecloud, hornetshade, and jaytalon
[ hunt 2 ] softglow, mapleshadow, swiftheart, sunglow, tigergaze, and smallheart
[ hunt 3 ] clovershine, obsidianwing, wolfhowl, pythoneyes, sandstrike, and flickersky
[ training ] stagpaw, seedpaw, and rabbitpaw learn agility
[ herb hunt ] merlinsong and spencer (priority for kitting herbs)
[ notes to mod ] i ask that no one die on patrols though injuries are fine xx
[ consumption ] highgarden eats two big fish and one squirrel
[ patrol 1 ] bluetcrest, betonypetal, maplelily, smokemane, iguanaspots, and warblercry
[ hunt 1 ] bassflow, erasmus, dippernose, sagecloud, hornetshade, and jaytalon
[ hunt 2 ] softglow, mapleshadow, swiftheart, sunglow, tigergaze, and smallheart
[ hunt 3 ] clovershine, obsidianwing, wolfhowl, pythoneyes, sandstrike, and flickersky
[ training ] stagpaw, seedpaw, and rabbitpaw learn agility
[ herb hunt ] merlinsong and spencer (priority for kitting herbs)
[ notes to mod ] i ask that no one die on patrols though injuries are fine xx
queen
tawnyrose, 33m, ♀
the wayward queen
- mate: birchflame
- due: 2m
king
softglow, 35m, ♂
the lost king
heir
name, age, gender
attendant
bluetcrest, 37m, ♂
the wayward's attendant
herbalist
merlinsong, 40m, ♂ - 5sp
spencer, 35m, ♂ - 5sp
roses & knights
sagecloud, 51m, ♀
mapleshadow, 49m, ♀
erasmus, 47m, ♂
hurricanejaw, 45m, ♂
maplelily, 43m, ♀
bassflow, 43m, ♂
newtmask, 42m, ♂
dippernose, 42m, ♂
pythoneyes, 38m, ♂
tulipstream, 34m, ♀
birchflame, 34m, ♂
betonypetal, 32m, ♀
flickersky, 31m, ♀
clovershine, 31m, ♂
smallheart, 31m, ♂
swiftheart, 27m, ♀
obsidianwing, 24m, ♂
jaytalon, 22m, ♂
smokemane, 21m, ♀
sunglow, 21m, ♂
tigergaze, 20m, ♂
sandstrike, 18m, ♀
hornetshade, 17m, ♂
privetears, 16m, ♀
cougarstrike, 14m, ♂
racoonslip, 14m, ♂
foxspark, 14m, ♂
wolfhowl, 14m, ♀
iguanaspots, 14m, ♀
warblercry, 14m, ♀
name, age, gender
thorns
stagpaw, 7m, ♂
seedpaw, 7m, ♀
rabbitpaw, 7m, ♀
name, age, gender
tawnyrose, 33m, ♀
the wayward queen
- mate: birchflame
- due: 2m
king
softglow, 35m, ♂
the lost king
heir
name, age, gender
attendant
bluetcrest, 37m, ♂
the wayward's attendant
herbalist
merlinsong, 40m, ♂ - 5sp
spencer, 35m, ♂ - 5sp
roses & knights
sagecloud, 51m, ♀
mapleshadow, 49m, ♀
erasmus, 47m, ♂
hurricanejaw, 45m, ♂
maplelily, 43m, ♀
bassflow, 43m, ♂
newtmask, 42m, ♂
dippernose, 42m, ♂
pythoneyes, 38m, ♂
tulipstream, 34m, ♀
birchflame, 34m, ♂
betonypetal, 32m, ♀
flickersky, 31m, ♀
clovershine, 31m, ♂
smallheart, 31m, ♂
swiftheart, 27m, ♀
obsidianwing, 24m, ♂
jaytalon, 22m, ♂
smokemane, 21m, ♀
sunglow, 21m, ♂
tigergaze, 20m, ♂
sandstrike, 18m, ♀
hornetshade, 17m, ♂
privetears, 16m, ♀
cougarstrike, 14m, ♂
racoonslip, 14m, ♂
foxspark, 14m, ♂
wolfhowl, 14m, ♀
iguanaspots, 14m, ♀
warblercry, 14m, ♀
name, age, gender
thorns
stagpaw, 7m, ♂
seedpaw, 7m, ♀
rabbitpaw, 7m, ♀
name, age, gender
- roots
ferretwhisker, 38m, ♀
- kits: elkkit, beechkit, harrierkit,
quillkit, dewkit
name, age, gender
seedlings
briarkit, 5m, ♀
daisykit, 5m, ♀
elkkit, 1m, ♂
beechkit, 1m, ♀
harrierkit, 1m, ♀
quillkit, 1m, ♂
dewkit, 1m, ♀
name, age, gender
wilted
name, age, gender
name, age, gender
allies & enemies & borders
here
medicine
here
prey
total x86
mouse | x1 | 1 servings
vole | x10 | 1 servings
squirrel | x7 | 2 servings
rabbit | x11 | 2 servings
big fish | x6 | 3 servings
finch | x7 | 3 servings
mentors
hurricanejaw, stagpaw, 0
smallheart, seedpaw, 0
birchflame, rabbitpaw, 0
mentor, thorn, 0
deceased
here
family trees
here
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________
credit goes to the cac artists for all color-ins and lineart xoxo
credit goes to the cac artists for all color-ins and lineart xoxo
