Dawnclan || discussion (OPEN & ACCEPTING)

[FerretMonarch]

Okay thank you; i'm a bit tored and the print is pretty small so what grammatical errors do I have in there so i can be on the lookout for them? (I have a bad habit of sticking commas where they dont need to be or having a crud ton of run on sentences when i get into writing and I want to ensure they happen as little as possible)

[Adamented]

@FerretMonarch
I actually found the opposite problem- you've got less commas than I'd expect to see! Generally if you read the writing back to yourself, you should put commas anywhere you take a breath or pause while reading, or to break up ideas. "Unsheathed" is misspelled as "unseathed", there's a space missing in the following sentence: 'Mousedung.'They cursed in their mind.

Those were the only errors- pretty small stuff! Hence why I recommend re-reading what you write, you pick up little things you might not have noticed when typing it the first time, and I find when I write that when I re-read I often find better ways to phrase things to make them easier to comprehend.

[FerretMonarch]

Ah okay thank you! Nice to know its itty bitty 'write too fast and cant spell' things and not 'brain is making words look funny' things. I'll be sure to reread it to myself before i post

[Adamented]

Awesome!

[FerretMonarch]

Maplepaw is open to interact if anyone wants to they're leaf hunting anyways

[imunlaukr]

Hiya everyone sorry for my absence, I had a lot of real life stuff going on and i just finished my finals woo! I didn't mean to disappear but I had to take priority with real stuff first :O

[Adamented]

No worries! I've been taking care of some real life responsibilities too~

[dorayaki]

woohoo i finally posted! ack im sorry i disappeared, life keeps throwing one thing after the other :,D but luckily i should be much more available now. i've got another character in the works, too!

[RedBlack]

N A M E //
─ Muffin
A G E //
─ 10 moons
G E N D E R //
─ Female, she/her
A F F I L I A T I O N //
─ None
R A N K //
─ Loner

─

M A T E / C R U S H //
─ nameNone but is open to one as she gets older
K I N //
─ Unknown Mother
─ Unknown Father
─ Unknown Brother

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S C A R S / O T H E R
─── Muffin usually has some form of leaves or petals tangled up in the fur of her tail, she's quite fond of them and usually goes out of her way to find new pretty ones to replace the dead leaves and petals in her tail

D E S C R I P T I O N
───Muffin is a longhair seal point with blue eyes

B U I L D
─── Muffin is still a young cat so she's quite small already, but she is rather small in general

───

E Y E S
─── Icy blue

P E L T
─── Muffin is mostly cream but has a brown face, ears, paws and tail, her fur is long and rather fluffy

T R A I T S

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N E G A T I V E

» Immature
» Easily trusting
» Rather clumsy

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P O S I T I V E

» Curious
» Friendly
» Optimistic

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S A M P L E ◦ I N T R O D U C T I O N
─── Muffin tried her best to quietly work her way through the undergrowth, but the thorns and burrs easily caught on her fur, causing the she-cat to pause often and hiss in pain. As much as she wanted to find a quiet spot of sunshine to curl up in she knew better. Muffin knew there were all sorts of cats around the area and not all of them were as friendly as she tried to be, especially some of those clan cats she heard other loners speak about. The young she-cat shook her head and smiled to herself, thinking like that would only make her sad, there had to be some friendly clan cats out in the world and maybe one day she could be friends with them.
The she-cat finally made her way back to the bush she had called home, the gap in the branches were just big enough for her to squeeze through into her own nest full of feathers and leaves and petals, hopefully no mean and scary cats would find her here, only friendly cats

[dorayaki]

N A M E //
─ mossfall
A G E //
─ 23 moons
G E N D E R //
─ tom, he/they
O T H E R //
─ blind in their left eye.

─

A F F I L I A T I O N //
─ dawnclan
R A N K //
─ warrior

─

M A T E / C R U S H //
─ open | to develop a crush
K I N //
─ grassflower | deceased | mother
─ unnamed | open | father
─ minnowpaw | deceased | sister
─ open | for another littermate or two!

✦─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────✦

S C A R S / O T H E R
─── several scars over the length of their body,
─── most notably across his nose and raked over his blind left eye.

D E S C R I P T I O N
───black and white tom with a thin face and piercing green eyes.

B U I L D
─── lithe and lanky with a thin frame

───

E Y E S
─── green

P E L T
─── semi-longhair; black with high white spotting

T R A I T S

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N E G A T I V E

» reserved
» vindictive when wronged
» still a bit immature

────────────

P O S I T I V E

» intelligent
» a learned carefulness
» always tries to correct their mistakes

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S A M P L E ◦ I N T R O D U C T I O N
─── Thunder rumbles in the distance as the rain picks up. Dainty paws slip on the wet stones of the Littlefalls, hisses barely heard above the weather. Mosspaw feels so heavy with their long fur sopping wet like this - he's certain his sister must feel the same way. Her fur is even longer than his! "Minnowpaw!" he calls out, "Our mentors said to turn tail back to them if the weather gets bad! We'll get swept into the river!" Yet, to no surprise, they go ignored.
─── The two apprentices were more experienced -- their mentors had no issues with them hunting away from them on the patrol -- but it was made very clear that they were to head back if the rain came. The young cats weren't ready to hunt the falls in a storm. Not without a warrior with them. Mosspaw's claws slip from the stones he's treading again and they take it as a sign that they've had enough. He leaps from the slippery stone bank to the grass, calling out to his littermate once again. "Come on, Minnowpaw! We can hunt here another day! All the prey's gone to hide from the rain! We should get back!" He hears her huff at him, faintly, and is relieved to see his sister turn to bound toward him.

─── And then she slipped.

─── Mossfall all but jumps from their nest when they wake, shaken to the core from that horrible memory. He sighs as the chirping birds and the low light bleeding in wakes him further, stretching and slipping from the den. Facing the dawn, the young warrior stares at the sky. Looks like rain, he thinks solemnly, the dark clouds creeping toward the sun leaving a heavy feeling in his heart.

─── I hope StarClan is doing you well, Minnowpaw.