Shadow Watch |Please Post| *Under Construction*

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Shadow Watch |Please Post| *Under Construction*

Postby thumper ;; » Wed Aug 01, 2012 1:23 pm

Okay. I'm new to doing this so here it goes...

Rules::

1. You can help me out with some of the chapters. I will pick which one i like and post it for Chapter 2.

{Must Read!}2. If you wish to make a rp about this Please Let Me Know so i can post it on here.

Roleplays:
Upcoming::
Blazing Thunder {By EpicQueen}

Characters::
This is Shadow Watch Pack. It is holds the Most dangerous dogs and wolves out there in Big Jump City.
Blue
Shadow Star
Mel. Who later becomes Sharp Rock and the story focus on him.
Rob Roy
Tiny Petal
Loud Thunder

The Bloody Eclipse Pack is More Violent than Shadow Watch. They kill others for thier own excitement.



The Flowing Water Tribe is the calmest of most Packs. They try to stay out of Bloody Eclipse way.

*More Soon*

Packs::

Shadow Watch

Alpha female: Blue~ black she-wolf with tiny blue flecks, green eyes
2nd in line {If there is no pups from the alpha}: Rhonno~ black brute
HEALER:
Small Flower~ white she-wolf with brown tipped ears

NURSES: {Assistants of the healer. Can retire if she/he wish}
Tiny Petal~ brown pomchi she-dog {in training as a pup}

Alphas:
Little Rocket~ mini pinscher brute
Loud Thunder~ gray brute
Rob Roy~ bloodhound brute
Robin's wing~ brown and cream female}

Betas::
Rhonno
Nightshade~ black brute
trainee; Cold Wind

Cobra~ fawn and black english mastiff
trainee; Shadow Star

No deltas:

TRAINEES:
Cold Wind~ border collie brute
Shadow Star~ black german shepherd she-dog

THOSE IN CARE {SICKLY]:
Ashy Pelt~ pale gray with darker flecks. Sick with riverfew.

MOTHERS:
Crystal Gem~ red bloodhound she-dog

ELDERS:
Ashy Pelt




Bloody Eclipse
Alpha male: Crooked~ white brute with yellow eyes
2nd in line: Rottenfang~ a bloodthirsty rottweiler brute
HEALER:
The Silver Owl~ beautiful silver she-wolf

NURSES:
Dry Pine~ brown she-wolf

Alphas:
Lead: Shasta~ black and white husky brute with blue eyes
Kiba~ white brute

Betas:
Lead: Bone's Skull~ saarloos wolfdog brute
Midnight~ black mutt she-dog
Russet Fur "Gentle Giant"~ giant st. bernard brute

MOTHERS:
White Snow~ beautiful white coat samoyed she-dog. Mother of Crescent Moon {samoyed she-dog with blue eyes}

{More Packs Later}

Outcasts::
Blackie~ a black labrador who lives in the Jump City park
Dixie~ a wolf that live on the outskirts of Jump City

Doggie~Pets:
Princess~ pretty sable german shepherd she-dog. Mel's sister
Mel~ a german shepherd brute
Cleo~ Mel's former girlfriend. A husky she-dog

..::* Those who Passed on To The Starry Sky *::..
Willow
Kirby
Doc
Passion Fruit



Image
The Packs' Law::
1. Do not tresspass on other packs territory
2. Protect your pack with your life
3. Nurses can only have pups. Not Healers
4. Word of the Leader is law
5.Don't fight only to make blood be spilled {unless its needed to do so}
6.Two packs may form one if the food and/or territory grows little
7. All four packs come together for a gathering every 2 seasons


Image

Glossary, Words, Sicknesses and herbs:

Two-legs that walk upright/Monsters: Human
Alpha (s): Leader. Those who have a high rank and hunt
Omega (s): A lower ranked wolf or dog who are the weakest. They mainly have fun and eat last.
Mongrel: A word often used for rivals, strays
Squirrel-Teeth: An insult
Skunk Butt: An insult harsher than Squirrel teeth
Bloody soul: Name called for someone with a cold heart

Sicknesses:
Riverfew: A harmless sickness that causes the tongue to swell up.
Cure~ Just mix honey and water-dipped leaves to make a drink to soften the tongue.

Bone Caress: A very Rare disease that causes the victum to lose their leg (s). Place two sticks around the leg and wrap it up like a cast.
Cure~ Sadly there is none.
Last edited by thumper ;; on Wed Aug 29, 2012 10:35 am, edited 3 times in total.
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Re: Shadow Watch

Postby thumper ;; » Wed Aug 01, 2012 1:38 pm

Beginning:

A small wolf padded across the moor. Her long fur brushed past a dead dog's lying body. The wolf lifted her head to a much larger dog as she sat next to him. She sighed as she looked to him. "Rhonno. I know what you did today. And I don't like it." she barked softly and shakily. The dog swung his big head at her, his eyes narrowed. "So what if I killed Kirby?! Like I care. He stole my place as Deputy. Now, Im taking it back."
" Well. You can't. Blue chooses who she wants. Not anyone who asks her like that."
Rhonno looked back at the sunset. His eyes looking like tiny red flames. "Willow. You know, I saw you when I murdered him. You watched me with bewildered eyes."
Willow closed her eyes. "Im going to tell you something. You're going to pay for everything and everyone you killed one day."
"Liar! You won't! I'll make you stop!"
"Try me."
Rhonno laughed. "You said the wrong words mongrel!" he said as he knocked her down with his paw. Willow looked up. "I'll stop. I swear!" she said as he laid his claw on her throat. "Too late for that." Rhonno said as he sliced her throat down to her tail. He stood back laughing the sight of her struggling. Willow's blue eye's focused on him as she said her last word with her last breath.
"Beware the one who Enter's the forest one day, Rhonno."


Okay this is the beginning. Please let me know if i mispelled something or anything else. If i get a good review i'll make more chapters {Chapter 1 in progress}.

Last edited by thumper ;; on Sat Aug 04, 2012 8:02 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Shadow Watch |Please Post|

Postby thumper ;; » Wed Aug 01, 2012 2:46 pm

Chapter 1:

Mel jumped from between the bushes as he tried to catch a tiny mouse. The mouse was quick as it ran through the leaves, placing them from left to right so he could slip. I got you now he murmured as he ran through the leaves until....
"Mel!"
Mel woke up from his dream to see himself in the doghouse in the kitchen. He narrowed his eyes at the sound of footsteps clanging the steps. "Mel?!" the voice said as it stopped the noise. Only to turn around, with the noise of slippers, and head towards Mel. Oh no. Not again! Why now?! Mel thought as the person came forward and held out a biscuit. "Here Boy! Nice treat from your old pal! Im going to let you outside while im at Tridge's house. Is that okay?" the manly voice asked. Mel raised his head. Anything to get out of here.. Mel shook his pelt as they headed outside the door. Slam! the door banged as it shut. Mel trotted over to the fence. "Cleo! Come out!" he called. No answer. Soon a strong rattle of the fence occurred. He stepped back. The rattling stopped as a husky stepped down gracefully. "Hi Mel." she said while touching noses with him. "Fine day so far?"
"I guess."
Cleo looked at the forest. She sighed. "I wish I could escape my owners. And live out there." Mel looked surprised. "You wouldn't dare do that."
"Yes I will."
"Then what was that yesterday about how you loved your owners?"
Cleo sighed again. "Until the kids came." Mel nodded. "Fine then." He took off Cleo's collar. "What are you doing you squirrel-brain?" she asked. Mel took off his collar. "We're free now."
"No we're not."
Mel sighed as he walked into the forest. "Females." he muttered. He turned to Cleo. "Are you coming? Or are you scared off feral dogs and wolves?"
"Yeah. Just give me a second."
"'Cause your scared. Aren't ya mouse?"
Cleo ran up to him and knocked him over. "What was that about being mouse?". Mel laughed. "Never mind." he said as the both entered the misty forest ahead.

Last edited by thumper ;; on Sat Aug 04, 2012 8:05 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Shadow Watch |Please Post|

Postby wednesdays » Thu Aug 02, 2012 7:53 am

Hello, I'm just getting back to you for the nice little comment on my story. c:

This is very well planned out, you have a wonderful plot going on. c: I don't
really see anything I have to correct about your writing style other than
that I think it needs a bit more description. c; I guess what's left is to correct
your spelling mistakes. c: So, here goes! C:


ЄpicǪueen wrote:
Beginning:

A small wolf padded across the moor. Her long fur brushed past a dead dog's lying body. The wolf lifted her head to a much larger dog as she sat next to him. She sighed as she looked to him. "Rhonno. I know what you did today. And I don't like it" she barked softly and shakily. The dog swung his big head at her, his eyes narrowed. "So what if I killed Kirby?! Like I care. He stole my place as Deputy. Now, Im taking it back."
" Well. You can't. Blue chooses who she wants. Not anyone who asks her like that."
Rhonno looked back at the sunset. His eyes looking like tiny red flames. "Willow. You know, I saw you when I murdered him. You watched me with bewildered eyes."
Willow closed her eyes. "Im going to tell you something. You're going to pay for everything and everyone you killed one day."
"Liar! You won't! I'll make you stop!"
"Try me"
Rhonno laughed. "You said the wrong words mongrel!" he said as he knocked her down with his paw. Willow looked up. "I'll stop. I swear!" she said as he laid his claw on her throat. "Too late for that" Rhonno said as he sliced her throat down to her tail. He stood back laughing the sight of her struggling. Willow's blue eye's focused on him as she said her last word with her last breath.
"Beware the one who Enter's the forest one day, Rhonno"


Okay this is the beginning. Please let me know if i mispelled something or anything else. If i get a good review i'll make more chapters {Chapter 1 in progress}.



Where I've underlined is the sentences you need periods. Sorry, I'm a
perfectionest, and I do notice something as slight as that. XD I didn't
see any misspelling at all, so all I have to say for this is to remember
to put periods at the end of sentences. c:


ЄpicǪueen wrote:
Chapter 1:

Mel jumped from between the bushes as he tried to catch a tiny mouse. The mouse was quick as it ran through the leaves, placing them from left to right so he could slip. I got you now, he murmured as he ran through the leaves until....
"Mel!"
Mel woke up from his dream to see himself in the doghouse in the kitchen. He narrowed his eyes at the sound of footsteps clanging the steps. "Mel?!" the voice said as it stopped the noise. Only to turn around, with the noise of slippers, and head towards Mel. Oh no. Not again! Why now?! Mel thought as the person came forward and held out a biscuit. "Here Boy! Nice treat from your old pal! Im going to let you outside while im at Tridge's house. Is that okay?" the manly voice asked. Mel raised his head. Anything to get out of here. Mel shook his pelt as they headed outside the door. Slam! the door banged as it shut. Mel trotted over to the fence. "Cleo! Come out!" he called. No answer. Soon a strong rattle of the fence occurred. He stepped back. The rattling stopped as a husky stepped down gracefully. "Hi Mel." she said while touching noses with him. "Fine day so far?"
"I guess"
Cleo looked at the forest. She sighed. "I wish I could escape my owners. And live out there". Mel looked surprised. "You wouldn't dare do that"
"Yes I will"
"Then what was that yesterday about how you loved your owners?"
Cleo sighed again. "Until the kids came." Mel nodded. "Fine then." He took off Cleo's collar. "What are you doing you squirrel-brain?" she asked. Mel took off his collar. "We're free now."
"No
were not."
Mel sighed as he walked into the forest. "Females" he muttered. He turned to Cleo. "Are you coming? Or are you scared off feral dogs and wolves?"
"Yeah. just give me a second."
"'Cause your scared. Aren't ya mouse?"
Cleo ran up to him and knocked him over. "What was that about being mouse?". Mel laughed. "Never mind" he said as the both entered the misty forest ahead.



Again, I've underlined the sentences that need periods. c: I've also
made a word red. "Were" in this case needs an apostrophe. It should
be spelled "we're." (*Cough cough can't you tell I'm such a perfectionest
cough cough?*)
Hope this helps! I plan on stalking this thread to review every chapter.
c: Have a great day.
~Caracal

Oh yes, and PS: This story has a lot of potential, I just hope other people
get to commenting and reviewing this because it's so wonderful! c: *So
exited to read the next chapter.* Thank you for typing this up. <33
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Re: Shadow Watch |Please Post|

Postby thumper ;; » Sat Aug 04, 2012 7:59 am

Thank You! I need one more post and I'll continue with Chapter 2
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Re: Shadow Watch |Please Post|

Postby wednesdays » Sat Aug 04, 2012 8:01 am

Okay. c:
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Re: Shadow Watch |Please Post|

Postby thumper ;; » Sat Aug 04, 2012 8:08 am

Bump...
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Re: Shadow Watch |Please Post| *Under Construction*

Postby thumper ;; » Thu Aug 30, 2012 9:21 am

Bump
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