Attican
73 - Brute - Keeper
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Pipaluk had a way of always making Attican feel rather inadequate at his duties. The female just carried too much knowledge in her age to simply ask any question; before it was halfway out of your mouth she already had a retort and her reply. A real dilemma? Being able to see things that aren't actually there yet seemed pretty big to him. He sat in snow, lightly bewildered at her reaction. Still though, the brute hung across her every word as she began to speak.
Halfway through her intro the Eldest began to cough, a rattling wheeze that expanded beyond even her normal sounds. Concern etched across the brutes features, but still he said nothing, looking down at the pile of snow as she recomposed herself. Something was off about her today, but beyond the coughing he couldn't quite place it. As Pipa spoke again he listened intently as she explained her first vision, the symptoms and how it all had appeared almost paralleling what he had experienced in that night. He nodded his head respectfully, realization dawning on him about what had actually occurred. He, Attican, had had a vision.
He had had a vision. How exactly he did he was still unsure, but somehow the Keeper had. Perhaps it was because he was new to this type of thing, unlike Pipa who seemed to carry the ability as if they blew in at request, but it was a hard concept for him to grasp. The cogs turned in his head, trying to think back and generate more questions for the former Keeper on how, but when he looked up he saw that she was now laying down in the snow. She saved him his breath though and began to explain herself in detail.
Think of someone you deeply care for, someone who no longer lives on this world. Well, for Attican that was easy. Especially with the help of the fresh memories from Lani that morning. His thoughts drifted for a moment, looking over at the Eldest. Sudden realization dawned across his face.
"You can see him, can't you?" Even though the words were phrased into a question, it was more like a remark than anything else. Pipaluk could, somehow in her head, see her mate at all times and even talked to him. And he responded back. All at once a lot more of her actions made much more sense with this knowledge, the banter that went through her mouth now having a reason and place.
"If you can't quite get the hang of it, think of me and I'll be your guide."Wait, what? Once again the female had achieved in confusing the poor brute, his gray brows furrowing in bewilderment. As he watched, she slowly hobbled off and away, going the opposite direction of the Pack. It appeared that she had no intention of turning around as her pace never changed. Where exactly was she going anyways? Think of her and she'll be-
Realization hit the Keeper like a truck. It drained any energy he had gained from his sleep to puddle around his paws and be lost. He watched the ancient female recede away, the immense urge to follow her literally feeling as if it were pushing his body forward. But his feet stayed rooted to the spot, something else keeping him in his place. He was not to come, to do so would be disturbance. Without a vision, Attican realized that Pipa would not be returning.
...
He just stared. Over 20 minutes had gone by and all the brute could do was stare. His mind fuddled around dazedly, almost as if it no longer knowing how to take command. Not many thoughts ran across him, instead it was as if he were almost blank inside. Trapped.
Loss. Attican had delt with loss many times in his life. He had watched generations come and go. He watched his parents pass on as well as his growing up mentors. He watched as his best friend in life leave the Pack in search for something better. He had gained a mate and together the had managed through the heavy loss of being unable to bare pups. He watched as others bore loss, coming to him each time for consolation. He had lost his mate... his beloved Annu... Recently there had been even more loss. Ash, his "son" had left the world not long ago. Junco, and even Grimshaw made the list. And now... Pipa.
Tears finally welled into the Keepers eyes, no longer being able to keep it in any longer. It had become too much for the brute to bare from everything of late. No.. just no.. God no, it was too much, just much too much. It was like the straw that broke the ever-steady camels back. His face flushed as hot tears fell with a muffled 'thunk' in the snow, his body huddling into a cradled inwards position on the ground. He cried. He cried for Annu, he cried for Pipa. He cried for the loss of everyone that had gone no matter how many years it had been since they had left the tangible world.
Despite the nearly 25 year age difference between the two and the short time that they had actually known each other, Attican had gained a mental comradery to the female in his head. Two wolves could not roam the same earth together for over 73 years at the same time and not feel some sort of kinship with the other. To be honest he looked up to her. She held knowledge that no one else had and he had wanted to speak with her about so much. For once he wanted to maybe be able to hear a story that he had not already known, or just share thoughts. He had never even gotten to know her mates' name, or things that they favored doing when they were a pair. So many things having gone to waste at his own paw to blame. Hot tears stung his cheeks as they made their way down his face.
The Keeper's broken mind wracked with thoughts, a sort of desperation for anything that could help console himself. His mind traced back to the very last conversation that the two had had, herself literally explaining on how to get in touch with the very beings that he so excruciatingly needed. His teeth bared as he stood up, near agony written on his face.
"Annu!" He cried out in desperation, jumping up on his back legs and dancing at the skies. "Annu
please anything, I need help!" His voice cut off in a choked sob, his whole body shuddering. He must have looked like a crazed being to anyone just now looking at him, his eyes deeply red and yelling out into the thin air. He got no reply. He hadn't been expecting one. His body shuttered again, pulling back down to his feet and head falling to his chest. He couldn't do it, he was alone right now because of his own inability.
Should he been rational he would have told himself the same thing that he had told others time and time again when it came to loss of someone. Loss was just a waiting game. When someone passed on they went into their secondary life, watching from above and trying to guide their loved ones through the rest of theirs. Then one day they will pass on too, eventually becoming reunited with everyone they had gone. In all honesty Attican should have been happy for Pipa's leave. She would now be free from her crippled aged body and once again finally embraced by her mate. But he was not rational right now and nothing could pull him out of it.
"I'm sorry." He nearly whispered, still speaking to nothing but the air around him. His face and ears were hot to the touch, his nose runny as he sniffled. "I'm so sorry."
Alone.
More time went by, the broken brute trying to find a way to console himself. Dry heaves seemed to take the place of the tears when his eyes seemed to finally run dry. He did not know how much time had gone exactly, but for right now it didn't matter to him. His face buried into the white powder, the cold flakes giving way and melting instantly to the heat. He would go back soon, he just needed a bit more to compose himself to look okay and tell the news.
