The RP School [-Private-]

[Charisma.]

This rp is for Yasha, I Ride Horses, and koolkatkoolkat123 ONLY!

Hello and welcome to the your novice RP thread! My name is -Fire Hazard- and I will be your tutor! The courses here at the RP school are made to improve your RP and overall writing skills, and will be preparing you not only for RPing on CS, but also on actual RP sites *gasp* Shocking, I know.

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You are a fox who has been kicked out of your old clan- you're known as an outcast now and must survive on your own. You are now alone and must find a way to survive. Winter is almost here and food is scarce. The weather is beginning to get colder. There are other foxes out there,of course, and a few you will come across. Maybe you will find others like you? There is always a chance. You have many choices to make- choices that will help you survive through the harsh winter.

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Goals for this Level

In this level, we will be working on your…
•Character depth and insight -- you will be exploring your character’s thoughts, feelings and actions
•Grammar and Spelling – we hope to cut out all grammar and spelling problems early so that you can have an easier time in the next few levels
•Fluidity – we will steer you away from dead enders and rocky sentences!
•Avoidance of Gary/Mary Sues and power playing/god modding – because these are rude and annoying
•Turn Taking – because we want you to keep your head when you move out into the world of online rping
•Post Length – because nobody likes one-liners.

This Thread was Created for…

•Yasha
•I Ride Horses
•koolkatkoolkat123

Creating Your Character
As was previously mentioned, one of the aims of this level is to teach you to consider every aspect of your character, thus creating a well-developed character who has some sustenance to him or her. To begin with this, we at the RP School have created a basic outline that you may expand on (but not subtract from).

Code: Select all

[b]Username:[/b]
[b]Name:[/b]
[b]Age:[/b]

[b]Hair colour:[/b]
[b]Eye colour:[/b]
[b]Height:[/b]
[b]Frame:[/b]

[b]Personality:[/b]
[b]Likes:[/b]
[b]Dislikes:[/b]
[b]Strengths:[/b]
[b]Weaknesses:[/b]
[b]Greatest Fear:[/b]
[b]Greatest Goals:[/b]

[b]History:[/b]
[b]Kin:[/b]
[b]Mate/Crush:[/b]

[b]Description:[/b]
[b]Picture:[/b]


Upon Acceptance
When your character his reviewed by your proctor and deemed worthy, you may proceed to role play! Please keep in mind that we ARE training you for role play sites as well as those rp threads here on CS, and to become a better writer/role player, so we will be doing this in a turn-based fashion. DO NOT STEP OUT OF TURN, or there will be confusion! XD

Turns
koolkatkoolkat123 > I Ride Horses > Yasha > Me

[koolkatkoolkat123]

Username:Koolkatkoolkat123
Name:Rouge (French)
Age:About 3 years and 6 months

Hair colour:Darkish red
Eye colour:Dark blue
Height:Fairly small about 1 metre
Frame:Small but slender


Personality:Rouge has a gentle kind character but due to her past she has acquired a hard shell that is very difficult to break through. She prefers to stay on her own as a loner but her social status begs for friends and a pack.However if she and her friends were threatened she would lay her life on the line to protect them. Although she is very small for an adult fox, she can be very quick on her paws when it comes to fighting. Her cunning has gotten her out of many bad situations in the past
Likes:What Rouge likes the most is fishing and hunting. She enjoys the excitement of the hunt and the satisfaction of stunning a fish into stillness. However she is looking for a mate and she likes males who have the same sort of personality as her.Kind gentle but would do anything to protect her
Dislikes:Rouge hates swimming even though she loves to fish in water
Strengths:Due to her size Rouge doesn't have many strengths but she would argue that her greatest strength is her fighting ability being small means you can be faster then your oppenent
Weaknesses:Rouges greatest weakness is her ability to trust others,shes always felt that she would be safer in a pack but to do that she must trust her pack members
Greatest Fear:Her greatest fear is drowning
Greatest Goals:Her goals is to find a pack and mate like most foxes

History:Rouges past is a bloody and sad one. When she was a cub her father took her out for a quick hunting lesson which turned into a fishing lesson. When her back was turned he pushed her in. Thankfully her mother was nearby and fished her out before she drowned. Her father was exhiled from the pack for trying to kill a pack member but there was a problem. Her father was one of the most respected foxes in the pack and his departure caused conflict between the alphas and pack members. To everyones relief the tension died down after a few days

A year later when Rouge was just learning to hunt she met up with a handsome young male named Demon. It wasn't long before they became mates but just before her cubs were born Demon murdered the pack Alphess and framed his mate. Rouge managed to escape before the angry pack could execute her but Demon followed her. He tracked her down and found her huddled in a hollow tree trunk just outside the packs territory. He revealed to her that he was working for her father and it was his job to make sure her life was as just miserable. This broke poor Rouges heart and created the thick barrier which most foxes would need to breach if they were to even think about talking to her. Demon wasn't finished yet,he grabbed Rouge by the scruff and the two foxes fought for what seemed like hours. After a while Demon stopped and ran off leaving Rouge badly injured and the future for her cubs had disappeared.She wouldn't have them now,or if she did they would be stillborn. When her cubs were born two were stillborn but amazingly one was living and breathing but the poor little scrap was tiny and barely alive. A harsh winter was all it took to end its tiny life leaving Rouge on her own once more

Now she wanders the forest alone
Kin:All dead and unknown
Mate/Crush:Looking

Description:Rouge is very small for her age,she had dark red fur and one ear is darker then the other. Her eyes are a dark but pretty blue and her body is covered in battle scars from previous fights. She has a large bushy tail despite everything thats happened to her
Picture:http://www.chickensmoothie.com/Forum/viewtopic.php?t=281323 (I coloured this in for her hope thats ok)

(Wow i've never wrote that much in my life for one form I hope it was ok.That history is definatly my best so far)

[readysetride]

((Sooo, I'm in your class now ^^^ Can I post?))

[Charisma.]

@ I Ride Horses, Go ahead and fill out the form given to you- above {on the first post} to make a character.

[readysetride]

Username: I Ride Horses
Name: Darkcloud. (Sorry if warrior type names are not accepted!)
Age: 20 moons.

Hair colour: Stone grey, with orange patches. His tail is tipped white.
Eye colour: Blue-Green.
Height: Average sized.
Frame: He is sleek, but he is fairly muscled.

Personality: Darkcloud has been trough many hard times in his life, most when he was young. He is cold, seemingly heartless. He has a sharp tongue and is quick to judge. He is not afraid to stand up for himself, and he can win a fight by just using his words, not that he has a problem unsheathing his claws. No one knows anything about him, he keeps his emotions and history well hidden. His mysterious and distant aura draws others to him, but all he wants is for them to leave him alone. He has always been very good at reading others, they are like open books to him. Darkcloud is far from perfect, but personally, he couldn't care less.
Likes: Reading others, it gives him something to do.
Dislikes: Kits, they annoy him.
Strengths: He hasn't been able to figure this out yet. He is a pretty good fighter, though.
Weaknesses: His hardened personality. He can't really hold a relationship with anyone. He also has trouble trusting others.
Greatest Fear: Losing someone. He knows what it's like.
Greatest Goals: He doesn't really have one. He's not aiming for anything.

History: Darkcloud was born to a loving mother, and a not so loving father. Him and his father did not get along very well at all. One morning, a badger appeared. It had burrowed near where he and his parents were sheltering. It burst into there little cave. His father leapt up to fight it at once. He got in a few good swipes, he had almost won. But the badger was still stronger. It had a good 12 pounds on him. The badger killed him with a swipe to the throat. Darkcloud's mother protected him as best she could, but she was even less of a match for the badger. She was also killed. Both of Darkcloud's parents were killed right before his eyes.
Kin: All dead.
Mate/Crush: None. It would be very hard for him to create a bond like that with another Fox. But, that doesn't mean I'm not open for it.

Description: Darkcloud is a sleek but well muscled tom. He has strange colouring, his pelt is a stone grey with orange patches. He is quick, but he can also fight well. He is a fair hunter, but definitely not the best. His long claws and sharp teeth are a very good advantage when he fights. He has haunting blue-green eyes that will lure you to him.
Picture:

[glassesprotag]

Username: Yasha
Name: Yasha (Yea, she's my character, and my username ^^)
Age: 2 years, 2 months

Hair colour: Light Brown
Eye colour: Hazel
Height: 2'11 (She's short XD)
Frame: What the?

Personality: Yasha is a shy, bitter-sweet fox. She tends to have a sense of fear every-so-often. She can be mean at some points, but mostly is as sweet as a butterfly. She is a pretty active fox. You can usually find her splashing in the river. She loves being in water, sleeping, and sweet food.
Likes: Swimming, water, sleeping, and sweet food
Dislikes: Being alone, animals way bigger than her, waking up in the dark, and sour food
Strengths: Swimming, hunting, and medicine
Weaknesses: Being cramped in a small space, being around others that she doesn't know, and being alone
Greatest Fear: Being alone in a small space
Greatest Goals: To break her shyness

History: Yasha grew up in the outskirts of a small town. She fed off garbage, and mice. She ran off in search of a new life in the forest, and found it. She has lived there ever since. (sorry it's short. ^^; I'm still developing her)
Kin: What?!
Mate/Crush: None

Description: She is a pure brown fox, white tail tip, blue eyes
Picture: (I don't have one yet. ^^;)

[Charisma.]

Koolkatkoolkat123, Your form is not bad for a start! For the personality, you can add smaller more descriptive things to make it longer if you wish.For example, you can add things like, How does she act towards others? How is she when first met? What has her trusting issues led her to? Is she aggressive towards certain things? etc. These are just the smaller things you can add that can make your personality section more interesting.

Your likes and dislikes seem fine, but remember- your characters must have a few weaknesses. No character is perfect. Characters with weaknesses and different personalities and even strengths are much more interesting to RP and play with then characters that seem perfect. No one likes perfect characters, everyone has a weakness.

Your history is a good start!
Some minor errors are around. Like when you say,

She wouldn't have them now,or if she did they would be stillborn.

You could say instead,

"She wouldn't have them now, but if she did, they would most likely be stillborn."

Minor things like that you need to keep an eye out for.

For the description, you may want to add smaller things in, like I said, things like, how tall is she? what about her weight? How long is her fur, and how does it feel? What are the different colors on her fur? On her face? her cheeks? her legs? what about her muzzle? Things like this can really influence your description and form over-all.

I Ride Horses,for the name- the warrior-type name is fine- but next time try to think of a unique and different name. You can't just stick to warrior names since those are used very very often. Try to think of unique names.

Frame, you might want to describe his frame a bit more. You can add something like

"He is sleek, and slender, with smooth fur covering his fairly muscled body."

I like that you are describing your fox, but remember when you say things like,

"He has always been very good at reading others, they are like open books to him."

you might not want to always state it so obviously. Otherwise your character sounds like he knows it too well. You may want ot say it like

"Darkcloud is good at reading others feelings. It is easy for him to notice how others are feeling by the way they act or behave."

Just a suggestion.

For the likes, you might not want to use the word "Reading". You can use other words that flow, like "He likes trying to figure out what others are feeling," or "he likes to observe others" instead of just reading.

Your fox must have some other dislikes, or likes. Even if he is that cold {like you described in his personality}.

Your strengths and weaknesses seem alright.

[/size]

"He has haunting blue-green eyes that will lure you to him."

When you say this, make sure not to say they will lure you to, because they can't lure anyone to him by force. This makes it sound forceful. Try saying, "He has haunting blue-green eyes that are deep and striking."

This will make the eyes sound alluring but not as forceful as before.

[koolkatkoolkat123]

(Wow i'll keep that in mind)

A white tail winked at a young vixen as the rabbit ran past mocking the hungry creature. She snarled in frustration and raced after her prey cursing the wind for changing its direction. Lightning flashed across the sky, she jumped in fright and let out a low whine of dismay when she just managed to see the rabbit disappearing into its burrow. She stalked angrily up to the rabbits burrow and began to dig furiously but it was all in vain. Rouge sighed and slumped to the ground,her belly rumbled like the thunder above her, that rabbit was the only prey she'd seen in days. A cold wind ruffled her fur,she shivered and looked to the sky. The clouds were dark and menacing. Winter was coming. She raked her claws through the soft soil in frustration but also in fear. How could she possibly survive the winter if she couldn't even catch a rabbit

[readysetride]

((Thanks! ^^))

Darkcloud gazed at the sky, watching the deep grey clouds flash with lightning. Rain pelted down on him, drenching him instantly. Lighting flashed above again, and Darkcloud closed his blue-green eyes momentarily. He shuffled his paws, he could feel his underside getting wet from the muddy ground he was laying on. Tall trees towered over him, their tangled branches creating a sort of canopy. But it didn't seem to keep the rain out. Wind whistled through the small clearing, howling in his ears. Thunder rumbled above, lighting following soon after.

[glassesprotag]

((Oh... Okay. Sorry, my friend helped me with that. ^^; I'll fix it soon. ))

Yasha laid in her den, staring at the wall. She blinked a few times, not wanting her eyes to dry out. She breathed heavily, and slowly. Yasha forced her paws to the ground, and pulled herself up. She padded out of her den. She looked up at the sky. "It's so... Clear," she said to herself.