RP School Novie Thread (little_miss_beth, Annah71, Theyru)

[Bryndale]

Hello and welcome to the your novice RP thread! My name is Greenstreet and I will be your proctor! Together we shall battle the forces of bad grammar and miss-spelt words and come out triumphant so that you may pass your novice test thread with flying colours!

The courses here at the RP school are made to improve your RP and overall writing skills, and will be preparing you not only for RPing on CS, but also on actual RP sites *gasp* Shocking, I know.

Also, please keep in mind that you are more than welcome to quit at any time, but please TELL YOUR PROCTOR before you do so. If your proctor becomes inactive, please pm Greenstreet letting her know.

Goals for this Level
In this level, we will be working on your…
•Character depth and insight -- you will be exploring your character’s thoughts, feelings and actions
•Grammar and Spelling – we hope to cut out all grammar and spelling problems early so that you can have an easier time in the next few levels
•Fluidity – we will steer you away from dead enders and rocky sentences!
•Avoidance of Gary/Mary Sues and power playing/god modding – because these are rude and annoying
•Turn Taking – because we want you to keep your head when you move out into the world of online rping
•Post Length – because nobody likes one-liners. You will have to post 8-9 lines (150 words ish) consistently to be able to pass

This Thread was Created for…
•little_miss_beth
•Annah71
•Theyru

This is a closed thread! If you would like a thread of your own like this, please apply at The RP School if it is open. If it is not, please bookmark it and wait until it has opened once more.

Creating Your Character
As was previously mentioned, one of the aims of this level is to teach you to consider every aspect of your character, thus creating a well-developed character who has some sustenance to him or her. To begin with this, we at the RP School have created a basic outline that you may expand on (but not subtract from).

Code: Select all

[b]Name:[/b]
[b]Gender:[/b]
[b]Age:[/b]
[b]Ethnicity:[/b]

[b]Hair colour:[/b]
[b]Eye colour:[/b]
[b]Skin colour:[/b]
[b]Special Markings (tattoos, scars, etc):[/b]
[b]Height:[/b]
[b]Clothing style:[/b]
[b]Hairstyle:[/b]
[b]Frame:[/b]

[b]History:[/b]   

[b]Personality:[/b]

[b]Likes:[/b]
[b]Dislikes:[/b]

[b]Strengths:[/b]
[b]Weaknesses:[/b]

[b]Greatest Fear:[/b]
[b]Greatest Desire:[/b]

[b]Goals in life:[/b]

[b]What Does He/She Regret:[/b]
[b]What is He/She Proud of:[/b]

[b]Family life:[/b]

[b]Other:[/b]


Upon Acceptance
When your character his reviewed by your proctor and deemed worthy, you may proceed to role play! Please keep in mind that we ARE training you for role play sites as well as those rp threads here on CS, so we will be doing this in a turn-based fashion. DO NOT STEP OUT OF TURN, as in a role play site you’re head will be ripped off if you do XD

Turns
Theyru > little_miss_beth > Annah71 > Greenstreet
This is not firm. It will change as you post your bios

Once the proctor has posted, you may start from the beginning.

Remember…
• When your proctor posts, it will be in THIS colour.
• When you are talking out of character (which shouldn’t happen often), always write in between double parenthesis, or put “OOC:” in front of it.
• Use quotation marks!!!!!!!! Also, you may wish to bold everything in quotation marks, as this makes it easier to distinguish talking from everything else.

Role Play
Okay! You guys have all chosen to do a human fantasy role play, and that is what we will be focusing on. To start you on your role play adventure, I have written up a short prompt. Please continue with it, keeping in mind everything that is included in it.

Prompt
It is the first day of spring and the moving up ceremony for the Nanepaushat: a group of Native American shape shifters who have inhabited the Nippe Woods for generations. But before they can move up in the tribe and be considered adults, they must first pass the tribe's test.


For your convenience, all character bios will be reposted here:

INSERT BIO 1

INSERT BIO 2

INSERT BIO 3

[LokisTrick]

Name: Notharu
Gender: Male
Age: 13
Ethnicity: Native American?

Hair colour: Black as soot.
Eye colour: new-leaf green
Skin colour: tan/brown
Special Markings (tattoos, scars, etc): Notharu has a scar across the bridge of his nose from when he was young, (see history).
Height: 5' 4''
Clothing style: Skins. His favorite outfit is his rabbit skin bandana (with a crow feather in it) with his deer-skin vest that is insulated with rabbit fur and his deer skin pants.
Hairstyle: He usually cuts his hair at 5 or 6 inches.
Frame: Notharu is rather thin and wiry, and only weighs about 110 pounds.

History: I grew up in the forrest before the Tribe found me. I would chat with the birds, hum with the bees, swim with the otters, and work with the ants. The wolves told me stories of the stars, and the lynx taught me to hunt. I had yet to find a form that most suited me. Sometimes, I forgot who I was. That's the danger of shapeshifting, you know, some people forget who they are completely. I was restless, and hardly slept, constantly changing. Was I a human? Or a frog? Or maybe a fox? I wasn't sure. Then, one day, I was in the form of a fawn, and was trying to run from a sound I had heard in the underbrush, when a cackling laugh stopped him in his tracks. "Hee, what a pitiful unhuman, running from a robin in a bush, hee." I turned into a wolf and growled, "Don't laugh at me!" A black crow strutted out from behind a tree,"Hummmm.... You have spirit, what is your name, unhuman?" I started, " Name? I don't think I have one." The crow abruptly stopped its swagger and turned to look at me, " No name?! That simply won't do! I'll have to give you one." It appeared to be in deep thought. Then, after a few moments, its eyes brightened," Notharu! That will be your name! It's perfect!" Notharu. I rolled the word around in my mouth, then looked at the crow shyly " Thank you for giving me a name, but who are you?" I had shifted back into a human now, and was twirling about a piece of my over-grown hair. The crow shuffled its feet uncomfortably, " Well, the truth is..... I don't have one." We looked at each other, then laughed aloud at the absurdity of the situation. After I regained my composure, I gave it a suggestion, " I have one that might work, what about Neave?" The crow looked at me with its black eyes, drilling into my thoughts, then nodded slowly. "Yes, Neave would work very well....." It trailed off, then seemed to regain focus " Unhum- err Notharu, would you like to be my partner?" I agreed whole-heartedly " Sure!" I exclaimed. Neave's eyes lit, " Great! Now Notharu, pluck one of my feathers." I grimaced, " Won't that hurt?" Neave looked at me tiredly, " Just do it." I shrugged, then plucked a big one on his wing. "Good, now put it in your head band and hold still..." SLASH! without warning, his beak raked across the bridge of my nose. " It is done!" he cawed excitedly.
After that, Neave and I lived together for a few years. Then, one day during the winter, the Tribe found us in a hollowed out tree. Thinking me to be lost, the invited me to join them. And after a brief debate with Neave, we did.

Personality: Notharu is wise, but also rather shy and unsure of himself. After living alone for so long, it was hard for him to adjust to the ways of the Tribe, and he still hasn't completely. Sometimes, he comes off as an arrogant jerk. But most of the time, he's too shy to open his mouth. He could be very hyper and happy, if he could get over his shyness, that is.

Likes: Rain, the moon, stars, night, clouds, grass,the wind, and trees.
Dislikes: Spiders, heat, bugs, humidity, and loud noises.

Strengths: Writing, and archery.
Weaknesses: Running for long periods of time, and lifting heavy objects.

Greatest Fear: Spiders. Without a doubt.
Greatest Desire: To fly with his own wings (Is it possible for shapeshifters to sprout wings from their backs?)).

Goals in life: He secretly would rather be a healer or wise-man than a warrior.
Another goal is to find out who his parents are.

What Does He/She Regret: Notharu regrets not knowing his family, and constantly wishes he knew them.
What is He/She Proud of: He is secretly proud of his knowledge, and wishes he could use it more often.

Family life: He doesn't really have one......

Other: Neave is still with him, if that's okay.

[little_miss_beth]

Name: Nascha (her name means owl)
Gender: Female
Age: 13½
Ethnicity: Half Native American, half Spanish

Hair colour: Mousy brown in the winter with natural blonde streaks in the summer.
Eye colour: It depends which form she is in. As a human her eyes are brown, but when in another form her eyes are always yellow.
Skin colour: Tanned, brown
Special Markings (tattoos, scars, etc): She has a scar on her right leg from hunting, where she went ahead as a deer to seek out the animals, and was then speared by one of the 'dimmer' men in the tribe.
Height:4'9". She is sometimes teased about her height. She is small, just like her main animal, the owl.
Clothing style: She wears woven smocks and leggings. The clothes are woven out of rush from beside the lakes.
Hairstyle: Short, choppy bob, usually cut short in the summer. She has coloured wooden beads and an owl feather woven into her hair.
Frame: She is thin and wiry, with curves just about showing through

History: She was born to Tiva and Lenno, two loving parents who were also shapeshifters. Her parents had fallen in love when Tiva was exploring the forest. Her mother was treated as an outsider, as she was Spanish. Because of this they lived on their own, roaming the forest as if it was theirs. Her father taught her to hunt, and her mother taught her how to prepare and cook our catching. Then one day she was preparing dinner. She was proud, as it was the first time she had been left alone while her parents hunted. She had been occasionally shifting and checking everything was okay, as they had seen signs of bears in the area. One time she spotted another owl and was chatting for a while. When she came down, the camp had been ransacked - by a bear by the looks of it. She shot into the air, screeching as loud as she could. She was too late. A roar echoed through the forest, followed by a shrill scream. She knew her parents had perished at the hands of the bear.

She spent the next year or two looking for tribes who could take care of her, as she was only young and couldn't control her sudden break downs as she suddenly remembered her parents were forever gone. She flew over the forest one day, then suddenly dived down, shifted, and broke down. She eventually slept. When she woke, she was in a small tent. The tribes people of Nanepaushat had found her, and from then on she lived happily with them. As the years went on the break downs became fewer and the nightmares less frequent. She however still suffers sometimes.

Personality: Nascha is sometimes uncertain of herself, her loss striking a deep blow in her confidence. She is sometimes found sitting in her corner, staring into space while reminiscing about her parents. She is however recovering, and becoming the girl she used to be. She is bold, and can do anything she sets her mind too. Her laugh is infectious, and now frequently heard.

Likes: Misty rain, some of the boys in the tribe, wind, grass, cocoa beans (a great treat)
Dislikes: Bears, things that remind her of her parents, spiders

Strengths: When her mind is set on something she can do anything. She also likes writing mini stories.
Weaknesses: Crumples into balls and weeps for long periods of time unexpectedly. This has caused her to be nicknamed "Cry Baby" by some of the younger tribe members - those who don't care for or understand her history. She also can't have anything to do with bears.

Greatest Fear: That she will go the same way as her parents - brutally mauled by a bear.
Greatest Desire: That her parents are not dead, and will someday be reunited with her.

Goals in life:

To shift to all animals, to pass the test, to get married and have a loving family

What Does He/She Regret: That she was not there to help her parents when they were killed.
What is He/She Proud of: That she has managed to go on without her parents (and hopefully made them proud). Also that she has learnt to read and write.

Family life: (have I explained that enough in History? Tell me if I haven't)

Other: She has a crush on Notharu - is that okay?

[Bryndale]

Review of Theyru's Character Bio

Special Markings (tattoos, scars, etc): Notharu has a scar across the bridge of his nose from when he was young, see history.

This is very minor, but the proper way to type this would be putting "see history" in parenthesis, as you are referring them to something out of context: (see history)

Hairstyle: He usually cuts his hair ant 5 or 6 inches.

Ant? lol Careful of spelling and slips of the fingers! Always go back and re-read your posts looking for small mistakes like this. It will help you graduate from this level more quickly

Frame: Notharu is rather thin and wiry, and only weighs about 85 pounds.

A typical man of 5'4 would weigh 110 at the lowest for a healthy weight: 85 pounds is bordering on emaciated. You sure you want to stick with that?

History: I grew up in the forrest before the Tribe found me. I would chat with the birds, hum with the bees, swim with the otters, and work with the ants. The wolves told me stories of the stars, and the lynx taught me to hunt. I had yet to find a form that most suited me. Sometimes, I forgot who I was. That's the danger of shapeshifting, you know, some people forget who they are completely. I was restless, and hardly slept, constantly changing. Was I a human? Or a frog? Or maybe a fox? I wasn't sure. Then, one day, I was in the form of a fawn, and was trying to run from a sound I had heard in the underbrush, when a cackling laugh stopped him in his tracks. "Hee, what a pitiful unhuman, running from a robin in a bush, hee." I turned into a wolf and growled, "Don't laugh at me!" A black crow strutted out from behind a tree,"Hummmm.... You have spirit, what is your name, unhuman?" I started, " Name? I don't think I have one." The crow abruptly stopped its swagger and turned to look at me, " No name?! That simply won't do! I'll have to give you one." It appeared to be in deep thought. Then, after a few moments, its eyes brightened," Notharu! That will be your name! It's perfect!" Notharu. I rolled the word around in my mouth, then looked at the crow shyly " Thank you for giving me a name, but who are you?" I had shifted back into a human now, and was twirling about a piece of my over-grown hair. The crow shuffled its feet uncomfortably, " Well, the truth is..... I don't have one." We looked at each other, then laughed aloud at the absurdity of the situation. After I regained my composure, I gave it a suggestion, " I have one that might work, what about Neave?" The crow looked at me with its black eyes, drilling into my thoughts, then nodded slowly. "Yes, Neave would work very well....." It trailed off, then seemed to regain focus " Unhum- err Notharu, would you like to be my partner?" I agreed whole-heartedly " Sure!" I exclaimed. Neave's eyes lit, " Great! Now Notharu, pluck one of my feathers." I grimaced, " Won't that hurt?" Neave looked at me tiredly, " Just do it." I shrugged, then plucked a big one on his wing. "Good, now put it in your head band and hold still..." SLASH! without warning, his beak raked across the bridge of my nose. " It is done!" he cawed excitedly.
After that, Neave and I lived together for a few years. Then, one day during the winter, the Tribe found us, and we joined their ranks.

A tip for rping: never write a post in the first person, unless it's asked for! In general, this avoids confusion among posts so the reader isn't going "Wait...when did 'I' become a man?!" and it helps the flow of the whole thread to stay smooth, as the reader isn't jostling back and forth from third to first person.

That being said, remember that the rest of your post is in the third person. Be consistent!

Also, it's a good example of a post, but not necessarily of a history. In an rp, a history is basically a recount of every major event of a character's life which you think would help the reader understand the character better: in this case, why is he alone in the woods? Where are his parents? What happened to them? How old was he when they ditched him or were killed or whatever else? Why did the tribe bring him in? So on so forth.

Greatest Desire: To fly with his own wings.

Why can't he? You should explain this further

Other: Neave is still with him, if that's okay.

That's perfectly fine

So far a pretty strong character and a good form! Just go back and fix the mistakes, and you'll be set! Good job!

[Bryndale]

Review of little_miss_beth's Character Bio

Hair colour: Mousy brown in the winter, and blonde in the summer.
Eye colour: It depends which form she is in. As a human her eyes are green, but when in another form her eyes are always yellow.

Only one problem here: Native Americans technically aren't blonde and green eyed, unless they're blood is mixed with someone from the outside. The way you've explained in your history is that both parents are Native American. So either change her to be pure or write one of her parents to be an outsider or something XD Remember, consistency!

Special Markings (tattoos, scars, etc): She has a scar from hunting, where she went ahead as a deer to seek out the animals, and was then speared by one of the dimmer men in the tribe.

Where exactly is this scar?

History: I was born to Tiva and Lenno, two loving parents who were also shapeshifters. We lived on our own, roaming the forest as if it was our own. My father taught me to hunt, and my mother taught me how to prepare and cook our catching. Then one day I was preparing dinner. I remember I was proud, as it was the first time I had been left alone while my parents hunted. I had been occasionally shifting and checking everything was okay, as we had seen signs of bears in the area. One time I spotted another owl and was chatting for a while. When I came down, the camp had been ransacked - by a bear by the looks of it. I shot into the air, screeching as loud as I could. I was too late. A roar echoed through the forest, followed by a shrill scream. I knew my parents had perished at the hands of the bear.

I spent the next year or two looking for tribes who could take care of me, as I was only young and couldn't control my sudden break downs as I suddenly remembered my parents were forever gone. I flew over the forest one day, then suddenly dived down, shifted, and broke down. I eventually slept. When I woke, I was in a small tent. The tribes people of Nanepaushat had found me, and from then on I lived happily with them. As the years went on the break downs became fewer and the nightmares less frequent. I however still suffer sometimes.

Same problem as Theyru's history in that it is written in the first person. Please refer to her comments. Also, as I mentioned before if she is going to remain blonde and green eyed, you will have to change one of her parents into a foreigner.

Please mention how long it has been since 1) she joined the tribe and 2) her parents died. Let us know how old she was.

Personality: Nascha is uncertain of herself, her loss striking a deep blow in her confidence. She is usually found sitting in her corner, staring into space while reminiscing about her parents. Only some of the other teenagers can bring her out of her shell. Her laugh is infectious, but rarely heard.

At this point, the two characters are sounding very similar in personality, which could make it somewhat hard to roleplay as both characters are very shy. I suggest talking to Theyru and discussing if you guys would like to make changes, or if you want to try it out with two very shy characters

someme tribe members - those who don't know her history.

Native American tribes were very tight knit, and some like this were rather small. Everyone knew everyone else, and there were no secrets. Why don't they know her history? Explain this further.

Other: She has a crush on Notharu - is that okay?

This is perfectly fine =D

So far not a bad character. A few mistakes and things to change, but other than that good! If you can fix these things, I'll review them and post your character bio up on the wall.

[little_miss_beth]

((I've edited it - is it better now? She is bolder and only uncertain sometimes.))

[Bryndale]

Much better with the personality, and very good with the altering of the history, but you missed a couple things:

Only one problem here: Native Americans technically aren't blonde and green eyed, unless they're blood is mixed with someone from the outside. The way you've explained in your history is that both parents are Native American. So either change her to be pure or write one of her parents to be an outsider or something XD Remember, consistency!

Where exactly is this scar?

Also, as I mentioned before if she is going to remain blonde and green eyed, you will have to change one of her parents into a foreigner.

[little_miss_beth]

((Sorry, forgot about them. I've just changed her eye and hair colour - better?))

[Bryndale]

All right, but how about the rest of it? We still don't know where the scar is, and which parent is of a different race, not to mention what other race that is:

Ethnicity: Half Native American, Half

What is she half of?

Once this is done, she'll be ready to go!

[little_miss_beth]

((all done now!))