── your past becomes your god

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mostly blurbs/random writing segments/haikus ???
all of this is my original work UNLESS quoted. please don't steal.

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altering with love
systematically finished
remorselessly sad.

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his figure is adroit in the aphotic room
he adumbrate's love and it so blooms
his hands are caring for the meanwhile
my heart runs in a total of ten miles

his eyes are vainly chatoyant
mine could be considered buoyant
i feel as if i could take part of a hymeneal
he feels as if he could dazzle me with looks

everything is vastly off
it discerns as if he's getting ready to runoff
he's lost interest in the girl who's ingenue
i'll just take that as my lonely queue

his figure is adroit but not the point

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my bare-feet have never felt more adventurous than they have today.

i chiseled myself down the spiral stairs of my outside garden, and
took a leap to spray glue & sparkles on my new pumpkin; gerald.
dirt, ivy, plants, and rocks galore had meddled with my feet. it did
not stop me from loving my new pumpkin.

afterwards, i went to the mall. of course i tried things on like the
nit-picky person that i am. my bare feet had consolidated with the
cold tile floor of a changing room. disgusting, yet secure.

then i traveled to pike nurseries and lowe's. more plants of course.
i just couldn't help myself. halfway through my trip, i had went out-
side into the gardening section of both hardware stores, and had to
take my shoes off due to a wood-chip lodging its way inside my pesky
birkenstocks.
the ground was oddly cool, but i shouldn't consider myself surprised.
it was shady and remarkably surreal in comfort.

my bare-feet have never felt more adventurous than they have today.

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my world is starting to actually crumble. and i mean it this time.
it hurts, it really hurts. today, tomorrow, the rest of the month
to come is going to physically and mentally draw me into the g-
round. things are starting to become dark and less and less int-
eresting for me. i haven't eaten for a full day now, and it just
dawned on me that i don't even want to eat.

i'm shaking, i'm really shaking. i'm just caving in and it doesn't
even matter. my pleas, my cries for help are just solemn in t-
his ocean of attention that everybody plays.

the thread drawing through the needle will soon stop, and then
and only then will nobody be laughing. it's such a shame that t-
hey've lost their privilege. their time with someone like me, r-
ight? because that's how it works; you only regret it once it ac-
tually happens.

i feel faint. whatever, right? i feel anxious, scared, withdrawn.
whatever, right? i feel like every-time i swallow, the pit of my
stomach just recoils with acid. whatever, right? i feel defeated
and at a loss of words. oh, but that matters! right? being struck
down until you just can't take it? yeah... right...

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i have been deceived
bitter bitter bitter me
no longer surprised
counting the hours till times up
i'm still a sad pup

bitter bitter bitter me.

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this week has been extremely hard. i'm not even going to lie, but
out through it all— i know there's a brighter tomorrow. a safer d-
ay. these little episodes i'm having will not get in my way, i just
need to remember to keep my chin up instead of down (no mat-
ter how hard that REALLY is).

everything that happened to me on sunday,, i'm still... absolute-
ly dumbfounded & bewildered, but- i think i'll get over it. it rea-
lly triggered my anxiety, and i know next time; there's going to
have to be some serious precautions.

hopefully i'll sleep tonight. i feel so nauseated right now, oh well

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i feel tired of those who are inclusive
my mind draws closer and closer to being illusive
my hands shake and my face draws wan
i feel like such a minuscule pawn

my lips are chapped and my hands are bruised
the reoccurring feeling of being ignored is rused
i know everything is literally my fault
it brings my forbidden friendships to a halt

i'm quite the slum, what have i become?

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she is vertigo
her voice is mellifluous
pointless yet special
i wish for redamancy
she wants ephemeral love.

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chanter sous la pluie, vivre avec fidélité, avec douceur
fabuler
et si tu es fait, sens les chances nul part
fixe toi de nouveaux objectifs, gâche sa vie
fixe toi de nouveaux objectifs, gâche les rêves

chichiteux de da da

chanter et vivre, vivre avec fidélité, avec douceur
fabuler
et si tu es fait, sens les chances nul part
nous vivons quelque part, vous avez plusieurs doutes

[ —exploration from "coraline" ]