` star-filled corpse

[cherubim]

previous
a compendium of longing, loss
and love 🌼

[cherubim]

you appear so fragile, and yet you seem to have the strength to hold the world on your shoulders

[cherubim]

a dim light flickers softly over supple lips and blemished cheeks - the flame was close enough to burn, yet it didn't harm you

and you suppose, that's just how things are; things are close enough to you that they could react, could hurt, but
they never do

[cherubim]

we're sitting on the roof of your dented sedan, dark green paintwork faded and accentuated by the streetlight above. there's a cigarette in your hand and nothing in mine. smoke fills the air - enters your lungs, and i find myself leaning back. you're destroying yourself, tearing up your insides one by one, suppressing more things than one should be able to. it's scary - you're scary - and i'm scared for you. but you don't want to hear it; just want to surround yourself with the fake security blanket you've crafted ever so cleverly by yourself.
the air around us grows cold, and yet you don't move to cover yourself.

[cherubim]

childhood is
toothy grins and midnight snacks -
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxsticky rollups in pink lunch packs.
cuddly bears and static tv -
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx trips to the store, just you and me.
broken crayons and shoebox guitars -
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx begging for chocolate at the old milk bar.
printed band-aids and plastic rings -
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx collections of bits and bobs and all sorts of things.
midmorning naps and bubble baths -
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx skipping over cracks on concrete footpath.
hardcover books and plastic dolls -
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx someone always there to hold.

childhood is
xxxxxxxxxxxxx something that i yearn to remember.

[cherubim]

i would give my all to you;
my heart, my soul, my life -
yet it seems that my all will never be quite enough
to soothe your hungry self.

[cherubim]

i'm gasping for breath, lungs screaming for the oxygen they once knew;
i'm grappling for a surface, fingers unable to grip shape of you;
and i'm gagging on your name, throat clogged with words needed to be said.

i'm sobbing now, heart torn open and left for dead;
i'm trembling now, body begging you to hold me once more;
i'm tiring now, eyes closing and exhausted to the core.

and yet my heart still sings;
i want you, i want you, i want you.

[cherubim]

you vex me, young doe -
with your eyes dewy and tongue so sweet,
making promises you never keep.
it's wonder, my doe, how you stoop so low.

[cherubim]

it's nights like these that you ponder on the inner complexities of yourself. the crickets roar in tandem, trying to be heard over the lowly croons of the frogs hiding away as you press your face to the cool window's glass, breath creating clouds of condensation that you run your finger through. a light flickers through the trees as a car races past, driver's mind anywhere but the speed limit. these mundane things all seem ethereal to you now; you're not meant to understand them, not meant to think too deeply into them. but you do, and so your mind races with thoughts unsaid and feelings never expressed, crawling down your throat and infecting your heart as though it were molten tar. it sticks to your veins, to your organs; your feelings have you in a chokehold with nowhere else to go. the frogs continue to croon and the crickets to roar, but you watch helplessly as the world fails to stop.

[cherubim]

gentle eyes and sacred vows
you cup my face and kiss my brow.
"my dove, my sweet dove" you croon,
promising me all but the world - soon, soon.

but the dream shatters; you're no longer there -
i sit with my heart aching and side bare.