the labyrinth of misfit wanderers || soft launch

[blackbird.]

═══

═
═
═
hello!

═══════════════

as the title says,
this is a soft launch for
my latest project,
the labyrinth of misfit wanderers,
which i was working on
for camp nanowrimo april '18.

the story is the genre
of fantasy/adventure
which is completely
different from what i
usually write, so i'd like
to get feedback on the
first chapter before
i publish it on wattpad.

it'd be super super helpful
for you to read it and leave
some comments and i'll be
sure to repay your kindness!

hope you enjoy!!

x bb

═══

[blackbird.]

He was just a boy.

A boy trying too hard to be a man.

He had a head filled with dreams and a heart open for love. He wasn’t anything special - wasn’t particularly strong or brave or smart or gentle - but he didn’t mind. He had his whole life ahead, and he would keep moving forward with a spring in his step and wonder in his eyes until he finally achieved his dream.

He had hope.

...But that was before he grew up.

_._._._._.

“Village life never suited you anyway.”

Alec looked up to see his sister by the doorway, scowling. He forced a smile in a failed attempt to ease the tension in the room.

“This must be the happiest day of your life. You finally get to leave everything and everyone behind, don’t you?” Jealousy flashed dangerously in her eyes. “That’s what you’ve always wanted.”

That’s what I always wanted too. The words hung unspoken on her lips, leaving a lingering bitterness on her tongue.

He shrugged apologetically. “Sorry, Aila.”

She scoffed. “Sorry changes nothing.”

He sighed. “Do you hate me?” He swallowed thickly, afraid of her answer.

She said nothing.

“It’s alright if you do. I’d hate me too if I were you.” He forced a laugh, as if he could pass it off as a joke.

“No. You wouldn't. You’re too virtuous for that, too good. The golden child of the village.” He winced. Only Aila could make a compliment feel like an insult. “You’ll never know what this feels like.”

Alec shrugged. He thought that maybe he should be angry, because how could she be so spiteful and jealous on what was possibly the happiest day of his life?

But he couldn’t be angry - he just wasn’t that kind of person.

Footsteps echoed on the wooden floorboards. “Ooh, my little boy, all grown up!” Their mother swept into the room. “We’re all so proud of you! The first one in the village to become an explorer, that’s something to celebrate!” She pinched his cheek.

He laughed uncomfortably, glancing at his sister seething in the corner.

“And I know you’ll succeed! Oh, just think of what will happen…the recognition you'll receive, the glory...you'll be a hero!” She coddled him in her arms, reached up to rustle his hair.

Alec grinned, in spite of - or perhaps because of - Aila glaring at him. “I won't let you down.”

“The bus is here for you.” His father appeared, hobbling in on a cane. “It’s time to say goodbye, my boy.”

Alec slung his bag across his shoulders. His family followed behind him as he shuffled out of the tiny house, eyeing the large vehicle waiting to take him away. He gave his mother a final hug, his father a final handshake, and his fellow brothers and sisters a final smile. Aila was there too, watching him go. That was something, at least.

He boarded the bus, and he didn’t look back.

_._._._._.

It was everything he had imagined, and more.

He saw fields of flowers with colours so bright they could blind him, smelled the fresh scent of spring, lay in a bed of grass so soft it felt like clouds; he watched the sun rise above the mountain peaks, heard the birds chirping to greet it, felt its golden rays warm his skin like flaming pinpricks; he witnessed the beauty of snow, caught its fluttering flakes on his outstretched tongue, held it in his hands so tightly he thought his fingers would fall off.

And he discovered the ocean. It was huge...so big that a merchant could spend his whole life collecting salt and still not get it all. He stood on the shore and closed his eyes, listening to the crash the waves, tasting the saltiness in the air, feeling the wind about his hair and the sand between his toes.

The world was filled with wonders...

So why was he so empty?

He was finally out of his village and in the unknown, experiencing things he’d never experienced before. He was on his way, stepping out of his comfort zone, pushing himself forward to realise his destiny and fulfil his potential.

But what was the point of it all, if he had no one to share it with?

He couldn’t help but think, maybe he would be happier if he had someone by his side...a mentor to guide him, a friend to laugh with him, a girl to love him.

The burden of his loneliness was heavier than he had ever imagined.

_._._._._.

She was crying.

There was nothing else that could be done, after all. No turning back. No undoing the past. No denying the truth. She just had to accept that she was a failure, a disappointment, a good-for-nothing little girl who shouldn’t have been born. All she could do was cry.

Her skirt was stained with wet patches, where pools of tears had formed. Her arms were tucked around her torso, holding herself tightly, since there was no one else to console her. Her hair draped clumsily over her face, concealing herself from the world, hiding her face, her sorrow, her shame.

...Why couldn’t she do anything right?

Another sob escaped her lips.

“Uh...hello.”

She gasped sharply. Her eyes shot up to see a boy standing by her table, peering at her curiously and worriedly.

He held out a napkin. “Don’t cry.”

She stared at it.

He extended his arm a little further, urging her to accept his offering.

So she did. “...Thank you.” Her words came as a hoarse whisper.

She looked at him, at the way the sunlight wrapped around him like an angel.

He smiled down at her, and she was sure he really was some sort of celestial being from heaven. “What’s your name?”

She remained speechless, blank eyes staring straight, trembling hands clutching at the napkin so tight, as if afraid a thief would come and snatch it from her.

“Uh…” The boy rubbed the back of his neck nervously. “Maybe it would be easier if I told you my name first.”

It was meant to be a question, and she responded with a faint smile.

The boy grinned. “I’m Alec.”

She nodded slowly, etching his name into her memory. Alec…what a heroic name. “Elethia.”

“Elethia.” He tested her name on his lips. “It’s nice to meet you!”

“It’s nice to meet you too,” she replied, her smile widening.

He pointed to a gap next to her. “Can I sit?”

She nodded a bit too eagerly, and he took a seat. His leg brushed against hers.

“So, uh...why were you crying?”

She gasped at the question, ducking her head to avoid his gaze.

“I mean-” He added quickly, “you don’t have to tell me, if you don’t want to! But if it helps to talk...” He grinned innocently.

It would, and she knew it. She had to let it all out in a way that didn’t involve sobbing in a pub in the middle of the afternoon. “Only if it’s alright...I don’t want to take up too much of your time.”

“You’re not,” he assured her.

She mustered a smile, then drew in a breath. “The thing is...my parents sent me here, to this town. There’s a good sewing school here, you see, and they want me to be-” She choked on her words. Her eyes turned sad. “I sat for the entrance exam, but…” Tears welled up in her eyes once again. “I’m just such a...a failure!” She buried her face in her hands.

“Don’t say that!” He grabbed her wrist abruptly.

He didn’t care that she was a stranger, or that he’d never seen her before in his life. And maybe he was being a weirdo, a freak who couldn’t mind his own business, but he had to say something. He was just that kind of person - the kind whose heart ached when he saw someone crying and saying that no one needed them; the kind to stride right up to them and convince them that it wasn’t true.

She gasped sharply at the sudden contact, so surprised that her tears began to subside.

“Don’t even think that, okay?”

She blinked. Then the smallest, purest smile broke out on her face. “...Okay.”

He settled back in his seat, satisfied with himself. “So, uh...you were telling me about this sewing school.”

She nodded, the corner of her mouth scrunching up in distaste. “My parents want me to be a seamstress.”

“But what do you want?”

“Me?” No one had ever asked her that before. “I...I don’t know. But I guess…” He was smiling at her. “I guess I always want to be a medic.”

“A medic?”

She nodded, blushing.

His smile grew wider, a gleam twinkling in his eyes. “Elethia.”

Her heart skipped a beat at the way he said her name.

“Have you ever thought of becoming an explorer?”

_._._._._.

It was dawn.

He stood on the platform of the station, eyes looking beyond the hills, to where the sun was slowly ascending, bringing light and warmth.

He always liked the sunrise.

“Hey!”

She was smiling, fumbling with her bags as she ran towards him, hair flowing behind her. She was so pretty that his heart skipped a little.

“Elethia!” he greeted, hoping that the sun’s rays concealed the blush creeping onto his cheeks.

She hid her shy smile behind her hair. “Good morning, Alec.”

“Good morning!” He offered her his hand. “Shall we go?”

She nodded eagerly, slipping her hand easily into his.

They boarded the train, settling in comfortably next to each other, shoulders barely touching.

“How do you feel?”

“Me? Oh, I don’t know…” Elethia placed a hand on her chest, feeling the flutter of her heart. “Excited, but also...scared. Anxious, but also...happy.” She giggled lightly. “I guess I feel...confused.”

Alec smiled. “I felt the same way when I first left home. It wasn’t that long ago, but it seems like it was.”

She hummed thoughtfully. “Why did you want to be an explorer?”

He inhaled deeply. “I always knew I couldn’t live my whole life in the village. I wasn’t like my siblings. They became farmers and teachers and carpenters, which isn’t a bad thing, of course, but…”

“But it wasn’t for you.” Elethia smiled at him, empathy radiating from her kind eyes.

He couldn’t help but think that she knew exactly how he felt. Perhaps it was fate that led her to him.

“That’s really brave, you know.”

He chuckled. “I wouldn’t call myself brave.”

“But you are!” Her eyes sparkled when she looked at him. “It takes a lot of courage to realise what you want in life...and even more to actually pursue it.”

He paused, a slight smirk on his lips. “Brave, huh? I’ve never been called that before.” He humbly accepted the compliment with a bow of his head. “Thank you.”

“No, thank you,” she countered, words brimming with sincerity, heart filled with gratitude.

He looked at her.

And he felt the loneliness slowly slipping away.

[blackbird.]

oooh! one more thing i need your help with:
could you give feedback on which book cover you prefer??

ONE or TWO?

that'd be super helpful too!

thx very much guys!

[Ranger of the North]

Dude, this is so good!! These two are great, I love them already — can't wait for more!

As for covers, I personally prefer the second one. Having the title up the top on the first option changes the colour-scheme and makes it look much darker and more forbidding than this chapter at least feels. The second looks like there will be darkness and light intermingled throughout the story c:

[blackbird.]

ranger you absolute saint!!
thank you so much for your comment!
and tbh for even just reading it <3

you make a good point about the mood
and you're completely right, this story isn't
exactly dark so lighter colours would fit!
totally didn't see it that way so thank you
for that insight!

i'll update you on when i get it up on wattpad
and send you a link to it once it's up c:

[TheSongOfTheStars]

Hmmm I like #2 as well, not for the colors, but I feel like having the text on top draws the eye too much upwards and away from the path and leaves too much blank space at the bottom, making it seem a bit off balance.

As for the chapter itself, I like it very much, but I feel like there's too much emptiness aroud the characters and their dialouge, not enough description of the surroundings and they themselves are a bit out of focus in my minds eye. Maybe that's the sort of style you wanted and that's fine, I just have a hard time visualizing the places and the time period they're luving in.

[Ranger of the North]

@BB - Glad to help! And awesome, thank you! I look forward to it

[blackbird.]

@songofthestars -
thank you so much for reading + commenting!!
and for that advice on the book cover c:
oh you're completely right about that emptiness,
i'm not that great with describing places but
i should try to put in a bit more effort into it!
tbh i'm quite conflicted about describing the
physical traits of the characters...
on one hand it helps the readers visualise it better
but on the other hand i don't want have a fixed
description in case readers want to have their own image.
but idk it's my first time writing an original story with
original characters so i'm not sure what's usually the case!
do you have any tips? c:

@ranger yayy thanks ^^

[TheSongOfTheStars]

Hmm, it doesn't have to be a whole lot, just a couple little details. Simple descriptions of eyes, hair, and body build as well as a few details about clothing helps to give the reader a base to form the picture in their mind. Those can be worked in pretty easy if you incorporate movement. Someone blinks rapidly and you can mention the eye color. They move their arm and you can briefly mention the length of their sleeve. Just some ideas and not by any means a good guide.

[blackbird.]

ooh right that's a good idea!
thank you so much, i'll get started editing on that,
especially for the characters i haven't yet introduced
in this first chapter c: