── stories of their lives

[néktar]

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do not post !!
this is a place for the develop
ments of my kalons <3

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[néktar]

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i feel choked, suffocated even. it's not
an unknown feeling to me though. i hav
e grown accustom to it for some time n
ow. i don't want to open my eyes, i alre
ady know what i am going to see. pitch
black, dark greens with hints of blues. i
open my mouth to scream but i hear no
thing and feel only my throat close tigh
ter. my eyes are forced open, i see mys
elf reflected before my eyes.

tangled in dark green slimy seaweed, tr
apped.. i cry out again, it wraps tighter
and now salt water burns my eyes. it's r
eal. i begin to struggle, i'm drowing.
oh god i'm dying!

the water pours into my nose and mout
h, i scream, what little air was left in
my lungs escapes me. i watch in horror
as the little bubbles float to the surface
e. i strain my head upwards to watch th
em, my eyes searching for something, b
ut all i see is the mocking light of the s
un shining through the water.

my vision soon goes dark and i awake w
ith a gasp. my throat is tight, my covers
are tossed about me. cold sweat beads
from my skin, i shiver and curl my knee
s to my chest. tears slip from my eyes a
nd down my cheeks. it's over for now, b
ut it will come again like always.

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[néktar]

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eden; 1 : paradise 2 : the garden where according to the account in Genesis Ada
m and Eve first lived. 3 : a place of pristine or abundant natural beauty. this is
me. i am a garden, a paradise, full of nature and beauty or so they say. i simply
love nature and the beauty of it, the morning breeze, the feeling of the sun on
my face. but i mostly stay in doors, i do not like going outside, or seeing people.
or meeting others, i am afraid. afraid of falling in love all over again.. i refuse t
o feel such a thing again. i do not regret shutting myself away in the library. jus
t books, that is all i need, all i will ever need. books stacked in piles and on the
shelves waiting to be opened and accepted into my mind. i know several langua
ges; german, spanish, latin, french, japanese, egyptian, plus many many other l
anguages all from these books that surround me. they have decided to share the
ir knowledge with me. i have also studied the maps of the world, know every m
hjor river, sea, mountain, and stream. i have so much time on my hands.. so mu
ch time that could have been spent with you.. but that time is gone now.

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hanahaki disease 花吐き病
a disease in which the victim coughs up flower petals w
hen they suffer from one-sided love. It ends when the b
eloved returns their feelings, or when the victim dies. It
can be cured through surgical removal, but when the in
fection is removed, the victim's romantic feelings for th
eir love also disappear.

the petals, they were orange and brown and pink and w
hite.. my heart was then torn open and they vanished..

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x

i could not think straight, about you, about me, about this lif
e, i buried my head in books after those days. the days wher
e we spent all day in bed, your eyes looking into mine and t
he sweet smell of the sea outside of our window. but these d
ays i remain tucked away in my library. where my mind is wa
shed away the scent of you is replaced with the must of rotti
ng pages and dusty words. left alone, with these poems and
novels, storyboards, and text books. i wish i were born a flow
er, maybe i could have had a more beautiful story to tell.

[néktar]

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a stranger, something to be feared, as you must always
fear the unknown. but once you are accustom to someth
ing this fear slips away, though not entirely, you becom
e content with that things presence. though no one both
ered to understand me, they did not even know my nam
e. they looked at me with fear, though i did not look at
them the same way. i looked at them with an unwaverin
g patience. yet they did not approach me, it was no mat
ter to me though. for i turned my attention towards the
one thing i did fear. death. nothing more and nothing le
ss. this is the presence that we must all grow accustom
to feeling, the ending void that will one day swallow us
whole. we do not know where or when or how we will s
uccomb to this inevitable thing. we may go peacefully,
we may go painfully, we may go of natural causes, we
may go at the hands of another. you can decide your ti
me or you will just wait, and listen, and watch, and see
when your time may come. you can escape this ending o
nly a few short times, some of us are luckier than other
s. but in the end you will go, wither you wish to or not.
you will cease to exist on this earthly plain.

you first encounter death is the loss of a family member
or perhaps a classroom pet. they've stopped breathing,
people have begun to cry, their eyes are closed. they ar
esleeping, they are gone. but how could you know, you
are young, you poke at them, shake them, your mind sti
ll not yet fully grasping this concept. what happens whe
n someone stops breathing? you know you can hold your
breathe underwater, but you always need to come up f
or air at some point as you will soon begin to suffocate,
your lung seize and you feel choked. you wonder if they
think they're under water, you shake them, crying out,
you're beginning to panic. those around you drag you aw
ay, saying the words: they're gone, they're gone, it'll be
okay! you don't understand, you're shaking, you're cryin
g, you are hurting. but why, why, why are they gone? it
hits you like a ton of bricks, you will never see this bein
g again, you will never hear their chatter, never feel th
eir warmth, all you have left of them is the memories.
memories that burn you inside, tears pour from your ey
es as you see their face in your head. that is your first
encounter with death. painful and all too real for you.

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the remains of loved ones, the bones of those who
have passed are of utmost importance. they hold w
hat is left of them, what does not fade away. those
around me think it strange of me to have such thin
gs as these remains have been romanticized in nov
els, crime shows, horror movies, and history as to b
e something evil or dangerous to keep. though they
do not hold spirits, they are not used in potions an
d spells. they are simply what is left of life after d
eath has stolen away the soul and the earth has re
claimed the body, the energy that they have borro
wed. all that is left after that is the bones, whiten
ed with age as they are drained of nutrients.

with paying respect to the dead you keep these re
mains, have them in celebration of this organisms l
ife and do not mourn so pitifully over their death.
all things must come to and end, good or bad, noth
ing lasts forever. it is the constant law of the world
a law that everything and everyone must follow. an
d must succumb to in the end. there is birth, then t
here is life, and then there is death. there is nothin
g more and there is nothing less.

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death /deTH/
noun. the action or fact of dying or
being killed; the end of the life of
a person or organism.

life after death? there is none, that
is it, this is all there is to existence

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life /līf/
noun the condition that distinguish
es animals and plants from inorgan
ic matter, including the capacity f
or growth, reproduction, functional
activity, and continual change prec
eding death. "the origins of life"

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[néktar]

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embodiment of venus, both goddess and planet.
don't be afraid of dreaming, hoping that the end isn't really the end you'll
just wake up from another life on this earth. a horrid discovery of the pain
and torture of the living world. less of a dream and more of a nightmare.

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"run away! the little witch has come to take our bodies and souls to use in her brew!" the gasps and quick pitter patter of feet on cobble stone echoed throughout the small castle town. a figure draped in a black cloak raised her head slightly in the direction of the voices. it was true, the young girl often came once a month to the village markets to get food and wares.

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don't

play

god

boy

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lost white brother, they cried and th
ey cried. oh how their voices echoed
through the heavens when i was born.
"oh lost white brother! what hell you
have brought upon yourself!" i did not
understand. i could not hear them. i
did not know what the storm outside
meant. no one did. yet they cried, a
nd they cried. for seven long nights.

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i was born sick, coughing, feverish, h
eavy breathing, blood seeping from m
y mouth, ragged lungs. nothing was t
p be done for me, the gods cried still
with ever heave of my lungs, every c
ough that racked my small body. they
cried, "lost white brother you are bro
ken inside!" they kept me from the st
orm not knowing. not knowing.

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the gods knew what had to be done,
to fix my broken lungs. they sent light
ening to lay a path, through the roof
the bolt struck right above my head.
the wood caved away and revealed t
he storm to my innocent eyes. the rai
n drops crashed upon my face, my m
outh opened to cough, the purity tou
chd my tongue and cured me.

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eyes like clouded steel and a composure like a great hunter. i was reborn, gained anew and i
knew who allowed me to live this way, for it was those gods that wept for my broken body, b
orn that way. born into a beautiful world a hideous thing. they loved me, they loved me from
my first painful breath and they will love me to my last. they disguised themselves to watch o
ver me, all around my home they were hidden beneath the vines, and branches, and leaves. i
found them, i cleared them of debris so that they may see me and how i grew, it was the leas
t i could do for them. i do my best for them. for them, it was all for them. i respected the hu
nt for them, i hung those little chimes for them to listen to the wind of their world. they calle
d me lost, my hair paled by the moonlight and the rain of the forest. my eyes fogged by the o
ver hanging mist of the under growth in which i rummaged about. seeking every thrill and me
aning to life, i have yet to find it. though they whisper to me now, saying
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxyou're almost there, you are almost found lost white brother!

[néktar]

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no. 01
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no. 02
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misery, that's all i could feel, complete betrayal. there was no reason f
or it, i didn't understand, i couldn't, i wouldn't. i was struck across the
face when i defended myself, when i shouted and tainted their lies. i d
idn't understand... i wish they had seen it, the smug looks on their face
s. they were abandoning me, they sacrificed me for their cowardess. it
makes my stomach turn and my blood boil knowing i was framed and b
lamed for something i never would have dreamed of doing.. tarnishing
the royal name and sending civilians to slaughter, how dare they belie
ve their words over me. i had the higher rank, i had higher prowess, i
had higher dignity and pride and everything! all gone in an instant..

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i must say that i am ashamed, ashamed that i trained men like them, that something so v
ile would be protecting my beloved capitol. all those lives lost just because of the greed
of some. the night weighs heavy on my soul as i traverse these foreign lands, my legs gro
w heavy with every step and my lungs seem to collapse as i struggle to go on. my hope d
windless and cracks, i don't wish to do this anymore, its painful and terrifying knowing i
have no one. absolutely know one and nothing to my name, i don't even have that.. my t
itle was stripped of me upon banishment. i am shunned and shamed, branded a traitor.

my body still aches from the acts of cruelty performed on me upon my exile. the chains s
till weigh heavy on my feet and arms, the clamp still tight around my through, the muzzl
e that locked around my mouth keeping me from speaking the truth. and my eye binded
just as theirs were to the lies of those silver tongues. it was agonizing, they knocked me
down first, i could not catch myself in the fall and chains brought me down even faster.
i hit the marble floor with such force that the wind was knocked from my lungs and i wa
s left gasping. something then gripped my horn and lifted me to my knees with my head r
aised to the sun. someone's cold fingers gripped my face, nails digging into my skin. i kne
w that hand, it was the high priestess. one of my longest known friends, i did not wish to
see her face at this moment, i was glad that my eyes were blindfolded. but in her next s
wift movement the silk fell from my eyes and there were left staring into hers. so much
pain in those eyes, disbelief, confusion, and anger. it pained me but i would not look aw
ay, i could not, i wouldn't let her think i did this. i looked at her and begged with my eye
s. my eyes wide and pleading to her, but she looked away clenching her teeth. the royals
then spoke, they spoke of the betrayal, the "slaughter" that i so called caused. i could no
t bare to listen. i looked about me, my chains rattling loudly as i shifted. and there, i saw
them, sitting like obedient little dogs told to sit and stay. made me sick just seeing them.

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