(. it's a wicked, twisted fable

[tooru]

xxx

▬▬▬wondering who you are
tryout thread for kalon #1000

[tooru]

ＩＮＤＥＸ

i // but who are you?

ii // mikuru senpai day art

iii // abilities

iv // encounters through time

v // my art night form

vi // poem

vii // a funeral

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miwok xxxxxxxxx for red cloud at sundown
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➳

ＢＵＴ ＷＨＯ ＡＲＥ ＹＯＵ？

[ written for the main prompt

➳ listen to unfair while reading

" have you ever seen the dawn? "

there was not a time when before. there is no beginning, and there is no end. there only is. existence. consciousness. there has only ever been i am. and i will forever be. eyes have watched eons glide past, never to stop. from the time where there was nothing but the rushing blue of water swarming the surface; to the eruption of green, the insistent rising of peaked structures towards the sky, gangly movement on legs other than their own four. have watched things evolve into existence, and then in the next instant blink out forever. they remain. an ineffable constant.

they have been awake for as long as the earth has existed.
they have never known anything, and yet have known everything.

and every night, for as long as history can stretch, sanuye has slipped from one form to the next with the passing days. always, they have called in the hazy sun, and then in turn summoned the silver moon. there has never been anything different. they have never truly been forced to change forms, but have always done it without hesitation, as it just felt... wrong to refuse the change. but sometimes, they wonder. wonder what would happen if one day the sun never sank. or if the moon never dipped below the horizon. what would happen? what could possibly happen?

in the cool of night, sanuye resisted the familiar pull of the sun. it wasn't hard, although it felt wrong somehow. the shimmering moon remained in the sky, full face casting rays upon the ground. the sun remained hidden, locked away in the slumber of darkness. nothing happened immediately after. creatures remained deep in their slumbers, the arms of plants stretched upwards into the sky questioningly. it was quiet and still. sanuye wandered carefully, golden eyes taking in the sights all around them, pale hair billowing behind them in the chilled breeze. it took the creatures of earth many more hours to finally rise from sleep, confusion nipping at their faces and in their sounds. sanuye couldn't understand what they were saying. at the beginning of their existence they had tried to understand every utterance from every species that blinked in, but quickly learned that such a feat was impossible. and now they watched with a pelt of coal as the creatures chattered back and forth, concerned about why the sun had never risen. they didn't know that it was sanuye's responsibility, and they had no desire to tell this secret of theirs.

eventually everything settled down into a state of acceptance, and they all went about their daily routines and schedules while, as always, sanuye gazed on from the sideline, mostly unnoticed.

days passed, moon hanging high in the sky, sun trapped below the horizon.

it felt like nothing changed throughout the course of those days, but in fact, there will little things shifting. trees began to look a little saggier, grass underfoot appeared a little droopier. creatures were not sleeping as they should be. the screech of owls could be heard permeating the darkness at all times. bears found it hard to rise from their dens. the air felt just a little colder. sanuye couldn't help but to feel as though something was horribly wrong. but still, they couldn't bring themselves to allow the pull to change them back. they felt so much more free like this, like they could do whatever they wanted without being constrained by that pull. they craved this feeling. it was the first time they had felt anything for years. more than years.

the change was slow, took years after that first day of darkness. but if there was anything that sanuye had learned they had an abundant supply of, it was time. everything seemed to grow accustomed to the constant darkness, and young was born without ever having seen the light in their lives. but now, things were not so good. sanuye was just very skilled at turning a blind eye in exchange for their own joy. they had noticed that the scream of owls no longer pierced the air. trees were now bare, and the trunks themselves were wasting away to nothingness. grass underfoot was now nothing more than broken, wilted shreds flat against the dusty ground. ice clung to everything, and sanuye could see their breath constantly in the freezing temperatures year-round. creatures were furious and bitter at what their world had become. they fought each other for the few remaining resources left. it left sanuye broken-hearted, to see what they had caused by refusing to allow the sun to rise. their freedom and feeling was not worth the destruction that their choice was indirectly causing.

they had to change back. had to reverse this cycle.

sanuye knew it. and yet, their body resisted. but no longer would they allow this to continue to the planet that they had seen flourish for millennia. they cast one more weary look up at the shadowed sky, soul squeezing painfully at the thought of what they were about to lose. it had all gone so fast.

they gave into the pull once again.

this time though, this time was different. the transition was not as simple as it had been before. it was painful, burned at their flesh with a searing heat. it was a revenge of the sun. it had been locked away for far too long, and it was angry with sanuye. but they couldn't stop, wouldn't stop. squeezed eyes narrowly opened with a world of effort to watch. they held in any noises of pain at the scorching of their fur, their skin. this had to be done. this was their fault. and for the first time in a long time, sanuye's exhausted eyes watched the pale orb sink down, down, down. the silver fave disappeared, and a much brighter, blinding one began to climb. the sun gracefully rose as flames of pain licked away at sanuye. and finally, it reached its throne in the pale blue sky. no longer was pain barraging sanuye. their pelt was now the pale tan, hair pulled back neatly. the sun had claimed its rightful place again.

the sun and the moon had reached a silent agreement because of sanuye's actions.
never again would they allow something so terrible to happen.

never again was sanuye allowed to resist the pull of the sun and the moon. they had lost their free will in that regard. however, sanuye understand. despite their immortality, they were still too mortal inside. their mind was fragile. and while they needed to depend upon sanuye to complete their cycles, they did not need their permission. sanuye was too risky, too valuable an asset. and so they dutifully changed every dusk and every dawn, allowing their emotions and freedom to fade and flutter into the wind.

[ 1,145 words ]

[tooru]

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[ 1 / 5 art | by mikuru senpai ]

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➳

ＥＮＣＯＵＮＴＥＲＳ

[ writing extra one

➳ listen to bye bye macadam while reading

“ we learned not to meet anymore,
we don't raise our eyes to one another,
but we ourselves won't guarantee
what could happen to us in an hour. ”

sanuye is a wanderer. they travel aimlessly, going wherever it is that their paws feel like. along the way, they meet many creatures. sometimes, they interact with them. however, sanuye never stays. never forms a real relationship with these creatures. because although they seem to be the same species as sanuye themselves, they know that they will far outlive these others, and that they will be expected to stay around for a relationship. and that is a weight which sanuye does not wish to bear.


una is owned by kydashing

" that was how it was, sometimes. you put yourself in front of the thing and waited for whatever was going to happen and that was all. it scared you and it didn't matter.
you stood and faced it. "

xxxsometimes, even an immortal being wants nothing more than to be normal. and that was how sanuye found themselves standing, unsure, outside of a fast food joint. of course, it didn't much matter what they consumed, but they usually tended to stray away from such unhealthy and fake kinds of foods, as they weren't sure of how good it would taste. carefully they padded inside, throwing quick glances around and tan fur rustling uncomfortably. slowly they approached the counter, cautious of the purple and white-haired creature that stood behind it. the other offered them a quick and clearly forced smile, speaking to them with one eyebrow raised. "hello, how can i help you today?"
xxxsanuye simply stood there for a few moments, unsure of how to respond.everything in front of them was too overwhelmed, and they allowed their jaw to go slack and fall open, but no words emerged. others who stood behind sanuye had seemed confused at first, but were now obviously growing agitated and were fidgeting as the seconds passed in silence. it had been a long while since they had used their voice. finally, the heavy quiet was broken. "yes, greetings, what is that one there?"
xxxhuffing, una turned her body slightly to look, before turning back with an almost concerned expression on her face. "uh... a large french fry?"
xxxsanuye nodded profusely. they didn't quite understand what exactly they were, but they looked like one of the most appeasing items on the menu.
xxxit took only mere minutes for the steaming food to be handed over. una told sanuye the total, and they handed over a handful of change with the slightest grin before quickly sauntering away and out of the restaurant.
sometimes, even an immortal being wants nothing more than to be normal. and that was how sanuye found themselves standing, unsure, outside of a fast food joint. of course, it didn't much matter what they consumed, but they usually tended to stray away from such unhealthy and fake kinds of foods, as they weren't sure of how good it would taste. carefully they padded inside, throwing quick glances around and tan fur rustling uncomfortably. slowly they approached the counter, cautious of the purple and white-haired creature that stood behind it. the other offered them a quick and clearly forced smile, speaking to them with one eyebrow raised. "hello, how can i help you today?"
xxxthe two of them would never meet again.
xxxsanuye knew this.

xxxin una's mind, their memory would last for only a short while. she would remember them as nothing more than yet another strange kalon, another story to tell others at the dinner table that night. and then they would fade into the background, and out of her memory for the rest of time.
xxxbut to sanuye, they would never forget her. they didn't even know her name, but that mattered not. she was unique. she had offered them a first experience, and first experiences only happened once. it may not have been special, nor significant. but to sanuye, that was every reason why the unknown kal would remain forever in their mind.
xxxevery single second, every single heartbeat, was precious.


estelle is owned by kydashing

“ it's hard to believe in coincidence, but it's even harder to believe in anything else. ”

xxxthe snow was cold under their numb paws. but the bitter sting did not bother them. sanuye wandered through the blizzard, tilting flurry causing a shield that their vision was unable to penetrate. they were tempted to allow their muscles the relief they were screaming for. it would have been so easy to merely stop in place and settle onto the hard snow and sleep. they would have awoken, covered in layers of snow and frost ripping at their nose. but they didn't. instead, distant yelps caught in sanuye's ears, causing them to turn their head in question.in the heart of alaska in the dead of night, there were only two things that those sounds could mean: dogs, or wolves. the former was much preferable to the latter. standing still, they waited. there was no other solution. running could only allow escape for so long. hiding would not save them from their noses.
xxxthe yips were growing closer, and sanuye braced themselves for the possibility of an attack. it was something that they had faced before. and every time, it broke their heart. it almost felt as though their long pale hair was freezing to the ground before they eventually saw the light. a lantern. then the skidding of paws in a harsh stop to avoid collision with the strange dark form that had appeared in front of the canine's eyes. they panted as an irritated voice called out from the unseen back, mush, mush. the dogs did not listen, merely remained still in their harnesses. sanuye stared politely back.
xxxfinally, their owner grew annoyed enough at her pets' antics to approach the lead dog. however, her frustrated stomping turned into jerky and confused movements as sanuye's pitch form came into view. "who are you?"
xxxsanuye's golden eyes met her own, and they were at a loss for words. why had they halted her progress? was it because they were bored? was it because they were lonely? sanuye knew why. it was because they were so heart-wrenchingly lonely, had been so horrifically alone for so long. but how could they possibly voice this to someone they had just met through such strange circumstances? they stared for a while longer, feeling so terribly alone.
xxx"me? i am the sun. i am the moon."
xxxa slight pause then. "i am no one, and will never be."
xxxand with that, leaving her absolutely puzzled, sanuye turned and padded back off into the snowy night, blizzard veiling their black form as they retreated. solitary.


'aisha is my kal

“ nothing is lost that we do not first see as lost. visions born of fear give birth to our failing.
visions born of hope give birth to our success.
what is possible lives within us, and it only remains for us to discover it. ”

xxx"i will rule this kingdom."
xxxshe said it defiantly, assuredly. but sanuye shook their head, sighed.
xxx"you do not want to rule a kingdom, small one."
xxx'aisha was pushy, demanded answers from anyone who stood in her way. and currently, the much older kalon that she had just encountered wandering about her kingdom was no exception. "liar! there's nothing that i want more in life than to rule over these subjects."
xxxsanuye chuckled then, a hint of sadness in their tone. "but my dear, every kingdom falls."
xxx'aisha released a grunt in disapproval, clearly rejecting such a concept. "but mine will not. my kingdom will be the best to ever exist - and it will last until the end of time."
xxxsanuye laughed again. "never let anyone tell you otherwise, yes?"
xxxhowever, they knew the truth. this kingdom would fall, and this kit would most certainly be caught in the crossfire. it filled them with a kind of despair. she was on a boat with holes poked in the bottom, and she was trying to scoop water out to keep it afloat. it was a fruitless battle. and that crushed them. they had lived too long. sanuye's eyes had seen many things come crashing to the ground. buildings engulfed in flame, crimson blood spattered starkly against dirt, anguished screeches as yet another being was shoved out of existence, and another, and another. so much cruelty. and they knew, that if this young child was to pursue her goal, she would see cruelty just as they had. but how could one explain this to such an innocent child? so they didn't. instead, sanuye played with her all day long, doing whatever it was that her heart desired. and when the day drew to a close and she retreated back to the castle with head held high, they took their leaves, wings unfurling and catching at the wind. never to look back.

xxxbut still, they treasured that one day. that one day where, for once, they felt almost real. many years later, sanuye heard through the mouths of others that she had indeed achieved her goal. she was now the single, strong, and respected leader of her kingdom. they also heard that although she was fair, she was ruthless, and that even by this point had a lot of blood on her paws. in a way, they were proud of her. but they also feared for her, and knew what her future more than likely held. but sanuye held their tongue, and stayed away. it was not their place to intervene in something so much larger than themselves.

xxxit took only a few more years to hear about it. 'aisha was no longer - she had been killed fighting for her kingdom in the front lines of a battle. no one ever told her no, not even when about her own safety. and she had paid the price. they felt it such a tragedy, and almost wished that they had met with her more than just that once. they wondered if they could have saved her. if they had told her everything about everything, would it have saved her?
xxxcould it have saved her?

xxxsanuye wondered if, in her last moments, she had remembered them. had remembered their words with a bitter nostalgia.
xxx"every kingdom falls."
xxxthey wondered if, in her last breaths, she wished she would have listened.

[ 1,394 words | writing extra 1 / 3 ]

[tooru]

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[ 2 / 5 art | my art ]

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[tooru]

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we came
from the same
chain reaction

i swear i could feel you
an eternity ago

a long time before
the lapse in gravity
that led to such a
celestial seperation
ending our celebration

you may not remember
but once upon a time
before time ever existed
we were two parts, whole
and everything was holy

we were once a love
unlike any other

you may not remember
the birth of the universe
or how, on the very first day
something changed, you felt
like you just needed space

i remember
watching you
move further away

i felt your heart race
into unknown distance
and i just couldn’t wait
to start my endless chase
through the macrocosm
but i just couldn’t keep up
with your pace

we were once a love
unlike any other

i swear i could feel you
long before that day

and i’ll never rest
until you let me
prove my case

we are evidence
of quantum
entanglement

we are two hearts
both the same
no matter how far
apart we are

i swear i still feel you
every single day

[ 2 / 3 writing extra ]
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➳

Ａ ＦＵＮＥＲＡＬ

➳ listen to let's go while reading

" and show in the water's face
one living, and not these dead "

the day was cold. the trees bent, branches hanging low in mourning. the soil was loose, a bright and burnt red, worms crawling through it in search of a meal. the casket was a creamy marble, as cool as a winter night, as stark as stark as a hot iron against cold snow, as smooth and undisturbed as the surface of a lake hidden deep from prying eyes. a single rose was placed ever so carefully on top. red.
as red as sanuye's torn and bleeding heart, as red as the felt that lined the innards of the coffin. so this was the price to pay for love. they should have known better than to fall so deeply, so irreparably far into the depths. there would be no more laughs, no more soul-warming smiles. there was only the blank expanse of emptiness. of a void in sanuye's life, in their heart and their mind. and the knowledge that no matter how much they desired to follow their steps into descent, they were unable to. they had to remain on thi earth, and the two souls would never meet again.
they had been but a blip in sanuye's existence, and yet, they had been sanuye's existence. everything that had chained them to the ground and raised them to the clouds. their drug. and now sanuye was being forced into remission. tears streamed down face, glassy and salty with regret. why hadn't they found a way? found a way to save their lover, to keep them alive? to keep the restraints of time from withering their body, to keep the clammy hands of death from slowly stealing away slivers of their soul until he had it whole?
no feeling was ever worth this.
not this pain.
not this hurt.
sanuye would rather feel the numbness of millions of years than the suffering of this one fatal heartbreak. they would never be the same, not ever. it felt as though they were being torn limb from limb. an essential part of how sanuye defined themselves and their existence had just been whisked away forever.
and they couldn't get it back.
they had had eyes only for each other. everything that they had done, they had done together. as two. but now there was only one. and would only ever be one. before, sanuye had always considered eternal life to be no less than a blessing, but right now it was little more than a curse.
not many had come to the funeral. that was okay with sanuye. they thought that nobody else should be here at all, because nobody had else had known their lover quite like they had. had not known them so deeply, so personally. they felt so old, and yet so young. old enough to have existed for longer than anyone else present, old enough to have outlived the only love they've ever known, but young enough that they would continue to exist for millions, maybe even billions of years more.
it was all so insignificant - except for this. this one, small part.
now gone.
the thoughts and memories couldn't stop circulating, looping on a never-ending track of bittersweet memory specifically designed to knife daggers into his wounded heart.
those that were present were also crying. some of them stepped up and said a few words, but all of their statements meant nothing. they weren't for the actual deceased themselves, but instead to comfort those left behind. it infuriated sanuye, but knew that when their turn came, it was more likely than not that they would do the exact same thing.
finally, they moved towards the front of the room. for a moment they simply stared out at the meager crowd, blank. until the words eventually occurred to them, and they let out a few choked words. words none of the ones here would even have a chance at understanding. "i may be the moon and the sun, but what is the moon and sun without the stars and the sky?"

as they gently lowered that casket down into the red earth, forever to be entombed, sanuye swore to themselves to never let anyone break them again.

[ 697 words | 3 / 3 writing extra ]