Character critiques and ideas! Including warriors.

Are you a writer or a poet? Come and share your creations with us, or discuss writing techniques with others
Forum rules
Please only post your own original work, do not post poetry or stories which were written by someone else.

Character critiques and ideas! Including warriors.

Postby wolfsong-mapleflame » Fri Jan 09, 2015 11:49 am

    Hi. I'm wolfsong-mapleflame. I am giving critiques, suggestions, and naming ideas for all characters.

    You can ask for the following:
    Critique. Post the form, and I will critique the name, and the details of the character. I will add tips for improvement, too.
    Naming. I can name your character, or suggest several names. Please specify whether or not you want it to be a warrior name, a Celtic name, an English name, etc.

    As shown in the examples (next post) I can recommend a song or write a poem to jazz up your form.

    And others, if you want.

    Rules! Everything needs them.

    1. Follow Tess's rules.
    2. I accept follow-up questions, and even some light debate, but don't be rude or spam the topic.
    3. Do not post more than one ref picture
    4. Post only up to and including six characters at any one time
    5.Please be polite. I would rather not have to deal with people putting each other down.
    6. If I have missed your post, please quote it after one page.
    7. Be patient. I am a human, not a machine.
Last edited by wolfsong-mapleflame on Sun May 03, 2015 2:22 pm, edited 3 times in total.
Last edited by Cas on 2:06 AM, Tuesday edited 666 times in total.
Reason: i didn't understand that reference

__________________________________________________________________________
Image
ImageImage

Image Image
Image
'There are two kinds of folks who sit around thinking about how to kill people: psychopaths and mystery writers.' Richard Castle
ImageImageImageImage
User avatar
wolfsong-mapleflame
 
Posts: 17196
Joined: Sun May 05, 2013 12:48 pm
My pets
My items
My wishlist
My gallery
My scenes
My dressups
Trade with me

Re: Animal character critiques and ideas! Including warriors

Postby wolfsong-mapleflame » Fri Jan 09, 2015 11:50 am

Examples
Some of my characters-
Image
"great clouds all cover the hills/Bringing darkness from above...
I can't be an optimist about this/I can't be an optimist about this"

(Not my picture, linked to the source.)
( form is an edited version if the one found here

---------------------------------------------
name :: Alexis Harrow
gender :: genderfluid (sex=female)
age :: sixteen

---------------------------------------------
May it be an evening star
Shines down upon you
May it be when darkness falls
Your heart will be true
You walk a lonely road
Oh! How far you are from home

Mornie utúlie (darknesss has come)
Believe and you will find your way
Mornie alantie (darknesss has fallen)
A promise lives within you now

May it be the shadows call
Will fly away
May it be you journey on
To light the day
When the night is overcome
You may rise to find the sun

Mornie utúlie (darknesss has come)
Believe and you will find your way
Mornie alantie (darknesss has fallen)
A promise lives within you now
A promise lives within you now

Taken from here
[ history ] -- Alexis harrow was born in England, where she grew up in a very old-fashioned family. She owned horses, and constantly went out with one called rose, down to a creek near her house. Her father died when she was seven, and this left her the main bread-winner and the one in her family who looked after everything. After her mother died when she was fifteen, she left home and trained hoses to get the money to have her own home! as some greedy relatives stole her house and possessions! and cast her out.
[ personality ] -- Alexis is very intelligent. She is thoughtful and curious, always knowing what to say and when to say it. She hates lying, and can read people's faces, recognising emotions and analysing people. However, she is considered to be anti social due to her social anxiety. She is very shy at first meeting, and it takes a lot to get her to let down her mental walls. She is quite reserved, but strong. She has major trust issues, and hates any physical contact.

sometimes it's better to be alone/because then nobody can hurt you
[ description ] -- Alexis has long blonde hair and pale blue eyes. She is willowy and tall, with strong muscles and nails bitten into claws.
[ skills ] -- Alexis is a fighter- she is tough, dangerous, and cold. She can not only fight, but almost blend into the dark, as well as ride horses and disappear when she needs to. She is good at becoming unnoticeable, as she was used to being ignored. Though she needs to have someone to talk to sometimes, she is generally able to keep secrets and listen to people, if they want to talk.
[ flaws ] -- Alexis has social anxiety, thus being quite shy and defensive. She is terrified of fire. She is also depressed, due to her constant problems with other people.
[ crush/ interests ] -- she is panromantic asexual, and does not yet have a crush. It's very hard to win her over, and you have to be genuine to even dream about it.
[ children ] -- none. Nor does she want any.
[ theme song ] --may it be, by enya.
[ other ] -- hope it's okay to use this form.









Image
snowbird

they say
That only
The kindest
And most intelligent
Have the ability
To heal
The wounds
From claws
And words
And leave the one they healed
In peace once more
That is the word of the healer.

"On the rolling hills
And babbling streams
The cats wandered
Eagerly searching
But one was different
Instead of fighting
And finding a home
This one,
Once a white leopard,
Could see this home
As only a healer could.
She saw herbs to heal
Moss to sleep on
And the creek as a place
Of spiritual healing.
And so, when they stayed
This one cat
Became their healer
To mend wounds left by
Tooth,claw, and voice.
And thus,
The healer was born."
~written by me



    Username: wolfsong-mapleflame

    The basics
    name= snowbird
    gender= she-cat (female)
    age= 24 moons
    on the inside
    personality= snowbird is quiet, thoughtful, and calm.
    She is patient and light-hearted, always the optimist.
    Though very loyal to her kin over other cats,
    she is always willing to help all cats, it doesn't matter what clan.
    history= snowbird was born in the clan, and took a liking
    to the medicine den straight away, so when she reached 6 moons,
    she was apprenticed as a medicine cat.
    The relationships
    mate= none
    crush= none
    kits= forbidden
    family= mapleflame is her sister.
    The outer shell
    fur color= white
    markings= she has very pale grey markings on her tail-tip and paws.
    eye color= one blue, one brown.
    The clan
    rank= medicine cat
    wanted rank= achieved
    apprentice= none yet
    mentor= died
    skill= healing. She knows all the herbs in the forest.
    defection= snowbird can't fight.




Image
mapleflame

even the sharpest claws
And the keenest eyes
Cannot touch the fierceness
And the deadly strike
Of the one who is loyal
To the ones she is fighting
To save
And that is the heart of the clan
Not its leader
But the ones who would die
To protect it.
This is the word of the warrior.

"And with a great roar,
The lion grew smaller,
And lost its mane
But it's flame-pelt
And ebony claws
Remained
In it's smaller build
And thus,
The cat was born..."
~written by me (continued)
"... And the great cats watched
With eager eyes
And the air was filled
With roars
As the cat race grew
And the shadows of
The great cats
Grew solid and
Bounded away
And the cats
Watched them go
Without regret"
~written by me

    The basics
    name= mapleflame
    gender= she-cat (female)
    age= 24 moons
    On the inside
    personality= mapleflame is cunning, brave, and daring.
    She is sassy and tends to hide her true feelings.
    Mapleflame is exceptionally loyal, and protective of
    weaker members of the clan.
    history= mapleflame was born in the clan,
    and like her sister,
    hung around the medicine den a lot.
    However, she tended to prefer
    chasing moss balls to sorting herbs,
    and enjoyed playing with the apprentices.
    When she was apprenticed,
    she spent every day practicing battle
    moves, even after hunting.
    She was enthusiastic until she was attacked by a
    fox when she was alone, loosing her left eye.
    life= her life was easy until she lost her
    eye, but she still fights
    better than most with her defection.
    The relationships
    mate= looking
    crush= none
    kits= none yet
    family= her sister is snowbird.
    The outer shell
    fur color= ginger
    markings= darker tabby stripes
    eye color= green
    The clan
    rank= warrior
    wanted rank= deputy
    apprentice= none yet
    mentor= died
    skill= fighting
    defection= she only has one eye.




form is an edited version of the form from here.
Last edited by Cas on 2:06 AM, Tuesday edited 666 times in total.
Reason: i didn't understand that reference

__________________________________________________________________________
Image
ImageImage

Image Image
Image
'There are two kinds of folks who sit around thinking about how to kill people: psychopaths and mystery writers.' Richard Castle
ImageImageImageImage
User avatar
wolfsong-mapleflame
 
Posts: 17196
Joined: Sun May 05, 2013 12:48 pm
My pets
My items
My wishlist
My gallery
My scenes
My dressups
Trade with me

Re: Animal character critiques and ideas! Including warriors

Postby wolfsong-mapleflame » Sat Jan 10, 2015 3:22 pm

Posting open
Last edited by Cas on 2:06 AM, Tuesday edited 666 times in total.
Reason: i didn't understand that reference

__________________________________________________________________________
Image
ImageImage

Image Image
Image
'There are two kinds of folks who sit around thinking about how to kill people: psychopaths and mystery writers.' Richard Castle
ImageImageImageImage
User avatar
wolfsong-mapleflame
 
Posts: 17196
Joined: Sun May 05, 2013 12:48 pm
My pets
My items
My wishlist
My gallery
My scenes
My dressups
Trade with me

Re: Animal character critiques and ideas! Including warriors

Postby wolfsong-mapleflame » Tue Jan 13, 2015 11:59 am

Bump
Last edited by Cas on 2:06 AM, Tuesday edited 666 times in total.
Reason: i didn't understand that reference

__________________________________________________________________________
Image
ImageImage

Image Image
Image
'There are two kinds of folks who sit around thinking about how to kill people: psychopaths and mystery writers.' Richard Castle
ImageImageImageImage
User avatar
wolfsong-mapleflame
 
Posts: 17196
Joined: Sun May 05, 2013 12:48 pm
My pets
My items
My wishlist
My gallery
My scenes
My dressups
Trade with me

Re: Animal character critiques and ideas! Including warriors

Postby wolfsong-mapleflame » Sat Feb 07, 2015 9:51 am

Bump. Also possibly employing one helper, if they can provide an example of both a form and a critique.
Last edited by Cas on 2:06 AM, Tuesday edited 666 times in total.
Reason: i didn't understand that reference

__________________________________________________________________________
Image
ImageImage

Image Image
Image
'There are two kinds of folks who sit around thinking about how to kill people: psychopaths and mystery writers.' Richard Castle
ImageImageImageImage
User avatar
wolfsong-mapleflame
 
Posts: 17196
Joined: Sun May 05, 2013 12:48 pm
My pets
My items
My wishlist
My gallery
My scenes
My dressups
Trade with me

Re: Animal character critiques and ideas! Including warriors

Postby wolfsong-mapleflame » Sun Feb 15, 2015 8:22 pm

Bump.
Last edited by Cas on 2:06 AM, Tuesday edited 666 times in total.
Reason: i didn't understand that reference

__________________________________________________________________________
Image
ImageImage

Image Image
Image
'There are two kinds of folks who sit around thinking about how to kill people: psychopaths and mystery writers.' Richard Castle
ImageImageImageImage
User avatar
wolfsong-mapleflame
 
Posts: 17196
Joined: Sun May 05, 2013 12:48 pm
My pets
My items
My wishlist
My gallery
My scenes
My dressups
Trade with me

Re: Animal character critiques and ideas! Including warriors

Postby Sciencin' » Mon Feb 16, 2015 11:06 am

For Alexis- I just want to let you know, it's not easy playing a character with anxiety and depression. Being someone who's suffering from both of those, I'm always annoyed when someone makes a character like that and then they have a boyfriend on the second page of a roleplay. I'm just letting you know that unless you've done quite a bit of research on the topic, it really isn't a good idea to give your characters mental disorders such as anxiety unless you are absolutely confident that you know what you are doing; if you're not quite certain, you might want to replace the anxiety with just extreme shyness. Just throwing that out there- don't plunge headfirst into something you don't know enough about.
Image
Image
━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
haters will hear me crawling in the vents
Art Blog | Chum | music (for your ears)

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
Image
Image
User avatar
Sciencin'
 
Posts: 5498
Joined: Wed Feb 08, 2012 2:54 pm
My pets
My items
My wishlist
My gallery
My scenes
My dressups
Trade with me

Re: Animal character critiques and ideas! Including warriors

Postby wolfsong-mapleflame » Sun Mar 08, 2015 5:26 pm

Unisus wrote:For Alexis- I just want to let you know, it's not easy playing a character with anxiety and depression. Being someone who's suffering from both of those, I'm always annoyed when someone makes a character like that and then they have a boyfriend on the second page of a roleplay. I'm just letting you know that unless you've done quite a bit of research on the topic, it really isn't a good idea to give your characters mental disorders such as anxiety unless you are absolutely confident that you know what you are doing; if you're not quite certain, you might want to replace the anxiety with just extreme shyness. Just throwing that out there- don't plunge headfirst into something you don't know enough about.

Actually, I based zer completely on me, I just changed a few details like appearance, name, and history.
So I am completely certain I know how to play zer.
Last edited by Cas on 2:06 AM, Tuesday edited 666 times in total.
Reason: i didn't understand that reference

__________________________________________________________________________
Image
ImageImage

Image Image
Image
'There are two kinds of folks who sit around thinking about how to kill people: psychopaths and mystery writers.' Richard Castle
ImageImageImageImage
User avatar
wolfsong-mapleflame
 
Posts: 17196
Joined: Sun May 05, 2013 12:48 pm
My pets
My items
My wishlist
My gallery
My scenes
My dressups
Trade with me

Re: Animal character critiques and ideas! Including warriors

Postby wolfsong-mapleflame » Sun May 03, 2015 2:22 pm

little bump.
Last edited by Cas on 2:06 AM, Tuesday edited 666 times in total.
Reason: i didn't understand that reference

__________________________________________________________________________
Image
ImageImage

Image Image
Image
'There are two kinds of folks who sit around thinking about how to kill people: psychopaths and mystery writers.' Richard Castle
ImageImageImageImage
User avatar
wolfsong-mapleflame
 
Posts: 17196
Joined: Sun May 05, 2013 12:48 pm
My pets
My items
My wishlist
My gallery
My scenes
My dressups
Trade with me

Re: Character critiques and ideas! Including warriors.

Postby MarkFangirl » Fri Jun 05, 2015 11:07 pm

*Bumps volleyball *
User avatar
MarkFangirl
 
Posts: 3243
Joined: Sun Jul 13, 2014 7:17 am
My pets
My items
My wishlist
My gallery
My scenes
My dressups
Trade with me

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 4 guests