Kree. [ please comment/critique ] [ finished ]

[Asherwy]

ｋｒｅｅ.

{ table of contents }
prologue
one • two • three • four • five
six • seven • eight • nine • ten

hellooooo. I decided to do a story about a character I made up with a friend, you must read to know who he is. comments are appreciated as well as motivation and critique! I'm not giving away any of the plot so, yeah. heck with it, I'll give you the genre; I think it's kind of a, I dunno. dammit I don't know what genre, never mind. just read the prologue to get an idea of the character.
suggested genres ;; mystery, slight horror, fantasy

the story's finished now, i'm not sure if there should be a sequel. I'll just put up a poll and see what the people think ;3
SEQUEL IS UP
THANK YOU EVERYONE.

{ glossary }

Kakushi the family name of the main character; anyone part of that family is called a Kakushi. The word is sort of like a name to describe the species the family is(A cross between a wolf and a cat).
Keizen it means alone; helpless. It's the name of the current location that the main character is right now.(note; another definition found in chapter seven)

{ fanart }

Kree - by Lady.Spoopy

{ characters }

Name: Kree
Gender: Male
Age: Currently 12 human years
History: Read the story ;3

Name: Josiah
Gender: Male
Age: Currently 14 human years
History: Read the story ;3

drawing © Asherwy || characters © Asherwy

[Asherwy]

ｐｒｏｌｏｇｕｅ.

A shadow flickered in the dark. It was unable to be seen by the naked eye. Drip. Its ears twitched. That wasn't a shadow. Drop. A pebble tumbled out of a crack in the aged wall, falling into a small puddle. Plip. A tiny figure peered out of the very crack the pebble emerged from. The figure slipped and toppled into the puddle. Plop. The shadow opened its eyes, only, there were no eyes to open, but pools of pitch black pain.
"Josiah?"
The shadow stared at the small figure who was drenched in the puddle. The figure rose to its feet. It looked like a wet, white gingerbread man with black dots as eyes. The white figure brushed off droplets of water from its body. Wading through the puddle, it approached the supposed shadow and grinned.
"Hi Kree."

chp. one →

note; yep, it's a really short prologue ;A;

intro post

[Asherwy]

ｏｎｅ.

"Again, Kree."
That same voice, that unsympathetic, stone voice of his seemed to pierce him every time he heard it. Leaves rustled overhead as the undersized member of the Kakushi family re-did the hunting move. The white Kakushi was barely out of puphood, but he was already practicing advanced hunting techniques. He could feel the intense gaze of his father burning into his body, only bearable by his mother's gentle aura wreathing around him as perfected the silent sprint. Once the mouse was trapped in his paws, he quickly ended it's life to insure that he didn't look like a coward in front of his father. As the mouse's life ebbed, the intensity of his father's gaze turned to cold approval once the white pup presented the dead creature to his father.
"That was much better. Roq, your turn."
That same voice was different when he spoke of Roq, it was lined with pride instead of the cold tone when he spoke of the white Kakushi. Roq was older and stronger than the one called Kree, which is expected of any elder brother. The strong, raven black Kakushi seemed to have done even better than Kree, even though the white one's demonstration was already perfect. The white Kakushi's head lowered and his ears drooped as he witnessed the praise given to his elder brother.
"You did the technique perfectly, not even Zorr can criticise that."
His mother's lavender scent overwhelmed him as she whispered the comforting words into his ear, but his heart turned to ice as she spoke of his father's name. That name. That name of the very Kakushi who brought pain crashing down on his own son. Zorr had finished discussing with Roq when Kree was again reminded of the fact that he had no sister. Why is Zorr content with sons? The question bounced of the trunks of every tree as the distant family padded back to their cave in the pale light of dusk.
"Why don't we have a sister?"
The white Kakushi inquired quietly to his mother, knowing that his father would have him hunt four dozen mice before dawn if he ever mentioned having a sister. His mother's eyes were overtook by a wave of pain as he peered at her expectantly. The slender Kakushi hesitated, throwing a quick glance at his father to make sure he wasn't focused on them, then bent her head closer to Kree's large ear.
"You do have a sister."
At that moment, Zorr's head whipped around to glare at his mother, his intimidating gaze just grazing the top of the white Kakushi's head as fury radiated off of him in waves. There was something else hidden deep inside those waves of anger, was it fear? That thought was completely dropped as soon as his father spoke, his voice like splintering ice.
"How dare you speak of her?"

← prologue

chp. 2 →

note; probably all the chapters are going to be this short.:p

intro post

[Asherwy]

What do people think of this so far?

[Asherwy]

bump

[SepthSilver]

Looks good! Can't wait to read more.

[Asherwy]

Thank you! I'm working on the 2nd chapter now.

[Asherwy]

ｔｗｏ.

"Get back to the cave Kree."
The sound of his mother's voice frightened him, it was tinged with fear as well as grave acceptance. Roq simply dipped his head once his father had whispered fiercely in his ear and padded away obediently. The white Kakushi hesitated before following his elder brother, casting quick glances at both his parents. Zorr's expression was deadly cold, eyes splintering with fury as he glowered at his mother.
"Leave me alone with Sienne, Kree."
His father's voice was unusually soft, clashing with the expression on his muzzle as the white pup backed away slowly, then turned tail and raced after his brother. The young Kakushi didn't like the way his father barked his mother's name, he added disgust to his tone when he voiced her name. What's he going to do? The pale dusk light was fading, revealing the glittering stars to glare down at the Kakushi that seemed to suck the warmth out of him. Pace slackening, he recognised the familiar yawning dark opening to their cave and padded inside, paws dragging with exhaustion and anxiety.
"Kree? Is that you?"
The familiar voice he had heard echoed around the cave as he slumped to the cold stone floor against the cave wall. It was warm, but cautious and carried the usual tone of an elder brother with responsibility. A shape moved in the darkness, and the white Kakushi could just make out the outline of Roq's build. His deep blue eyes glittered with concern in the dark, Kree appreciated his brother's willing to speak with him and bond with him. Zorr had always told his elder brother to stay away from him, otherwise he'd get soft as well. But Roq had cared for the white pup too much to just ignore him, so he had decided to converse in private when their father wasn't around. As the small white Kakushi sensed his brother settling beside him, he let the warmth seep into his small body, letting the anxiety of his parents fade like mist in the morning sun.

Kree was dosing off when wet pawsteps entered the cave, pattering with satisfaction and a numb feeling that he could not pick out. The tang of fresh blood reached his scent glans, immediately jerking his head up, ears twitching with alarm. Soon he could distinct his father's scent underneath the tang of blood, as well as his brother when he rose to his paws.
"Father? Where's mother?"

← chp. 1

chp. 3 →

note; I hope you guys are enjoying it so far!

intro post

[minx,]

Critique:

~Hey I saw your post on INKLINGS.....


.-Try and post longer chapters, it is always better to have longer chapters.
.-on the first post, you might wanna post a summary about what the book is about before people start reading. it gives them an idea of what it would be before they get tangled in the book.
.-overall: pretty good... keep it up.

[Asherwy]

Critique:

~Hey I saw your post on INKLINGS.....


.-Try and post longer chapters, it is always better to have longer chapters.
.-on the first post, you might wanna post a summary about what the book is about before people start reading. it gives them an idea of what it would be before they get tangled in the book.
.-overall: pretty good... keep it up.

1. I'm planning to keep the chapters this short, it's not like it's going to be published. Also easier to read.
2. That is a good idea, thanks!
3. Thank you :3