Primadonna

[Roonil Wazlib]

This story is based off of the song Primadonna by Marina & the Diamonds. It's for Lady Luck's writing contest. Don't steal, (c) me.

Everett Lowell put two fingers in his mouth and blew. A loud, shrill whistle escaped from his bitterly cold lips. A carriage driver pulled over to the side of the road, yelling “Whoa!” at the dark brown mare pulling the carriage.
“Where to?” asked the driver as Everett climbed into the carriage.
“Abbey Grove.” he said. “Last house on the right, you can’t miss it.”
The driver chuckled. “To the old Thorington place, then? You’d better ‘ope you’s expected, then. They don’ like strangers.” He laughed again, this time a big booming laugh Everett could feel deep in his chest.
Everett shuddered. “Yes, they are expecting me. My family is good friends with them.”
“Oh, so you’s one of those hoity toity rich folk, then? You don’ strike me as much.”
Everett kept his jaw clenched and tried to ignore the driver’s offensive remark. “Yes.”
The carriage rumbled on in silence. Everett saw the scenery rushing past, only slightly familiar. He ran over the words he had memorized in his head over and over. If he made a single mistake he knew that Louisa wasn’t going to accept him, and all of his grand plans for the future would be ruined.
Louisa Thorington, would you do me the honor of marriage? No, that wasn’t right. Louisa, marry me? Louisa Thorington, would you do me the honor of becoming my wife? She leapt up. “No, no, you’re not doing it right.” Her hands were turning green and...scaly?
The carriage jolted to a stop. Everett woke up sweating. “We’re here.” said the driver gruffly. “That’ll be fourteen pence.”
Everett nodded and pulled the money out of his coat pocket. He pulled his coat tighter around his tall frame and dropped it into the driver’s outstretched hand.
“G’night, mister.” said the driver, clicking his tongue. The horses started off, their hooves echoing on the cobblestones.
Everett clicked up the stone pathway to the front door. He usually didn’t go to the front door, but this time his visit was much more important than a quick chat or tea with Louisa.
He rapped his knuckles on the wooden door. The few seconds he waited were long hours. The door opened and warm light spilled on him. Charlotte, one of the family's maids, was standing in the doorway, her slight frame outlined by the light.
“Oh, mister Lowell! Wat a pleasure.”
“Hello, Charlotte, is Louisa in?” he asked, forgetting his manners in his haste.
Charlotte nodded. “She’s waitin’ for you in the hall wiv the missus” Charlotte moved aside. “Come in, I’ll bring you to ‘er.”
“Thank you, Charlotte.” He followed the tiny slip of a maid into the grand house. He had grown up in a house similar to it, though perhaps not as big. The Thoringtons loved art and had a great many paintings hung up on their walls. Scenes of life were hung on the walls, like little windows into someone else’s mind.
They arrived in the parlor. Louisa beamed when he stepped into the room. “Everett, dear, come in!” She motioned for Charlotte to leave. Charlotte did a quick curtsey and left, to the kitchen presumably.
Everett went over to Louisa and sat stiffly next to her. She rang a little bell she was holding. “ANNE!” she yelled. Everett covered his ears.
Anne walked into the room, surprisingly light on her feet for a heavy woman. “Yes miss?”
“Can you hand me that pillow, over there?” She pointed a long finger to the other side of the room.
Anne didn’t seem fazed by Louisa’s unwillingness to walk halfway across the room. She got the pillow and went over to Louisa’s side. “Where would you like it, miss?”
“Right here would be lovely.” said Louisa, lifting her head. Anne placed the pillow there. “Anything else, miss?”
“No, not right now.” Anne curtsied and left the room.
Everett didn’t say a word. “Louisa, I have....something to...um...” He tugged on his collar. It was intimidating to have Mrs. Thorington there, staring at them with bright blue eyes. Louisa’s eyes, though Louisa had a softer edge around her eyes.
“Yes, Everett?” asked Louisa, staring at him.
“Will you marry me?” he burst out, embarrassed.
Mrs. Thorington made a show of looking away, but she was clearly still watching them.
“Oh, Everett!” said Louisa. “I knew you were going to ask me. I was talking to Mummy the other day, and she said “Louisa, dear, you do know Everett’s sweet on you.” I had no idea but when I thought of it, I thought about all those nice things you did and thought that I’d never seen you talk to another girl, not even one!”
All of these things were blurring together in Everett’s mind. He had no idea what she was talking about. He sat there like a stone statue with no idea what to do.
Mrs. Thorington cleared her throat quietly. “Louisa, dear, give Everett your answer. The poor man’s overwhelmed by all of your chattering.”
Louisa’s cheeks turned a light pink color. “I...can I have a moment?”
Everett nodded, terrified. He stepped out the door, but stayed close so he could hear snatches of Louisa’s voice.
“Mummy...sweetest....what do I say?” He heard her mother’s voice mumble a reply, then Louisa’s again: “I know....poor....really like....love?”
Everett’s knees were shaking. He rested his hand on the wall to steady himself. Louisa’s little bell sounded through the door, and Charlotte rushed past him into the room, carrying a pot of tea on a silver tray. She shut the door carefully behind her, giving Everett a dirty look.
It seemed like hours went by before the shiny door swung open again. Mrs. Thorington was holding the door open.
Everett gave her a weak smile. “May I come in?”
“Of course.” Her response was clipped, sharp. “Louisa has her answer.” She stepped past Everett into the hall. Charlotte was still in the room, standing in the corner with the teapot at ready.
“Sit down, Everett dear.” said Louisa.
He sat, his shaky knees collapsing in the uncomfortable stuffed chair.
“Do...do you have an answer?” His mouth was dry.
She smiled. “Yes!”
“Wh-what? Yes you have an answer or yes you will marry me?”
“Yes!” she said, laughing.
He smiled, his face regaining some of it’s color. “Well that’s marvelous!”
“Of course it is!” Louisa rung her bell again. “Charlotte, more tea. And take Everett’s coat and hang it up.”
“Please.” added Everett hurriedly. Louisa glanced at him questioningly.
“Wait, why do you need my coat?” asked Everett.
“Oh Everett, you’re staying for a celebration dinner of course!”
“I..I am?” he said as Charlotte took his coat.
“Yes! It will be lovely! Charlotte, tell Prudence to cook the grandest feast she can.” she said, her cheeks even redder with excitement.
“But how can they cook so much on short notice?” asked Everett.
“Oh, they will.” Louisa adjusted her hair. “I need to go change!" She leapt up. “Isn’t it exciting? We’re finally going to marry!”
Everett gave her a small grin. She was exhausting, but he still couldn’t help but be infused with some of her happiness.
“I’ll be back in a tiny bit. Char, tell Mummy I’m going to change. And please send up Rose to help me!” She was out the door in a second, with Everett left in the room alone. Well, almost. Mrs. Thorington was watching from the door.
He nodded politely. “Hello, Mrs. Thorington. I don’t believe I greeted you properly.”
She gave him a tight lipped smile. “It’s quite alright, Mr. Lowell. Louisa is so happy that you’ve chosen her- and I must admit, it’s quite brave for someone like you to ask someone like her.”
“What do you mean, Mrs. Thorington?” Everett had a faint idea of what she was getting at-
“Dear Everett, I mean your money of course! Your family is...part of the middle class, to put it lightly.”
“You mean you mean you won’t let us marry?” He stared at her with wide eyes threatening to overflow with tears. He had wanted this so much...
She chuckled. “Oh no, I already have two daughters married well, a third one would be pushing my luck. But, I’m offering you some-" she paused carefully, considering her wording. "-advice. Watch your step.”
Suddenly Louisa was standing at the botton of the stairs, dressed in an elaborate concoction of silk and feathers. She looked radiant.
“You look lovely, Louisa.”
She blushed. “You’re too kind, Everett.”

The End (for now)

[Roonil Wazlib]

Could anyone critique this? I'd be really grateful :)

[nutella ♥]

Hope you don't mind me posting ~
It's wonderful! I loved every bit of it. Im taking part in the contest as well, and it certainly looks like there's some tough competition. c: good luck!

[Roonil Wazlib]

@nutella
That I you very much! That really means a lot :) Your story is excellent too

[Just Artemis]

Oh, it's very nice!~ It shows real potential and leaves you wondering!~ I love it!

[Roonil Wazlib]

@Red
Thank you :3

[rikkea.]

This story is absolutely amazing! I just enjoyed in reading. I love your writing style, and details in story go together very well. Awsome. ^_^

[Roonil Wazlib]

@Rikkea
Thank you! I really appreciate you taking the time to read it, and I'm glad you liked it

[Roonil Wazlib]

Bump :3
Anyone else want to critique?

[malteser]

I loved It! ^-^ You have a real talent. It sounds a bit historical, my Favorite! I would definitely love to hear More!