Dig Your Own Hole

[Make_a__Scene]

This was written for a contest held by Commander Shepard. I had to cut out about 2500 words in order for it to stay within the word limit, so if you're not reading this for the contest, I highly suggest you read the uncut version in the second post.

> > > > > > >The rain was a dramatic cliché he could have done without, but other than that this was turning out to be the best night of his week. Julius wasn’t a bitter wallflower in the least, but he was happy that no one was bothering him; it almost scared him how happy it made him that he was finally being left alone. Trembling tattooed hands produced a pack of menthol cigarettes from the inside pocket of his jacket. Fingers frustratedly fumbled with a lighter from the same pocket. Once the cig was lit, after a bit of trouble, Julius took a long drag. The smokescreen he exhaled quickly dissipated in the humidity. He was coming down now, and so he sat on the wooden picnic table under the tented structure in the middle of the park. Alone with the various sounds of the rain hitting different park equipment, including pooling on the scotch-guarded textile roof and sliding off in streams, he started recounting the events that had led him here.
> > > > > > >To say that his week had started off so well was another cliché Julius preferred not to dive into. He may have been a hopeless romantic, but he was no fan of clichés. Besides that, up until this point in his life he hadn’t experienced dramatic highs and lows like other teenagers had; he was fortunate to be living a life full of highs. Now he was smoking a pack a day and drinking whenever he could get away with it. Growing up, he always seemed to have an old soul, but now he was relapsing, acting like a normal teenager, or maybe even worse. And all within the time frame of just a few days.
> > > > > > >Monday. The week actually began with an unfortunate occurrence that had happened to his friend: his boyfriend had broken up with him. While a fairly normal, and all-too-common event in high school, these two had been dating for three years. Julius had watched Sasha’s downward spiral after his mother had died; his home life had gotten worse, which translated into how Sasha dealt with people. Unfortunately that meant bitterness and separation. Because of this, Julius was concerned about how Sasha would react. So far he just seemed empty; he barely even spoke except to say that he didn’t want to be alone. Julius understood, and that was fairly easy to accommodate during the school day – Sasha had a full day of school, but Julius only had a half day, so he was able to go to lunch with Sasha and then hang out with his girlfriend after he was done with classes – but after school it got a little complicated.
> > > > > > >Julius went to pick Sasha up from school, which was routine, but this time his girlfriend wasn’t in the car, figuring that it would be insensitive to bring along his significant other when his best friend just had his heart broken. Turning out of the parking lot in the direction of Sasha’s house there was a protest.
> > > > > > >“Please, don’t take me home; I can’t deal with my dad right now.”
> > > > > > >“Alright, then we’ll go to my house—“
> > > > > > >“No. …Can we just…drive around for a while?”
> > > > > > >Julius was quick to agree, even though he really wanted to see his girlfriend. Instead, they just drove around the city. It was silent, and the only thing that filled that silence was the local rock station where the radio was set. Julius texted at every red light and stop sign, and Sasha didn’t say anything simply because he knew how Julius was. They ended up stopping at a playground and sitting on the swings eating cups so full of frozen yogurt that neither of them would finish. Julius continued to text his girlfriend. Sasha remained silent. Julius recognized that from an outside view it would seem as though he were completely ignoring his friend when he was needed most, but Sasha knew he could say anything whenever he wanted and Julius would listen. But Julius craved his girlfriend, kind of like how Sasha craved the company of his best friend, only worse for Julius because it was symptomatic of an addiction.
> > > > > > >After neither of them had finished their frozen yogurt, Sasha silently stood up and started walking back to Julius’ truck. Julius quickly jumped up to follow him. He didn’t drive to Sasha’s house or even try to this time. His parents still weren’t home, but he knew they wouldn’t mind Sasha staying the night. The rest of the evening passed without incidence. Sasha was able to pretend to be okay enough that Julius’ parents didn’t ask too many questions at dinner. Usually Sasha slept on the couch, but tonight, upon Julius’ insistence, he slept in his friend’s bed, and Julius took the air mattress.
> > > > > > >Wednesday. He reached back behind the front seats and grabbed his backpack, which practically lived in his truck, and then got out, stretching and twisting to try to alleviate his stiff bones. He only had three classes today and he’d be done, but he wished he felt more prepared. C’est la vie, he did it to himself. After he locked his car and just as he was turning around, he was blindsided and shoved into the side of his truck. On a normal day it would have been nothing, but recovering from a hangover it made Julius’ head spin. Turning again, this time to face his aggressor, he found it was a senior from the swim team, and he was pissed.
> > > > > > >“Drew, what the hell? What’s your problem?”
> > > > > > >“My problem? What the hell is your problem?”
> > > > > > >Julius couldn’t muster the cognition to form proper words, so he just stood there, gaping stupidly in confusion.
> > > > > > >“Someone from the party last night snitched about our tradition.”
> > > > > > >“Oh, man, I’m sorry; I was so wasted—“
> > > > > > >“Julius, our coaches are mad as hell. They put the entire team on probation; we might not get to go to State.”
> > > > > > >“I am so sorry; what do you want me to do? I’ll do anything to fix it.”
> > > > > > >“God, you’ve done enough. What do you want to do?”
> > > > > > >“I dunno, dude… I’m just trying to be a friend.”
> > > > > > >“That ship sailed when you told everyone our secret. You seriously screwed varsity over, and I don’t know about the other guys, but I’m going to try to forget you were ever a part of us.”
> > > > > > >That was the end of the conversation, because after that Drew just left. And Julius dropped his backpack to the pavement, slumping back against his truck. He really did feel entirely at fault for possibly costing the swim team State; and considering that the majority of the varsity team was comprised of seniors, it was a big deal. So the upperclassmen would surely be mad, but he had a distinct feeling that the few underclassmen on the team would no longer look to him as a sort of minor legend.
> > > > > > >He threw his backpack into the bed of his truck and then walked towards the building. The halls were buzzing with students scrambling in the last few minutes of the passing period to get to their class. Julius caught Sasha just before he walked through the door to his classroom.
> > > > > > >“C’mon, we’re going driving,” Julius demanded. Sasha didn’t question it; he didn’t say anything, just followed Julius to his truck. He clambered into the passenger’s seat and Julius got behind the wheel. And they drove. CDs filled the silence between the boys. First it was angry music: From First to Last, Protest the Hero, and Attila. But when they got off the highway they listened to happy music: The Format, fun., and Barenaked Ladies. Then there was the happy-sad music: Taking Back Sunday, Motion City Soundtrack, and Young the Giant.
> > > > > > >Somehow between all of that, they went through a McDonald’s drive-thru for milkshakes, a Wendy’s drive-thru for bacon cheeseburgers, stopped at a gas station, and ended up chasing the sun as it drooped closer to the horizon. Just before it dipped below the Earth, they stopped at a city park. They walked along a dirt path that was only occupied by a couple of other people walking their dogs. The silence remained until the man-made dirt path faded into natural ground. They sat on a bench and waited for the sun to go down; no one else went that deep into the park. Time was irrelevant. All Julius knew was that they sat there longer in the dark than they did in the fading light. Sasha got up and started walking back down the path.
> > > > > > >Sasha drove this time. They picked up some food from Burger King and then parked at an abandoned drive-in. They faced the screen, even though it was out of commission. First they listened to Ko and the Knockouts. Then they listened to Tilly & the Wall. And then the accessories were turned off. The windows of the truck were open to air everything out. What was left of the drive-in was doused in darkness; the silver light of the crescent moon did little to dispel the dark, and only a few blushing stars had the strength to shine through the city’s general light pollution.
> > > > > > >Both boys were still and silent. And the night was still and silent. Then Sasha shifted. He planted one hand on the center console and the other brushed along Julius’ jaw line, startling him so he turned. Sasha pressed forward, kissing Julius. Not a fleeting kiss like the ones he used to give Julius in middle school when he was playing. A real kiss. And Julius let him. The two didn’t break until Sasha pulled back. They held eye contact. Even the slight trickle of moonlight was enough to catch the light colour of Sasha’s eyes and illuminate them in a way reminiscent of amber. Julius’ eyes were bottomless pits, his iris and pupil melding together.
> > > > > > >“Sorry.” He wasn’t sorry. He felt bad for putting his best friend in this situation, but he wasn’t sorry.
> > > > > > >“It’s okay.” Julius meant it.
> > > > > > >Sasha leaned in for another kiss. It wasn’t desperate as Julius was expecting. Nor was it timid. It was very… comfortable. Sasha’s lips were soft, a softness that rivaled his girlfriend if he had to admit it. He never would have imagined that any part of Sasha was so soft. He tasted like salt and the way he smelled, the latter of which he had come to expect of all kisses. Sasha pulled back again.
> > > > > > >“Я люблю тебя.” It was the only thing he knew how to say in Russian, even though both of his parents were Russian.
> > > > > > >“I love you too, bro.”
> > > > > > >Thursday. The school day passed without much incidence. He got shoved around a little bit from passing members of the swim team, and at one point he opened his locker to find about half a dozen bags of minnows, but other than those two occurrences his day was normal. He had lunch with Sasha, this time took him home after school, and drove over to his girlfriend’s apartment. He hadn’t been seeing her lately, what with her college schedule and what was going on in his life.
> > > > > > >It was an unfortunate time for her to break up with him.
> > > > > > >“What?”
> > > > > > >“It’s not working out. We’re not working out.”
> > > > > > >“Wha-Why?” Julius couldn’t wrap his head around what was happening; they rarely fought at all, and they always had a good time together. He had no idea where this was coming from.
> > > > > > >“You’re suffocating me; I need some breathing room.”
> > > > > > >“That’s a little cliché, isn’t it?” Julius mumbled.
> > > > > > >“God, Julius, this isn’t the—What is your hang-up about clichés? You know why people use so many clichés? Because clichés are human,” she sounded angry now. “Clichés didn’t just materialize out of nowhere; things are clichéd because people use them.” She smiled incredulously and rolled her eyes.
> > > > > > >Julius was taken aback, but he didn’t really care about the subject of clichés at the moment. “Why… How can I be suffocating you when we haven’t seen each other since Monday?”
> > > > > > >“You’ve been texting me nonstop since Monday night! Do you even know you texted me while you were drunk? Did you want to see them? Oh, they are the icing on the cake!” More clichés. She was being condescending now, something he’d only seen in her once.
> > > > > > >“Oh, stop being dramatic. I’m sure they weren’t that—“
> > > > > > >“You proposed to me! Yeah, mmhm. You said you couldn’t drive to come see me because you were smashed, but you love me, so ‘will you marry me?’ You said we could go buy an engagement ring tomorrow.”
> > > > > > >“Okay, so maybe I shouldn’t have let Sasha give me that drink, but is that really grounds to break up?”
> > > > > > >“It’s not just that, it’s your constant need to be in contact. I can’t do it anymore. I just—I need to focus on school.”
> > > > > > >“Just don’t… leave my life.”
> > > > > > >“What do you want from me, Julius?”
> > > > > > >A pause. “I want to be friends. Please, Bronwyn.”
> > > > > > >She approached him with a sad smile. “I wish we could, but I don’t think you’ll be able to handle that kind of relationship.” She kissed his cheek and he left. He never understood why girls did that; it was like squeezing a lemon into a papercut.
> > > > > > >He wanted to go driving, but just before he hit the highway he didn’t want to drive anymore, so he just turned around and went home. Sasha was sitting on his porch drawing on his hand with a Sharpie pen. Julius wouldn’t look at him, but he didn’t unlock the front door either.
> > > > > > >“Can I bum a smoke?”
> > > > > > >“You told me to never give you cigarettes.”
> > > > > > >“Bronwyn broke up with me.”
> > > > > > >“Okay, hold on.” He stood up and started patting himself down to find the crushed carton of cigarettes. He tapped one out and offered it to Julius, and then one for himself. They stood on the porch with their cigarettes, the pink-flushed sun casting a golden light that turned the smoke they exhaled white. After they got all they could out of the cigarettes, Julius unlocked the front door. He ran the butts under cold water before throwing them in the garbage below the sink so his parents wouldn’t find them.
> > > > > > >Friday. When Julius got to school and discovered that his locker wouldn’t open he was almost afraid to know what the swim team had done now. Almost. He still wanted his locker open. It took both Julius and Sasha pulling on I for the door to pop open. As the door swung open and crashed into the lockers next to it, water rushed out, spilling onto the boys’ shoes. Shock was first, just staring at the puddle on the floor.
> > > > > > >“Are you kidding me?” Julius didn’t know how they did it; he didn’t care. At least they had the decency to take out his books first. Except now he’d have to try to get the books back from them. Less annoyed at the fact that his locker had been filled with water and more at now having to go through four classes with wet shoes, he stalked off without saying anything, leaving Sasha to have to catch up.
> > > > > > >When his classes were over, with no girlfriend to hang out with, Julius sat in the bed of his truck listening to music. At first he listened to 1000 Umbrellas by XTC a few times in a row, but then he switched to fun.’s Be Calm and just left it on repeat. He had the colour patterns that came with his synesthesia for this song memorized, and he normally didn’t pay much attention to it anymore. But right now he tried to mostly just focus on the colour. He did this for about 40 minutes and then left the school and went to help his parents at their deli.
> > > > > > >He picked Sasha up from school, and they went driving again. Sasha drove first, then Julius. This time, though, they talked a lot. Mostly trying to figure out how the swim team sealed and filled his locker. And they laughed. It was the first time in a week that they had laughed while sober. It still wasn’t the same as before, but it was better than it had been. Wendy’s was on the menu tonight, and the dining location was a parking lot behind a thrift store that happened to be particularly lacking light.
> > > > > > >“Man, my dads would kill me if they knew how much fastfood I’ve eaten this week.” Julius obviously wasn’t too concerned with this, because he nearly couldn’t finish his sentence before shoving a burger into his face.
> > > > > > >“Yeah. Hey, so,” Julius already knew where this was going, and he really didn’t want to talk about it, “the other night, at the drive-in, what were you thinking?”
> > > > > > >“Excuse me, you were the one who kissed me, what were you thinking?”
> > > > > > >“No, I mean… I know you. I know you didn’t want to do that. Why did you let me?”
> > > > > > >“You were down and…” He shrugged.
> > > > > > >“Let me try it this way: what is it you want?”
> > > > > > >Julius slouched down in his seat. “I want… to be your friend; that’s all I was trying to do.”
> > > > > > >“My God, Jules, you don’t even know what you want,” Sasha scoffed, but in a friendly way. “That’s not—Here, take off your shirt.”
> > > > > > >“Um. … What?”
> > > > > > >“Just do it.”
> > > > > > >Julius complied, pulling his shirt over and off his head, revealing a myriad of tattoos, the reason he was kicked off the swim team. Sasha poked his finger into the ‘tu’ of the ‘et tu, Brute?’ tattoo that brandished his chest just under his collarbone.
> > > > > > >“Do you remember what you said to me when you got this one?”
> > > > > > >“Yeah…”
> > > > > > >“You said, ‘You know what this means? It means you can never stab me in the back, Brutus.’ And then I punched you for calling me by my first name.”
> > > > > > >“Yeah. I said I remembered; you didn’t have to recap.”
> > > > > > >“Well, it goes both ways, y’know? Brutus had justifiable reasons for stabbing Caesar; namely that Caesar became a psychotic tyrant in a system that was supposed to be a democracy.” Julius was squinting at Sasha, not appreciative of the summary of the tragedy they’d learned about in the seventh grade. “Caesar had the capability of stabbing Brutus in the back, too. And if you keep going on pitying me instead of just being there for me, then that’s exactly what you’re doing. That kiss? Major knife to my back, man.”
> > > > > > >Julius took it in. It made sense, but it wasn’t exactly something that he wanted to continue steeping in his mind; he wanted to change the subject, but thought that might bring things to a level of awkwardness that had never been reached by the two friends. He didn’t want to try for it now. He didn’t say anything for a long time. Or, it seemed like a long time. It was long enough for him to reach into the glove box for a smoke and light up.
> > > > > > >“Okay,” he exhaled. “Well, I’m sorry.”
> > > > > > >As he was putting his shirt back on, Sasha made a comment that made Julius want to backhand him: “It’s okay. I mean, you’re a pretty good kisser, so that makes up for it.”
> > > > > > >Saturday. He laid face down on the couch for several hours. He got up, ate a sandwich, and then laid back down for another half an hour before the doorbell rang. He already knew who it was, only one person came over unannounced, and he was half-surprised that he didn’t just open the door; Julius must have locked it. He sluggishly trudged to the door, unlocking the deadbolt before he was able to open it. A battered, angry Sasha stood on his porch.
> > > > > > >“My God.” Julius stepped to the side to allow his friend in the house. Sasha had a few nicks on his cheekbones, blood smeared across his face that had originated from his nose, and a red mark around his neck. He trudged into the house with the same sluggishness Julius had exhibited moments before. He plopped down in a chair at the kitchen table and wiped his nose with the back of his hand as more blood dribbled down, smearing it across his face again.
> > > > > > >“I would have called,” he wouldn’t have, “but my dad took my cell phone.”
> > > > > > >Julius closed the door and followed Sasha into the kitchen. He grabbed a hand towel from a cabinet next to the sink; he didn’t know that he had grabbed one of his dad’s “good” hand towels – the ones they only took out when they had family or company over – but he’d get scolded later. He ran it under cold water, squeezed out the excess, and then scooped some ice into it. He gave the bundle to Sasha and then sat down across from him. He’d learned not to ask what had happened; although what had happened was no longer necessary information, and Julius always knew who had done it.
> > > > > > >“What happened to you?” Sasha had noticed the bandage on the inside of Julius’ palm.
> > > > > > >“Glass.” He flipped his hand over and gingerly ran his fingers across the blue adhesive bandage.
> > > > > > >“And..?”
> > > > > > >“Meat slicer.” He turned his hand back over to examine the clean, thin cuts on the back of his fingers.
> > > > > > >“Someone is clumsy today,” Sasha mused with a smart smile.
> > > > > > >Julius sighed, drumming his fingers on the table anxiously. “Yeah, well, how would you be acting if everything important to you was crumbling under your feet?”
> > > > > > >Sasha was still amused by all of this. And it wasn’t helping. “I don’t remember you being such a drama queen.”
> > > > > > >“I’m not—Ugh,” Julius stretched his arms out across the table and slouched forward. “Listen, Bronwyn dumped me, the entire swim team hates me, and I nearly destroyed our friendship.”
> > > > > > >“Well, you’re digging your own hole, dude.”
> > > > > > >Donk. His head hit the table. “Can’t I just kick the dirt back in?”
> > > > > > >“You’ve never dug your own grave before, have you?”
> > > > > > >“I’ve never screwed up this much in my entire life.” He retracted his arms off the table but left his head. And he stayed there for a while. And Sasha didn’t say anything. They stayed that way for longer than was comfortable before Julius heard Sasha get up and dump his ice into the sink.
> > > > > > >He slowly got up and turned to look at Sasha. There were still traces of blood on his face but less. “Take a shower, man. You need one.”
> > > > > > >“Uh, so do you, Jules.” Sasha draped the soiled cloth over the edge of the sink. “Want to join me?”
> > > > > > >“Stop it.” Julius was in no mood to put up with his teasing.
> > > > > > >“It could be a cold shower.”
> > > > > > >“Go,” Julius all but snarled, which did instigate his friend’s retreat down the hallway for fear of having something thrown at him. Julius did want a shower. He didn’t know what he wanted, actually. Just for things to go back to how they were before the week started. He wanted to drink, but the only alcohol in his house was beer; he hated beer. He wanted a smoke, but his cigarettes were in his car. He opened up a bottle of beer anyway. He mindlessly messed with his phone, going through random apps but not really getting anything done. He nursed the bitter beverage as the kitchen grew dimmer with the falling sun but couldn’t be bothered to get up to turn on a light. About to go check on Sasha, he finally heard the water start running.
> > > > > > >Julius wished Sasha would hurry; he didn’t want to be alone to steep in his thoughts. There was a knock at his door, which was unusual that anyone used their knocker at all. Releasing a breath, he stood up to answer. Bronwyn. He didn’t want to see her right now; he’d rather be alone with his thoughts. The mere sight of her made his palms sweat and a tingling sensation run from his heart, down the back of his spine, and to his stomach. This was worse than the feeling he got when he was asking her out for the first time. The least she could have done was texted him.
> > > > > > >“Hi… Julius. Sorry I didn’t call.” Maybe he was just bitter, but he didn’t think she was really sorry. “I just came by to, um… Can I get my stuff?”
> > > > > > >“Uh.” Julius was dumbfounded. It had been less than 48 hours and she was doing this? “Now?”
> > > > > > >“Yeah, I’m moving into a different apartment on Monday and I’m trying to get my stuff together. I have some of your stuff in the car.”
> > > > > > >“Uh, okay.” Julius moved to the side to let her in. “I don’t think I have very much; do you need a box?”
> > > > > > >“Nah, it’s fine.”
> > > > > > >“Okay, just… Wait here a sec, I’ll be right back.” He disappeared up the stairs.
> > > > > > >The water shut off. Sasha came down the hall seconds after Julius had gone. He was damp and only wearing boxers, haphazardly trying to dry his hair with his towel. When he pulled the towel off his head, he squinted at who was standing there. Still, he remained as nonchalant as he could.
> > > > > > >“Come to finish off my friend’s heart?”
> > > > > > >“Shouldn’t you be sulking over a boy?”
> > > > > > >“Dragon.”
> > > > > > >“I think this is all that I have.” Julius stepped heavily down the stairs, two jackets, a couple of CDs, and a video game bundled in his arms. “I guess,” he handed the items over, “you can just contact me if I still have something you need.”
> > > > > > >“Yeah, thanks.” She smiled. “C’mon.”
> > > > > > >They went out to her car, where Julius’ things were packed neatly in a plain box, all taped up. He wasn’t going to go through it out here. He didn’t even know if he wanted to go through it when he got back outside. After he grabbed the box from her back seat, she got into the car and rolled down the window.
> > > > > > >It had only been two days but, “It was nice seeing you again, Julius.” No it wasn’t. He didn’t say anything. And she drove away. He went back inside and put the box on the kitchen table; Sasha was sitting there, still mostly naked, eating a bowl of cereal. Julius opened the box up with a kitchen knife and started rummaging through it.
> > > > > > >“Is your heart in there?” Sasha asked, mouth full of cereal.
> > > > > > >That was it. Without a word, Julius grabbed his jacket from the hall closet and left. He had already been driving for at least half an hour before he got a call from Sasha; it was his home number, but he assumed it was Sasha, since he didn’t think his parents would be home yet. Twenty more minutes and Sasha was calling him again. He threw the phone into the passenger’s seat and let it ring. At a stoplight he reached over and got out his cigarettes from the glove box and lit up, proceeding to tuck the rest of the cigarettes in his jacket pocket. It was completely dark now, although the slinking grey clouds shrouded the moon and most of the stars.
> > > > > > >As he drove, time quickly became irrelevant. The streets were suddenly empty, and Julius was empty. It was an odd sensation that he had never experienced before. He tried not to focus on it too much, but he wished that he could pinpoint exactly what this feeling was. Maybe it was the beginning of the spontaneous combustion he had been anticipating for so long. He knew that he bottled things up.
> > > > > > >Two more cigarettes came and went, his phone rang again, and his gaslight came on. Instead of a gas station, he started driving to the playground, the newest one that had been built, within walking distance of his house. He had to throw his truck into neutral and coast into the parking lot, but he made it there. He got out and walked the perimeter of the park. He was trembling; he could feel it in his core but only see it in his hands. By the time his cigarette was finished the rain had picked up to a full-on downpour. Of course it had.
> > > > > > >He was soaked in a matter of seconds after stepping out from under the shade structure. It was only now that he was beginning to think that clichés and irony were just the way the world worked. As much as he’d like to, it was impossible to avoid them. Completely, at least. That was unfortunate. And then he threw up. Maybe that’s the way humans reacted when they needed to spontaneously combust but the laws of nature wouldn’t allow it. They needed to dispel something somehow, and that was the only way mortals could accomplish that. It didn’t make Julius feel any better, especially not like how he imagined exploding or possibly imploding in on himself would feel.
> > > > > > >It had to be after midnight now. His dad hadn’t sent the police out after him; that was a good sign. Wet clothes made him slow. Intense introspection made him slower. When was the last time he was in a rut like this? Never. It was driving him crazy. He wasn’t the same as he had been for the past 18 years; he wanted to go back. But he didn’t know how.
> > > > > > >He was fumbling with a wet key in his lock when the door swung open.
> > > > > > >“Oh, God.” It was Sasha. He was wearing clothes now, and the nicks on his face seemed have been replaced with bruises.
> > > > > > >Julius didn’t know what the words were until they were tumbling out of his mouth. “I gotta get out of this hole.”

[Make_a__Scene]

> > > > > > >The rain was a dramatic cliché he could have done without, but other than that this was turning out to be the best night of his week. Julius wasn’t a bitter wallflower in the least, but he was happy that no one was bothering him; it almost scared him how happy it made him that he was finally being left alone. Trembling tattooed hands produced a pack of menthol cigarettes from the inside pocket of his jacket. Fingers frustratedly fumbled with a lighter from the same pocket. Once the cig was lit, after a bit of trouble, Julius took a long drag. The smokescreen he exhaled quickly dissipated in the humidity. He was coming down now, and so he sat on the wooden picnic table under the tented structure in the middle of the park. Alone with the various sounds of the rain hitting different park equipment, including pooling on the scotch-guarded textile roof and sliding off in streams, he started recounting the events that had led him here.
> > > > > > >To say that his week had started off so well was another cliché Julius preferred not to dive into. He may have been a hopeless romantic, but he was no fan of clichés. Besides that, up until this point in his life he hadn’t experienced dramatic highs and lows like other teenagers had; he was fortunate to be living a life full of highs. Now he was smoking a pack a day and drinking whenever he could get away with it. Growing up, he always seemed to have an old soul, but now he was relapsing, acting like a normal teenager, or maybe even worse. And all within the time frame of just a few days.
> > > > > > >Monday. The week actually began with an unfortunate occurrence that had happened to his friend: his boyfriend had broken up with him. While a fairly normal, and all-too-common event in high school, these two had been dating for three years. Julius had watched Sasha’s downward spiral after his mother had died; his home life had gotten worse, which translated into how Sasha dealt with people. Unfortunately that meant bitterness and separation. Because of this, Julius was concerned about how Sasha would react. So far he just seemed empty; he barely even spoke except to say that he didn’t want to be alone. Julius understood, and that was fairly easy to accommodate during the school day – Sasha had a full day of school, but Julius only had a half day, so he was able to go to lunch with Sasha and then hang out with his girlfriend after he was done with classes – but after school it got a little complicated.
> > > > > > >Julius went to pick Sasha up from school, which was routine, but this time his girlfriend wasn’t in the car, figuring that it would be insensitive to bring along his significant other when his best friend just had his heart broken. Turning out of the parking lot in the direction of Sasha’s house there was a protest.
> > > > > > >“Please, don’t take me home; I can’t deal with my dad right now.”
> > > > > > >“Alright, then we’ll go to my house—“
> > > > > > >“No. …Can we just…drive around for a while?”
> > > > > > >Julius was quick to agree, even though he really wanted to see his girlfriend. Instead, they just drove around the city. It was silent, and the only thing that filled that silence was the local rock station where the radio was set. Julius texted at every red light and stop sign, and Sasha didn’t say anything simply because he knew how Julius was. They ended up stopping at a playground and sitting on the swings eating cups so full of frozen yogurt that neither of them would finish. Julius continued to text his girlfriend. Sasha remained silent. Julius recognized that from an outside view it would seem as though he were completely ignoring his friend when he was needed most, but Sasha knew he could say anything whenever he wanted and Julius would listen. But Julius craved his girlfriend, kind of like how Sasha craved the company of his best friend, only worse for Julius because it was symptomatic of an addiction.
> > > > > > >After neither of them had finished their frozen yogurt, Sasha silently stood up and started walking back to Julius’ truck. Julius quickly jumped up to follow him. He didn’t drive to Sasha’s house or even try to this time. His parents still weren’t home, but he knew they wouldn’t mind Sasha staying the night. The rest of the evening passed without incidence. Sasha was able to pretend to be okay enough the Julius’ parents didn’t ask too many questions at dinner. Usually Sasha slept on the couch, but tonight, upon Julius’ insistence, he slept in his friend’s bed, and Julius took the air mattress.
> > > > > > >Tuesday. Julius had been invited to a party the previous week. It was to be hosted by a senior on the varsity boys swim team while his parents were out of town for the week. That meant a Tuesday party with the rest of the week to clean up. Julius had wanted to go when he was invited, but now he was torn. He’d been on the varsity team sophomore and junior year but kicked off after that when the coaches deemed his tattoos unseemly; the party would be a nice way to catch up with his friends. On the other hand, he kind of just wanted to hang out with his girlfriend since he didn’t get to before. The party won out after Sasha convinced him.
> > > > > > >It officially started at 7:00, although most people didn’t start showing up until after it had gotten dark. Julius and Sasha got there in the time between, just before the flow of people became heavy but the party was already fairly established. Julius was greeted by most people in the room almost collectively cheering his name, and then a few of his closer friends getting up for bro hugs. Sasha received a far less warm welcome, but he wasn’t the kind to be bothered by that. In fact, he seemed to practically disappear when Julius was mauled by swimming bros and the occasional tipsy girl.
> > > > > > >The party was actually really nice for the first couple of hours, but then groups started to dissipate or else have drinking contests, neither of which interested Julius. So he sank into a couch on the loft by himself, missing his girlfriend. He’d texted her a couple of times but received no answer. After a few minutes of sulking on the sofa Julius was met with a drunken Sasha clinging to a college boy. He was daintily holding a shot glass in one hand, coming dangerously close to spilling the clear liquor inside. It was funny to think that Sasha could do anything remotely dainty.
> > > > > > >“Hey, man, what’re you doing?” Despite his friend’s obvious lack of balance due to alcohol consumption, his words were still quite clear.
> > > > > > >“I dunno, I think I’m gonna go. I have a headache, and I want to see Bronwyn.” He was speaking louder than he should have, even to be heard over the music because of his earplugs. The headache was an excuse but not entirely untrue. Julius’ synesthesia made colours splash across his visual field when he heard music or certain tones of sounds. This could become bothersome in certain environments, which was why he had no plans on going to clubs any time soon.
> > > > > > >“Nah, man, you have to stay; just drink…and relax.” Sasha practically pushed the shot glass into Julius’ face. He shifted on the couch. Something told him that hard liquor wouldn’t help a headache, but he took the glass anyway, if only to forget the image of this college boy trying to kiss his friend the whole time he was talking.
Sasha smiled and then tottered off, whispering something to the boy supporting him as he went. Julius took the shot. It was vodka and something else that burned his throat. Go figure, the Russian had vodka. Nevertheless, he took Sasha’s advice. And the more he drank, the more relaxed he became; the more Jell-O shots he hit, the less he missed his girlfriend. He found his swimming buddies in the kitchen, just as sloshed as he was. Only now, Julius was perfectly content to sit with them and tell stories and make stupid jokes.
> > > > > > >Get four or more boys in one place and the conversation is bound to tread into tales of illegal mishaps, each trying to 1-up the last. The swim team was no exception, and by now it seemed like the kitchen was the place to be. Teenagers littered every available chair, tabletop, and counter space, now everybody throwing in their own tales.
Julius himself spoke up after sipping rum and Coke out of a red plastic cup, “That’s nothing. There’s this tradition varsity has – it started the year the pool was first built, back in the 80s. We sneak into the pool at midnight two days before State and skinny dip.” All the appropriate squealing ‘ooh’s and disgusted ‘aww’s followed, and then the room erupted in laughter. After that died down the stories continued until the large group started to break into smaller groups and dissipate. Julius was okay with that this time, and he wandered around the house opening random doors as he went.
> > > > > > >Wednesday. Julius woke up at about 4:45 in the morning to an obnoxious Zelda ringtone he’d set for texts, his head pounding. Eyes bleary with sleep cataracts tried to focus on the too bright, too small, cell phone screen. His dad had texted him more than a few times, although he was finding it impossible to make out exactly what the texts read. He sluggishly rolled off the couch that was also occupied by two other people and practically crawled to the bathroom. Party aftermath littered all flat surfaces. Julius closed the bathroom door and planted his hands on the counter, simultaneously trying to gain a little bit of sobriety and not puke all over the place; he mildly succeeded. He turned off the bathroom lights because they were irritating his head, and he tried not to look at his phone as he dialed his dad’s number.
> > > > > > >“Hey, Dad. Yeah, sorry I passed out at Sasha’s house and-- …No, his dad’s out of town. …Yes, I’m going to school. Okay. Okay, I will. Bye.” He turned his phone off, stumbling out of the bathroom, pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes. He found a solemn Sasha in the kitchen helping himself to a cup of coffee. Julius didn’t say anything to him at first, just poured himself a cup of coffee as well.
> > > > > > >“You doing okay?” He asked when he could no longer take the silence; he sounded like a toad. When Sasha didn’t answer, he looked at his feet. This was the first party he actually regretted ever coming to; he shouldn’t have let Sasha talk him into it. He shouldn’t even have let Sasha come. Neither of them was really in the proper condition for it, and in the middle of a school week too.
> > > > > > >Both boys were dirty, though Sasha probably more. They left as soon as they were finished with their coffee. Sasha walked around to the driver’s side of Julius’ truck and was automatically handed the keys.
> > > > > > >“Hey, are you alright to drive?” Julius asked, although he was already clumsily climbing into the passenger’s seat. “You look worse off than me, buddy.” Thank goodness the sun hadn’t come up yet; he didn’t think his head could take it.
> > > > > > >“Yeah,” Sasha answered. “I’m not hungover, I’m just thinking about stuff.”
> > > > > > >They drove straight to school, even though the building wasn’t open yet. They were still able to get into the locker rooms to the shower. Their clothes were clean enough; they smelled clean, albeit a little wrinkled from having been slept in. Sasha went to class when the morning bell rang; Julius parked in the back of the parking lot and tried to sleep off his headache, missing his first two classes. Waking up to the sun was both the best and worst thing to have happened to him since the previous night. His headache had faded significantly, but the brightness still made him squint and groan; the warmth magnified through his windshield felt nice, though.
> > > > > > >He reached back behind the front seats and grabbed his backpack, which practically lived in his truck, and then got out, stretching and twisting to try to alleviate his stiff bones. He only had three classes today and he’d be done, but he wished he felt more prepared. C’est la vie, he did it to himself. After he locked his car and just as he was turning around, he was blindsided and shoved into the side of his truck. On a normal day it would have been nothing, but recovering from a hangover it made Julius’ head spin. Turning again, this time to face his aggressor, he found it was a senior from the swim team, and he was pissed.
> > > > > > >“Drew, what the hell? What’s your problem?”
> > > > > > >“My problem? What the hell is your problem?”
> > > > > > >Julius couldn’t muster the cognition to form proper words, so he just stood there, gaping stupidly in confusion.
> > > > > > >“Someone from the party last night snitched about our tradition.”
> > > > > > >“Oh, man, I’m sorry; I was so wasted—“
> > > > > > >“Julius, our coaches are mad as hell. They put the entire team on probation; we might not get to go to State.”
> > > > > > >“I am so sorry; what do you want me to do? I’ll do anything to fix it.”
> > > > > > >“God, you’ve done enough. What do you want to do?”“I dunno, dude… I’m just trying to be a friend.”
> > > > > > >“That ship sailed when you told everyone our secret. You seriously screwed varsity over, and I don’t know about the other guys, but I’m going to try to forget you were ever a part of us.”That was the end of the conversation, because after that Drew just left. And Julius dropped his backpack to the pavement, slumping back against his truck. He really did feel entirely at fault for possibly costing the swim team State; and considering that the majority of the varsity team was comprised of seniors, it was a big deal. So the upperclassmen would surely be mad, but he had a distinct feeling that the few underclassmen on the team would no longer look to him as a sort of minor legend. That party was a mistake.
> > > > > > >He threw his backpack into the bed of his truck and then walked towards the building. The halls were buzzing with students scrambling in the last few minutes of the passing period to get to their class. Julius caught Sasha just before he walked through the door to his classroom.
> > > > > > >“C’mon, we’re going driving,” Julius demanded, taking Sasha’s elbow to direct him. Sasha didn’t question it; he didn’t say anything, just followed Julius to his truck. He clambered into the passenger’s seat and Julius got behind the wheel. And they drove. CDs filled the silence between the boys. First it was angry music: From First to Last, Protest the Hero, and Attila. But when they got off the highway they listened to happy music: The Format, fun., and Barenaked Ladies. Then there was the happy –sad music: Taking Back Sunday, Motion City Soundtrack, and Young the Giant.
Somehow between all of that, they went through a McDonald’s drive-thru for milkshakes, a Wendy’s drive-thru for bacon cheeseburgers, stopped at a gas station, and ended up chasing the sun as it drooped closer to the horizon. Just before it dipped below the Earth, they stopped at a city park. A silence was never as giant and as full as the one between the two boys. They walked along a dirt path that was only occupied by a couple of other people walking their dogs. The silence remained until the man-made dirt path faded into natural ground. They sat on a bench and waited for the sun to go down; no one else went that deep into the park. Time was irrelevant. All Julius knew was that they sat there longer in the dark than they did in the fading light.
> > > > > > >“Hey…” For a silence that previously seemed so thick, it was completely shattered by a voice that might as well have belonged to a ghost. When Julius looked as Sasha to attend to what he wanted to say, Sasha was looking straight forward as if he hadn’t spoken at all. It made Julius wonder if he was hearing things. Just as he was about to ask his friend, Sasha got up and started walking back down the path.
Sasha drove this time. They picked up some food from Burger King and then parked at an abandoned drive-in. They faced the screen, even though it had been decades since the deteriorating screen had presented any visual entertainment. First they listened to Ko and the Knockouts. Then they listened to Tilly & the Wall. And then the accessories were turned off. The windows of the truck were open to air everything out. The night air was brisk but not particularly cold. What was left of the drive-in was doused in darkness; the silver light of the crescent moon did little to dispel the dark, and only a few blushing stars had the strength to shine through the city’s general light pollution.
> > > > > > >Both boys were still and silent. And the night was still and silent. Then Sasha shifted. He planted one hand on the center console and the other brushed along Julius’ jaw line, startling him so he turned. Sasha pressed forward, kissing Julius. Not a fleeting kiss like the ones he used to give Julius in middle school when he was playing. A real kiss. And Julius let him. The two didn’t break until Sasha pulled back. They held eye contact. Even the slight trickle of moonlight was enough to catch the light colour of Sasha’s eyes and illuminate them in a way reminiscent of amber. Julius’ eyes were bottomless pits, his iris and pupil melding together.
> > > > > > >“Sorry.” He wasn’t sorry. He felt bad for putting his best friend in this situation, but he wasn’t sorry.
> > > > > > >“It’s okay.” Julius meant it.
> > > > > > >Sasha leaned in for another kiss. It wasn’t desperate as Julius was expecting. Nor was it timid. It was very… comfortable. Sasha’s lips were soft, a softness that rivaled his girlfriend if he had to admit it. He never would have imagined that any part of Sasha was so soft. He tasted like salt and the way he smelled, the latter of which he had come to expect of all kisses. Sasha pulled back again.
> > > > > > >“Я люблю тебя.” It was the only thing he knew how to say in Russian, even though both of his parents were Russian.
> > > > > > >“I love you too, bro.”
> > > > > > >Thursday. The school day passed without much incidence. He got shoved around a little bit from passing members of the swim team, and at one point he opened his locker to find about half a dozen bags of minnows, but other than those two occurrences his day was normal. He had lunch with Sasha, this time took him home after school, and drove over to his girlfriend’s apartment. He hadn’t been seeing her lately, what with her college schedule and what was going on in his life.
> > > > > > >It was an unfortunate time for her to break up with him.
> > > > > > >“What?”
> > > > > > >“It’s not working out. We’re not working out.”
> > > > > > >“Wha-Why?” Julius couldn’t wrap his head around what was happening; they rarely fought at all, and they always had a good time together. He had no idea where this was coming from.
> > > > > > >“You’re suffocating me; I need some breathing room.”
> > > > > > >“That’s a little cliché, isn’t it?” Julius mumbled.
> > > > > > >“God, Julius, this isn’t the—What is your hang-up about clichés? You know why people use so many clichés? Because clichés are human,” she sounded angry now. “Clichés didn’t just materialize out of nowhere; things are clichéd because people use them.” She smiled incredulously and rolled her eyes.
> > > > > > >Julius was taken aback, but he didn’t really care about the subject of clichés at the moment. “Why… How can I be suffocating you when we haven’t seen each other since Monday?”
> > > > > > >“You’ve been texting me nonstop since Monday night! Do you even know you texted me while you were drunk? Did you want to see them? Oh, they are the icing on the cake!” More clichés. She was being condescending now, something he’d only seen in her once.“Oh, stop being dramatic. I’m sure they weren’t that—“
> > > > > > >“You proposed to me! Yeah, mmhm. You said you couldn’t drive to come see me because you were smashed, but you love me, so ‘will you marry me?’ You said we could go buy an engagement ring tomorrow.”
> > > > > > >“Okay, so maybe I shouldn’t have let Sasha give me that drink, but is that really grounds to break up?”
> > > > > > >“It’s not just that, it’s your constant need to be in contact. I can’t do it anymore. I just—I need to focus on school.”
> > > > > > >“Just don’t… leave my life.”
> > > > > > >“What do you want from me, Julius?”A pause. “I want to be friends. Please, Bronwyn.”
She approached him with a sad smile. “I wish we could, but I don’t think you’ll be able to handle that kind of relationship.” She kissed his cheek and he left. He never understood why girls did that; it was like squeezing a lemon into a papercut.
He wanted to go driving, but just before he hit the highway he didn’t want to drive anymore, so he just turned around and went home. Sasha was sitting on his porch drawing on his hand with a Sharpie pen. Julius wouldn’t look at him, but he didn’t unlock the front door either.
> > > > > > >“Can I bum a smoke?”
> > > > > > >“You told me to never give you cigarettes.”
> > > > > > >“Bronwyn broke up with me.”
> > > > > > >“Okay, hold on.” He stood up and started patting himself down to find the crushed carton of cigarettes. He tapped one out and offered it to Julius, and then one for himself. They stood on the porch with their cigarettes, the pink-flushed sun casting a golden light that turned the smoke they exhaled white. After they got all they could out of the cigarettes, Julius unlocked the front door. He ran the butts under cold water before throwing them in the garbage below the sink so his parents wouldn’t find them.
> > > > > > >Friday. When Julius got to school and discovered that his locker wouldn’t open he was almost afraid to know what the swim team had done now. Almost. He still wanted his locker open. It took both Julius and Sasha pulling on I for the door to pop open. As the door swung open and crashed into the lockers next to it, water rushed out, spilling onto the boys’ shoes. Shock was first, just staring at the puddle on the floor.
> > > > > > >“Are you kidding me?” Julius didn’t know how they did it; he didn’t care. At least they had the decency to take out his books first. Except now he’d have to try to get the books back from them. Less annoyed at the fact that his locker had been filled with water and more at now having to go through four classes with wet shoes, he stalked off without saying anything, leaving Sasha to have to catch up.
> > > > > > >When his classes were over, with no girlfriend to hang out with, Julius sat in the bed of his truck listening to music. At first he listened to 1000 Umbrellas by XTC a few times in a row, but then he switched to fun.’s Be Calm and just left it on repeat. He had the colour patterns for this song memorized, and he normally didn’t pay much attention to it anymore. But right now he tried to mostly just focus on the colour. He did this for about 40 minutes and then left the school and went to help his parents at their deli.
> > > > > > >He picked Sasha up from school, and they went driving again. Sasha drove first, then Julius. This time, though, they talked a lot. Mostly trying to figure out how the swim team sealed and filled his locker. And they laughed. It was the first time in a week that they had laughed while sober. It still wasn’t the same as before, but it was better than it had been. Wendy’s was on the menu tonight, and the dining location was a parking lot behind a thrift store that happened to be particularly lacking light.
> > > > > > >“Man, my dads would kill me if they knew how much fastfood I’ve eaten this week.” Julius obviously wasn’t too concerned with this, because he nearly couldn’t finish his sentence before shoving a burger into his face.
> > > > > > >“Yeah. Hey, so,” Julius already knew where this was going, and he really didn’t want to talk about it, “the other night, at the drive-in, what were you thinking?”
> > > > > > >“Excuse me, you were the one who kissed me, what were you thinking?”
> > > > > > >“No, I mean… I know you. I know you didn’t want to do that. Why did you let me?”
> > > > > > >“You were down and…” He shrugged.
> > > > > > >“Let me try it this way: what is it you want?”
Julius slouched down in his seat. “I want… to be your friend; that’s all I was trying to do.”
> > > > > > >“My God, Jules, you don’t even know what you want,” Sasha scoffed, but in a friendly way. “That’s not—Here, take off your shirt.”
> > > > > > >“Um. … What?”
> > > > > > >“Just do it.”
> > > > > > >Julius complied, pulling his shirt over and off his head, revealing a myriad of tattoos, the reason he was kicked off the swim team. Sasha poked his finger into the ‘tu’ of the ‘et tu, Brute?’ tattoo that brandished his chest just under his collarbone. “Do you remember what you said to me when you got this one?”
> > > > > > >“Yeah…”
> > > > > > >“You said, ‘You know what this means? It means you can never stab me in the back, Brutus.’ And then I punched you for calling me by my first name.”
> > > > > > >“Yeah. I said I remembered; you didn’t have to recap.”
> > > > > > >“Well, it goes both ways, y’know? Brutus had justifiable reasons for stabbing Caesar; namely that Caesar became a psychotic tyrant in a system that was supposed to be a democracy.” Julius was squinting at Sasha, not appreciative of the summary of the tragedy they’d learned about in the seventh grade. “Caesar had the capability of stabbing Brutus in the back, too. And if you keep going on pitying me instead of just being there for me, then that’s exactly what you’re doing. That kiss? Major knife to my back, man.”
> > > > > > >Julius took it in. It made sense, but it wasn’t exactly something that he wanted to continue steeping in his mind; he wanted to change the subject, but thought that might bring things to a level of awkwardness that had never been reached by the two friends. He didn’t want to try for it now. He didn’t say anything for a long time. Or, it seemed like a long time. It was long enough for him to reach into the glove box for a smoke and light up.
> > > > > > >“Okay,” he exhaled. “Well, I’m sorry.”
> > > > > > >As he was putting his shirt back on, Sasha made a comment that made Julius want to backhand him: “It’s okay. I mean, you’re a pretty good kisser, so that makes up for it.”
> > > > > > >Saturday. Julius felt bad that he had recently been neglecting his work at his parents’ deli, so he planned to spend most of the day there; he also thought it might help him to keep his mind off the week’s events. That unfortunately backfired, and it seemed all he could think about was how he had messed up. Distracted, he was uncharacteristically clumsy: he dropped two glass bottles of cream, and then cut himself cleaning it up; dropped half a loaf of bread; and nearly mutilated his hands on the meat slicer. It was after he poured almost an entire pot of hot coffee on himself his dad took him into the storage room.
> > > > > > >“What is going on with you today?” There was a hint of amusement in his voice. Incredulous amusement but amusement nonetheless.
> > > > > > >Julius sighed, untying the pale blue apron that dripped with coffee. He couldn’t tell his dad, either of them for that matter. And it wasn’t even just because he had lied to them about the party; they had better things to worry about – bills, mortgage payments – they didn’t need to hear about their son’s dumb high school drama. “I don’t know, I’m just feeling off, I guess.” He pulled the apron off over his head and balled it up in his hands to keep it from continuing to drip on the floor.
> > > > > > >“Why don’t you go home before I have to end up driving you to the hospital? Your dad won’t be too happy with me if you lose a finger in the meat slicer.”
> > > > > > >Julius normally would have argued that he’s older than twelve and could take responsibility for his accidents, but he did actually want to go home. So he left out the back and drove home. It was times like these he wished he could handle blasting music and driving at the same time. Instead the music was quiet and he drove with the windows down.
> > > > > > >At home he laid face down on the couch for a couple hours. He got up, ate a sandwich, and then laid back down for another half an hour before the doorbell rang. He already knew who it was, only one person came over unannounced, and he was half-surprised that he didn’t just open the door; Julius must have locked it. He sluggishly trudged to the door, unlocking the deadbolt before he was able to open it. A battered, angry Sasha stood on his porch.
> > > > > > >“My God.” Julius stepped to the side to allow his friend in the house. Sasha had a few nicks on his cheekbones, blood smeared across his face that had originated from his nose, and a red mark around his neck. He trudged into the house with the same sluggishness Julius had exhibited moments before. He plopped down in a chair at the kitchen table and wiped his nose with the back of his hand as more blood dribbled down, smearing it across his face again.“I would have called,” he wouldn’t have, “but my dad took my cell phone.”
> > > > > > >Julius closed the door and followed Sasha into the kitchen. He grabbed a hand towel from a cabinet next to the sink; he didn’t know that he had grabbed one of his dad’s “good” hand towels – the ones they only took out when they had family or company over – but he’d get scolded later. He ran it under cold water, squeezed out the excess, and then scooped some ice into it. He gave the bundle to Sasha and then sat down across from him. He’d learned not to ask what had happened; although what had happened was no longer necessary information, and Julius always knew who had done it.
> > > > > > >“What happened to you?” Sasha had noticed the bandage on the inside of Julius’ palm.
> > > > > > >“Glass.” He flipped his hand over and gingerly ran his fingers across the blue adhesive bandage.
> > > > > > >“And..?”
> > > > > > >“Meat slicer.” He turned his hand back over to examine the clean, thin cuts on the back of his fingers.
> > > > > > >“Someone is clumsy today,” Sasha mused with a smart smile.
Julius sighed, drumming his fingers on the table anxiously. “Yeah, well, how would you be acting if everything important to you was crumbling under your feet?”
> > > > > > >Sasha was still amused by all of this. And it wasn’t helping. “I don’t remember you being such a drama queen.”
> > > > > > >“I’m not—Ugh,” Julius stretched his arms out across the table and slouched forward. “Listen, Bronwyn dumped me, the entire swim team hates me, and I nearly destroyed our friendship.”
> > > > > > >“Well, you’re digging your own hole, dude.”
> > > > > > >Donk. His head hit the table. “Can’t I just kick the dirt back in?”
> > > > > > >“You’ve never dug your own grave before, have you?”
> > > > > > >“I’ve never screwed up this much in my entire life.” He retracted his arms off the table but left his head. And he stayed there for a while. And Sasha didn’t say anything. They stayed that way for longer than was comfortable before Julius heard Sasha get up and dump his ice into the sink.He slowly got up and turned to look at Sasha. There were still traces of blood on his face but less. “Take a shower, man. You need one.”
> > > > > > >“Uh, so do you, Jules.” Sasha draped the soiled cloth over the edge of the sink. “Want to join me?”
> > > > > > >“Stop it.” Julius was in no mood to put up with his teasing.
> > > > > > >“It could be a cold shower.”
> > > > > > >“Go,” Julius all but snarled, which did instigate his friend’s retreat down the hallway for fear of having something thrown at him. Julius did want a shower. He didn’t know what he wanted, actually. Just for things to go back to how they were before the week started. He wanted to drink, but the only alcohol in his house was beer; he hated beer. He wanted a smoke, but his cigarettes were in his car. He opened up a bottle of beer anyway. He mindlessly messed with his phone, going through random apps but not really getting anything done. He nursed the bitter beverage as the kitchen grew dimmer with the falling sun but couldn’t be bothered to get up to turn on a light. About to go check on Sasha, he finally heard the water start running.
> > > > > > >Julius wished Sasha would hurry; he didn’t want to be alone to steep in his thoughts. There was a knock at his door, which was unusual that anyone used their knocker at all. Releasing a breath, he stood up to answer. Bronwyn. He didn’t want to see her right now; he’d rather be alone with his thoughts. The mere sight of her made his palms sweat and a tingling sensation run from his heart, down the back of his spine, and to his stomach. This was worse than the feeling he got when he was asking her out for the first time. The least she could have done was texted him.
> > > > > > >“Hi… Julius. Sorry I didn’t call.” Maybe he was just bitter, but he didn’t think she was really sorry. “I just came by to, um… Can I get my stuff?”
> > > > > > >“Uh.” Julius was dumbfounded. It had been less than 48 hours and she was doing this? > > > > > > >“Now?”
> > > > > > >“Yeah, I’m moving into a different apartment on Monday and I’m trying to get my stuff together. I have some of your stuff in the car.”
> > > > > > >“Uh, okay.” Julius moved to the side to let her in. “I don’t think I have very much; do you need a box?”
> > > > > > >“Nah, it’s fine.”
> > > > > > >“Okay, just… Wait here a sec, I’ll be right back.” He disappeared up the stairs.
> > > > > > >The water shut off. Sasha came down the hall seconds after Julius had gone. He was damp and only wearing boxers, haphazardly trying to dry his hair with his towel. When he pulled the towel off his head, he squinted at who was standing there. Still, he remained as nonchalant as he could.
> > > > > > >“Come to finish off my friend’s heart?”
> > > > > > >“Shouldn’t you be sulking over a boy?”
> > > > > > >“Dragon.”
> > > > > > >“I think this is all that I have.” Julius stepped heavily down the stairs, two jackets, a couple of CDs, and a video game bundled in his arms. “I guess,” he handed the items over, “you can just contact me if I still have something you need.”
> > > > > > >“Yeah, thanks.” She smiled. “C’mon.”
> > > > > > >They went out to her car, where Julius’ things were packed neatly in a plain box, all taped up. He wasn’t going to go through it out here. He didn’t even know if he wanted to go through it when he got back outside. After he grabbed the box from her back seat, she got into the car and rolled down the window.
> > > > > > >It had only been two days but, “It was nice seeing you again, Julius.” No it wasn’t. He didn’t say anything. And she drove away. He went back inside and put the box on the kitchen table; Sasha was sitting there, still mostly naked, eating a bowl of cereal. Julius opened the box up with a kitchen knife and started rummaging through it.
> > > > > > >“Is your heart in there?” Sasha asked, mouth full of cereal.
> > > > > > >That was it. Without a word, Julius grabbed his jacket from the hall closet and left. He had already been driving for at least half an hour before he got a call from Sasha; it was his home number, but he assumed it was Sasha, since he didn’t think his parents would be home yet. Twenty more minutes and Sasha was calling him again. He threw the phone into the passenger’s seat and let it ring. At a stoplight he reached over and got out his cigarettes from the glove box and lit up, proceeding to tuck the rest of the cigarettes in his jacket pocket. It was completely dark now, although the slinking grey clouds shrouded the moon and most of the stars.
> > > > > > >As he drove, time quickly became irrelevant. The streets were suddenly empty, and Julius was empty. It was an odd sensation that he had never experienced before. He tried not to focus on it too much, but he wished that he could pinpoint exactly what this feeling was. Maybe it was the beginning of the spontaneous combustion he had been anticipating for so long. He knew that he bottled things up; partially because he had no idea how to express anything that was bothering him in words, but mostly because he didn’t want to be bothersome to people with much bigger problems. How could he possibly complain to his best friend about missing swimming so much sometimes that it made him physically ill when > > > > > > >Sasha had lost his mother in the past couple of years and his own father didn’t acknowledge him as his son? Sasha had it so much worse off, and it would be insensitive for Julius to complain about his near-perfect life.
> > > > > > >Two more cigarettes came and went, his phone rang again, and his gaslight came on. Instead of a gas station, he started driving to the playground, the newest one that had been built, within walking distance of his house. He had to throw his truck into neutral and coast into the parking lot, but he made it there. He got out and walked the perimeter of the park. He was trembling; he could feel it in his core but only see it in his hands. By the time his cigarette was finished the rain had picked up to a full-on downpour. Of course it had.
> > > > > > >His phone was keeping the almost-empty cigarette carton company in his pocket, but with how hard it was raining he was still expecting it to get wet between here and home. He was soaked in a matter of seconds after stepping out from under the shade structure. At least he had gotten that out of the way. It was only now that he was beginning to think that clichés and irony were just the way the world worked. As much as he’d like to, it was impossible to avoid them. Completely, at least. That was unfortunate. And then he threw up. Maybe that’s the way humans reacted when they needed to spontaneously combust but the laws of nature wouldn’t allow it. They needed to dispel something somehow, and that was the only way mortals could accomplish that. It didn’t make Julius feel any better, especially not like how he imagined exploding or possibly imploding in on himself would feel.
> > > > > > >It had to be after midnight now. His dad hadn’t sent the police out after him; that was a good sign. Wet clothes made him slow. Intense introspection made him slower. “What ifs” plagued him until he was feeling sick again. After he had gone through all the “what ifs” of what had happened in the past week, he started thinking about the “what ifs” of now. What if he actually did just spontaneously combust? When was the last time he was in a rut like this? Never. > > > > > > >It was driving him crazy. He wasn’t the same as he had been for the past 18 years; he wanted to go back. But he didn’t know how.
> > > > > > >He was fumbling with a wet key in his lock when the door swung open.
> > > > > > >“Oh, God.” It was Sasha. He was wearing clothes now, and the nicks on his face seemed to be replaced with bruises.
> > > > > > >Julius didn’t know what the words were until they were tumbling out of his mouth. “I gotta get out of this hole.”

[aimeeisnotcool]

I like your brain.
I want mooooooreee!
You have a few typos..
and I dunno if it's my dumb brain, but I could not figure out what grade Julius is in. He thinks of seniors like underclassmen would (to me) which was throwing me off.
Also, I just finished Julius Caeser in my class so I love the allusion.
I love the story as a whole, tho. Your layout was very nice and orderly. Perfect for a short story challenge. I liked the bookend kind of effect.
<3

[aimeeisnotcool]

I also like how to give the term "cliche" purpose and made it an almost central point in your story. At first, it was off-putting, but the way you tied it into the theme was nice.

[Make_a__Scene]

Julius is 18, senior. You probably got that impression from him because he just wants to please everyone, and he can't bear the thought of anyone being mad at him.
Ah, yes. I was attempting to layer themes to give my story more depth, and it just kind of happened that cliches turned into one of those themes. I just feel like people are going out of their way lately not to be cliche, to the point where it's bad or not realistic. Bronwyn's little rant at Julius was basically just my thoughts on the matter. I was hoping that the last bit wasn't too cheesy, though. It got a little "Saturday morning special" in my opinion. Although I do have a bit that I forgot to put in that I may add later; it'll help make for a smoother segue to Julius' epiphany.

Julius Caesar is probably my favourite tragedy by Shakespeare. I thought it would be nice to have two best friends name Julius and Brutus. These are permanent characters, so they'll pop up in other stories in the future.
Also, I started editing it right after I finished, but by that time I was just so sick of looking at it I couldn't bring myself to do it. So I'm going to step back and give it time to breathe before I go back to edit and revise.

[aimeeisnotcool]

I still want more...