The Dragon Knights - comment please? :c

Are you a writer or a poet? Come and share your creations with us, or discuss writing techniques with others
Forum rules
Please only post your own original work, do not post poetry or stories which were written by someone else.

Reading reading reading

I have read this
5
42%
I will read this
5
42%
I will not read this >:
2
17%
 
Total votes : 12

The Dragon Knights - comment please? :c

Postby Lonin » Tue Jun 19, 2012 5:43 am

Image
Image

(Temporary banner :B)
So yeah. Rewriting an idea i've had for aaaaaages. :O It's a fantasy story about magic and dragons and stuff. >:
:B I know that no one will read this, but if you do then be nice please. ;o;
And posting is cool. :O I'd love to know what you thought. Probably.
I mean it's cool and important and all, but unless it's horrendously disgustingly hard to read i'd rather have comments on the actual story than on the spelling or grammar. :)

Introduction
The Dragon Knights is a fantasy story set in the world of Erosea.
Everyone knows the story of the Dragon Knights. Brave warriors who fight on the backs of fearsome dragons to protect the world, each wielding one type of magic. With the old knights dead it's time for a new generation to find their dragons and each other.

Chapters:
Prologue
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapte 3
Chapter 4

Other:
Characters/information
Maps:
Map of The Mainland

Make a bannery cover thing:
:B So if you want to get involved and stuff you could try to make a cool banner to pretty up stuff. :)
Last edited by Lonin on Sun Jul 15, 2012 8:01 am, edited 19 times in total.
User avatar
Lonin
 
Posts: 2298
Joined: Fri Jan 23, 2009 7:11 am
My pets
My items
My wishlist
My gallery
My scenes
My dressups
Trade with me

Re: The Dragon Knights

Postby Lonin » Tue Jun 19, 2012 8:44 am

Image


A list of introduced characters and some information on them. As well as random other information. :o
WIP

    Yeri/gods:
    Caewyth
    Rokede
    Elnari
    Mayctor
    Dracer

    Humans:
    Nalavi
    Samrio
    Theodus

    Dragons:
    Umora


Yeri wrote:The Yeri are an ancient race of magical beings. After discovering necromancy they entered the War of the Old Children resulting in their near extinction.
The surviving Yeri destroyed and remade their world, creating it as it is now. They generally stay out of the affairs of their creations although have been known to offer help and advice on rare occasions.

War of the Old Children wrote:The War of the Old Children was a civil war between the Yeri. Due to the powers of necromancy the Yeri killed each other to gain their life magic. The war after several generations when Caewyth called a truce and the remaining Yeri destroyed and recreated the world.


Caewyth
Introduced - Prologue
Caewyth is the goddess of nature and living things. She created The Mainland and was the one to call a truce during the war.

Rokede
Introduced - Prologue
Rokede is the dwarven god of the earth. He created and ultimately rules Waegei and fought bravely beside Caewyth during the war.

Elnari
Introduced - Prologue
Elnari is an elven goddess. She created Essokyri and is rumoured to be related to Caewyth.

Mayctor
Introduced - Prologue
Mayctor is the god of demons and night. He traded his land for Caewyth's Island and only survived the war by following Caewyth and her group.

Dracer
Introduced - Prologue
Dracer is the god of fire. He created the Lisim and fought solo during the war. He was responsible for many Yeri deaths.

Humans wrote:Humans are one of the most common species of Erosea. They are very adaptable and can live just about anywhere. They're found in every country in Erosea,
They are capable of using magic but may not be very strong.


Nalavi
Introduced - Chapter One
Nalavi (known as Nala) is a young woman from Caewyth's Island. She has blonde hair, green eyes and is quite tall. She is probably related to Samrio.

Samrio
Introduced - Chapter One
Samrio (known as Sam) is a young man from Caewyth's Island. He has blonde hair, blue eyes and is quite tall. He is probably related to Nalavi.

Theodus
Introduced - Chapter One
Theodus (known as Theo) is a young man from Caewyth's Island. He has black hair and wears glasses.

Dragons wrote:True Dragons are bonded to their Knight and can use one type of magic. When a True Dragon dies it is reborn as an egg to be joined to a new knight.
True Dragons and their Knights can live seperately, if one dies the other won't necessarily die too, but the loss often drives the living one mad.
True Dragons can communicate telepathically and are capable of using magic, although they're not as skilled as their Knight.


Umora
Introduced - Chapter One/Two
Image
Umora is a dragon born on Caewyth's Island. She is bound to Theo. She has dark scales and a light grey mane.

Magic wrote:Most sentient creatures of Erosea can use some form of magic. Even other species can manipulate it to some extent.
Magic is split into four areas and again into many different types. The areas of magic are:
Elemental
Spiritual
Essence
Necromancy


Elemental
Elemental magic includes wind, earth water and fire.

Spiritual
No information available

Essence
No information available

Necromancy
Necromancy is the practice of taking the life of others to strengthen your own magical spells. Although the donor does not have to die for this magic to work, it is common for the necromancer to kill their victims. Gaining power this way is addictive.
Last edited by Lonin on Tue Jun 26, 2012 12:19 am, edited 18 times in total.
User avatar
Lonin
 
Posts: 2298
Joined: Fri Jan 23, 2009 7:11 am
My pets
My items
My wishlist
My gallery
My scenes
My dressups
Trade with me

Re: The Dragon Knights

Postby Lonin » Tue Jun 19, 2012 9:07 pm

Image

Prologue:
The Yeri lived for many years at the start of the worlds until one found the power of necromancy. The practice of extracting the life magic of a living person and using it to amplify their own spells was even then considered abhorrent. Yet, the necromancers continued their study. At first, they only used the life of small things - plants, rabbits, mice, to create spells that would benefit the whole Yeri population. Because of the benefits, it was tolerated and highly monitored.. This gradually changed to killing larger and many more creatures for complex spells. For the good of everyone they then took the life of those Yeri already dying or those whose life was forfeit. With this massive amount of magic, they created a dome to protect themselves from the outside. For the greater good millions of lives were sacrificed to create the magical shield large enough to cover several cities and enough farmland in between to sustain them. Yet still they hungered for more.

In the end, they stole the life from each other.

The War of the Old Children lasted more than a lifetime until the Yerians were almost extinct and the remaining survivors had enough power to destroy mountains and create oceans. When there was only a handful left, they called a truce. The remaining Yerians agreed that their time had ended and their world should be given another chance. With the combined power of millions before them, they destroyed what was left of their ruined world and moulded a new one.

Erosea was created from the ashes of the old world after the War of the Old Children. Each surviving Yerian created their own land and filled it with new plants and creatures.

Caewyth, who suggested the truce, created a country green and full of life with a mild climate for her humans to live in comfort. She styled different plants and animals for them to harvest and hunt, some existed simply to be beautiful. The humans revered and worshipped her, creating many temples and statues to honour her. She named her land, The Mainland.

Rokede, who had fought bravely beside Caewyth during the war, created a large desert land next to The Mainland called Waegei. He filled it with rough creatures called dwarves who lived in tunnels deep underground to shelter from the harsh sun. The dwarves were experts at tunnelling, mining and creating things out of stone. After spending so much time deep within the earth, most dwarves are unable to stay on the surface for more than a few hours, and all must wear thick goggles to protect their sensitive eyes.

Rokede and Caewyth came to an agreement, the dwarves would be able to tunnel into The Mainland in return for the trade of materials impossible to grow in the harsh desert of Waegei. The two countries lived in peace.

Elnari saw Caewyth's humans and made some of her own, except her elves were stronger, faster and wiser than their human cousins. Granted vast magical powers, Elnari also gave them the knowledge needed to keep them away from necromancy and repeating the mistakes of the past.

She named her country Essokyri and it was a varied land with warm savannah, wild forests and snow-dusted tundra. Elnari created deep forests for her elves to live in, and they soon withdrew, but they refused to have any contact with the other species in the world. They became wild, living as beasts in the forest. In an attempt to force the elves to interact with other countries Elnari sent some of them south to live in The Mainland with the humans, and Caewyth sent her creations north to live within the forests.

One known as Dracer, who had fought aggressively against all others during the war, decided to build his lands far from any other. The island country he created has no known name. His creations, known as Lisim were full of hatred for the Yeri and had immense power, both magical and physical.

To protect the species of Erosea the other Yerians gathered together and changed the Lisim. Still they kept their strength and hatred, but their skin turned to fire and stone and anything they touched burned under their fingers. Forever were they trapped on their island, for ships cannot be built from stone and the Lisim died if their burning fires went out. Dracer was furious when he found out what the others had done but none had the ability to destroy another.

The other surviving Yerians created their own lands and filled it with people to live there while they watched over it, becoming gods in the eyes of their creations. Amorris, Casion, Tenia, Filuro and Ireial were filled with humans, elves, dwarves, the half-horse athaja, winged seraten and many other peoples each ultimately governed by their own Yerian god.

Some became jealous of the devotion of the creations to their makers. Mayctor, who only survived the war through luck and cowardice, looked upon countries like The Mainland, Casion and Essokyri with envy. His own lands were barren, empty places filled with humans who feared him. He desired praise, yet didn't know how to obtain it from his followers.

Eventually, Mayctor decided to steal a portion of Caewyth's land, but only had time to move it just offshore before he was discovered. To his surprise, Caewyth allowed him to keep the land he'd stolen in exchange for his own dying country far to the north. Mayctor readily agreed to trade his barren wasteland for the island full of life and happy humans. But, as a punishment for stealing from her, Caewyth grew a volcano on the island that erupts every fifty years, meaning only one village can survive there.

To further prevent the mistakes of the past, all of the surviving Yeri agreed to give up most of their powers. They used the remaining magic to weave a spell that created the True Dragons. These beings of pure magic would be bonded to a Dragon Knight who together would guard Erosea from any threat.

To begin with, only four True Dragons were born; fire, earth, wind and water. Together with their knights, they protected the lands, and if a Knight or Dragon died, a new set would be born to replace them. Unbeknownst to the knights, they had also been created for a secondary purpose. No Yeri could kill another, only the combination of each living Dragon Knight, their True Dragons, and the consent of the other Yeri could cause their death. This was the final safeguard to protect the Yeri, considering few trusted each other. Over time, more areas of magic were added to the knights, a mixture of Yerian intervention and the natural evolution of magic caused three distinct types to form; elemental, spiritual and essence. These types of magic contained many different areas of magic, and most people of Erosea are born with the ability to use one.
Last edited by Lonin on Sun Jun 24, 2012 3:47 am, edited 9 times in total.
You cannot eat love, nor buy a horse with it, nor warm your halls on a cold night
Image
User avatar
Lonin
 
Posts: 2298
Joined: Fri Jan 23, 2009 7:11 am
My pets
My items
My wishlist
My gallery
My scenes
My dressups
Trade with me

Re: The Dragon Knights

Postby ѕ ι м p l y.мe❤ » Tue Jun 19, 2012 9:15 pm

My comments:

Uhh. I started reading the first few sentences. Didn't know what some of the words ment. Then again i'm not that smart.
Umm. I began to scan through, because I relized it was about magic. I think. Then got lost.
Hmm. But! I don't hate it. And I don't love it! It is okay. That little bit in the middle.
Question for you: Would you read my wrighting? {.<---I hate that word. I never spell it right.}
ѕ ι м p l y.мe
User avatar
ѕ ι м p l y.мe❤
 
Posts: 218
Joined: Fri Jun 15, 2012 12:08 pm
My pets
My items
My wishlist
My gallery
My scenes
My dressups
Trade with me

Re: The Dragon Knights

Postby Lonin » Wed Jun 20, 2012 12:25 am

:P Thanks anyways.

Image

Chapter 1:
The warm morning sun shone over Caewyth's island allowing the people of Ania to begin their day. Numerous fishing boats left the small docks at the northern part of the island, farmers left to tend to the fields and their animals and Nalavi headed out to plant crops, a heavy seed bag over her shoulder.

Almost half of the island was covered in fields filled with crops or animals. Ania was isolated from the rest of Erosea and so had to produce everything itself or go without. Everyone was kept busy in the village for most of the year, men and women treated as equals and given jobs based on skills rather than gender.

A forest covered the eastern part of the island known locally as the Dead Forest, known because only the trees seemed alive. No animals were ever seen nearby, no plants grew around it. Even the birds seemed to avoid flying above it. A thick fog shrouded the lands within the trees and no villager would ever dare to go near it. Shadows, human shapes, were said to dance in the dusk. The villagers claimed demons lived within, unable to leave the protection of the mist but Nala wasn't sure. She didn't know anyone that had actually seen any sign of life in the forest. Still, she avoided it like everyone else.

To the west a massive volcano dominated the landscape. Everything on the island was carefully planned around it, no crops were grown anywhere near it and the village had been built as far away from it as possible. Every fifty years the volcano erupted destroying most of the island. Nala found it unfair that they were being punished for another's mistake, but she was thankful most people only had to worry about it once or twice a lifetime. They had learned to cope and now found it only a mild inconvenience.

Nala dropped the heavy bag and looked back to the village wondering where Samrio and Theodus had disappeared to. They always left her to do the hard work. She didn't mind too much, she was the only person for miles and enjoyed the peace and quiet. The two boys would just cause trouble and make the work take three times as long.
The sun was beginning to dip below the volcano by the time her bag was empty and the field was covered in wheat seeds. Nala dusted off her simple clothes and headed back to the village to find Sam and Theo.

Ania village was made up of mostly wooden houses with a few more permanent stone and brick ones closer to the northern shore. Pens of chickens and little vegetable patches greeted her as she made her way to the Common Hall, a long brick building in the very centre of the village. All sorts of farming, fishing and other supplies were kept locked up in its walls, passed out every morning and returned every night. Tables stretched the length of the hall often filled with hungry or thirsty workers, it was a popular meeting place and doubled as the local tavern.

Nala found them in a dark corner laughing at some hidden joke. Sam shared her light hair and height but his eyes were a sparkling sea blue rather than her dull green. Next to him Theo looked even more gloomy than normal. He had thick dark hair that obscured most of his face and shrunk down in his seat. He always reminded Nala of a little mouse. Theo noticed her first and pushed a pair of scratched and broken glasses up his nose. He'd always had difficulty seeing but for many years there'd been nothing anyone could do to help him.

Nala had been at the southern beach one day many years ago, collecting shells and seaweed when the bright sun reflecting off something caught her attention. There half-hidden under the sand had been a strange object, two circles of glass held together by a metal frame. She'd put them on and taken them off again straight away, they made her vision blurred. She had taken them back to the village with her, hoping someone could explain what they were.

Riss the blacksmith had been able to identify them as glasses, to help some people see. After that she'd taken them straight to Theo who had worn them ever since. Although the island knew how to create glass, none had ever been able to create another pair of glasses.

"You know that...thing? The things we can do. Well, I think it's becoming a problem," Theo told her when she sat beside them on the bench. "I think they're related, anyway, but-"

"He's been like this all day," Sam interrupted him and rolled his eyes at Nala."Goes on and on about this problem but won't tell me what it is."

"Are you finished for the day?" Theo asked Nala doing his best to ignore Sam.

Nala nodded and Theo visibly relaxed. "Then I need you both to come with me."

They all knew where they were going. The only place they could go to feel safe. When they were only small they'd been playing at the northern cliffs despite repeat warnings from their parents about the dangers of falling and being killed by the rocks below.

Sam had been running along the very edge of the cliffs when his foot slipped and he fell. Instead of landing in the water far below he'd managed to grab onto a small ledge that led to a hole in the cliff face. After crawling through a short tunnel and dropping down a ledge he realised he'd found a tall cave big enough for the three of them with room to spare. Returning to the terrified Nala and Theo he let them know what he'd found and they'd spent as much time as they could there ever since.

The way into the cave was far different than it had been when they were children. After realising the only way in was to hang by their fingertips and swing into the tunnel they'd built a pulley system allowing them to lower themselves slowly to the opening and greatly reduce the risk of them ever falling.

Theo went first, disappearing over the edge of the cliff before sending the harness back up for Nala and then Sam. Inside the cave had been decorated by the trio with many paintings of the island and each other. They'd drilled a small hole up to the surface allowing them to light a fire without dying from the smoke. Two other tunnels led out of the main chamber ending in sheets of thin rock. One had a gap at the top they'd spent a few years widening before giving up, content with their little den.

Theo stood beside the right tunnel, the one they'd tried to get through. He looked more nervous than Nala had ever seen him.

"Uh...this is Umora," he said as a creature wriggled out of the hole in the wall.
Last edited by Lonin on Thu Jun 21, 2012 4:53 am, edited 2 times in total.
You cannot eat love, nor buy a horse with it, nor warm your halls on a cold night
Image
User avatar
Lonin
 
Posts: 2298
Joined: Fri Jan 23, 2009 7:11 am
My pets
My items
My wishlist
My gallery
My scenes
My dressups
Trade with me

Re: The Dragon Knights

Postby Lonin » Wed Jun 20, 2012 4:38 am

Bump and stuff. ^^
You cannot eat love, nor buy a horse with it, nor warm your halls on a cold night
Image
User avatar
Lonin
 
Posts: 2298
Joined: Fri Jan 23, 2009 7:11 am
My pets
My items
My wishlist
My gallery
My scenes
My dressups
Trade with me

Re: The Dragon Knights

Postby Lonin » Wed Jun 20, 2012 7:50 am

^^ Bump and stuff
You cannot eat love, nor buy a horse with it, nor warm your halls on a cold night
Image
User avatar
Lonin
 
Posts: 2298
Joined: Fri Jan 23, 2009 7:11 am
My pets
My items
My wishlist
My gallery
My scenes
My dressups
Trade with me

Re: The Dragon Knights

Postby Lonin » Wed Jun 20, 2012 9:12 am

c: I feel like drawing Umora tomorrow.
That'll be fun.
I bet you can't guess what she is /youtotallycould >:
You cannot eat love, nor buy a horse with it, nor warm your halls on a cold night
Image
User avatar
Lonin
 
Posts: 2298
Joined: Fri Jan 23, 2009 7:11 am
My pets
My items
My wishlist
My gallery
My scenes
My dressups
Trade with me

Re: The Dragon Knights

Postby Lonin » Wed Jun 20, 2012 7:05 pm

^^ Bump and stuff
You cannot eat love, nor buy a horse with it, nor warm your halls on a cold night
Image
User avatar
Lonin
 
Posts: 2298
Joined: Fri Jan 23, 2009 7:11 am
My pets
My items
My wishlist
My gallery
My scenes
My dressups
Trade with me

Re: The Dragon Knights

Postby Lonin » Thu Jun 21, 2012 3:24 am

^^ Bump and stuff :3
Comments would be awesomes
You cannot eat love, nor buy a horse with it, nor warm your halls on a cold night
Image
User avatar
Lonin
 
Posts: 2298
Joined: Fri Jan 23, 2009 7:11 am
My pets
My items
My wishlist
My gallery
My scenes
My dressups
Trade with me

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest