Moving to a new topic. :3

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{Hello! Yes, I did write this, criticism and comments welcome. Keep in mind I do have more written, but if you have suggestions give me your ideas!}

♥Prologue♥

A she wolf pads up to the forest. Her furiously screaming eyes scoped the meadow, it's velvet, blood red flowers. The mist seeped through their petals, the wind whispering the stories of ancients.
"You can't escape me, Caila." a voice howled, breaking the silence sealing her heart. The gentle dream of the autumn leaves curled with evening frost. The ravens cawed, and the gentle fall of snow, were no help to the fear in the wolf's lost and sorrow filled soul. Each moment made fear worse, and the cruel hate smile. The voice was crude, but content.
"I smell you, you cannot hide. For is it better to live absorbed with sorrow, or to die now?" The she wolf whined in the misty air, long and full of hate. The voice silenced, and another female appeared. She was pitch black, and her eyes icy and mean. The she wolf entered the meadow, her beautiful white coat dotted with snow.
"I do not feel fear, Laihka." she exclaimed, stepping toward her enemy.
"You do, Caila." Laihka replied, sitting in the frosty grass.
"Why, why did we come to this?" Caila asked, wearily looking at her enemy.
"Fear can do anything, Caila. It can bring death, and it can bring life. Think, Caila, immortality."
"I do not need immortality to bring forth pack." Caila snarled.
"I do, and I will get it from your power." Laihka growled in return.
"I have no sacred powers to pass on. If I did, you can only dream getting them."
"Caila, Caila. You cannot hide from Grid. Your power must be passed on. And I will force it out of you!" Laihka lunged forward, her teeth bared in a cruel, disgusted growl.
But, Caila was too smart, and the Grid was at work within her heart. She darted out the way, and the world stooped before her eyes. It slowly began to morph, until it appeared almost like a sheet of paper, covered in sketches about to be erase Laihka was still in mid air, and the mist still stood. Caila stared as the drawing slowly returned to life, and the remote hit play. Laihka, confused, reacted too late. Caila was already on her back, and had her tender neck in her jaws. It was over. The last thing Caila whispered was, "Forbidden Pack Prevails."

♥please comment and tell me if I should put in chapter one for you guys! Thanks! ♥

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☽ Chapter One☽

The metal walls shook, making Stylla feel as if the hate she had built up within herself had exploded to the outside, making an unbreakable wall of sadness and the feelings she had locked inside. Suddenly, the dam broke, the dam of lies and death, and the clear, blue water of truth spilled back into her mind. But, she blocked the water from reaching her any further. "I am not powered by hate...it is grid that captures me. I must not blame myself." she lied to herself, but deep inside she knew that grid simply creates problems of hate and lies, and it was her choice not to solve them rather than run away. Now, she was here, alone, cold, and trapped by a metal box and by her thoughts themselves. Every drop of blood spilled, every wolf laying dead because of her. The sorrow, eating her alive. Her heart echoed the voice of her mind: "It is over." she silently lay there, when the violent shaking stopped. Then, the metal cage opened, and the light poured through. Suddenly, it came to her. Everything.

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♫Chapter Two♫

"But, Grandmother always said--".The young girl argued, pushing her golden locks off her gentle face. Her sympathic blue eyes locked with her mother's, and she finally gave in and walked away. Cross, she sat on a large rock by the river. "Mama just wont let me do nothin'." she complained, tears streaming down her freckled cheeks. She stood, slipping on the mossy floor and into the river. "What'll Mama think now, I'm all wet!" She walked into the trees, and screamed. "NO!" A man, a guard of her town, Yawl, lay dead on the mossy floor with eight arrows through his chest. Crying, she lay down on her old friend, gripping his shirt. "Mama, I will prove you wrong. Just cause I'm a girl doesn't mean I can't fight." Wiping the tears from her pretty face, she picked up his bow and what was left of his arrows, and walked proudly farther into the forest.

Stylla growled. She looked into the metal wall, and it rippled like water, and an image appeared. She saw herself walking among humans, hunting with them, helping them. She was wearing a leather rope, and wasn't growling or whining. She was happy. She suddenly realized, it was her future. It was her destiny. She had to change it. She pulled herself away from the vision, and growled deeply. She bore her teeth and lunged at the humans, tearing at their strange cloths. Rather than fleeing, the second man pulled out a strange tool filled with odd water. Stylla snarled and jumped away, but not fast enough to dodge his heroic throw. It hit her, and the man rushed over and pumped the liquid into her.

[Bellum]

T-This is Good!!

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Thank You! I'm yet to really edit it yet. I wrote it on my kindle so it's a bit hard to look at on there. Chapter three is gonna come in a sec. ^^

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☼Chapter 3☼

The girl wandered, feeling the tough bark of the trees and smelling the rich smell of the river and the dirt. She smiled at the sound of the bees, and the sound of the wind through the trees.
"Sure, I can take it." Said a voice, and the girl ran behind a tree. She heard their strange conversation, and the way they walked. She felt blind, just relying on her other senses to take over.
"Those Felluosions are stupid enough to fall for anything....shh! Do you hear that? Somebody follows us." the second one replied. The girl cringed, and barely breathed.
"It's nothing. You were speaking about those Felluosions, correct?" The first spoke.
"Oh, yes. They are...." He continued.
"Stop moving and drop your weapons!" The girl nervously shouted in her rich, young voice.
"Who stands?" asked the first, drawing his sword.
"Wendy Selene Tin, and you better remember that!" she yelled, and jumped from the tree bow placed firmly in her little fists. "So shut up and drop your sword."

Stylla fell to the ground, whining through the pain. Suddenly, she turned to the man, squinting to see him. She attempted to stand, but she couldn't move. She laid down her head, and let sleep overcome her. In her dreams, she walked through a misty stone cave, and saw a glowing she wolf approach her.
"Do not give in to destiny." she whispered. Stylla looked with shock.
"Who are you?" Stylla asked warily.
"I am Caila, and I have come to tell you about everything."

[audino]

I liked this a lot, and I enjoyed reading it very much. With the fixing of a few things I believe it could turn into something amazing (I believe it has potential.) Here are the things I would like you to consider: (Grammatical things will be listed with -'s)

-I think it would make more sense if you wrote "a forest" instead of "the forest". When you write "the forest" you are referring to a specific forest, which the audience has yet to hear about (and does not hear about throughout the whole story). Like I said, if you had described "the forest" later on in the story it would've made more sense, but if not, "a forest" would be better.
1. The whole "furiously screaming eyes" thing is good, and if you don't want to change it you don't have to, it just sounds a little weird when read out loud. Maybe consider using a thesaurus or something to revise your word choice?
2. I think you should take out "blood" in "velvet, blood red flowers". It sounds a lot cleaner and nicer when you say "its velvet red flowers".
3. I think you should take out the "the" in "the wind whispering". It sounds nicer with the beginning of the clause before that, "the mist".
4. I noticed throughout the story that your verb tenses were a bit varied. Please try to revise that. It doesn't make for a very good story, and it confuses the reader. Just keep one tense: past, present, or future (I prefer past when I'm writing).
5. I think you should do a bit of revising to the second paragraph. It's a little confusing, and just seems kind of weird. Try something like:
"You can't escape me, Caila." A voice growled, breaking the silence that had sealed her heart away. It had enveloped her in a gentle dream of a faraway place, where the autumn leaves curled with frost. The only relation that this place and the wolf's dream had was the snow that fell slowly from the misty sky. A few ravens cawed in the distance, not helping the growing fear in her heart. Each moment made that fear worsen, and it only increased when she heard a harsh, but content voice emitting from a cruel and hateful smile.
6. I think "hate" should be replaced with a word that notions more at sorrow, rather than anger. The word sorrow was recently use, so I wouldn't recommend using that word, but using a thesaurus for that would be good.
7. I think you should get rid of the "and" in "and her eyes icy and mean". It sounds a bit better.
-"she" in "she exclaimed" should be capitalized.
-I don't know about "toward" or "towards". You might want to look it up.
8. I think flipping the words "wearily" and "looking" would be better. It sounds nicer to her, looking wearily.
9. I'm not sure if "pack" should be capitalized or not. It sounds as if it's naming a specific pack, or rather "pack" is the actual name of whatever she's referring to. I think you should check that.
10. I believe it should be "you could only dream of getting them" instead of "you can only dream of getting them". "You can" is what you would say if it were actually true, and "of" is required for the sentence to be correct.
11. Consider rearranging this sentence: Laihka lunged forward, her teeth bared in a cruel, disgusted growl. I think you should make it something like this instead:
Laihka lunged forward, a cruel and disgusted growl emitting from behind her bared teeth.
-It's, "she darted out of the way", not "she darted out the way"
-"erase" should be "erased." A period because it looks to me like you started another sentence after "erase" without any punctuation.
12. Try this instead of: Laihka was still in mid air, and the mist still stood....
Laihka remained in midair, mist still swirling around the two females.
13. Consider using an adjective instead of "her" in "her jaw". Try something like: and gripped her tender neck in strong jaws..
14. Try revising the last sentence into something more like:
Laihka heard the last thing she ever would as Caila whispered deviously into her ear.
"Forbidden Pack Prevails."
I think it would be more dramatic and chilling if you gave Caila's quote a paragraph of its own. It seems important enough.
15. By the way, is "Prevails" supposed to be capitalized? If it's part of the name, then yes, but I think the way your using it is not. (Using it as it would be used normally.)

Well, that's about all I saw. I'll be on the lookout for more of this. I see chapter one is already up, as is two I think? I'll get around to critiquing those ASAP. I believe it has true potential!
~Ken-Ken Claws

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Wow. Okay! I'll take that into consideration, thank-you very much!

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I am moving this to a new topic because of drastic edits to my writing style in the story. :3
http://www.chickensmoothie.com/Forum/viewtopic.php?f=57&t=1574113