{ ＩＮＫＬＩＮＧＳ } LOCK! NEW THREAD

[nutella ♥]

Hello c:
I'm writing this story for this thing, and I've just finished writing the rough draft. I've read over I a few times and think its ready to be critiqued before submitted to the thing. So would anyone be interested in reading through it? It's roughly 5000 words, and I cried a little at the end as I was writing it. XD just shoot my a PM if you're interested
Thanks!

[Paradise;]

Well I'm kind of a fail of a mini-mod. I haven't posted on this thread once. .-.
To make up for my fail, I'm willing to critique/read over/spellcheck/etc people's stories. Now I'll try my best to get them done right away. But I sometimes don't have time and if it's really long I'll want to do a good job.

Anyways, feel free to send me your stories, essays, poems, anything. And I don't mean just tonight/today, any time, any day. c: I promise to get back to you as soon as possible. :3

[Kodabomb]

Hey peoples! (^O^)
I really really need some advice on my Fractured Fairy Tale I'm writing for a school thing. Any ideas on how I can improve? I've fixed all the spelling and grammar mistakes my teacher pointed out, I just need adice on,
*making it more comical
*twisting it more
Thanks if you can help me! <3

Little Red Ninja

Once upon a time, there lived a pretty little girl who was the daughter of woodcutters, who lived in a mansion in the woods.
The little girl was not very ordinary. She was a ninja. Upon her shoulders she always wore her long, crimson-red ninja cloak that she won in a ninja-battle. It was her absolutely most prized possession, and she wore it everywhere and every day. Because of this, she adopted the name, ‘Little Red Ninja’.
One day, her mother interrupted her ninja-training. “Little Red Ninja, can you please take this basket to your grandmother’s house in the woods? She’s very sick and would love something to eat, and to see you,” said her mother. In the basket, Mother had placed some energy drink, two apples, and some chocolate muffins. Little Red took the basket and tucked it under her ninja-cloak, as her mother kissed her goodbye.
She then left the mansion and set off into the woods toward her grandmother’s house. It was quite a few miles away through the thick vegetation, but she was so fit, she could get there with ninja-speed with no trouble. She was perfectly brave enough to face anything that may confront her on her journey.
She was only partway into the forest when all of a sudden a huge, ferocious rainbow wolf leapt out from behind a tree and blocked her path.
Before the great wolf could say anything, Little Red Ninja was up in his face, seething.
“How DARE you block my path, you stupid rainbow wolf?” she roared.
The wolf was actually planning to kill and eat this seemingly innocent-looking girl. Now, he had other, less daring things on his mind.
“I was just about to ask you where you were headed,” he started.
“It’s none of your business! Get your nose out of my stuff! I’m going to my grandma’s!” she spat. The wolf, now terribly frightened, was about to run away. But suddenly, Little Red Ninja leapt up into the air and lightning-ninja’d the wolf off her path and into a tree.
Happy with her result of things going exactly her way (as usual), she skipped off into the forest again.
The wolf, on the other hand, lay limp on a tree branch, quite stunned. He had never been defeated before, and was always able to gobble up his target.
So of course, he was not going to let this pass. How could he be so weak as to let this girl just ninja him into a tree? He was the mighty rainbow wolf, ruler of the forest and all things rainbow!
He climbed down from the tree, shook himself off, and muttered to himself, “I will get my revenge…” Sniffing Little Red’s scent, he noticed the way that she used to get to her grandmothers. So the wolf took a shortcut, and made his way toward the house.
The wolf was very quick to arrive at the grandmother’s house, situated in a clearing surrounded by a lava moat full of lava-crocodiles. Luckily, the drawbridge to the tiny house was down, and he crossed the lava to the doorway.
Quietly, the rainbow wolf sneaked into the place and sniffed around. The walls and ceiling were almost completely plastered with posters of ninjas. She must have been obsessed.
Abruptly, the wolf heard a noise.
“Little Red Ninja? Is that you?” coughed a croaky, aging voice. Perfect! The wolf could gobble up the grandmother as his first step of revenge, then when Little Red Ninja arrived he could swiftly finish her off.
With a huge leap, he bounded around the corner to the grandmother’s bed, where she lay all sick and crippled. Just as he was about to come and grab Grandma by the neck, he heard footsteps.
No! Little Red Ninja must be back! he thought. With her back, he’d never get time to kill the Grandmother. So, instead, he scooped up the sick granny and tossed her into the closet. He made sure the door was shut and jumped into the bed, pulling the bonnet up over his rainbow face.
Little Red Ninja entered the room slowly, carrying the basket of treats.
Suddenly, she spotted the wolf in the bed, trying to pull off his grandmother charade.
“WHERE’S MY GRANDMA YOU MONGREL?!” she screamed in a huge rage. Suddenly she sprang up toward the wolf. He opened his huge mouth and with a big bite, swallowed the little girl whole.
“Ha! I’ve done it! I’ve got my revenge, and I’ll go home now,” he said with a grin. As he began to head to the door, there was a huge bang.
“Raaaaragghaaag!” screeched a voice. Shocked, the wolf whipped around just in time to see a slippered foot come flying toward him and hit him straight in the gut. He lurched, feeling very winded, and then got a sickening feeling. Little Red Ninja came flying out his mouth and landed next to her grandmother who was positioned in a ninja-crouch.
“Oh no, you’re BOTH ninjas?” moaned the wolf, as the grandmother struck his face with her foot and Little Red’s foot hit his ribcage.
He lay whining on the floor, covered in bruises. Little Red and Grandmother did a high-five, when suddenly another person burst through the doorway.
Little Red looked over and saw it was the local game huntsman, holding his gun, his knife and his iPhone. “Ninja Granny! I’m home!” he called.
“What? What’s he doing here?” Little Red asked, bewildered.
“Oh, didn’t you hear? The huntsman and I are engaged!” exclaimed Ninja Granny. She ran up and enthusiastically hugged the huntsman around the neck as they exchanged a huge kiss.
“Oh my ninja. I need to leave, like, now.” Mumbled Little Red, feeling absolutely disgusted. The wolf felt exactly the same, and before he started vomiting rainbows he followed the girl out the door into the clearing outside.
Suddenly, she grabbed the rainbow fur around his neck and hopped onto his back. Together, they rode off into the forest, suddenly best friends because of their disgust at Ninja Granny’s romantic interest in the huntsman.
Little Red taught the wolf how to be a ninja, the wolf taught Little Red how to make rainbows, and they both became rainbow ninjas.
They lived happily ever after.

Can someone give advice on this please? =3

[Jasper.]

Username: TakingBackThursday
What we will call you: Is Thursday okay?
Will you critique other's work?: Possibly, so long as it isn't degrading.
Links to your story if you have any: None on the web yet.
Anything you want us to know?: Some of my stuff may be depressing. O.O

[Small Child]

Welcome Thursday!
Question; how do you make your introductions interesting? How do you draw readers in straight away?

[runnershigh]

Question; how do you make your introductions interesting? How do you draw readers in straight away?

i like to start off with an action scene :3 something exciting, different and wild! and sometimes, in a short story, i rocket straight into the problem. but that's just me. hope i helped :3

[Small Child]

I do the same thing with short stories. I also don't use much direct description. But jumping straight into the action is difficult with novels for me.

[Rolly-chan]

Question; how do you make your introductions interesting? How do you draw readers in straight away?

i like to start off with an action scene :3 something exciting, different and wild! and sometimes, in a short story, i rocket straight into the problem. but that's just me. hope i helped :3

Jumping straight into the action is a good way of catching your readers' attention and interest. But you should always try to provide enough information so that your readers don't wonder what the hell is going on. There's not much that kills your reader faster than utter confusion.
You can also start a bit slower - and still raise the stakes on page one. For example, I recently read a book where the main character was about to commit suicide. But not in the exact moment when he wanted to do it. He first walked into his father's cabinet and picked out one of his father's guns. But the information that he wanted to do so was provided on page one. And that's something that keeps your reader wondering why he wants to do it, and how it will play out, since they should know that if it's the main character, he can't commit suicide until the very end of the story (or that he'll somehow come back as a ghost or something of that sort, if it's a story with supernatural elements). So something must happen that he's delayed. And the more determined the character is to end his life, the more important that thing must be that keeps him from doing it.
Stuff like this. Things that keep your reader wondering why something is the way it is, and it has to be a twist - something unusual. Something you wouldn't have thought. For example, a phone call. What is it usually? A friend, a family member, someone who wants to sell you something, some service. So what would be unusual? Maybe one of your family members calling you screaming for help. Or someone with a distorted voice telling you to hand over a lot of money to see your daughter again. Or maybe it's someone giving you a cryptic message. Or maybe you only hear someone breathing into the phone on the other side.
There are lots of different ways to start a story. And lots of different engaging ways to do so.

[Lilysplash]

Question; how do you make your introductions interesting? How do you draw readers in straight away?

i like to start off with an action scene :3 something exciting, different and wild! and sometimes, in a short story, i rocket straight into the problem. but that's just me. hope i helped :3

Jumping straight into the action is a good way of catching your readers' attention and interest. But you should always try to provide enough information so that your readers don't wonder what the hell is going on. There's not much that kills your reader faster than utter confusion.
You can also start a bit slower - and still raise the stakes on page one. For example, I recently read a book where the main character was about to commit suicide. But not in the exact moment when he wanted to do it. He first walked into his father's cabinet and picked out one of his father's guns. But the information that he wanted to do so was provided on page one. And that's something that keeps your reader wondering why he wants to do it, and how it will play out, since they should know that if it's the main character, he can't commit suicide until the very end of the story (or that he'll somehow come back as a ghost or something of that sort, if it's a story with supernatural elements). So something must happen that he's delayed. And the more determined the character is to end his life, the more important that thing must be that keeps him from doing it.
Stuff like this. Things that keep your reader wondering why something is the way it is, and it has to be a twist - something unusual. Something you wouldn't have thought. For example, a phone call. What is it usually? A friend, a family member, someone who wants to sell you something, some service. So what would be unusual? Maybe one of your family members calling you screaming for help. Or someone with a distorted voice telling you to hand over a lot of money to see your daughter again. Or maybe it's someone giving you a cryptic message. Or maybe you only hear someone breathing into the phone on the other side.
There are lots of different ways to start a story. And lots of different engaging ways to do so.

Yes. I try to vary my intros, some starting with a murder and others starting in the midst of a battle. Sometimes, I start with a prologue going back in time, shrouded with mystery. ^-^
Ultimately, curiosity will hook your audience.

~Lilysplash

[osidfjuolsdijf]

So I've been working on that little piece I posted a little ago. I've hit a major writer's block, and I've been tossing around an idea in my head for a while to work on as a side project or something.

Plot: Girl falls in love with male werewolf who is ranked as an omega. He tries to keep it hidden as long as possible. Werewolf transformation is painful and can be fatal and victim loses complete sense of humanity. She eventually figures it out and gets scared. He begins to fall in love with her, previously seeing her as a good friend. He also tries to find cure to his lycanthropy or something to alleviate it.

Characters:
Protagonists- Female human and male omega werewolf
Antagonists- Hunter or omega female who took to omega and father who disapproves of daughter's choice

Other: First-person girl's view

Yeah, it's another werewolf story, but I just can't get rid of this thought! What do you guys think?