{ ＩＮＫＬＩＮＧＳ v.4 } A Thread For Writers

[Ranger of the North]

Okay, cool! Well I'd be interested in reading it, if/when you do post it c:

[fg05281]

Ok, i sent this to ranger a while ago, and i wanted other people's opinions(did i spell that right, sorry im on tablet rn)
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1LVN ... p=drivesdk
Plus, i feel like you all would enjoy reading it.

[frankie (dup)]

@Pyjaks
Thank you for that playlist! I've only istened to the first two spongs, but it's really helping Chapter Eight of my story along!

@Ranger of the North That's really good! I love how melodic your writing is. It's not overly flowery, but you manage to write in a way that blends description and action perfectly. I find it so hard to write long things without it getting overly flowery, but you have the perfect balance!

@fg05281 That was so sad :'c
Is it just me or was it a metaphor for depression? Or was it a physical monster?

Also, would anyone mind reading this? I'm really enjoying writing it, but one chapter takes me sooooo long. Does anyone have some tips? I'd also like to have some more readers. Ranger's reading it already but it feels like a ghost town. :p

(Don't worry, Ranger. You're great!)

[Ranger of the North]

~snip~

@Ranger of the North That's really good! I love how melodic your writing is. It's not overly flowery, but you manage to write in a way that blends description and action perfectly. I find it so hard to write long things without it getting overly flowery, but you have the perfect balance!

~snip~

Also, would anyone mind reading this? I'm really enjoying writing it, but one chapter takes me sooooo long. Does anyone have some tips? I'd also like to have some more readers. Ranger's reading it already but it feels like a ghost town. :p

(Don't worry, Ranger. You're great!)

ah, thank you so much! I'm really glad you like it <33

Yass, read de story! cx ;p

(hehe I understand XP)

[fg05281]

@Pyjaks
Thank you for that playlist! I've only istened to the first two spongs, but it's really helping Chapter Eight of my story along!

@Ranger of the North That's really good! I love how melodic your writing is. It's not overly flowery, but you manage to write in a way that blends description and action perfectly. I find it so hard to write long things without it getting overly flowery, but you have the perfect balance!

@fg05281 That was so sad :'c
Is it just me or was it a metaphor for depression? Or was it a physical monster?

Also, would anyone mind reading this? I'm really enjoying writing it, but one chapter takes me sooooo long. Does anyone have some tips? I'd also like to have some more readers. Ranger's reading it already but it feels like a ghost town. :p

(Don't worry, Ranger. You're great!)

At the time i wrote it, it was just a physical monster. I never really had any plans for it metaphorically when i started. But, the more i think of it, it kinda took a life of its own.

[Dystopian Roach]

yo! it's been a while since ive posted here,
but I wanted some opinions on this poem
I wrote a while ago. it's simply called
if only, and it bears a pretty serious
tone to it.

━━━━━━━━

If only I could release every wretched
twisted thought condemned
within my bellowing lungs
​
If only I could glare deeper
past the exterior of the skin
to snap apart the bones inside

If only I could release my words
from my swollen throat
onto your limp skin

if only I had the courage
to tear this world apart

[Pyjaks]

xxxxxHe waited outside — for how long he didn't know — scuffing his boots in the dehydrated dust. Heat beat down rhythmically, almost forcefully, on his exposed neck. And the stillnes was stifling. Uncharacteristically, the camp was hushed and quiet. Stunned and in shock. Only the sound of soft weeping broke through the thick fog in his mind.
xxxxxFinally — finally — Jerry emerged from the tent. His eyes were hollow and bloodshot; haunted; his face an icy white. As his mate walked by without a word or a glance, a stab of pain ricocheted through Jared's heart. The world was suddenly too large.
xxxxxSteeling himself, he brushed the tentflap aside and forced himself into the tent, launching forward almost too fast to stop himself.
xxxxxThe low, ragged stretcher stood alone, bearing a single body. Blood soaked his arm and chest; sweat stood out against his deathly-pale skin, and a bandage wrapped his forehead.
xxxxxThe soldier stumbled forward, dropping unsteadily to his knees and clasping the other man's limp hand in his as his eyes blurred.
xxxxxWhy did life have to be this way? It wasn't fair.
xxxxx“You'll be right, Frank,” he murmured brokenly, squeezing the limp hand. “You'll be right, I'll get you home — I'll get you home to Emmie again.”
xxxxxSuddenly Frank's eyes shot open, bleary and wild as they rolled in his head; Jared straightened, pressing an arm against the other's chest to keep him still.
xxxxx“Sh, sh, sh — you're alright. It's alright, Frankie,” he murmured soothingly, pain and fear and hope tightening his throat. “You'll be alright.”
xxxxxFrank's unfocused eyes landed on his comrade's, and he opened his mouth a few times; no sound came out.
xxxxx“Red?” he gasped finally, voice gurgling sickeningly. “That-that you, mate?”
xxxxxJared nodded and sniffed, realising only as he squeezed the feebly-twitching hand that his cheeks were wet.
xxxxx“Yeah — yeah, it's me,” he affirmed gruffly. “It's me, mate; it's me, Frankie.” A brief, watery smile worked its way across Jared's face before wavering away.
xxxxx“I-I need — I did — I-I drew — you need to — promise me!” Frank's throat and lungs sounded full of phlegm, and Red felt his heart sink like a stone to the toes of his boots.
xxxxx“Of course — anything, mate — anything.”
xxxxx“I — I need you — to — to-to-to — to — ” Frank's hands scrabbled desperately at his jacket-pocket and Jared lunged forward, restraining his friend.
xxxxx“Hang on, mate, I'll get it for ya.” It was hard — so, so hard, to sound cheerful; to be reassuring; to not sink in the swamp of pain and grief and bitter hatred. Bitter everything. And hold himself together. But he had to. And he was.
xxxxxAll he found in Frank's pocket was paper — but it was worth a-thousand times its weight in gold.
xxxxx“T-take it — for... me. To... to — to Gerald — Geraldine Mcmill...”
xxxxx“A new one, huh, Frankie?” Red grimaced in amusement. “But 'Mcmill' — that's not a name; Geraldine who?...” The words died in his throat as he glanced at the other man.
xxxxxExpressionless. Cold. White. Blank.
xxxxx“Frank-Frankie? Frankie, no! NO!” Not another one — another childhood buddy —
xxxxx“Doctor!” Jared screamed — then instincts took over; the rush of adrenaline before a charge. “Medic! MEDIIIIC!!”

Ahhh I love your writing style ;_; but you already know thatXD

I really liked this. I feel like it was a bit more dialogue heavy than other pieces I've read from you, which I enjoyed!! The dialogue was really natural and well done, it didn't feel stale or fake (which is a huge struggle for me so I completely appreciate that!). I also really sympathized with the characters even though I don't know them. I felt like Jared was simultaneously shocked and resigned to see his friend die, as if he'd been through it dozens of times already but at the same time wasn't willing to watch another one die.

You're such a good writer!! <3 If you write anymore with these characters you should let us know:0

Ok, i sent this to ranger a while ago, and i wanted other people's opinions(did i spell that right, sorry im on tablet rn)
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1LVN ... p=drivesdk
Plus, i feel like you all would enjoy reading it.

I'll look over it:D Should I post comments on the doc itself, or here in this thread?

Also, would anyone mind reading this? I'm really enjoying writing it, but one chapter takes me sooooo long. Does anyone have some tips? I'd also like to have some more readers. Ranger's reading it already but it feels like a ghost town. :p

I'll read and post on the thread ^_^

yo! it's been a while since ive posted here,
but I wanted some opinions on this poem
I wrote a while ago. it's simply called
if only, and it bears a pretty serious
tone to it.

━━━━━━━━

If only I could release every wretched
twisted thought condemned
within my bellowing lungs
​
If only I could glare deeper
past the exterior of the skin
to snap apart the bones inside

If only I could release my words
from my swollen throat
onto your limp skin

if only I had the courage
to tear this world apart

I like it! It gives me creepy vibes, but like...good creepy vibes. I feel like it's really open to personal interpretation which is hella cool

[Greenleaf]

yo! it's been a while since ive posted here,
but I wanted some opinions on this poem
I wrote a while ago. it's simply called
if only, and it bears a pretty serious
tone to it.

━━━━━━━━

If only I could release every wretched
twisted thought condemned
within my bellowing lungs
​
If only I could glare deeper
past the exterior of the skin
to snap apart the bones inside

If only I could release my words
from my swollen throat
onto your limp skin

if only I had the courage
to tear this world apart

It's really good! :D It's very evocative and has excellent flow. I like the forcefulness of the emotions conveyed in it; they're communicated very well.

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Code: Select all

[b]What are you inspired by?[/b]

Just yesterday I went to a local park with my creative writing class, and for some reason my muse was stirred up immediately for the first time in months. There was something about the atmosphere and the nature of that park that somehow really resounded with me. Not sure why, but I have a few new story ideas and I'm actually motivated to write again. :) It's a really great feeling.

[Woogwoo Wren]

What are you inspired by?
Certain music, heavy rain, food (not kidding. XD), siblings, animals, a movie. Anything really.

[frankie (dup)]

What are you inspired by?

Words, activities, music, and showering.

Sometimes I'll be running, and a story idea will just pop into my head.

Words could be anything. I once got a story idea because someone said the number thirty-nine.

Music, especially wordless, helps me more while I'm writing, rather than getting an idea.

As for showering... don't we all?