Dear Noobcake by Xialburg (Updates Every Other Weekend)

[Al the Dalek]

Toast! In any case, exams are starting next week, so I was studying so much I almost forgot about Noobcake. I am a terrible person. In any case, here is the newest edition of Noobcake in all its glory.

Dear Noobcake,

I am so awesome on the crutches they are going to put a new word in the dictionary just for me. Meaning "one who is awesome at crutches." It's
No. I couldn't do it. I couldn't think of a cool enough word.
I'm a liar and a failure.
They're not making a word for me.
I mean, I am epic enough to get a news story on me but still.
Yeah Noobcake, I couldn't hold it in.
APPARENTLY since I was so epic and saved Gothie way back when he got wolf-napped, and since I saved my little fake-brother, I got news reporter wolves at my door.
Got a few interviews too. Because I'm epic.
And apparently now I have the nickname of "Accident Prone Hero."
As far of nicknames go, that's not one of the best, I'm just saying.
And I had to sign many autographs with Accident Prone Hero...
Geez.
Xanri kept laughing at me all through class. I was TRYING to LEARN and she was interrupting the delicate process!
I love how you keep thinking I pay attention, Noobcake.
With your nonexistent brain.
Because you are just a bunch of papers.
Anyway.
She was laughing at me because somehow I got the most ridiculous nickname known to wolf-kind.
Of course, I suppose there are worse.
Like...Greenbutt Junior.
I still get a kick out of that. Even though it means I am a terrible person.
I thought you knew this Noobcake. I've lied to you once...no...twice now.
I am just messing you Noobcake.
...I am...joking...with...an inanimate...object...
The wolves in white coats are going to come and take me away just like Emrr.
In any case, I went through school pretty normal and all that nonsense. I nearly ran someone over on my crutches today though.
Because I'm awesome on the crutches, I know how to move pretty fast now. It still hurts a bit if I do it too fast, but when I want to put on a boost of speed, it gets pretty epic.
So I nearly broke my other leg running them over. But they got out of the way in time and I got a severe talking to for "irresponsible conduct."
Blah blah blah. I blanked out most of the talk because honestly, I was kind of feeling injured and hurting and everything. And Sharise was walking past and she made this epic face that made me work hard not to crack up laughing.
I have no idea why. She's just weird. Awesome face that cheered me up though.
Made my day.
You know what else makes my day?
Bacon.
I'm hungry.
I'm going to go find something to eat and try not to kill myself on the stairs.

Seeya Noobcake.

[~Ktalinfadri~]

FIRST!
Annnyyyyways... do I sense something? ShariseXXialburg mebeh?

[ilovekahlee]

I just read this entire thing in like 4 hours . It'z AWESOME!
Count yourself another stalking fan.

[Al the Dalek]

You people got off lucky, because I thought I did Noobcake last week so I almost didn't put up this entry. Thank goodness for my calendar, because it had a handy dandy little note on there that said "Noobcake" so I remembered. Yes, I put Noobcake on my calendar. Don't judge me, I need it so important things don't flow out of my hole-filled head. Anyway, I present to you a new entry of Noobcake!

Dear Noobcake,

School's out! Yes! Finally!
I mean, it kind of sucked.
Well, a lot.
When I was a little puppy, the last week of school used to be a joke. I mean, everybody just showed up because their parents made them, there was no actual learning going on.
I distinctly remember us playing a whole lot of games the last week of school, and there were maybe two instances when we had to use our tiny little puppy brains.
Relating to puppies, have you ever looked a little one in the eye? I swear, just looking at them you can feel your IQ dropping by three billion elebenty percent. They just run about being ridiculous, run into things, RUN INTO ROADS AFTER A BALL (Junior, cough cough), and want to do stupid things in general.
But that's beside the point, I need to get back to what I was talking about earlier.
It would be pretty bad for me to get offtrack. I mean, your whole point of existence is to listen to my pointless conversations and you wouldn't want to hear about useless things.
Wait.
How do you listen if I'm writing stuff down?
I totally forgot what I was originally writing there, Noobcake. I had to go reread earlier in the entry to remember what I was talking about. I am normal.
So. The last week of school was a joke when I was a puppy.
But now that we're apparently getting smarter and more "responsible" we can handle exams THE ENTIRE LAST WEEK OF SCHOOL.
How bogus is that?
I'm in a rage! This is the maddest I've ever been! How dare they do this to me?! I demand fun and goofing off the last bit of time I have in the school? But nooo.
Honestly, I seriously doubt that half of the wolves at my school are responsible enough to handle all the work loaded onto them. I know for a fact that Love barely has enough work ethic to fill a teaspoon, let alone the TEN TON TUB OF HUGENESS the exams require.
I also know that I'm definitely not smart enough to get my brain to work for that long!
I don't like using my brain it gives me a headache.
I'm joking, of course.
Or am I? I will leave you to be the judge.
Wait. Hold on a second.
Did I just call myself an idiot?
Please don't let Gothie read this please please please.
In other news, it's shedding season, the time of the year all wolves loathe. I mean, some wolves are FINE WITH IT like the doom-and-gloom-deathbeast-himself-Gothie, since his fur is just synthetic crap (creeps me out, honestly). But for the rest of us, it sucks.
It especially is irritating and generally blargh-filled when some of us have allergies.
Ha ha ha, Noobcake. I'm not the only one. At least half of all wolves have negative reactions during the shedding season. It just kind of sucks a lot for us.
I just realized what this means.
Over half of us are allergic to ourselves.
That is the most pathetic thing ever. I bet the cats in Kitty-Kat-Land don't have to deal with that because they're just so uppity and prissy.
Anyway.
I was brushing myself the other day and I swear too much fur came out to be wolf-ly possible. I mean, how come I'm not bald?! There was enough fur to make myself a whole other coat!
At least I can comfort myself with the fact that Purna sheds more than me, because his fur is longer.
Ha ha!
I laugh at him!
Except not really because I'm still on crutches and I think he would just kick them out from under me when I'm on the stairs.
Have I ever mentioned before that on stairs, crutches really suck?
Because they do.
At least I have my wings to help me.
That's all I have to say for today, I'm going to go snot myself to death now.
I hate allergies.

Seeya Noobcake.

[Lanton]

Epic as usual!

[obsceneSymphony]

"Over half of us are allergic to ourselves"
LOL ^

[Al the Dalek]

Because I feel generous today (and I had a lot of time on my hands) I made you all a new banner thing that cost blood, sweat, and tears. You can find it in my signature, along with on the front page! Love and starfishes!

[Destiny]

oh dear god, you are an amazing story teller, Its magic I swear, I haven't read in so long, and I totally forgot to keep up but my mood was suddenly lifted when I read this....Im in love with your writting

[Al the Dalek]

I'm feeling depressed. I seriously am. I checked my calendar and Noobcake wasn't this week, but what the heck. Writing Noobcake cheers me up and I definitely need a booster. I am keeping to the schedule, so you're getting three weeks of Noobcake in a row. Tada. You all can pretend its your birthdays and I just gave ya a present other than the new banner now on the front page and in my sig. You might as well enjoy this. I mean, when life gives you lemons...DON'T MAKE LEMONADE. MAKE LIFE TAKE BACK THE LEMONS. GET MAD. Etc.

Dear Noobcake,

I'm addicted to sudoku.
No, seriously.
Have you ever played sudoku?
I bet not, because you are a silly, silly Noobcake.
I know, you think I'm stupid. Honestly, what could be so fun about scribbling little numbers on a piece of paper?
EVERYTHING.
Because it's a puzzle.
You know how I hate using my brain?
No, don't say I'm stupid. Keeping those snarky comments to yourself.
...even though you can't comment in any case...
ANYWAY.
This thing makes me like using my brain. Because there's SO MANY NUMBERS DEMANDING TO BE SOLVED.
Writing out in all capital letters is exhausting.
I mean, when I use my laptop its really easy since you just press a button and go 'durr durr durr durr troll' but in real life with real stuff and real paper and real pens, you have to put a lot of effort into it.
I like to think that I'm extra special since I write with all capitals and whatnot.
But to my day, and enough rambling about sudoku.
I got off my crutches today.
I know, I know. It seems awfully quick.
But, as I am a ninja (or lazy [or both]) I forgot to write in you for a while.
Well, I didn't forget.
I was quite worried about you, you know. But my room turned into an arctic jungle and I couldn't find you amongst all the debris.
I say arctic because adult wolves seem to think that just because it is summer they should turn down the thermostat to negative eleventy degrees, and I say jungle because...well. There's a lot of stuff in jungles, and there is definitely a lot of stuff in my room.
Wait.
How can I SAY things when I'm writing things down?
I just confused myself.
Please don't let anyone read this...
When I finally found you, much happiness was in my soul, mostly because my grade depends on you.
You know, I should seriously find a new notebook so I don't have to keep stapling papers into you. Mr. Mrs. ABC doesn't like sloppy work.
...
I didn't mean that Noobcake. I like you just the way you are.
Don't be mad at me.
...even though you're inanimate and have no feelings...
But anyway.
Since I was off of my crutches, I celebrated by going to the skatepark and hanging out.
What, didn't think I skated?
Pfft, I'm amazing.
...I just wrote...a sound...into you...
But back to my story.
I skate, yeah. Not a lot. Gothie does, and he can do pretty cool flippy things. And when he falls he doesn't even...break a limb or anything.
Lucky.
Xanri was totally crap, and Gothie and I laughed a lot until she headbutted someone in their head and she suddenly acquired ninja awesome moves.
Sometimes I really wish I was psychic.
I don't even know what she did.
Just a freaking skater mind meld thing went on.
What if all of us could mind meld?
I think just writing this sentence I started a new conspiracy theory.
That's the law of theories. If you think it, or write it, or say it, it exists.
Next thing I know I'm going to be cruising around the internet and find that.
Sharise showed up after a while, and she was pretty good. Not as awesome as me, but at least she could go up and down the ramp.
Being the gentle-wolf I am, I offered her lessons.
Free of charge, of course. I'm not a turd!
She said yes.
Heck yes.
Anyway, Noobcake, I have to go now. I left a great sudoku puzzle hanging and I just KNOW where the next three goes. It's been bugging me this whole time.

Seeya Noobcake.

[CorgiBean]

Just dropping a coment to say that no matter what kind of day i'm having, stopping by here and reading some Noobcake in all it's epical glory always manages to cheer me up ^_^ Thank you