jardin d'eden. wrote:
Is it a bad thing I'm just jumping around?
Like, I have the first chapter done, and not the second. However, I've started the third and finished the fourth. I've started the remaining two eras when I'm out of juice for the first one. Throughout the entire document, I have a whole bunch of «insert stuff here» scattered around. |D
Of course that's okay c: You're just not a linear writer. And sometimes, it's better to write a scene from a later point in the story first. For mysteries, for example. If you have the ending first, you'll be able to insert some clever red herrings and hints right from the start ^^
@Neer
It's a bit too vague for me to form an opinion.
As it is, the only conflict I can derive from that is the inhospitable environment and climate. And that Acadia wants to change her future and that of a mysterious other person. But all I know about Acadia's present is that she's the daughter of the leader of a clan, so I can't really imagine what she wants to change, aside from the obvious (not to become the leader but to go her own way). But you don't want obvious. People don't buy (or read) the obvious. They want the extraordinary. So what is it that makes your story extraordinary? What makes it different from all the others?
I think you should actually describe who Acadia is, and what her Clan is. "A daughter of Samuel" doesn't say all that much. What is she? A nomad? A member of a desert tribe? Are they civilised people or not? Names don't tell the reader who or what the characters are. Try describing her by one strong adjective and one strong noun (or two, if it's not possible to do with just one). For example, "Acadia, a confident nomad successor/heiress..." This renders mentioning her father's name unnecessary. We'll learn that anyway once we read the story.
Then "is in need of help" and "but it seems as if nothing will help" - that's too vague again. Why do they need help? What's wrong? Did the absence of rain bring about a lack of water? What happened that they're in such dire need of help? Then you mention a dome and that the clan hopes it will be the help they need - but what will be the problem with it? Will they have trouble to enter it? Or maybe to leave it again once they're inside? Or maybe something else entirely?
You don't have to tell us everything, but a bit more would be nice. If you specify the problems more, we as the readers will also be able to understand how far their struggles go, and we'll be able to sympathise more (and will be more likely to read it). Hunger, thirst, people fighting for their livestock because it keeps dying, people collapsing from the heat and lack of water - and then, finally, there's a mysterious dome that gives them new hope.
As for Acadia - what does she struggle with? Her father's approval? The responsibility she as a leader would have? The pressure to please her father and her clan? Having to forget her own dreams in order to fulfil her father's?
All that makes your story matter.
Another thing is, you're jumping with the conflicts. In one sentence, you're talking about the dome, and in the next, it goes to Acadia and her conflict with following her father's footsteps. It kinda comes out of nowhere.
I'm always a bit interested in stories set in the desert, so I hope this helps. ^^
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