The Ugly Princess(es)

[.Fish.]

Nice c:

[Roonil Wazlib]

Thanks!

[.Fish.]

Welcomes c:

[war paint.]

Good, really. But maybe post a little more?

[Meredare]

Nice and have a suggestion: what if the older sister realizes how mean she was being (in a way) and you develop something off of that?

[DoctorWhoCrazy]

After all this time! It was great, if a little short.

[mercury.]

I only read the first two entries, but one of the things I wish was added was more description, and vocabulary variation. Using thesaurus.com is helpful for finding good synonyms for common words. Also, it's rather confusing at the start. You say "Both princesses were unattractive", yet describe Lyssa as being rather pretty. Also, using adverbs to describe how people do things, or describing someone's actions. i.e. Jane nodded with such vigor that one worried her head might fly off.
Good idea for a story, though I might add some more depth to the plot. Ugly duckling stories can be a bit over-done. c:

[Roonil Wazlib]

I only read the first two entries, but one of the things I wish was added was more description, and vocabulary variation. Using thesaurus.com is helpful for finding good synonyms for common words. Also, it's rather confusing at the start. You say "Both princesses were unattractive", yet describe Lyssa as being rather pretty. Also, using adverbs to describe how people do things, or describing someone's actions. i.e. Jane nodded with such vigor that one worried her head might fly off.
Good idea for a story, though I might add some more depth to the plot. Ugly duckling stories can be a bit over-done. c:

Thank you! I needed some critique. This is just sort of a side project, so I'm pretty much winging it and not really proof-reading it.
By the both princess being unattractive, I meant they both have major flaws with their personalities.
If I have time, I shall go through it and check if I use too many 'boring' words- I have a tendency to do that xD
Thanks again!

[wolves+horses]

I actually sort of like the simplistic style used here. ^-^ It makes it a simpler read, good for relaxing, and it definitely gives it that fairy-tale feel to it, which I think is cool. Not many people are into writing fairy-tales these days.

And now I'm hooked on the story! ;-;

[Roonil Wazlib]

@Wolves
Thanks! I adore fairytales, they have a really big influence on my writing xD