. // THE INSOMNIAC'S CALENDAR. )

[sinensys]

luminescence beckons
and i reach for it,
hoping there is not
a set of anglerfish's maw
on the other side.

[sinensys]

i have no self
and i see the space where it should be.
but i cannot remember
what i would have put there
in the first place.
the vacancy was made for me,
and yet it wasn't.
i saw myself float by,
but only because the shell
filled with helium.
i see the hollow space
but i do not know
how to fill it for myself.

[sinensys]

and just like that,
she vanished,
dead but dreaming.

[sinensys]

"...are you okay?"


"as okay as i ever will be
as okaya in this instance
as at this point in time."

[sinensys]

раздирающие чувства
вдохновляют,
но неприятные ощущения
неизбежны.
а как же хотелось бы
уметь чувствовать,
но не терять себя
в внезапных бурях,
в залпах зубастых,
врасплох.
бесшумно перекликаются
подавление с горем,
в засаде,
а я как безглазый олень
--- слепая, невидящая.

[sinensys]

if you put a wolf on the moon,
even the most stubborn ones
will eventually settle for
howling at the sun instead.
sometimes you can hear
their soft canid dirges,
lamenting the loss of a tradition,
even across the stiff vacuum
and stifling stratosphere:

out here in the loosely grounding void,
we are close to our god
at the cost of our culture,
and for that we weep,
bidding the return shuttle
a bitter farewell,
for having experienced
a life of low gravity,
we can never return
the same.

[sinensys]

and so once again,
i beg my weary racehorse
to defy that leaden weight
that binds it so soundly
so that i might succeed
in my two endeavors
within the next twenty four hours.
i beg and plead for that
equine speed and grace,
a vector defined and amplified
across the vast empty
i currently find myself
drowning in.
i plead with my beloved racehorse,
and tell it that all i wish to do
is to succeed in these two tasks
and then it may lie down to rest
again
--- whether or not my pleas
are heard
is something i will find out
later, in 9 hours from now.