{ ＩＮＫＬＩＮＧＳ } LOCK! NEW THREAD

[Brittle]

I have a plot idea and I would really like some opinions!



There is a group of dogs, mostly strays and mutts that have escaped their homes, that are tired of captivity and have decided to lead a rebellion against their controlling human masters. They are led by a wise and honourable wolf-dog and his adopted family. But there is tension within the dog gathering, as the leader wishes only to reclaim territory with minimal human conflict, while others have a more sinister motive: revenge.

When the pet dogs hear about this rebellion, they fear for the safety of their beloved human masters. Some leave their homes, forming an alliance of their own, hoping to find a way to stop the other dogs. Their numbers are smaller, however, and the dogs are not used to living a life in the wild - never mind fighting a war there. Their leader is a reluctant young dog who doesn't really know much about how to run the huge pack of scared dogs.

As time goes on, both sides start to question their motives. Plots go on behind the leaders' backs. And neither realise the true consequences of an organised attack on the humans: extermination.



There is a lot more to the plot than that, but I don't want to give it away. :3 I'll probably make it into a webcomic, but if not I'll write a story about it.

Opinions, anyone?

Sounds a little too much like 'Survivors'...Plus this plot has been done to death.
Sorry if I'm being a bit harsh, I love plots like this though! If you make it your own, add some crazy twists, then maybe you'll reach others!


P.s. IM BAAACCKKK!

[Artesian]

Welcome back Brittle! We missed you c:
*flips table*
WRITER'S BLOCK.
IN THE MIDDLE.
OF.
AN.
ACTION.
SCENE.
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF-

THIS.

The only thing I can recommend is to make sure you know exactly what the action scene is intending to accomplish. Who kicks butt, who gets hurt, everything. (Oh yeah, and watch a bad action movie. >->)

[Artesian]

@Art:
I'll just plug in Snakes On A Plane then and take notes.
No, totally just kidding.
It's so frustrating ;_; I was all like "OH YEAH PUNCH TO THE FACE AND THEN WE'RE GUNNA-"
We're gunna....
crap.

Is it like a, er, mechanics issue? You know how the fight should turn out but you can't get from a to b? The writing itself isn't flowing? Or... what? (Mrrrr I want to be helpful.)

[hell_hound]

I just feel like everything has been done to this point - but the scene has only lasted or like two minutes and it's a big huge chunk of the chapter - the main character is fighting with her arch enemy and this is the last confrontation they're going to have. I really don't know how to explain it. Rebekka needs to win the fight, but I feel like it's not long enough.

You can do what I do - take a minute or two to describe what's happening with the other characters. It's easier when it's a gigantic battle because the main character isn't going to be attacked consistently, so she can have a second to gauge her surroundings, but I think you can do that in a fight with just two people too. I'm not sure. Just regurgitating what I've heard xD

[Artesian]

I just feel like everything has been done to this point - but the scene has only lasted or like two minutes and it's a big huge chunk of the chapter - the main character is fighting with her arch enemy and this is the last confrontation they're going to have. I really don't know how to explain it. Rebekka needs to win the fight, but I feel like it's not long enough.

You can do what I do - take a minute or two to describe what's happening with the other characters. It's easier when it's a gigantic battle because the main character isn't going to be attacked consistently, so she can have a second to gauge her surroundings, but I think you can do that in a fight with just two people too. I'm not sure. Just regurgitating what I've heard xD

Another thing is to make it a difficult fight. Have the balance get tossed back and forth, so she starts out losing, then winning, then losing, then... blah blah. Some psychological fighting can be thrown in there too. Let's say that her arch-enemy says something that really hurts her, and Rebekka starts losing, then... yeah. Victories that are too easy seem hollow.

[Artesian]

I agree. She's supposed to end up seriously wounded before she manages to crawl off somehow and I'm really struggling with finding a way to make her be able to escape sensibly - Diana has a knife and she wounds her with it. Something would have to distract her dramatically or maybe I could have Bekka roll her into the fire pit nearby and burn her face to get away? They're teenagers, so they don't have that capability to keep fighting when they're wounded badly.
That reminds me - I'd like to be a beta reader for your mortal decoy story, I read a snippet of it and forgot to private message you.

Well, there's also the option of accidentally ending up separated. For instance, one of them falling into a pit or off a building/cliff. That could be a dramatic way for, if Bekka is lucky, to end up separated by enough distance to give her enough time to escape. Something could break underneath them, and start a collapse of a building or a mudslide, depending on the conditions.

Certainly! (I'll have to clear it with my cowriter first, of course) Unfortunately, I can't post much of it anywhere like Worthy of Publishing, because she's fairly shy about her work, and the writing is split between us. :3 But if she's okay with it, I'll email or PM you a bit of it.

[hell_hound]

I agree. She's supposed to end up seriously wounded before she manages to crawl off somehow and I'm really struggling with finding a way to make her be able to escape sensibly - Diana has a knife and she wounds her with it. Something would have to distract her dramatically or maybe I could have Bekka roll her into the fire pit nearby and burn her face to get away? They're teenagers, so they don't have that capability to keep fighting when they're wounded badly.
That reminds me - I'd like to be a beta reader for your mortal decoy story, I read a snippet of it and forgot to private message you.

I like the pit idea, and maybe she can think she's dead or something but of course the crazy - not so nice word here - isn't dead, but Bekka doesn't have to know that yet right? You don't want to make it too bad because like you said they're teenagers. Save the gruesome stuff for later when they're used to it and a little more durable.

[the force awakens.]

Hello everyone.

I'm a little annoyed about something I used for writing my books: My phone. I accidentally lost it on an amusement park ride on Thursday, and I haven't heard a phone call that it has been found yet. It had two stories that I had currently been in the process of writing, and now there's the chance that they are both gone.

I'm pretty upset about this, especially since I don't normally write by using a pen and paper. I can never keeps project down, so two more possible books down the drain at this point. And no phone.

[Charias]

I have a plot idea and I would really like some opinions!



There is a group of dogs, mostly strays and mutts that have escaped their homes, that are tired of captivity and have decided to lead a rebellion against their controlling human masters. They are led by a wise and honourable wolf-dog and his adopted family. But there is tension within the dog gathering, as the leader wishes only to reclaim territory with minimal human conflict, while others have a more sinister motive: revenge.

When the pet dogs hear about this rebellion, they fear for the safety of their beloved human masters. Some leave their homes, forming an alliance of their own, hoping to find a way to stop the other dogs. Their numbers are smaller, however, and the dogs are not used to living a life in the wild - never mind fighting a war there. Their leader is a reluctant young dog who doesn't really know much about how to run the huge pack of scared dogs.

As time goes on, both sides start to question their motives. Plots go on behind the leaders' backs. And neither realise the true consequences of an organised attack on the humans: extermination.



There is a lot more to the plot than that, but I don't want to give it away. :3 I'll probably make it into a webcomic, but if not I'll write a story about it.

Opinions, anyone?

Sorry for reposting this, I'd just like a little bit more feedback. c:

So some people were saying it sounded juvenile, like something that younger kids would like - but I'm actually trying to go for something a bit more mature, which is why it would be different from most other animalistic fictions that I guess are pretty similar. I know it would probably be difficult to make something like this appeal to older people (like my age, I guess) and I probably won't manage it, but that's pretty much my aim.

So this is just a really, really basic plot for it. There's probably going to be all sorts of gruesome stuff added in there as well, because I'm just so darn good at being evil to my characters.

So, what, do you think its possible that I could turn a plot like this into something more mature?

Yeah, I've never read Survivors and I've only read the first Warriors book, so if it's similar to them then that's completely unintentional.

Thanks for the help, by the way. c:

[Brittle]

Welcome back Brittle! We missed you c:
*flips table*
WRITER'S BLOCK.
IN THE MIDDLE.
OF.
AN.
ACTION.
SCENE.
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF-

This. gif. made. my. day!!!!
Lol, I get writer's block in the day, I write best at night. Preferably midnight when I'm on cs. c;