by Sen507 » Sun Nov 20, 2011 2:05 am
I'll post a little bit of my NaNoWriMo story (a contest where you have to try and write a 50,000 word novel in a month, I'm nearly done!). It is a very creepy story, most of it is actually told from a ghost's point of view! Well, here are some random creepy-ish parts from the intro (parts are missing from this though since it was too long to post the whole intro). I also hope this isn't too creepy or violent (just tell me if it is and I will remove it) but people come here for scary stories so I thought I'd give a try at posting it:
The small wire cage was filled with misfits. Sick little rats found in the gutters and brought to salvation, or so it seemed. A hefty brown rat chewed at a large flea on its hind leg with metal teeth, another itched at its raw ears with metal claws. They were prototypes for the brilliance that was soon to exist. A thin feminine hand reached into the cage and pulled out a small white rat from the corner. Its beady eyes lit up with terror and it began to squeal as it was torn away from its companions. It tried desperately to free itself but was so small it fit inside her palm and there was no chance of it escaping no matter how hard it struggled. The woman, Dr. Sarah Smith felt inclined to squish the poor beast and put it out of its misery but it was needed for the experiment. Dr. Nicholas Luis and her planned to change the world. Unfortunately they had not been provided adequate funding for their work. Dr. Luis took hold of the rat and held down the small creature on a nearby metal table. He grabbed a hammer and hit the mouse over the head to stun it. It froze and lay still, barely breathing, a thin stream of blood flowing from a gash on its forehead. He brought a roll of tape from the side of table and carefully strapped down each of the mouse’s pink paws. Dr. Smith watched him, judging his every move. He laughed nervously.
“You know, you could help me,” he suggested glaring at her playfully. She laughed scornfully in reply.
“But now, you’re the one who likes to get your hands dirty, aren’t you?” she taunted a wry grin forming on her freckled face. No, he didn’t like it. He didn’t like it all, to her he was nothing. He suppressed his anger and lifted the small knife. He sank the knife into the soft furry flesh at the mouse’s neck and carried it downward. The stomach of the mouse burst open and began to bleed at a tremendous rate. Working against the clock, Dr. Luis brought a small electric tube from a nearly table, it was a new invention, revolutionary really. It was a working robotic replacement for a small intestine. He took a needle threaded with wire which was attached on the other end to the intestine and carefully wove it into the mouse’s system, being careful only to remove its original once the new one was in place. He was moving too slowly, the mouse was lying in a pool of its own filthy blood. He sealed off the blood vessels as quickly as possible but the mouse was passing the point of no return. Frantically he grabbed the second needle prepared with thread and sewed up the wound. The mouse twitched and coughed; blood came forth from its mouth and it was still. It was dead.
“Damn,” Dr. Luis cursed to himself wishing for a better outcome. Dr. Smith approached him, a small stopwatch in her left hand.
“Oh, looks like you’ve knocked .57 seconds off your time, unfortunately though, our patient is dead!” she yelled her temper rising. Dr. Luis stuck the knife into the mouse’s corpse furiously this time. He carelessly ripped the electronic intestine out of the mouse’s abdomen. “Careful now, that was extremely expensive, without it he won’t let us move onto the next stage of testing- with humans!” she warned aggressively. Dr. Luis was exasperated with her and exhausted from the numerous failed operations that had taken place that day. He took a paper towel and slid the small mouse along with its pool of blood and organs into a plastic bag with the rest. It would be a long day.
Boe’s eyes shot open and his heart raced with fear. The masked men stood over him their smiles taunting him. What horrible mutation had they preformed this time? He did not want to know. He could not yet move. He struggled and tried to sit up but pain shot through his body and a gloved hand shoved him back down. “Help!” he cried desperately. He could hear someone crying in the distance, knowing their turn was next. He could feel the cold metal of the table on his back and it sent a chill down his spine.
“Don’t worry,” said one of the masked men in a mocking tone, “everything will be alright, in fact, it will be better than alright, you will soon be improved!” He brushed back a lock of silky black hair from Boe’s face and laughed. Boe watched him with eyes clouded with pain, he was helpless. Dizziness suddenly overcame him and the sounds became distant. He was unconscious again.
Next time he awoke he was in a cell. Packed in side by side with the other children from the orphanage, they were still sleeping. The bliss of sleep. He sighed and tried to stand but stumbled, falling back to the cold cement. The room was filled with horrible stench and the only sounds to be heard were the moans and wails that the other children made in their sleep. He groaned as he pulled himself into a sitting position. His head pounded and his vision was blurred with numerous spots. Around him the four deformed creatures slept. He could barely stand to think that they were still innocent children. They were nothing but distorted freaks. The first thing the masked men had done to Boe was swap his lungs for an electronic set. They had told him there was something wrong with his real ones and that things would be better after the operation. Unfortunately he was naïve enough at the time to believe them. The children around him were wrapped in bloody bandages and shivering. The floor was stained with countless pools of red. Boe gritted his teeth against the pain that filled him; he could not yet tell where it was coming from though. They were kept in a perpetual night with no gage of time as if to keep them from seeing their own decrepit forms. He squinted trying to see better in the dim light provided by a single candle just outside the cell. First he looked at his arms. He shuddered, they weren’t any different than they usually were but their normal appearance bothered him greatly. Both arms were sickly pale and at the elbow the soft flesh transitioned to metal. His forearms and hands were completely electronic, he could move them perfectly yet had no feeling in them and they scared him to see. The glossy metal reached into the upper part of his arm where it was connected with long black wires that delved into his soft skin. There was a large metal gear at each joint connected the different sections of metal tubing. His fingers were links of metal connected by multiple gears with rubber wires running down them. He bit his lip nervously wondering what horrendous change they had preformed this time. Beside him Amber moaned in her sleep rolling over to reveal an array of scars on her back from failed experiments. That’s all they were to the men with the masks. Lab rats; things to experiment on and play with. They kept telling Boe that they were trying to help him but he knew that was a lie. He wanted to talk to her but thought it was best not to wake her. Amber was fifteen, she had come with him from the orphanage, been locked in the same cage. Except she hadn’t gotten the brunt of their twisted tests like Boe had. They had claimed it was a miracle and that they were saving his life, but they were wrong. They were only making him sicker by the minute with their cruel tests, how he hated them. There were only four children in the room, Boe knew the masked men would be wanting more soon. They had taken Boe along with four others from the orphanage many years before. One of the youngest, a six year old girl named Sari hadn’t even made it past the first week. They insisted to Boe that they had come too late to help her though he knew it was by their own dreadful hands that she died. They were crazed. Using technology to turn children into monsters. At first they just replaced the failing parts with electronics but as their madness grew they began to take more and more from the children. A great wave of nausea washed over Boe. His vision blurred for a moment and the pain in his abdomen increased. He felt dizzy and vomited across the cold cement floor. It mostly consisted of saliva and blood from the lack of decent food and maltreatment he had received. It was dark and took him a few minutes to fully regain his senses. Boe blinked again struggling to see in the dim light. He looked over Amber to make sure they hadn’t done anything too horrible to her. Her left wrist and hand were wrapped in bandages and through them he could see silver. “Damn!” he screamed his voice echoing through the halls. This got the attention of the guard who was standing two rooms over. The door leading into the room with the cell was flung open and a burly man stepped out. “Shut up!” he shouted, hitting the bars with a metal bat. They shook and let out a high pitched ring which rattled through the room. Kura, the youngest of children, only ten woke up abruptly and began crying at this. Boe sunk back to the corner of the cell knowing there was nothing he could do. He crawled over to her and took her hand gently in his but she shrieked at the sight of him and tried to back away. “Shh,” he whispered, “It’s just me, Boe.” He attempted to smile if only for her sake. She stared at him briefly then cuddled closer to him for protection. The guard laughed loudly.
“You think he’s going to save you?” he chuckled, “I’d like to see that!” His large belly bounced as he laughed. “Kid, he’s too weak to take care of himself, what makes you think he’ll want to help you?” he burst out into rude laughter so loud it nearly shook the building. Kura squeezed Boe’s hand even though she knew he couldn’t feel it.
“Don’t worry,” she whispered faintly, “I trust you.” With that she fell back into a feverish sleep in his arms.
Then the two people he hated most entered. Dr. Luis with his never taunting grin seemingly never ceased to exist and Dr. Smith with her sharp glittering eyes that watched his every move like an eagle. He rarely saw them yet he could tell; they were the ones behind this project. The masked men were mindless drones, only working to please their leaders. He had also noticed something strange though, they always seemed a bit uneasy when around the children. Almost as if they were both frightened and amazed by their creations. He realized he was on his knees and struggled to stand when they approached. He must not show weakness before them. Dr. Smith turned to the surly guard.
“We can handle it from here,” she instructed shooing him out of the room. He looked back as if to protest but then decided against it. Dr. Luis took one look at Boe and laughed.
“Well, well, well, Little Child, look how you’ve grown! Yet you’re still so thin. Is everything to your liking?” he chuckled, his green eyes now cold and full of malice.
“You know it isn’t!” Boe spat through the bars, his eyes reflecting just as much hatred in return. He reached his arm through the bars and tried to get to Dr. Luis but he was standing too far away. Boe fell back, panting and defeated.
“Now, now, you wouldn’t want to get all scratched up, would you now?” he asked in a calm voice.
“Go to hell!” Boe yelled in response. Tears began streaming down his face and he almost wiped them off but thought against it. That would be bad. If he had it probably would have short circuited his arms and then he would have to go in for surgery again. He shuddered at the thought.
“Naughty, naughty,” Dr. Smith commented, “You wouldn’t want to be punished now, would you?” she snapped losing her temper. Punishment, no. That was worst of all. They would simply put him in a dark room alone and give him small operations every day, slowly turning more and more of him to metal. Boe’s eyes went wide at the thought and he was silent. He thought they would be happy but instead Dr. Luis let out a gasp.
“Shut up!” he shouted though he was not looking in Boe’s direction. Boe stepped back confused. Dr. Smith looked concerned and took Dr. Luis’s hand. She carefully led him out of the room but not without giving Boe one last nasty glare. Once again he was alone except for the three battered children who lay with him, all their courage gone, slowly drained out through the years. But he would not lose hope. As the pain faded to a bearable degree he could see better and localize the source of the pain. He finally noticed a large blood soaked bandage around his stomach. Suddenly he had an idea. He had to get it perfect or his chances of escape would be crushed for quite a while. Cringing, he unwrapped the bandage. At first it stuck but finally he had removed it completely. He wanted to do this before anyone woke, he had to hurry, Amber was already stirring. He looked at the small candle that lay just out of his reach. Slowly he slid the cloth through the bars, inching it toward the candle. Finally it reached it destination. Hot wax began to drip onto it, but that was not enough to start a flame. Very carefully he waved the cloth just slightly so its corner brushed the flame, and like a miracle it lit up bright with yellow flames. Boe laughed for the first time in many months but unfortunately he had to stop because it hurt his abdomen too much. The cloth caught quickly and in an instant Boe grabbed it and threw it as hard as he could toward the wooden table in the middle of the room. It barely reached its destination, but at least it did. The flame was not at all what he had hoped it would be. It did not engulf the table as it should have but simply started to smolder slowly on the table edge. He screamed in agony. Then he noticed something. The smell of smoke was filling his nostrils and the room; he hoped it would be enough to get the guard’s attention. Amber opened her eyes.
“Boe?” she muttered weakly. “What’s going on?”
“No time to explain,” he replied a grin on his dirty face. Suddenly the guard burst into the room coughing.
“What the?” he exclaimed confused. Boe began to cry, deliberately this time though.
“Help!” he called out. “The candle lit the bandage and it just spread!” he sobbed hoping the guard was not intelligent enough to figure out what had actually happened. The other children all awoke now, terrified by the smoke. The baffled guard stood dumbstruck. “Please!” Boe begged, “Help us! Dr. Luis would certainly take your job if you left his test subjects to die!” Apparently this had not yet occurred to the guard since suddenly he became frantic and reached into his pocket. He pulled out an old and rusted key and quickly fumbled to get it into the lock. Finally the door swung open. Most of the children were too stunned to move, though Amber stood up and Boe pulled the key ring out of the lock and darted out the second it was open. Kura and Teiren just sat there, eyes wide with confusion and pain. Slowly Teiren stood up and walked over to the guard. Kura tried to stand but collapsed under her own weight. Boe looked back, just for a second and had a pang of guilt. He had only planned his own escape. In that instant he saw with relief the guard’s eyes were misted with smoke and he could not see but he also saw Kura. She was sitting in the corner shivering. He knew what he had done was wrong and that the other children would be severely punished for it. Still, he kept on running. Well, at least what could count as a run for him, it was more of a limp. Every step pained him greatly yet he continued. Finally he reached the metal door at the end of the hallway. He could barely see through the smoke and fumbled with the keys a couple times before actually getting the door open. He didn’t close it behind him for fear that the guard would hear and become suspicious. Suddenly, he found what he had been looking for. Near the ceiling in the cramped cement room there was a single window. To him it was freedom. He took a running start and jumped, just barely clinging to the window sill. Slowly and very painfully he pulled himself up. He could hear footsteps approaching and frantically lifted open the old window with a creak. It was small enough that most children could not have fit through it but Boe was thin enough by far to squeeze through the gap. He fell onto soft snow. Snow. He hadn’t seen it for years. Suddenly it all came back to him. The days he had spent at the orphanage having snow ball fights with Amber. He began to cry again, for real this time. All the faults with his plan flooded to him at once. After being locked up for so long he had not factored in anything about weather. It had been an impulsive decision; not something he had taken time to think through, now he wished he had. He thought of trying to get back in but the window was too high to reach from the ground and he was sure an array of horrible punishments would be waiting for him. Instead he tried to keep running on toward the forest that lay in the distance. He kept tripping and could barely walk through the uneven snow. What scared him most was how it was piling up on the electronic parts and melting. He was already starting to lose control. His left ankle was the first to give out. He almost gave up then. He had no idea where he was trying to go from there and what he would do once he got there. He was just focused on the crazed goal of escape. He didn’t even know what he was escaping from exactly. Sure he was free from the cell but now his life was in even greater peril. He heard shouts and knew the guard had figured out what happened. Finally on trembling legs he collapsed into the snow. He could go no further. His breathing was erratic. What had his plan been anyway? Nothing but a crazed feverish whim. His tears streamed off his face and disappeared into the snow. Only one of his arms still worked. With it he grabbed the keys and threw them as far away as he could. If he was giving up at least he’d give the guard a bit of trouble later on. This wasn’t much consolation to him though. The scar on his stomach had ripped open and the snow around him began to turn red with his blood. He looked up to see what had been his prison for so many years. It was simply an old factory. Half the windows were already smashed. No more smoke drifted out from the window; presumably the fire had been set out. Now he could no longer move any of his electronic joints, they had all shorted out from the snow. He should have tried to run; he should have come up with a real plan instead of just following his own stupidity. He gasped in air and shivered as the snow numbed his body. At first it hurt horribly but then he realized there was an upside to this, it dulled all his other pains with time. Soon he could hardly feel anything. His eyelids became heavy with snow and he had to blink it away. A thick layer of snow began to cover him and he knew there would be no returning to the life he knew. For once he was scared. He looked to see the large metal door to the factory swing open and Dr. Luis running toward him. He let out a dry laugh as everything faded to black.
Hopefully it's creepy enough for you, wasn't sure if I should post it here, and that's just a small bit of the intro, it's really long now (just passed 30,000 words). Also, please do not claim any parts of this story as your own, this is MY own writing, not yours.
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Thanks Inkeyu
