This Is A Journal..... NOT A Diary!/TIAJNAD

[• DEFY THE CAPITOL •]

Oh, not me. This story is quite nice! But the story has been featured on the 'CS hate thread' offsite, labeling it stupid and such.

It has? Send me the link?

[Zookrates]

Oh, not me. This story is quite nice! But the story has been featured on the 'CS hate thread' offsite, labeling it stupid and such.

Omg :O!! People are so rude! If people dont like this kind of stories, this story is NOTtheir problem >_< Do not listen, JF!! Your story is awesomesauce. But this is the cutse of beeing a famous author, there are always someone who will hate, someone who will love and someone who will think your books are ok. Its alot of people that hates THG, but see how far she have comed. Three books, a movie, thousands of readers. You may not hav e a thousand, but you are as big as her. We love you, dont listen to them

[• DEFY THE CAPITOL •]

Oh, not me. This story is quite nice! But the story has been featured on the 'CS hate thread' offsite, labeling it stupid and such.

Omg :O!! People are so rude! If people dont like this kind of stories, this story is NOTtheir problem >_< Do not listen, JF!! Your story is awesomesauce. But this is the cutse of beeing a famous author, there are always someone who will hate, someone who will love and someone who will think your books are ok. Its alot of people that hates THG, but see how far she have comed. Three books, a movie, thousands of readers. You may not hav e a thousand, but you are as big as her. We love you, dont listen to them

Thank you so much, Zook! It really means a lot and you made me feel so much better! I feel like crying I'm so happy! Thank you, so much!

[daz]

I totally agree with Zook!

Someone hates TIAJNAD. ..... Should I call the hospital? LOL

[VesVes]

Nah, you should call the Daleks instead. XD

Besides, if people hate TIAJNAD, then they don't have to read it. And they don't have to rant about it, either. They're probably just being trolls.

I, personally, think the story is amazing and plenty of other people do so, too. Don't let the haters stop you from writing, JF!

[Zookrates]

Made a fanart

[slothly]

This story is all right, I suppose, but the writing is really rambling and meaningless. I don't mind long paragraphs, as long as they're full of description, action or something else which adds to the story. From the short amount I've read of this, almost all of it could be cut out. You don't need that part where the dog argues with herself about what to call her journal, and all the ALL CAPS TEXT is pointless. Books aren't written like that for a reason, and that reason is that it makes you seem like a pre-teen on the internet letting out their feelings. Which, in a way, is what this book is.
The descriptive paragraphs are very hastily written and don't seem to fit in with the way this dog talks. They should be slipped into conversations, or just cut out completely. A bit like this:
"My sister was being such a pain. She'd stolen my scissors and was busy cutting off her long hair. It was all over the carpet. I knew my mum would be so annoyed. She loves my sister's hair, as her's is grey and ugly now. But don't tell her I said that."
Although your characters don't look like that, you're a good enough writer that you can fit it in like this. The way you've written this, it's like a conversation she's having with her journal, so it makes more sense that she would just include it in conversation, as opposed to saying something like. "oh yeah, my mum has blue hair and green skin" or whatever.
You also need to have a bigger build up before the sister dies. It could be really emotional, but the reader isn't going to have any sort of attachment to her if they've only known her for about 2 pages. I would spend the first part talking about how much her sister means to her, as the only idea I have of the sister from what I've read so far is that she's annoying, and that doesn't make me feel for her. In fact, development is needed for all the characters at the moment, especially the bully. I know she's mean, but it is not likely that she's still be rude when a girl's sister had just died. I'm also unsure about the brother. At the moment, he just seems like a needless additional character. He might get a bigger part as the story continues, but to be honest, I don't really want to rifle through all these pages to see if he does or not.
I would cut down the dialogue, A lot. Most of the time, it's unnecessary, and is just a cheap tactic to hurry the story along. I know, I used to do it all the time. The chatty style is really nice, but it seems to rushed. I suggest taking longer with each "episode" so to speak, and removing all the pointless stuff.
Anyway, that's what I have to say on it! I've got a lot more, but it's possibly too much for one post (TLDR!) so yeah

[daz]

you see, though, it makes the book funnier and more epic. the dialogue helps the story come together with the character Amy.

[• DEFY THE CAPITOL •]

This story is all right, I suppose, but the writing is really rambling and meaningless. I don't mind long paragraphs, as long as they're full of description, action or something else which adds to the story. From the short amount I've read of this, almost all of it could be cut out. You don't need that part where the dog argues with herself about what to call her journal, and all the ALL CAPS TEXT is pointless. Books aren't written like that for a reason, and that reason is that it makes you seem like a pre-teen on the internet letting out their feelings. Which, in a way, is what this book is.
The descriptive paragraphs are very hastily written and don't seem to fit in with the way this dog talks. They should be slipped into conversations, or just cut out completely. A bit like this:
"My sister was being such a pain. She'd stolen my scissors and was busy cutting off her long hair. It was all over the carpet. I knew my mum would be so annoyed. She loves my sister's hair, as her's is grey and ugly now. But don't tell her I said that."
Although your characters don't look like that, you're a good enough writer that you can fit it in like this. The way you've written this, it's like a conversation she's having with her journal, so it makes more sense that she would just include it in conversation, as opposed to saying something like. "oh yeah, my mum has blue hair and green skin" or whatever.
You also need to have a bigger build up before the sister dies. It could be really emotional, but the reader isn't going to have any sort of attachment to her if they've only known her for about 2 pages. I would spend the first part talking about how much her sister means to her, as the only idea I have of the sister from what I've read so far is that she's annoying, and that doesn't make me feel for her. In fact, development is needed for all the characters at the moment, especially the bully. I know she's mean, but it is not likely that she's still be rude when a girl's sister had just died. I'm also unsure about the brother. At the moment, he just seems like a needless additional character. He might get a bigger part as the story continues, but to be honest, I don't really want to rifle through all these pages to see if he does or not.
I would cut down the dialogue, A lot. Most of the time, it's unnecessary, and is just a cheap tactic to hurry the story along. I know, I used to do it all the time. The chatty style is really nice, but it seems to rushed. I suggest taking longer with each "episode" so to speak, and removing all the pointless stuff.
Anyway, that's what I have to say on it! I've got a lot more, but it's possibly too much for one post (TLDR!) so yeah

Hi!
Thank you so much for your criticism! I understand about everything you've said, but you have to understand that these entries were written multiple days apart, making the reader think more of the characters. And, also, I was younger when I started writing this series. I think that my writing has improved, but really, that is for the readers to decide.
Thank you so much for the criticism, again. I really do like it when people help me on my writing, seeing as though I want to be a popular author. Thanks again!

you see, though, it makes the book funnier and more epic. the dialogue helps the story come together with the character Amy.

Thanks, Flash.

[Tatzel]

Yes, this is a nice story c; You shouldn't listen to haters. They usually just get bored, and look for something to hate on and point out their flaws, either that, or they throw their bottled anger out there for no real reason... c; Nice try, haters, but you ain't gonna stop JF and her stalkerlings (that is what they're called... ^^; eh, right?)! By the way, here is the page: EDIT can't seem to find it. Sorry.