The Critique Cafe- Need Active Critics!

[Meadow]

I would like some critique please!
Username: Meadow
Link to your form: Here :]
Adoption Agency you are applying from: TaN
Deadline for your form: Tonight.
Would you prefer to get feedback here or by PM? Either. ^^

[Chia]

Meep. <3
I would like some critique please!
Username: Chiambisu
Link to your form: Click
Adoption Agency you are applying for: Tough as Nails Adoptions
Deadline for your form: Tonight I guess.
Would you prefer to get feedback here or by PM? I don't care. x3

[Lirrie]

I would like some critique please!
Username: Lirre
Link to your form: viewtopic.php?f=10&t=82380&p=4405070&hilit=Lia#p4405070
Adoption Agency you are applying for: Break of Dawn
Deadline for your form: next Saterday i think ?
Would you prefer to get feedback here or by PM? Here

[booklover789]

I would like some critique please!
Username: booklover789
Link to your form: viewtopic.php?f=10&t=152373
Adoption Agency you are applying for: I really don't know........
Deadline for your form: Whenever you get to it....I can wait.
Would you prefer to get feedback here or by PM? Either. I'd prefer PM... just so you know.

Will no one help me?

[Desmond]

There are several forms that haven't been critiqued. You just have to wait your turn and not whine about it.

My form no longer needs critiqued. It's already been collected, and I can only hope that it's acceptable enough of a form to win. -.-"

[Lirrie]

My tan form no longer needs cryticing so i will remove but bod still does.

[Warburton]

I would like some critique please!
Username: booklover789
Link to your form: viewtopic.php?f=10&t=152373
Adoption Agency you are applying for: I really don't know........
Deadline for your form: Whenever you get to it....I can wait.
Would you prefer to get feedback here or by PM? Either. I'd prefer PM... just so you know.

Will no one help me?

If you give someone else some critique, then they may return the favour ^^

[.kestral]

I would like some critique please!
Username: Kestral&Leo
Link to your form: viewtopic.php?f=10&t=82380&p=4468186#p4468186
Adoption Agency you are applying for: BreakOfDawn
Deadline for your form: Next Saterday, got date wrong.
Would you prefer to get feedback here or by PM? Any, both, I dont mind, I need it fast though, cause I have exams thhis week and dont have much spare time.

[paola .]

size=120]I would like some critique please![/size]
Username:--summersNight--
Link to your form:http://www.chickensmoothie.com/Forum/viewtopic.php?f=10&t=82380&start=4160#p4452852
Adoption Agency you are applying for: Break of Dawn Center
Deadline for your form: end of today
Would you prefer to get feedback here or by PM?PM please

My friends told me to do this! so it's my first time!

[Ebonpyre]

I would like some critique please!
Username: Azora
Link to your form: X
Adoption Agency you are applying for: Break of Dawn
Deadline for your form: Next weekend
Would you prefer to get feedback here or by PM? Either way, whichever it most convenient

~~

This is a critique for --SummersNight-- !
Who the critique is for: --SummersNight--
What you had to say about it:

Overall, it's pretty good. Needs a bit of work, yes, but decent. Through the whole thing it moves pretty quickly and doesn't show a lot of the character's thoughts- maybe try adding more details, more of what he's thinking and feeling, and why? The punctuation and spelling mistakes draw away from the plot a bit, so you might want to run it through a spell-check.

I noticed a bit of a run-on sentence in the end of the personality- rewording it, removing some bits, and adding more punctuation would probably be good, since the sentence isn't all one thought; you change the idea slightly through the middle.

"They say you never will see a black tiger, and they all say it is impossible and never will happen."

You only need to use the 'and' once in that sentence. If you change the comma to a semicolon (;) and remove the first 'and', it'll look a lot neater. Maybe also change the entire 'and they all say' to 'that', since we already get the idea that they've said it . And it would be "that you will never" in that context.

For one thing in the first paragraph, it's spelt 'special'. You overuse the word a bit much in this paragraph -try looking at an online thesaurus to find more words that mean the same thing. Using different synonyms makes the story a lot easier to read, and tends to help keep the authors' interest. There's a lot of run-on sentences here as well.

For the third paragraph, I'm afraid I have to say this is quite unrealistic. Here's something to think about; the dead body wouldn't produce milk, nor would there be any 'left over'. A body can't produce enough nourishment at once for a baby to live for a month, and the body would've already rotted or been eaten by prey by that time . Tigers are weaned when they're three to four months old, so they don't start eating meat until that time. Even then, it's only what their mother brings them -usually they're 6 months old before they can hunt for themselves. So, it would be physically impossible for a tiger cub to survive alone so soon after birth- without parents to protect it, predators and weather would kill it. However, it could survive if another tiger found them and took them in -males of that species also have a tendency to take in cubs that aren't their own. Just food for thought ^^; While this is fantasy, making it sound like it /could/ be real keeps your readers reading.

For the fourth, it's a lot better than the others. Just keep in mind that like I said before they just start hunting very small things at that time, and still are tiny -they don't reach adulthood until they're six years old, not six months, and would probably run from adults unless they're either very stupid or...very stupid XD. Just pointing that out

Next paragraph is very good. The only thing I have to say is that there's a couple of misspellings and words running together. Same with the last.

I really hope I don't come across being too harsh here ^^; Sometimes you have to get it harsh to learn. I mean well, and wish you the best of luck. Certainly would like to see this once you're done.