there's script on my hands (＆ it kinda looks like poetry)

[ruse]

AUTOBIOGRAPHICAL POEM
angry smol / in a world full of tol

HEART LIKE A HOME
the floors creak sometimes, and the window never shuts definitely
there's spidering cracks in the walls, a squeak of metal and wood working together / passing through doorways, / rain trails of yesterday's storm crying remains on the glass / looking in on the outside / like a ghost,
books sitting in the corner in no particular fashion /
that, unless you believe in organized chaos and planned hurricanes /
the voice of a metronome counting in two-four in the basement, / a piano made for cinderella pre-life-altering-transfiguration, pre-fairytale-ending /
(what about me? where's mine?) /
looking like it's made from leftover sawdust instead of the freckles of stars in the sky
looking like, at most, it'll sing in broken chords
prejudice; this house is nothing more than half-forgotten glances / tossed over the shoulder and, / long-gone memories
there's nothing extraordinary about it, / but there's a board posted outside that says it's for sale / to anyone who'll take used (and broken) appliances, / should-be-discarded furniture
the state of my heart
the last time i sold it away, / a gamble on my part, / a pretty boy who wielded words with a sharp tongue, and hands that brushed against mine timidly but eyes that spoke harshly; / and it left the walls hurting and bruised, / the rooves slouching / from the ache of a broken heart
but still / i leave the door unlocked, / waiting for the next buyer / when they come around intrigued by a house that once was a home, a house that had terrible posture and / shadows of a better place to live in, / once upon a time
i am hoping for someone who sees past these flaws of mine / the scars stretched across the walls, / a door that never rarely whimpers,
heaven's tears on the windows that don't wash off easy;
the key's under the rug, / if you were wondering


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it's not even that much content but i'm rlly too lazy to fetch everything in my notes rn? and i'm not sure how much of it is finished yet, i keep starting new things before ending old things rip
and i got a chatzy to help out that trend too? like my own personal haven for writing haha
also started a new thing -♡- (unfortunately) and it's based on someone you like from the girl and the dreamcatcher !! shameless self-advertising? achieved.

[ruse]

icarus's mother used to braid tales of a sun god into the boy's curls;
he'd tell her in return that he'd like to meet one some day and she would laugh and agree, tell him that he should have big dreams and stretch his arms far enough to catch them. he would run so excitedly around the home and stare at the sun until its silhouette was tattooed on both his eyelids.
his mother no longer plaits the boy's hair with stories of gods and the inhumane. she told him before blinking for the last time, she was finally getting her wings to reach her dreams. later that day he finds himself staring at the sun again and it's imprinting on his eyes again and he'll cry again if he keeps looking and he closes them shut. he is not here to admire. he wants to cry because he loved his mother and the sun, but he can't have both evidently.
his father crafts him a pair of wings years later, but it's not made out of warm sunwashed summers nor feathers like his mother told him but instead wax like the candles icarus lit by his mother's shrine a time ago. the father warns him not to stray from the path but the mother tells him to pay attention to his heart. he does the latter. and he burns. he forgets that fire doesn't bode well with candles. he forgets that his dream was too big. he tells himself again, you can't love a god.
when he drops into the ocean and makes but only a ripple in its depths (but a wave in storytelling, who could imagine) he thinks about his mother; he got his wings too, but he was an inpatient boy and his braids were undoing to show the roots of his envy. the boy is jealous of the sun who flies high and doesn't have to stick to the ground like he does. he is jealous that the god sits at that height where he can snatch his dreams easily. he is jealous that the last thing he sees is the sun, and again it's in his eyes and it's searing its emblem on him. the sun’s name is on his lips / and it drowns with him when he does.

"he wore jealousy like a second skin" // gift for @illuminosity on tumblr !

[ruse]

DEAR ME,
things are looking bleak about now. your world, it's clouds and it looks like a hurricane is about to erupt. and you're probably shaking and shivering inside your smile and hiding lies in the linings of your teeth, but you'll, you'll be okay. it won't be immediate, though. it'll be gradual. you probably have this idea shaped in your head, that happiness is like the sun and it's bright and it's there and you're warm and you feel loved. but the sun, you don't feel on both sides. if anything, it'll be like the ocean. it hits you soft. leaves nothing and everything to the imagination. little waves that take their time and meet your toes before your heels. they rarely hit up above your knees and they're quiet guests. they don't occupy for long but it's something fresh. little moments like a smile you share with your best friend or when your favorite character laughs and it's a real one, not one of those fake, cheap ones they've been throwing out to fill in the silences like cavities for broken teeth. or maybe, it'll just be a comment you get on your tumblr or instagram or twitter that makes you feel like the first time you think you've fallen in love, minus the heartbreak. and these moments, the little ones, they'll come together. the big wave; it's louder this time. and you're thinking you're a fool about now, with your drowning toes and soaked kneecaps, for not recognizing happiness when it first met you. but it's not your fault, really. you've never seen it before or felt it before but one day you will, i promise. maybe you'll see a light before then. maybe, your heart you'll want to discard or lock it up several times by then, maybe you'll be thinking you're happy but you're not quite there yet. but definitely, you'll be okay one day. this is a positive message to you, myself, and i apologize a thousandfold over if it seems cheesy or like one of those posts telling you deserve things and you're amazing for surviving this long just for notes or likes, but hey - this helped you, right? writing this down and rereading it while listening to your favorite band / you'll be okay.


- ─ ───── WRITER'S NOTES ────────────── ─── ── ─ -
something i really needed to write !!!! i was going to post something worse (in terms of literacy and content i guess idk) but then i wound up writing this thing. i am rlly (extremely, terribly, awfully) sorry for being depressing and for being a bother but i needed to get this off of my chest tho? tbh just hmu if there's any part of it you're uncomfortable with and i'll take it down pronto!
and if you've been feeling blue or any variation between sky and ocean azures, i hope this made you feel a little better, at least? if not, i can tell you some of my (signature) self-deprecation stories i guess?
also, thank you for making it this far rip it was a rlly big paragraph haha <3
(also another note to self: upload some one-liners from heaven or hell? to here and tumblr!)

[raey]

a piano made for cinderella pre-life-altering-transfiguration, pre-fairytale-ending /


can't give you a reason why
I just really, really, really like that xD

you know the more I am reading from you
the more I think I get a hand on the feeling I get from it
porcelain
your writing is like porcelain
don't ask me why
but I think it suits
pretty, stable and yet fragile
and decorated with tiny little ornaments
here and there a little flaw to make it perfect
really don't take that flaw as a negative thing
it's totally not

what I liked about the last thing you posted was the description of standing in the ocean
I truly love that feeling
nearly as much as summer nights
(both combined is heaven)
but yeah - really nice c:

[ruse]

^^ haha i really liked that part too when i wrote it? it feels like a long time ago tho, even tho it was two weeks ago, tops

but i like that a lot tho? that comparison of my writing to porcelain, it brings me back and that description tho??
it could be poetry tbh i thought this was my writing thread ok but rlly i'm kidding i love to kid rip
and ofc, i don't think of flaws as bad things? they make ppl better, perfection is good and all, but i like my flaws more than my better qualities i guess better <':
thank you, raey <33

[ruse]

angel. angel, they called you that once. with voices that play with echo like harp strings and faces roman sculptors would like to mimic into art. do you remember? do you remember? the wings on your back, the hands that prayed for god to love you as you did him. do you remember? watching humans from up there, the same view you see now when the sun plunges and the sea kisses the sky? do you remember? when he pushed you to fall and you were choking on your love for him, (god, why'd you do that, i loved you so much- i didn't betray you, i never would) and you felt pain for the first time and cold lick your wounds and embarrassment paint your face in flush. fallen angel; (you are human now). do you remember? when you fell, no one was there to catch you and you were folding into yourself and heaven looked so far away and it was closed off like your heart. but the sky - did it always look like this? with the stars freckling the width of space and the moon off-center but pulling all together still? and humans, were they so expressive? when did they, when did they learn to do that? or this, and this - making you feel like the scars where you were angel instead of human could leave you so easily? their fingers are knitted together with yours and they look you in the eyes and they tell you, that was in the past, you're okay now, i'm here. do you remember? you used to be an angel. they tell you now, you look like one. and you smile and laugh / (would you like to see my wings?)


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ok more thoughts from me !!! but rlly a lot of these i reread and reread over so i don't babble too much ?? tbh my thoughts, they could be track stars with how fast they go ok
this is highkey based off of the wings rp which looks rlly nice so far like i see so many posts on point rn (u guys r on fire ok especially tano bc i love tano) and i think i have an obsession with angels rn ?? i am sorry, they seem so lovely and so damn angelic,,., . ,
also! some angel headcanons of mine for you to laugh at <':

• fascinated by hoodies
  
• 'o gods and stars and heavens i'm on earth ground and o my- is that an earth bush'
• 'wait wow is that a piece of heaven how'd you get one of those bud' 'it's a phone'
• earth slang ok
also going back and rereading it for the fifth time it rlly looks rushed i am sorry? i will possibly go back and revise this bc tbh, i wrote this in five minutes while i was browsing tumblr and i saw an angel aesthetic thing and i was like !!! so ye

[ruse]

BROKEN IMAGE, INJURED MIND
sinking fast, dying faster / the weight, the weight
of my sins (my regrets) heavy and dreary / walls built
around me, / nowhere for my screams to maim / colors becoming shaky shadows, / and people
blurring together into monsters / a vision you see but never miss / i am hurting, but why don't you see me?
every sideways glance, / a new bruise i'll hide /
smile wide; closed teeth, keep them shut and / lock them in
(the secrets i hide, dress them
in silver and call them cavities) / pick up a shell, the ocean won't answer me /
unreliable shell service or unreliable caller? /
can you hear me
in the ink of my shadow, caving into / myself? /
can you hear me
crying / when i laugh? fading out
in the bright, trying to make myself invisible / by plastering myself to your shadow (people are like moths, / light is their god) /
running / hard, terrible and breath ragged / regrets i breathe out and in,
a cancer / that chokes /
a wall that kisses me back, but harder / and with bruising madness and broken teeth, kept cavities /
shouting, you should've known, / you should've known / (darling, you can't live
off lies; you can't substitute regret for oxygen, love) / immune to sadness (but something else entirely is killing me),
the taste / of salt of my ocean tears is foreign,
forgotten /
and stings in my wounds / there's no place to run or call
home, / it's built by someone i know better than all but / at the same time worse / than anyone /
me: / an architect once, do you remember? or is it too late (can you escape)?
who are you (who am i)? girl made out of cheap / black dyes and / dwindling colors. architect, girl of her own /
undoing (the walls, they move / closer) / girl in red, smiling with / blood / in her teeth //

[ruse]

• she traces over the map of his face, the river valleys of his blue eyes and the hills of his cheeks, the geography of his laugh, the storm tugging on his smile; a kiss that erupts like a volcano, and the freckles on his face that resemble islands almost
  a delicate finger, she's like the compass she borrowed from the geometry teacher, dancing and fleeting and never lingering for long.
  
• it's stuck to my mind like a band-aid, those words he left me with and it rattles in my head until my lips taste them on my tongue; it's bittersweet but only just noticeable; it's like water diluted it and my mouth forms an ocean.
  
• danger on your tongue, addiction in my veins; pulsing brightly and breath bated, my head -i'm high on your fake dose of love- if you told me ​iloveyou​ now i'd let you steal me away
  there's a space missing where you should be
  next to me
  (steal the pain away too).
  
• they said the sun was the one who killed icarus and stole his wings and scream and beauty and vigor but they forget to mention - the ocean who swallowed him whole, a hug that drowns and the boy who loved deeper than his killer.
  
• his heartbeat is like the rain whispering on london sidewalks and new york's manholes under my fingertips.
  
• there's a reason why they name hurricanes after people, love.
  
• don't burn me don't burn me don't burn me i'm only made of flesh and love for you please don't-
  
• it's the spaces between our hands and words and the lift of your lip and the smile that leaves like there's an expiration date on it and how you always seem to be looking at me when i'm looking at you and how you're always there with ready arms when i feel like i want to collapse and i'm here for you too, i promise not to fly away.
  
• i won't let myself forget her. the white rose. the cryptic lullabies on her lips. lopsided hair and petulant attitude. she was the same age as me, and i could've been her, too, if fate were more indecisive. she lives in my dreams, visiting from a place with three rivers, and i try to touch her. really, i do; she's given me too much. but she leaves before anything.
  
  
  
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  tbh i'm p convinced no one reads this blurb down here and they rlly shouldn't bc it's just some ridiculous stuff aka my thoughts but hey remember the chatzy i was talking about before?? i wrote stuff there and i actually liked some of it so i'm posting it here (some of them are zutara-based and a few icarus and others just like, out there) but enjoy tho!
  and also i updated the first post after a month so hella cool that i got one thing checked off the to-do list i made for today

[calliopë]

god you give me chills, fin ♥

[ruse]

!!! highkey you are too sweet cas omf
but your writing thread tho is a lot better than mine (just saying even tho i havent posted there yet and i need to rip)