within my head • a place for me to balance my thoughts

[SplashofOrangeJuice]

I had my first day of senior year today. It was mostly okay, but my AP Lit class seems killer. I'm really quite stressed, but it's only the first day of school. My stress is more than likely self induced, but that doesn't make it any less real. It's quite pathetic though, as I've already shed tears from it. Who does that? I feel weak and insecure. I worry far too much. I just pray this class isn't as hard as I think it might be, because I can't handle another year of crazy stress. It's not good for my health, and in this case that needs to come first.

Here's to senior year. ~


We grow up,
That's how it works.
The years go by and the present becomes a memory.

Childhood fleeting,
Don't be afraid.
We all must learn to live in this world of injury.

Crazy how we all get older,
Seems to happen too quickly.
The years fly by and won't stop, they're gaining every victory.

The children we knew,
become adults.
Just make the most of every minute, this is my advisory.

[SunsetPatches]

71114 is absolutely beautiful and really fitting my state of mind at the moment.
Thank you.

[SplashofOrangeJuice]

71114 is absolutely beautiful and really fitting my state of mind at the moment.
Thank you.

Thank you for such kind words <3 I'm glad you could relate to my writings, and I hope whatever you are going through gets better, darling. <3

[SplashofOrangeJuice]

we all have to experience different
tests and trials
that rattle our brains and mess with our minds.
emotions get jumbled,
we are confused
and the only words that can seem to escape our tender lips are
I. don't. know.

its hard to form thoughts
and to speak up with opinions
when you live your life in the shadow of the fear of rejection.
rejection of thoughts and ideas,
that's what you fear.
it slowly creeps in and out of your mind
as you try
to pronounce
the words within your deepest thoughts,
and when you gain the courage to voice such an opinion,
your voice cracks and breaks
and before you know it the thoughts you had are shattered like glass before you.
you struggle
to pick up the broken pieces
and place it back together,
but now you've become overwhelmed with emotions
and you want to shatter too.
I'm shattering.
too many emotions.
I know what I feel and how I feel and I can think it through,
but I can't tell you. that breaks my heart.

I love my family and I know these hoops we have to go through are challenging and annoying and some days I can't take it either, but I stick with it because that's who I am. I follow the rules and directions and I try not to mess up. but, I also really like you; quite possibly more than I realize. I like you so much. I love you. I don't know exactly in what ways, but I care about you deeply and I love you because there are different types of love, and it hurts me to see you get so worked up. everyone agrees with you though, and tour opinion. it is ridiculous and pathetic and it seemed almost like we were fighting and now I'm crying because I can't stop thinking about all the stuff you said and how it broke my heart. I know we weren't fighting. I'm awful at comforting others, despite that misrepresentation. Please don't cry because I love you and I will cry if you do. school and work and parents and schedules are challenging to work with, but we can't let that tear us apart, ok? don't let it tear me away from you . we can make it through; it will all be fine. I love you. I'm sorry for these trials.

[SplashofOrangeJuice]

I missed you so much,
and she was the crutch.
since you made up your mind
it seemed it was my turn to let go,
so we stopped.
stopped talking
so suddenly it seemed as though
you never looked back.
never wondered why.
that hurt a bit,
but maybe you had an idea as to my reasoning,
maybe you didn't and you were done with me too.
I honestly don't know.
but, all that aside,
I'm glad we aren't ignoring each other til the end of time.
we can't do that. Ever.
its not in my nature, and I doubt its in yours,
but you'd be a bit more tolerant of loss, or so I think.
I would feel so lost though, as to end a friendship without so much as a reason, or a goodbye.
it would drive me mad.
I'm glad that doesn't have to happen.
my only fear is ill fall for you, and you for I,
and we'll both find out I was right in the past only to have the discovery be too late in the present.
lets not stop ever again.
I'm sorry I couldn't help it before because I did what I had to to move on,
but I don't want to lose our friendship for a second time.
its unthinkably unspeakable.

[SplashofOrangeJuice]

Trick- or Treaters+:

1. Wonja +
2. booklover789 +
3. musicgurl333 +
4. Pika Girl +
5. mag +
6. NocturnalPanda +
7. The Condescension

Houses I've Trick- or Treated+ at:

1. Team_Dobby +
2. lucky333123 -
3. Joe Kerr +

Code: Select all

[center][url=http://www.chickensmoothie.com/pet/327477.html][img]http://www.chickensmoothie.com/pet/327477&trans=1.jpg[/img][/url][/center]

Domo had just finished dressing up in her costume. While most pets felt like dressing up as something spooky like a vampire or a werewolf, or something more generic like a devil or an angel, Domo was quite pleased with her little mermaid costume. It took her forever to find all the supplies through the internet, and her tail was hand-crafted.
After putting it on, she reached for the phone. [list]"[i][color=#804000]Hello, Rottie?[/color][/i]"[/list] Rottie was her best friend, and they always went trick-or-treating together. [list]"[i][color=#004040]Yes, who is this?[/color][/i]"
"[i][color=#804000]Haha, goober. You know who this is![/color][/i]"
"[i][color=#004040]I know, I know,[/color][/i]" they both laughed.
"[i][color=#804000]So what time were you planning on coming over so we can head out?[/color][/i]"
"[i][color=#004040]Awe shoot, I'm really sorry Domo. I can't this year. My parents went on a cruise for their wedding anniversary, and my grandma put me in charge of handing out candy. Maybe if you stop by we can chat for a bit? And they're'll be candy involved.[/color][/i]" The tone of his voice went up as if to wink through the phone.[/list]There was a pause in the conversation, and tension built.
[list]"[i][color=#804000]Okay, I'll stop by.[/color][/i]" She finally said, despair was on the tip of her tongue though.
"[i][color=#004040]It'll be okay, I'll find a way to make it up to you.[/color][/i]"
"[i][color=#804000]I know. See you soon, goob.[/color][/i]"
"[i][color=#004040]Haha, alright! Talk to you later![/color][/i]"[/list]
They hung up, and Domo went downstairs. Her mom was waiting below, ready to send her and Rottie out into the world. Red Christmas lights adorned the halls, and fake spider webs were in all the corners. [i]Great mood lighting[/i], Domo thought to herself. The sequins on her tail made the light dance around the room. [list]"[i][color=#804080]No Rottie tonight?[/color][/i]"
"[i][color=#804000]Nope. I'll tell you everything later, Mum. I'm heading over to his place right now though.[/color][/i]"
"[i][color=#804080]Okay sweetie, be safe. I love you,[/color][/i]" said her mom.
"[i][color=#804000]I love you too, Mum.[/color][/i]"[/list] Domo stepped out the door, and it clicked close behind her. It was a bit chilly out, the brisk wind blowing her wig into her face. Little bag lights lined the sidewalk, and Halloween decorations littered front lawns as far as the eye could see. Rottie's house was just a few blocks down, and with the moon as full and bright as it was, Domo would have no problem at all making her way down there. [i]Along the way, I could hit up some houses[/i], she thought, [i]get a few goodies on the way.[/i] A new family moved in a few houses down, and their home was all dolled-up for the holiday. [i]Seems like a nice place to start[/i]. Domo walked up the sidewalk to the font door, passing picket signs that read "Turn Back Now!" and "Beware!" along with webbed trees and sheets hanging from some of the branches, acting like ghosts. With Rottie's absence in mind, Domo rang the door bell.
[list]"[i][color=#804000]Trick or Treat![/color][/i]"[/list]

[SplashofOrangeJuice]

You shouldn't be gone.
It was an ulcer rupture.
You were doing better.
What happened then?

It doesn't seem like you're gone.
It hasn't completely sunk in.
You would be turning 84 in six days.
Why didn't you improve?

I blame the healthcare.
They didn't strive to make you better.
To get you off the vent, off sedation, more responsive.
Why didn't they try harder?

You could have been at a better hospital.
You could have gotten better.
You could have lived to see me become an adult.
You could have lived.

So what happened?

[SplashofOrangeJuice]

by Greg Laswell

why do i feel like this?
i dont understand it
i dont understand you
i dont understand any of it

i love you
i do, its true
but there are obstacles
and stupid feelings
and i don't know where to fit in

so i keep this to myself
dont ask about it, its best you dont know
im worried to even share with my best friends
lest they take it the wrong way

im sorry i make things hard
but i need you
i need all of you
please, dont any of you leave my side

im just in a mood
i know it will pass
but these feelings seem so real
and the dilemma is very much there

who would i rather remember forever, and who would i rather hold on to ?
its rhetorical -- i cant answer this for you




just pray, and keep your trust in Him.


"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6

[SplashofOrangeJuice]

I love you
its new
still new
always new
everything we do is new
new to me
new to you
I've not been with anyone this long
except with you
all the things we do
I've never done before
haven't told a boyfriend I love you
haven't had my first kiss
haven't learned to make out
haven't stayed outside saying goodbye
with anyone but you
all of this is new
and more new things lie ahead
I just hope I get to experience
all this new
with only you
because I do love you

[SplashofOrangeJuice]

why is everything so hard
you get upset over little things
i get upset over you being upset
upsetupsetupset
crycrycry

im sorry i cant make this easier
i wish i could
i had a trashy day and im tired and stressed
but im sorry that little thing made you upset
i dont have much sympathy or empathy at the moment though
im feeling kind of drained
and so getting upset because you are is a hard task to muster and im now even more exhausted

you went to bed with just a goodnight
so my reply back was but a
good night

im going to sleep for a decade or at least until you feel better and then a little bit more, because i need it