Life's like a box of chocolates... Critics wanted!

[Jedi6]

This is phenomenal! There are two or three places where you've used the wrong word (like at the beginning cereal scene- you said something like through instead of threw ((if you're getting published, it's nothing your editor won't fix))) but nothing too bad at all! Can I make a suggestion though? When there's a new person talking, would it be possible to have a new line? It's just a little confusing and publishers find it more attractive.
I always forget to do the good points (I know, I'm an evil critic ), so here they are. Your spelling is (with about 2 exceptions) perfect throughout. Your vocabulary is wide and varied, and I can feel it's well written when I read it, because of the detail, the length of chapters (you must be very patient ^.^) and because I want to continue reading, I want to get to know the characters, and I want to know what happens next. So that's a 5/5 for plot as well.
Best of luck writing!!

[nivans.piers]

Thank you! Yes, i would be glad to make a new line for talking parts. I was thinking about that, earlier, but figured it'd be easier to start without it at first, and if people start reading, then i'd switch it. I do try to make the chapters longer, so that way the cover move and satisfy the reader more.
I'm actually not that patient in general, but i do try really hard to be. I know that, since i get occasional writers block, i'll write WIP at the end of a chapter, to signify it's not quiet finished yet.
Again, thank you! i really do appreciate it all!^^

[nivans.piers]

Taylor left the tech room with a million questions streaming through her head. She sighed, and closed her eyes, feeling a headache coming on. She took a step to the side just in time to run into somebody, that she totally expected. Ranee. Ranee smiled, and helped her pick up her things. They both stood, and Taylor gave her a questioning look, " why'd you help me?"
Ranee smiled, innocently, " can't i help a friend?"
Taylor nodded, " yeah, a friend. But we aren't friends."
Ranee made a puppy face, " oh that hurts Tay. Right when i was giving you a chance."
Ranee casually dropped all of Taylor's belongings on the floor. Taylor groaned, and fell to her knees, silently picking her stuff up. A familiar boy crouched down, a few yards away, and picked up her math book. Again, he handed her to her. She smiled at Luce,"Thanks."
He shrugged, " Your welcome."
Again, he strolled off. She exhaled, slightly frustrated. He didn't really talk to her, yet every time she caught his attention. Or maybe he caught hers? She shook her head. No. School was over, it was time to go home. She bit her lip, and headed towards the doors. This time, she kept her eyelids peeled back, careful of wandering into another student.

She smiled, once she made it to the bus alive. She rushed up the steps, nearly slipping on the second one. She saw Vincent. Of course he was in the usual seat, next to the window. Taylor always sat in the isle. It was an unspoken law between each other. She slid into the seat, next to him, " Oh Vincey, i had the day today."
Vince raised his eyebrows, " yeah? what happened."
Taylor shook her head, " Everything. Nothing. Something. I don't know. First.." and she was off, mindlessly babbling about her day. she had been smart enough to skip all the gushy weird bonding stuff between her and Luce, not even sure if it was bonding in the first place. Once she finished, she looked up at Vince. He was staring right at her, " yes?"
He blinked. Twice. Three times, " Wow. I didn't know all that could happen at school."
Any other response, and Taylor would have shrugged, but his wide eyes and easy going remark got to her. Laughter bubbled deep inside her, and all the sudden she was laughing softly, " oh gosh, Vincey, i wonder about you sometimes."
Vince shrugged, and smiled, " Special with a capital K."
Taylor laughed, at the old Inside Joke between them.
In second grade, the had a teacher names Mrs.Vashneckin. The exception was, that her name started with a K, and it was silent. Tay had thought that most other words must have had a invisible K as well. And the first word she thought had a silent K, was Special.

The bus had finally reached her stop. She waved a final goodbye to Vince, as she walked down the slim isle of the bus. She trotted down the bus stairs, and started walking towards her house.
She smiled, and closed her eyes. She welcomed the fresh autumn air into her lungs, and tingled at the sound of leaves drifting through the chilly wind.
She opened her door to hear video game shots, and the smell of chocolate chip cookies. She smiled again, " finally, i'm home."

~side note~
i know, it's not the most exciting chapter. I'll have to fix that in chapter 4. Suggestions on stuff that could happen would be fine, and well appreciated! i love opinions!^^

[.Fish.]

Awesome

[nivans.piers]

*sigh* can't think of names for chapter 4.

[nivans.piers]

my head has failed me. I can't think of names for chapter 4

[Pichufudge]

Maybe write wip next to it and we can give u suggestions
Its amazing I couldn't write that we'll in a billion years

[nivans.piers]

Thank you! I will certainly keep that in mind!
Thanks! But really I'm sure you could!

[nivans.piers]

Taylor entered the kitchen, and a rush of sweet and warm aromas surrounded her, filling her from head to toe. Pot roast was brewing, corn casserole in the oven, chicken on the stove, mashed potatoes next to the chicken. Her mother was in the corner of the room, tossing lettuce. The woman, Blythe, turned, and smiled softly. Her mother was a beautiful woman, with dark brown hair, and slightly tanned skin. When she smiled, lines formed at the outer corners of her eyes and tips of her mouth, dimples gracing her cheeks. Her features were soft, her curves slightly dampened. At her age, she was in amazing condition. 48 and a single mom. Blythe gave a soft, melodic laughed, her sweet tone carried over to Taylor, " Welcome home dear. Would you like a snack?"
Taylor could only return a smile, and hope it was a beautiful as her mother's, " yes please."
Her mother gave a short nod, before preparing a bowl of salad for her daughter. She walked over to Taylor, and set the salad in front of her. Taylor smiled once more, and looked up at her mom, after sitting at the table, " thanks mom."
Her mother only nodded, " of course."
Taylor looked hungrily at the casserole, despite the lettuce she was eating. Her mother made the best corn casserole, but her thoughts reminded her it was for after dinner, or during, non the less, she had to wait.
Her brother swaggered in, a fake golden chain draped on his neck, " Hey older sis. What's the dig?"
At 11 her brother was a rap master, who had a decent walk and an out of whack talk. Taylor laughed slightly, " Nothing new, Ty. And the your 'dig'?"
Ty smirked, well smiled, but still, and shrugged, " My world moving, my raps groovin'. same ol' same ol', ya know."
Taylor snickered to herself, " Ty, grow up."
Ty snorted, " I'm more man than dad. I mean, i'm the man of the house here!"
Blythe walked over and rustled Ty's bronze colored hair, " alright, little man, no more goofing around. Sit down, and eat your salad." Ty sat in a seat, and Blythe sat a bowl of salad in front of him. Ty picked up his fork, twirling it in his fingers before digging in.
Taylor finished, and got up, sitting her bowl in the sink. She sighed, " I'm gonna take a walk mom, before i eat that casserole to soon."
Her mother chuckled softly, and gave a nod, " alright dear, be back before it gets to dark."
Taylor nodded, and headed outside. The sun was a bit on the orange side, darkening as it moved closer to the horizon. Taylor knew she wouldn't have long to finish her walk. She sped walked out the door, and slowed once a distance from her house. She looked around, admiring the beauty.
She looked at the sunset, and the darkened orange the flames were changing to, setting a warm glow on the town. Her converse scraped the ground, causing the small patches of gravel to skid around. The fresh breeze tossed her hair slightly, and brushed against her cheeks.
The sun dipped lower under the horizon, threatened by the moon, and it's army of stars. Already half the sky was covered in a thick blanket of glowing lights. Taylor looked up, watching the scene, half the sky day, the other half night.
She thought she heard footsteps, nearly silent, like a whisper barely able to stay afloat on wind. She turned around, and let her glance graze across the landscape. Nothing. She shook her head, thinking of how naive that move had been. She continued walking, barely able to see the sun, slowly banking under the treetops. The empty park was darkened, a creepy aura surrounding it from the loss of light. Taylor tilted her head, thinking of how the park looked so innocent at day, so deadly at night. She only shrugged, " It's a small town."
She continued into the park, finding it no threat. Once again she thought she heard footsteps. She whipped around, almost sure she was being followed. She sighed, i'm loosing it. She shook her head, turning back around and climbing up on the playground equipment. She stood up on the metal rail lining the platform. She drank in a breath of the cool half night air.
Slowly the darkness ate away the light, but Taylor didn't notice. She was to focused on the peace she was drowning in. That's when she thought she heard footsteps, but ignored them, thinking her mind was playing tricks on her.
She opened her eyes when she heard a chuckle. She tensed, knowing this was no trick. Her head whipped back in forth, trying to track the sound. She jumped, hearing someone climbing up the steel trap. She jumped off the metal railing, back onto the platform, and crouched down over the crawl hole, to see who was coming. No one was there. She raised an eyebrow, confused.
She turned back, and leaned over the railing, crossing her arms.
Again she thought she heard someone walking up, but ignored it, thinking she really was loosing her mind. She jumped when she felt a hand on her shoulder.
A man blocked her mouth with his rather large, and rough, hand. He pulled her back with the other, and dragged her off of the playground equipment. Each of her small screams were muffled by his sandpaper hand. She thrashed violently, trying to loosen his steel grip. She threw her head back, her skull colliding with his nose. He let out a gurgled noise, and loosened his grip, the hand covering her mouth flying up to his face. A steady stream of blood ran down over his face, from his nostrils.

WIP

*authors note*
Sorry if this chapter seems a little 'actionful' compared to the rest, but something needed to happen. Hope you enjoy it!^^

[.Fish.]

Awesome♥♥