*critique me* (you post, I critique)

[Moontower]

I Know I Know, But, My Friend Is Righting Something And I'd Like To Post It...She's Been Looking For People To Critique Her.

Link:http://www.wattpad.com/59013901-untouchable-by-kassidy-bolling

[Claw.]

Lunaclan- based on first chapter. I will read over the second and third paragraph and get back to you.

So, first off, you should go back and look over your story. There are a few spelling mistakes and grammatical errors.

From the beginning I was a little confused when you mentioned Stormdrop and Foxfur when they didn't really come up in that paragraph, or any others until paragraph four. Instead, you should add a little more detail about the surrounding, what she sees, hears, or smells. It would give the reader a bigger picture to work with while they read. I think you really wrote what a cat would do in any situation.

All in all the chapter was good. Try, when there is one on one conversations, to separate the lines when each cat speaks. It will help the reader determine who is talking(end of paragraph 3). And there are a few run of sentences that should be separated with a period. If you change these, it would really be a good story. The story behind it is kind of lacking. The plot doesn't tell me anything about what is going to happen, it's mostly about the history of Luna Clan. Add a little more to the plot.

Thank you I know my spellings are quite bad at the moment, I'm writing on my iPad with predictive text, when my laptop is fixed I'll fix those. I will try and go back and put more detail into my character's and what they're doing and seep rate the speech, thanks this was a really big help!

[WilloweWolf]

Could you critique this?

[Moontower]

Helloooooo I'm Bumping This Thread Cause It Was Falling Behind...

[~DavidBryanRashbaum~]

Bump. Cadin.....where are you?

[Cadin Araceli]

Hello friends! I have been gone for....ever. I don't even have a good excuse!!!! BUT!!!! I am coming back now!
However, I am busier than ever (how is that even possible Cadin?) and I only have two days a week I can even respond.
So, I am going to critique what I have here now, and then hopefully I can get back on track!
I am so sorry for...well leaving you all in the dark.
Thank you all! I look forward to reading your writing!

[Cadin Araceli]

FROM HERE IT IS A CLEAN START! IF YOU HAVE POSTED/PM'D ME BEFORE THIS AND DIDN'T GET A CRITIQUE, YOU WILL HAVE TO RESUBMIT IT.

This also means I have plenty of space for more stories!
I will be posting critiques on Tuesdays and Wednesdays. I will always be accepting.
Please be patient with me and know I won't disappear for two years again
(I hope)
I look forward to critiquing all your works!

[Sciencin']

Hello!
I was wondering if you could critique the small tidbit of a book I have in progress at the moment. I would greatly appreciate any constructive criticism that you'd have to offer. It's a little less than 10 undersized pages at the moment, not counting the rather lengthy reference section, which you really don't have to read if you don't want to ; ).

Beyond Anyar by Sciencin'

[Cadin Araceli]

Hello!
I was wondering if you could critique the small tidbit of a book I have in progress at the moment. I would greatly appreciate any constructive criticism that you'd have to offer. It's a little less than 10 undersized pages at the moment, not counting the rather lengthy reference section, which you really don't have to read if you don't want to ; ).

Beyond Anyar by Sciencin'

Added! Might take me a while, but I'll get 'er done!!!

[Sciencin']

Thank you! ^.^ Have a wonderful day!