Kidd's stories, ramblings and lore

[kidd-cant-grow-up]

deadname
when I write that name it's nothing more than scribbles to me when I say that name it's nothing more than sounds to me my words hold no weight there is no anger or pain there is nothing I have accepted the past that name was tied to and I have chosen to move forward to let that name no longer hurt me but it hurts their words have weight their words are filled with poison and hate they put meaning behind that name but it's just a name, just a word a sound at best I know it means nothing but we have put meaning behind it we have decided what words are cruel and what are not so if its truly just a sound why does it hurt me to hear them speak that name? maybe its because when they speak that name they're not referring to me or even me in the past but actually a version of me they've made in their head and they have decided to use against me this version was never me but they still try to put me in that little box of what they thought I should be

[kidd-cant-grow-up]

arlo's prophecy

do you believe in prophecies? chosen ones? destiny?
im not sure if i belive in it but everyone else does there's a prophecy it said a child would be born at 11:11 on the eleventh of august... the eleventh month... it said this luck child would save the world i may not know much about prophecies but does the world really need saving? and from what? its not like monsters are roaming the streets and how would you know if a child was the prophecy child if there's approximately 267 births globally per minute that surely would cause confusion right?
prophecies really need to be more specific or else I am not going to belive in this crap

regardless of what the world thinks or how many people try to convince me I won't believe them I am not a prophecy im just a normal person all my life I've been told I was going to save the world but the world seems to be doing just fine without me fast food workers are contributing more to the world than I am! and they really expect me to be some hero if I really wanted to be hero I'd be saving cats in trees and chasing after criminals I don't want to be a hero I want a normal life where I can sit down and just take a break but nope everyone thinks I'm some prophecy and so i have to train every single day to be some "hero" who even knows where the prophecy came from? what if it's just some old dude making up stories
why did it have to be me? there's loads of people jealous of me because I'm apparently a prophecy why couldn't it be them?

I hate to disappoint my family especially my dad he has worked so hard for me to be where I am in life but I never asked for him to so in return I train daily and I try to be what he sees in me a hero its the least I could do for him but I still don't feel like a prophecy or the hero he deserves and the pain I feel in my chest every time he says my grandparents would be proud of me stings more every day deep down i feel like I'm living a lie and if they knew no one would be proud of me this much of a gut feeling can't be a lie I know it I'm not a hero not even in the slightest but i wish everyone didn't think i was a hero so i wouldn't be put on this pedestal being named after one doesn't help either my grandfather may not have been a prophecy but he was outstanding and helped so many people he was a hero to those he helped
what have I done to be hero? besides being born on a specific time I've done nothing to be a hero I don't deserve to be named after him maybe if he were here he'd say "arlo this is arlo and I know how to make you a hero" or somthing I'm not sure I never got to meet him

[kidd-cant-grow-up]

i am grieving
we grieve when someone has died
the social norms say that's the only time we grieve
but who are we to define suffering? to define grief?
grief is many things one of which is loss
I have lost opportunities, friends, my childhood
and for what? to be told my suffering isn't enough?
I was never normal so why do social norms matter to me
truthfully they never did and therfore
i am grieving

[kidd-cant-grow-up]

In a world so far into the abyss that's its deemed unfixable
There is suffering and lots of it in every inch every corner
We're all doomed to suffer for eternity
But in every inch every corner there isn't just suffering
There is hope there is happiness there is so much
This world may be broken but those on it will do anything to keep fighting for there home no matter how hopeless it seems
This is the only world we got we have to keep fighting for it

[kidd-cant-grow-up]

I found these two story beginnings in my Gmail i apparently sent them to myself in 2019 and never finished either of them but I think it could be nice to expand on these ideas

#1 (I think this is based on a prompt)
The dusty smell from the attic made it hard to breath without coughing but someone had to look through the clutter and since my father had no other children to burden with all his belongings it was up to me to get all his junk out of his house at least I can confidently say he was a hoarder from birth to death I mean no one else would have seven vacuums from the 70s that don't work and at least three large boxes of empty medicine bottles most of it was junk or broken throwing it away didn't bring a teardrop to my eye though it might have for my father but when I laid my eyes on all of my childhood toys broken and scattered on the floor my chest felt heavy in a way I've never experienced and every emotion I had been holding back came flooding through I thought I didn't want to be cleaning the house becouse of the dust or major hoarding the truth was I really didn't want to come to terms with the fact he's gone

#2 (I apparently left off on the third paragraphs beginning)
I've heard about the void but never imagined in my wildest nightmares that it was more than just a story told to make kids behave but staring into dark void of nothingness denying what I was or was not seeing would be foolish there where no other explanations for this there's been countless experiments proving infinite dimensions is possible everyone agrees on it too so why is it so hard to believe there's a dimension without time or space just nothing you could say maybe science hasn't improved enough to proof anything maybe you could say the government is lying or maybe it's the fact no one has come back from the void and without witnesses who would believe in it..... children that's who the kids who will lead, control and change the world for better or worse

I sat there stumped but determined trying to figure out my chances of leaving the void it would have been easier if I had paper and a pen but undoubtedly this wasn't an option it felt like I had been sitting there forever soon enough I began thinking about the children books I'd grown up with were children books warnings to the younger generation or were they really just silly books? I tried recalling older stories only remmebering a few classics stories everyone gets to hear like Peter pan or goodnight moon but nothing to prove my point until I remmemberd a book written in the 2945`s it was a cute illustrated book with zombies and little hints only 30 years later almost all of the human race had been whiped out from zombies it wasn't a lot of proof but it's not like I had a computer to research so I had to just go on that

Being alone probably was the worst part about the void sure there was nothing to do but think and sure time isn't real here and I won't age here

[kidd-cant-grow-up]

A see through home
I have made myself a see through home with no exit to live safely away from the world both physically and mentally
I watch the outside world when I'm bored I see the happiness in there smiles and the sorrow in there tears
When I get overwhelmed I stop watching the outside world as I am stuck in my home and can not do anything about what I see

I have made myself a see through home with no exit to isolate myself away from the world both physically and mentally
I watch the outside world in an attempt to connect from inside my bubble I see them but they do not see me
I feel their pain I wasn't supposed to feel their pain it's too much for me as I am stuck in my home and can not do anything about what I see

I have made myself a see through barrier with no exit
But it's time to break the glass it's time to live among the world
Hiding never made me safe it made me a lonely bystander
Incapable of helping only to watch and worry
I can do something about the pain around me but first this barrier has to break, first I have to be vulnerable

[kidd-cant-grow-up]

When the wind and I are synchronized as one being
When the river and I are no longer distinguishable from each other
When the silence falls apon what used to be my vessel now claimed by nature and those that call it their home
I will finally be at rest I will know what peace is for the first time ever and all will be okay

[kidd-cant-grow-up]

some days
Some days sweep me off my feet
I feel as though I'm floating with no effort or pain
I dance into task after task with no hesitation or fear
The day fills it self up but I never get enough of it
My excitement builds up to do it all over again tomorrow

Some days I'm one with the bed and the blankets
I feel as though I'm paralyzed or just a glorified lazy
I sleep for most of the day and still feel exhausted in the end
The day fills it self up with nothing and that's all I can do
I don't wanna have another day like this, not now

Most of my days I am somewhere in between
A sort of happiness you only find in tears
A sort of sadness you only see in a smile
It's a bittersweet balance of emotions
My own purgatory in a way

[kidd-cant-grow-up]

A ghost in the veil
You look just like me, you feel just like me
As if we were connected, so close together
But that's far from the truth, practically worlds apart
The distance between us couldn't be greater
A breath defining the gap, or so the lack of one
there's still a trace of your world inside of me
As it was once my world, it is no longer
But every once in a while I see a glimpse
It expands the gap reminding me... things have changed

[kidd-cant-grow-up]

Coloring with my inner child
As I pick up a crayon I can sense you breathe freely, no longer hidden within my soul
You watch me fill the page with hues of blue, Soon you pick up a crayon as well and join me
You scribble outside the lines reminding me there are no rules to fun
You remind me what it's like to be a kid with dreams that cannot be contained as simple as that sounds